Bryanboy.com - Fashion Blogger
9:48 pm

Nuclear Wintour

09/09/2005, Fashion

Nuclear Wintour

Dang!

You *have* to see this. Look who fell off her seat at the US Open.

200509_wintourusopen

Priceless.

Baboosh!

[pinit]
6:06 pm

Testosterone Galore

09/09/2005, Uncategorized

Testosterone Galore

Oh my fucking god.

The Cosmo Magazine Bachelor’s Bash was a blast.

I unleashed the inner Seventeen-magazine (ok… more like Teen Beat with JTT and Andrew Keegan on it… yuck..) reading teenage girl from within.

Never in my entire life I have publicly screamed my heart out like a fuckin desperate bitch.

And never in my entire life I have seen a vast number of faggots and females screaming their hearts out like fucking bitches in heat.

But yeah… I’m telling you, I probably spent a good half hour screaming "oh my god (because a lot of them were buttons, buttons, buttons – thanks IMS-E.)" and shrieking with my hands up in the air telling "I love you" to any random guy with a bulge on their crotch.

Whereas the girls behind me were going "Marry me _____!!" or "I wanna have babies _____!"

Loves it.

The place was friggin full, crowded and hot – my top was literally drenched with sweat when I went out of the tent… thank GOD I brought "back up" outfits with me in the car. No way I could’ve survived the night without changing clothes.

Let’s play pictionary for a bit.

Bash2_1

Bash1

Bash3

Bash5

Bashast

Bash6

Bash7

Bash8

Bash9

Bah!

What’s strange tho is I probably didn’t even see half of whatever happened there because I didn’t wear my contacts.

I was TOTALLY disappointed when I saw that Dennis Trillo person. I know he looks short in TV a`he looks fit.

But I didn’t expect him to be 4 feet 1 inch tall!

And the straight twin brother of my little "everyone-knows-he’s-homosexual-all-he-needs-to-do-is-to-come-out" eye candy thing wasn’t there either.

Enough of this ghetto local showbiz obsession nonsense. I revealed far too much about my deadly showbiz sins already. How so so lower middle class.

I look forward to next year’s bash.

Whatever happened after the bash is best kept to myself. All I know is I got home at around 7:30AM.

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

# – Bryanboy loves people from Bendigo, VIC – Australia, Lambeth, London – UK, Burnaby, BC – Canada, Hildenborough, Kent – UK, Graz – Austria, Baulkam Hills, NSW – Australia and Sunbury, VIC – Australia. Bryanboy loves y’all and I wouldn’t hesitate to give each and every one of you sexual favors had I been to there.

#2 – Has anyone in this planet taken a sleeping pill/benzo which comes in small blue tablets with "P94" on one side of the pill? A friend gave me two of these last night and boy it helped me sleep! It was better than rivotril! I don’t know what they were called.

#3 – I can’t believe there’s nowhere in this city where one could go to (for booze/dancing/nice music/chill out/whatever) at 5-6AM. Anyway, me and a couple of friends ended up at Capone’s post-Fluxxe. Capone’s is this bar/small club where preppy Filipino (also known as "coño") kids go to.

Kellylovesbryanboy

I’m not feeling good today for some strange reason.

I feel sooo drowsy, cold and clammy.

I’ll update later. Email me as always, bryanboy@gmail.com.

Baboosh!

[pinit]
6:54 pm

Fuck the Playboy Bunny

08/09/2005, Current Affairs

Fuck the Playboy Bunny

Oh fuck it.

The Cosmo Magazine Bachelor Bash will start in less than 2 or 3 hours and my gal pal Tina is giving a massage to her beau.

Cosmo

Which means my Playboy bunny ears, tail and black-tie collar piece won’t be done in time.

Screw it. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.

I told her last weekend that I wanna come out as a playboy bunny tonight but I guess she had other priorities.

Playboy

I’m disappointed.

But it’s alright understandable.

The perils of living in the third world and not having stores that carry costume props asking favors from friends who have busy schedules.

Oh well.

There’s always a next time.

Fuck dressing up as a playboy bunny.

At next year’s Cosmo bash I’m flying to Thailand to get a friggin sex change, get a pair of tits that can give a pregnant bitch a run for her money and a vagina as tight as a 14 year old’s.

Then I’m going out as a fuckin dominatrix.

Nextyear

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Auckland, NZ, Irvine, CA, La Fiance, France, La Habra, CA, my fans from Dallas, TX and Echterdingen, Germany. I love y’all… each and every one of you. Keep the love coming.

#2 – Oui, Ja, Yes, Si. He of the guilty-and-gay-until-proven-straight homosexual kind was there last night at Jenni Ep’s party lookin good. Gawd. I feel like a fuckin school girl every time I see him at La Embajada.

#3 – I got around 9,400 hits yesterday. I wonder where all of that came from. Keep spreading the word around bitches, a ton of them are from the Netherlands and Venezuela. I love you all.

#4 – Since everyone in the land of the brown and the natives aka Las Islas Filipinas is reading this blog, I’m gonna clean up my site, open up ad space and bombard those folks on dial up with ad torture. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS me at +63-915-785-1492 if you want your ads to be posted here.

#5 – I need another holiday dammit. I wanna go to the beach. It’s been ages since I had maximum sun damage on top of a designer beach towel. I need to get brown and burned, from scalp to toes, on top of my virgin Chanel towel. 

#6 – A loyal fan turned my "I wish I’m plastered on fuckin billboards at the freeway" fantasy into a virtual reality. Now if only someone can turn that virtual reality into REAL 50 Feet Tall, 150 Feet Wide billboard I’ll forever be indebted.

Bryanboy1

Bryanboy2

#7 – Send more love dammit! Be fucking creative and send your love to Bryanboy@gmail.com. PLEASE AVOID PHOTOSHOP. I only made an exception to Merrill Lynch because the damn company, I’m sure, can’t take photos of all of their employees.

Bryanboy3

Bryanboy4

Bryanboy5_1 

I think that’s all for now. Last night’s party was one of the best parties recently and it better have a part 2.

I need to get dressed. Say hi to me later.

I’m nice and sweet.

Despite what y’all fuckfaced whoring scumbags think.

I love you all.

Baboosh!

[pinit]
6:23 am

DA SPASIBO JENNI EPPERSON.

08/09/2005, Life

SPASIBO!

Fucking 6:10AM here.

I’m at a loss of words. Can’t function straight.

But a promise is a promise.

Booze or not, let’s play pictionary. Text to follow tomorrow.

I need to sleep.

Nevertheless, I love YOU ALL.

Especially Pepper Teeheknowswhoheis. And Rajo L., whom I never got to spend quality time to talk… but there’s always a next time I’m sure.

CRL – One phrase: THANK you.

Now back to pictionary…

Bryan001

Bryan002

Tinaannaanna

Bryan0002

Bryan003

Bryan004_1

Baboosh!!!!

[pinit]
6:09 pm

Protected: “Uhmmm John”

07/09/2005, Uncategorized

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

[pinit]
11:52 pm

Mall Rat Extraordinaire

06/09/2005, Fashion

Bryanboy Mall Rat Extraordinaire

Letsgoshopping

As part of my "research" for an upcoming article/piece, I spent the entire day hopping from one mall to another on the lookout for "good finds" (aka cheap thrills), chic post-shopping eateries and such. I went to a grand total of 4 "malls" today: Podium, Shangri-la Plaza, Greenbelt 4 and Glorietta plus 1 department store, good old Shoemart.

Podium was dead; I texted all of my friends and told them it felt like I was in a mausoleum. A mausoleum filled with stiff-looking, shirt-and-tied ninetofivers who looked down on me because I look like a punk kid gone camo.

Oh yes. You should’ve seen the looks on the faces of these 30-something, office clerk workers when I entered Starbucks.

Just because I look like a ghetto trash army rag doll (cum rag is more appropriate because my black t-shirt’s got gold paint splatters) it doesn’t mean you can go high all hoity toitty on me.

My entire body is covered with invisible "You’re-Staring-At-Me-And-Giving-Me-Crappy-Looks" sensors. I get internal titillations every time someone’s eyeball roll to my direction.

Heck, even my Birkin bag, which I used today, is covered with such detectors.

That’s right. I ditched my Chanel 2.55 in the car and brought the holy grail of handbags with me when I went to Podium.

Punk kid my ass when my Birkin bag is DEFINITELY more than their third world annual income.

Editorial Note: One of the joys of owning a *genuine* Birkin bag is the bragging rights that come along with it.

Fucking Yuppies. God I despise them. Prtentious yuppies in white, blue, gray or pink button down shirts with trousers and loafers that scream OFFICE WORKER!

Darlings, just because you’re in a bloody office uniform it doesn’t give you the right to feel you’re loaded, so cut the snobbery, bitch!

Don’t get me wrong though. I really have nothing against office workers. Or clerks. Or minimum wagers. Afterall, their taxes fuel most politicians’ fat wallets therefore giving us more golddigger opportunities.

But it’s cunts like me who keep the GLOBAL economies afloat. Paris, New York, Milan, plus all the sweatshops all over the world that print the "Made in Italy" label.

Think about it.

Office workers = Local Economy
CLMs (Cunts Like Me) =  Global Economy

Anyway. Enough teenage angst.

Let’s continue with the pomp and the high-voltage tales of tension pretension that you guys love.

Don’t blame me darlings, I’m smoking Cartier Lights. I’m obliged to be pretentious as my lungs get filled with Cartier tar! HK Duty Free I <3 You!

Now if only Graff or Verdura made cigarettes…

Shangri-la housed the only place (Homme et Femme) in this third world cesspit that I call home where one could find Balenciaga, Dior Homme, Costume National and Marni amongst others.

Editorial Note: will you please create another shop (or move) to friggin Makati this way I don’t have to do the 2-hour driving trek from the suburbs to your shop?

I like that shop. I really do.

Me likey likey so much that my original intention was only to look at their latest batch of Dior Homme but the sizes they have are size 3 or OBESE sizes (ruins the sole purpose of Dior Homme when they carry Dior Homme for fat people. GET THE ONES FOR RAIL ANOREXIC THIN BOYS PLEASE).

I ended up adding yet another Balenciaga bag (olive) to my collection, its matching coin purse keychain and a Balenciaga assymetrical sweater/top.

Balenciaga_1

For truthful journalism’s sake, I have to tell you that the color is a little tad darker in real life.

I also went to Escada – that’s right bitches – the first time (ever as in ever) I’ve set foot in the store where I thought only Eurotrash grandmothers shop (despite the perennial quirky feminine youthful female orgy ad campaigns) but boy oh boy I found it fun and normal.

So "fun and normal" to the point where I added myself on the waiting list for the Escada/Siemens Denim and Diamonds cellphone (about US$900). Isn’t it j’adorable? It’s better than my random Nokia fuck-up child that can’t even take photos using the back camera because of a "memory" problem.

Escadasiemens

Greenbelt 4 was nothing new – same old same old. It was rather disappointing actually. It feels as if its halls are your house and the shops are your rooms. There was just nothing there that caught my eye. I even went to BVLGARI and tried a couple of watches – I found a really nice yellow gold piece but I didn’t like the strap.

Then I went to Vuitton (oh salvation) but the only good thing there is a dark plum-coloured velvet scarf with fringes.

Forget Glorietta. Most of the shops were closed because it was late.

One shop that DID caught my eye and made my Chanel black caviar 2.55 felt cheap was this:

Cny

Fauxchanel

Fake Burberry… Fake Chanel… Fake Everything!

Why on god’s name is this sort of thing allowed at a fucking mall considering we have GENUINE Burberry shops?

Whatever happened to copyright laws, intellectual property, anti-counterfeit laws etc?

Bah. Whoever owns that shop must have some god damn NERVE (and BALLS) to sell counterfeit goods.

Oh well.

Who the hell owns Glo-fucking-rietta?

Does anyone in the Philippines know?

If you do, will you please print this post and send it to the powers of be?

Stop playing in the dark with your glo-sticks and give a stern warning to whoever owns/operates that shop.

My Chanel 2.55 needed a fucking Xanax when we passed by the shop earlier. Had my genuine handbag had the mouth to talk and the voice to sue, it would’ve won millions of dollars in damages – hassle, emotional distress and visual battery.

I’ll update you in a bit.

I’m thirsty and in need of something to drink.

You know where to contact me. bryanboy@gmail.com or +63-915-785-1492.

Baboosh!

[pinit]
3:04 am

Dirty Old Stalker, Handbag Insider

06/09/2005, Uncategorized

Dirty Old Stalker

This man has been stalking me for the past few months now. His disgusting trash of an english ass won’t stop sending me messages. I think he wants to impregnate me and be his personal houseboy. As if I’d touch dirty dishes. Heck, I even ask my fucking maid to fuckin clear the ashes on my Hermès ashtray let alone wipe some elderly man’s poop chute before bedtime.

Opticsgwm239x

Go hunt some other sucky sucky 5 dolla fool you fucking twat cause this gook ain’t gonna touch your filthy AIDS stick.

My god, is he a fucking freak or what?

Someone should call the Scotland Yard on him for preying on young, innocent children such as myself.

Aren’t there any laws to protect the young and the restless?

His sheer existence on this planet is pretty much a crime to humanity… child abuse at its finest.

Even if I was a frigging whore I’d be selective of who I’d get fucked (and get paid by) because there’s no way I’m giving 15-minute gratification to a minimum waging pensioner in this life.

The gold digger in me will only procreate to people who belong to the Fortune 100 Bachelors list.

At least that’s what I learned in the "This Is How We Do Things Our Way" handbook of life.

Handbag Insider

I know, I know…

To further prove my bragging, self-validation-desperate, attention whoredom persona, I thought I’d do one of those "what’s inside your handbag" posts. The last time I did it was back in November of last year. I think I’m gonna do it more frequently from now on.

What do you expect? It’s fucking 2:44AM, I can’t sleep, and I’m in desperate need of a shower (hence the handbag spill at the back of my Chanel towel) – I’m too lazy to find a plain white backdrop for my goodies at this time of the night.

Insidehandbag

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Norwood, MA, Chula Vista, CA, Pensacola, FL and early birds from Singapore who surf the net at fucking 2:50AM.

#2 – Bryanboy loves email such as:

Amusing

Of course Gucci won’t make me happy. What the fuck are you talking about?

I look forward to the day when someone gives me a fucking US$64,000 40cm Hermes black crocodile Birkin bag with pave diamonds. That will definitely fill one big void in my life.

The eternal emptiness that is inside me can go to fucking hell if I can get my hands on that bag.

Uk_mind_the_gap

Mind the gap bitches cause that bag will make me happy happy long time.

#3 – Everyone in the fucking Philippines is gone/leaving! Hannah went to NYC to study, two people I know are in Australia probably parading their bottoms at Palazzo Versace (lucky bitches), one is leaving for Paris this week, a couple are going to Hong Kong in 2 weeks.

And here I am stuck in the fucking third world!

At least there’s something to look forward to this week:  a private dinner party & a Russian-themed birthday party both on Wednesday night… and then the Cosmo bash on Thursday. 

Enough rambling for now. I need to go to bed cause I have to be up by 9AM.

I love you all.

Baboosh!

[pinit]
5:07 pm

Fleece, Flesh, Fluxxe, Random Cheesemax Galore

05/09/2005, Clubbing

Fleece, Flesh, Fluxxe

First things first – what was I thinking when i wore my Marc by Marc Jacobs fleece top when I went out Saturday night? I should’ve known better that rainy days in this third world prostitution den of a city that I live in does not translate justification to wear fleece, even if it’s Marc by Marc Jacobs. I didn’t put the effort to dress up because I’m still suffering post-travelling traumatic stress.

Ianne, Tina and moi went to M Cafe for long overdue drinks (and dinner. sort of. I had 12 baked oysters, foie gras, and prawn + green mango salad). Apres M, we went to Fluxxe at Manila DJ Club. That’s right… Gian and the Thursday Fluxxe crew threw a "one big fluxxe" party last Saturday, a change from their usual Thursday sked.

Fluxxe 

Fluxxe2_1 

Fluxxe3

I have to cut back on binge eating. For the past 2-3 months I’ve been supersizing myself. The effects are now showing up on my body… all that excess flesh are now gathering dust on my arms and my stomach. It’s hideous. Utterly hideous. I think it’s time to get a couple of rounds of lipoddisolve shots to, once more, attempt to achieve Paris Hilton’s arms. I think I’ll wait till late October, before I go to Moscow on November.

I guess I have to make do with what I have – for now.

I need to learn how to love my body.

That’s right. I need to love my body.

Love my body.

Love my body.

Love my body.

Love my body.

Buy someone to love my body.

Love my body.

Love my body.

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

Cosmobash #1 – Bryanboy loves people from Alexandria, VA, Cologne, Germany, East Alton, IL and Pandora, OH.

#2 – The angels must have been listening to me. I have gotten hold of this week’s hottest ticket, thanks to one of my friends. Eat your hearts and vaginas out bitches because my lucky cunt got a VIP Ticket to Cosmo Magazine’s Annual Bachelor Bash. If you only knew how hard it was for HIM to get one of these tickets… imagine going in competition with a ton of cock-hungry and man meat-deprived Filipino women and she-males. Thank you, thank you, thank you Mr. Benefactor you. *big hugs*

It’s gonna be one party with a ton of fit Filipino lads wearing nothing but teeny pieces of cloth. Most of these are probably Asians with 4 or 5-inch cocks. The sad thing is, a 9 or 10-inch dick is pretty much unheard of especially here in chinky chinky gooky gooky land. Who the hell cares though – it’s not often you pack a ton of fit guys inside one room.

The only thing I need at this point is an outfit. If any of you are going to the bash, hope to see you on Thursday night. And don’t forget to say hi!

#3 – I finally found the time to post upload all my Hongky Tongk photos online. Click here to view the photo album.

Hongkytongk

[pinit]
2:51 pm

Public Service Announcement: Meet the Elephant

03/09/2005, Uncategorized

Back to Business

It’s back to business for me. As much as I want to think I’m still travelling, this bitch has got to do a reality check and start living his normal life.

On that note, let me do a public service announcement for those of you who are planning to fly via Philippine Airlines in the future. I hope whoever owns Philippine Airlines read this and/or any Philippine Airlines staffers/workers and such.

You see, the reason why I fly business class even on 1 hour and 40 minute flights is to separate myself from farm animals – cattle, sheep, goats, chickens – whenever I fly. I would rather pay premium money to ensure a comfortable flying experience: comfy seats, tons of space, pillows, blankets, etc than say be surrounded by unnecessary noise. It’s very rare for a screaming child to exist on business class rather than where mere mortals go to.

But the flight from Manila to Hongkong was one of the worst flights I’ve ever been in my entire life.

I like Philippine Airlines. Don’t get me wrong. The service is good. The staff is friendly. Everything is just great.

Yet there is this one man who wrecked that experience. Make that two because it takes 2 to tango.

Take a look at the elephant on this photo.

The man with the pregnant tummy had a mouth as big as his gut.

Loudmouths

All throughout the flight, his voice can be heard from where we sat (seat 1K) right through the back of the plane.

He did NOT spare anyone in the flight some silence.

In his conversation with the other guy, he uttered all sorts of profanity in both the English and Filipino dictionaries.

What’s worse is the fact that this elephant is probably an airline/airport employee who only got upgraded… or worse, a free flyer… hitchhiker of the skies.

Every once in a while I’ll sit up straight to see the looks of everyone else’s faces near our seats and you can tell everyone wanted to try to sleep but they can’t because of this man.

I’m sure Judy Ann Santos, who is some big local actress in my country, who, btw, sat behind us, probably also had her ears wrecked by these elephants.

My friend and I tried to drop "subtle" hints, such as asking the stewardess whether they have EAR PLUGS or not – they don’t… not on short flights.

It was pure torture I’m telling you.

These 2 men sat at seat 1C and 1A, Sunday August 28, 2005, flight PR300, 8:00AM.

If you know anyone who works at Philippine Airlines, please print this post and ensure the elephant won’t fly again. Get him fired, get him roasted. Put him in a cage or better yet, send him to a fucking circus.

I just don’t want to see him ever again.

Baboosh!

[pinit]
1:01 am

Excess, Excess, Excess

03/09/2005, Fashion

Excess, Excess, Excess

I’m at a loss of what to say right now so I’ll let the following pictures show you the kind of fun I had in Hong Kong. I’ll post all the photos we took in a photo album later tonight. I haven’t even unpacked my suitcases! Oi!

Kelly

Me001

Me002

Me003

Me006

Me004

Meandrocky2

Diorlandmark

Secretkelly

Ipod

[pinit]