I’m NOT Happy…

at the moment, that is.

Sorry for the lack of updates – I’ve got sooo many things going on in my life.

I’ve NEVER been this stressed. EVER!

At least my skin’s good this week. NO breakouts whatsoever.

Blame it on the facial that I recently had. Har har.

Want Drama?

I’ll give you drama.

1. My baby bitch (literally), Daria, is really sick. In fact, she’s been sick for the past 3 days. The vet said she’s got kidney and liver problems, according to her recent blood test. She hasn’t peed since yesterday (Wednesday) – I know my pooch, she’s the crown princess of all things related to urine but for some strange reason, she hasn’t peed at ALL recently. My maid brought her to the vet (again) as I’m writing this for another check-up cause her stomach is REALLY bloated. Poor Daria.  hope she gets well soon. Thinking about her makes me want to cry – she brings so much life in this household!

2. Xerox is my best friend these days. You won’t believe the amount of time I’ve spent hanging out with the trusty old xerox machine – the paper cuts on my fingers are prima facie evidence that all I’ve been doing the past few days is handling paperwork.

The embassies do want everything. Income tax returns, business registration documents, bank statements (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PRODUCE BANK STATEMENTS WHEN 2 OF MY "DAY-TO-DAY" BANK ACCOUNTS… WELL, BANKS, DON’T EVEN SEND PRINTED STATEMENTS CAUSE I JUST VIEW MY TRANSACTIONS ONLINE??????? THANK GOD I HAVE THE ODD, PASSBOOK-BASED SAVINGS ACCOUNT HERE AND THERE AND I’LL JUST USE THAT INSTEAD), credit card statements, photocopies of all my passports’ stamps and visas, etc etc etc. I even asked my driver to fucking go to the National Statistics Office to get a CERTIFIED copy of my birth certificate printed on some fancy schmancy paper. I simply don’t get it – isn’t my passport and my gorgeous self enough to validate my existence?

Obviously not cause I’m a MODEL CITIZEN of the THIRD WORLD.

You gotta love bureaucracy and red tape baby.

3. I have 19 days before I leave good ol’ Manille for my winter escapade and I’ve only sorted out 1 visa so far. I need to get 3 more tourist visas to my destinations and I only have about 2 weeks LEFT!!!!!! God knows if I get my visas in time. I may have to do some begging (so they’ll process my visa applications FAST) at the embassy.

I doubt they’ll do it though. I’m Mrs. John L. Nobody.

OHHHHH I FUCKING hate it.

The worst position next to "doggie style" is that one of being at the mercy of others.

Will my fabulous looks (yuck – go on then – make faces) and fantastic charm work with my visa interview officers/consul people so that I can fulfill my fall/winter 2005 escapade and return before Christmas?

Ugh! Just tell me I don’t look like this guy/these people. (BTW, I got this pic as it is FROM google. search for "illegal immigrant". No offense to people of the coloured kind. Hello – I’m a certified gook! I know what it’s like to be on BROWN ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION)

These ones are courtesy of the BBC.

Where’s the fun in that?

The best part of travelling is going BACK HOME and all the PRETENTIOUS BRAGGING RIGHTS that come along with it. Let’s face it, anyone who fucking travels changes as soon as they get back.

"Oh darling, I went to so-and-so place, you have to go there!"
"OOOOOOOO The shopping is fantastic!"
"The food is to die for, you should go to so and so restaurant!"
"You have to see X, Y, Z"

Blah blah bullshit.

I love it though.

I’m guilty as charged.

I like to give myself a period of post-vacation bragging fun of about 2 weeks. Brag and blab to everyone I know – within a 2 week timeframe. Any bragging beyond those 2 weeks is pointless.

Funny I said that – I know of several people who keeps going on and on about where they went… even if the fact that the last time they went there was more than a DECADE ago.

Anyway, I’ll keep it "hush-hush" for now as to where I’m going.

I know I’m not supposed to buy plane tickets UNLESS the visas are approved but I’m an impatient mother fucker. I bought all my plane tickets, from one destination to the next, booked my hotels, etc. It will definitely help me budget. I know most fares go up at the last minute – it’s always better to book in advance. Besides, I *NEVER* fly economy. All my flights are on business and they’re fully changeable, refundable, etc. My losses, in the event I get denied, are gonna be miniscule.

Nevertheless, I’ll try my luck.

I mean, if I was meant to be denied, then I’ll be denied. If I was meant to be approved, then I’ll be approved. The world is such a huge place anyway. If I wasn’t meant to go to the places I want to go before Christmas, there’s always the mall.

Bah!

I’ll update later. Promise.

(Afterall, it’s my blog’s 1 year ANNIVERSARY today.)

I love you all. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.

Baboosh!

It’s About Time

I guess that’s what friends are for.

I know I was pissed at my gal pal Tina since Friday and we finally patched things up yesterday afternoon.

I felt good when she called me first thing yesterday morning -  she told me she’s going to my area (southernmost part of Metro Manila) when she lives like way, way up north, in Makati.

I’t’s usually me who goes up north every time we see each other so today must be special.

2:30pm came and we found ourselves sitting at a coffee shop in MY local mall talking about Dior, eLuxury, Chanel, Fendi, the possibility of starting my OWN _____ line (it’s still a hush hush so I can’t reveal it), going to India, going to Italy and going to Austria.

We chatted for hours, had vanilla and strawberry shake watchamacallits. The bastard barristas at Seattle’s Best were CLEARLY deaf because I know they asked whether or not I wanted whipped cream – I repeatedly said NO yet they still served our drinks with that fattening white shit.

I even saw Jenna and Victor (who told me I’m getting skinny – someone give that man an award PRONTO!).

You know what, I just realized today that it’s actually better NOT to eat at all rather than eating and then purging it all out.

Let’s see how long I can last today without eating anything.

I already had a chewing gum before brushing my teeth…. so nya nyi nya. There goes my breakfast.

Anyway, yesterday was extremely productive.

I even managed to have a facial. Thank god. I had a zit on the side of my forehead I needed to get rid of and it’s better to do so while it’s still early.

October Horoscope

I know I don’t usually believe this stuff (and it’s late too), but this is what the stars at the Philippine Tittle Tattle Tattler magazine had to say about me. Sadly, their prediction won’t apply to me cause I don’t have a fucking partner. Oh well, I’ll try next month.

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Helfenbrunn, Germany, Yonkers, NY, Stuttgart, Germany, Brooklyn, NY, Panama City, FL, Lancaster, UK, San Carlos, CA, Brampton, ONT, Canada, Baltimore, MD, Athens, OH, Lemon Grove, CA, Windsor Park Estate, Singapore, Houston, TX and of course, people from Winnetka and Highland Park, Illinois. Bryanboy loves y’all – identify yourselves bitches and say hello!

#2 – Bryanboy loves Stephen. I just hope you’re at least 18. And yes, I **LOVE** eLuxury. What did you get there, bitch!!!! I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know!!!

#3 – Tomorrow, Tuesday, is my friend Ariel Lozada’s event, in conjunction with Motorola, makers of my favourite MPX20 and Razr phones and of course, the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Dress up, be fashionable and show up at "Fashion Declaration" at the NBC Tent in Makati.If you live outside the Philippines, screw it. Just check my blog whenever for photos. I’m definitely going to that event.

#4 – When I asked you people to send me love, y’all sent me LOVE. But this couple sent me the best LOVE so far. Bring out the bling bitches! Be creative. Be spontaneous! Am I not worth the effort?

Anyway, big shout to Steven and Alan.

I love you boys – if both of you are willing to be tops then let’s do a little threesome with one of you on my mouth and another up my pundata.

Next!

#5 – Bryanboy loves Viktoria (and Malibu – I’ve sorta wanted to go there), 

#6 – Say hello to Isabella from Milan, Italy. Isabella darling, Bryanboy loves girls like you – if I play my cards right, I might be able to go to Milan and Rome BEFORE Christmas. YES! My gal pal Tina and I are planning to go to Italy; I might fly straight from Moscow to Milan – we’ll see how it progresses. No definite plans at this point. But shit sweetie, if I get the chance to haul my ass over there, imagine the shopping possibilities – LAND of the FUCKING FENDI AND MISSONI!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!

#7 – Thank you, thank you, thank you – each and every one of you. There is no other way to make my miserable Monday the best Monday of their lives than to send me  pictures of love, love and love. I need love from good ol’ brown Filipino people! Send me pictures of your love you fucking Asian brown hookers – don’t be shy! Make me, your fellow gook hooker countryman proud. Bah!

#8 – I have a new crush (again!) and I’m not telling who it is. This time, he’s old. Like, yeah, he REALLY is old. Probably old enough to be my daddy. You know how I much I despise old men but this guy is an exception. He’s got nice eyes, a nice smile and a fit body. Sadly, the bitch is married so fuck it. I need to look for another crush. He does make me giggle like a fuckin 13 year old though every time I see him. Err, it’s not just me who giggles… hahahahahahahahahaha.

#9 – This one goes out to sheknoswhosheis: CAN I FONDLE YOUR BITS?

#10: Daddy will you buy me a new Patek?

I you all!

As always, you know where to contact me. Bryanboy@gmail.com or send me an SMS: +63-915-7851492.

Baboosh!

Have I Changed?

A couple of people told me I got fat.

Yes I looked fat on the Dior Homme t-shirt picture – that’s a size XS, btw.

If it’s any consolation, I got so drunk on Friday night I ended up sleeping the ENTIRE day on Saturday, totally fucking up all my deadlines and appointments. How irresponsible of me. It’s like 9:32AM now and I got up like 2 hours ago.

At least I missed ALL my meals on Saturday. Not even a single meal or drink.

Ok, I had a glass or two of water but that’s about it.

Blame it on bad mood/loneliness/being pissed.

I was so pissed at myself, at my life, on Friday night.

Bah.

The only thing that pretty much made my day was my little shopping thing.

Oh fuck it.

I’ll definitely lose weight one day.

I’ll definitely become a better person.

I’m gonna do a good job at tying Hermes scarves as cummerbunds so they won’t look like an oversized piece of fabric on my cords.

(THAT’S A SIZE 36 LACOSTE, WOMEN’S SO GO FUCK YOURSELF IF THAT’S FAT)

*kiddin*

Set it on stone bitches, I, Bryanboy, will be skinny – NOT thin – NOT slim – one day.

I promise you I’ll contract some disease (not life-threatening though) so I’ll be majorly emaciated.

As Patsy Stone once said, my arm sinews will have enough muscles left in my arm only to lift up a credit card.

I’m going to fill my stomach with a dozen diet pills now.

No.

Erase that.

I’m going to fist fuck my throat and purge all my internal organs.

Baboosh.

Bryanboy’s Office

I thought I’d share some pics from my new office.

Baboosh!

It’s Business!

Today’s a good day. The sun is up, the sky is blue and I’m wearing some jeans, a Dior Homme t-shirt and an Hermes scarf as a belt.

It’s so good that it only took me 18 minutes to travel from my house to a place where it usually takes 45 minutes to go to.

(god I look like a cadaver on this photo. my skin is awful!!!)

And then you’ve got all these public rallies and politics-related protesters going on around the nation’s capital.

Thank god they’re far from where I’m at.

Thinking about politics gives me a headache.

I don’t even want to talk about it.

I won’t deny the fact that I’m a horrible citizen.

I really could care less about politicians.

In fact, I haven’t even voted. I’m 23 years old and I’ve never voted.

The only time I’ll vote is when I’m running for a position – I’ll vote for myself.

Otherwise…

I’ll leave that ‘vote’ job to 80 million other Filipinos.

I already have my own personal drama to deal with let alone deal with others.

YES, I LOVE BEING SELFISH SO SCREW YOU.

Rally or not, I have a lot of things on my plate that I gotta finish.

I’ve decided to rent, for an entire year, some mini office space at one of the prime buildings in Makati, the Enterprise Tower. For those of you out there living outside the land of the brown, the l’exotique and the natives, Makati is Manila’s premier financial and shopping district.

I’m meeting a gal there in a bit so I can sign the contracts and pay for the entire term. It’s a really small office; in fact, it’s one of those "serviced" office things – I get like a teeny, tiny room where I get my own desk, workstation, chairs, etc. I have to start somewhere.

This is quite momentous for me because I’ve been working out of my home for the past god knows how many years.

Who knows, perhaps one day I’ll have an ENORMOUS office with tons of beautiful people as my worker bees and then I’ll have an office fling etc. that sort of thing. Hahahahaha!

I have always wanted to know what it feels like to be sued for sexual harassment.

I’m kidding.

What I meant was

I have always wanted to know what it feels like to be sexually harassed.

(I know it’s not a laughing matter because some of you have experienced such thing but really, a pervert like me would be more than happy to pay someone just to rape moi. Sadly, a rapist won’t even rape me even if it was for a million dollars.)

I’ll update you guys later. I’ll take some photos, go shopping and see what happens.

I love you all.

As always, you know where to contact me. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63-91-7851492.

Baboosh!

Out with the Old, In with the New

Before I continue with my usual inane ramblings, I thought I’d say bye bye Miss American Pie to my crusty 2-year old desktop computer. The thing gathered dust a couple of days ago but it was only until today that I got found out that the thing can no longer be resurrected. All my files, all 100+ gigabytes of it, my precious and priceless Outlook emails, several thousand songs, my collection of imagery (no, there’s nothing incriminating there) and my life are inside the 2 hard drives. Both drives didn’t have backup so I’m permanently screwed.

I thought I was protected because I’ve set my Norton anti-virus to autoupdate but for some strange reason, both hard drives fucked up on me.

Even my 17-inch Sony Vaio (the one I got back in March or April for like US$3-4,000) can’t be fixed. I spilled a drink on the keyboard and the damn motherboard (or whatever term a techie calls a laptop’s guts) corroded.

I went to the mall today and bought a new laptop. It’s an HP Pavilion. It’s quite alright; it cost my pocket friggin US$2,000… it better be ALRIGHT.

You know what’s strange though?

My entire life can be found on both computers that died on me so I should be crying my heart out.

But I’m not crying.

In fact, I have no tears whatsoever.

I have NO idea why.

I really have no idea why.

I think it’s a sign.

A sign that says "out with the old, in with the new".

Perhaps this new laptop acts as if it is a small token confirming that I have a NEW life.

Ugh. I don’t know what to think anymore.

Bryanboy Goes to the Bookstore

Whoever said that I’m a blonde girl trapped inside an Asian guy’s body should be shot in the head.

Contrary to what each and everyone of you thinks, I, Bryanboy, know how to read.

While I don’t believe in mass media (I don’t watch TV and I don’t read newspapers), I like to read baby-chick lits and teenage fiction.

I went to the bookstore yesterday and bought 7 books – enough to keep me sane in the next few weeks.

1) here | She’s Got the Beat
2) here | Teen Idol
3) here | Princess in Pink
4) here | The Highs and Lows of Being Mia
5) here | Ripped at the Seams
6) here | Every Boy’s Got One
7) here | Mia Tells it Like it Is

I also bought the November ’05 British Vogue and the latest issue of the Philippine Tatler.

Wanna know what else I got?

Here’s the most blatantly sexist publication in the planet.

They’re so sexist that they even have "NO BOYS ALLOWED" on the darn cover.

Alright, either they’re sexist or they’re teaching young girls on how to be a lesbian.

*kidding*

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

NO BOYS ALLOWED?

Gorgeous, innit?

Where was this magazine when I was a young child??????

I’m telling you… I REALLY had a deprived childhood.

That explains my long-term fascination with everything material.

I browsed the magazine and it’s filled with interesting stuff, for kids, that is, from celebrities to gossip, to games, family, books, artwork, everything!

I think this magazine is geared towards pre-teens, if I’m not mistaken.

Bah.

The youth of today eh?

They have access to a lot of things.

Back when I was a child, all I read was fuckin Archie comic books and friggin Sweet Valley Kids/Twins/High/University/Grandkids/Funerals etc.

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves everyone who submitted photos of their bag guts on my new online project, www.InsideMyBag.com. Bryanboy loves y’all and  keep your submissions coming… they don’t have to be designer bags! 

#2 – Birmingham, MI, Dearborn, MI, Collierville, TN, Taylor, MI, Brightwater, New Zealand, Piscataway, NJ, Montreal, Canada, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, San Marcos, California, Scarborough, ONT, Canada, Brooklyn, NY, Las Vegas, NV, Ingleburn, NSW, Australia and of course, people from Framingham, MA.

#3 – I’m long overdue to see my shrink again. I think I’m going nuts. I don’t know. For some strange reason, I heard voices in my head before going to sleep yesterday night. I heard a young boy’s voice saying "Never say ‘I didn’t do it’".

Having some psychiatric disorder is the last thing I want in my life right now.

Or maybe not.

My life is already a big ol psychiatric and sociopathic mess, I should be the poster child for xanax. I bet there’s a ton of psychiatrists out there who would LOVE to get their cold hands on my ass, conduct a study and interrogate me, FBI-style.

#4 – Whether you like it or not, I’m going out tonight. No harcore partying though – dinner with a friend, some cocktails and maybe, just maybe, shopping. It’s time for me to replace my camera and I saw a gorgeous one last week at Sony.

I love you all.

Baboosh!

Halloween

I was originally gonna do little red riding hood this year but I don’t think I have the balls guts, especially in public, to wear sheer underwear and a bloody incontinence pad.

I spent 2 hours yesterday shopping online for the perfect halloween costume and this year’s costume involves this (black boots and black heels):

More updates in a bit. I gotta take a poo.

Baboosh!

Happy ageing!

Someone say bye bye to good ol teenage years cause ya ain’t a fuckin child no more. Tim, from Australia, celebrates his 20th birthday today.

Happy, happy, happy ageing, Tim from Australia! Bryanboy and your interracial best buddy Becky loves YOU, YOU and YOU!

Cheer up, both of you. Y’all look as if someone stole your virginities!

*kidding*

Don’t forget to invite me as the fairy godmother should you, ex-fetuses, decide to make a mixed-race mongrel baby.

Bryanboy LOVES Australians and all the shenanigans who live down under – that includes the entire Asian student population, the cute, cute wog boys, and of course, the poms that populate the kangaroo motherland.

Family of Faggots

Let’s face it – if a lesbian daughter is a curse, then a gay son is pretty much the end of the world… or a tree’s final branch.

If you think one faggot is bad enough for a family, wait till you see the Doody Family from Wolverhampton in the UK.

This from the BBC: The Doody family from Wolverhampton has been crowned The Faggot Family in a national competition, and to kick off their reign they will launch National Faggot Week.

Click here to read the article dated January 27, 2003.

I wonder what happened to the 2004 and 2005 winners. Victims of homophobia? Oh well.

A Run For Their Money

You gotta love Monique, a Filipina who lives in Vancouver, Canada. The babe with a nice set of pouty lips can sure give my favourite Singaporean boys a run for their money.

Go on then you fools – I invite YOU, yes, YOU, to emulate my infamous handbag pose. I’ll give a kiss on the cheeks and an oreo cookie who, in the words of Monique, can "capture the essence of Bryanboy".

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Davao City, Philippines, Richmond (Slough), UK, Griffith, NSW, Australia, Astley (Bolton), UK, Knightdale, NC, Toronto, ONT, Canada, Tsutsuicho, Japan, Brentwood (Havering), UK, Amersfoort, Netherlands, Waterfall, NSW, Australia, Catania (Italy) and of course, people from Rhodes, NSW, Australia. My god, a ton of Australians eh? I like my newfound fan base. Diversify, diversify, diversify. Bryanboy LOVES you all – Identify yourselves and say hi!

#2 – Big shout out to these 2 cute people from Norwalk, Connecticut. I like these "Couples for Christ" type of photos.

#3 – Please spread the word about my new venture, www.InsideMyBag.com because you love me the same way I love you.

I think that’s it for the night.

I love you all my dear friends.

God I love my blog.

If you only knew how THERAPEUTIC it is for me to sit here, crop photos and purge whatever it is on my system.

Anyway, until then.

Baboosh.