Oh fuck it.
I was planning to do a big bang party for Kelly and her offspring yesterday but my sister had to go to the Emergency Room at the hospital for severe cramps.
Family comes first you know (alright, Hermes comes first before Family but you know what I mean) so I had to drop by and visit her.
Thank god she’s alright. She got confined for a day and we picked her up earlier this afternoon. The doctors thought she had appendicitis (sp?); one check-up with the OB-GYNE (sp?) and it’s just cramps/hormonal imbalance. *whew*. I love my sister to bits. Even if she’s the evil bitch troll from hell.
Thank god I’m not a woman.
God knows what she had for painkillers though. Seriously, that lucky bitch must have been in heaven, with her painkillers being dripped via IV/dextrose.
I was about 15 minutes late from my shoot yesterday for Fudge Magazine because of the damn traffic and when I got to the studio, we needed more clothes and accessories so I sent my maid and my driver back home to fetch more stuff.
The shoot went well; I ended up eating pizza – I know, I know, I’ve been trying to combat hunger these days by abusing Xanax – a pill and a half makes the hunger go away. Unfortunately, I’m too old to purge, purge, purge and I’m even older to have an eating disorder. I’m not Karen Carpenter you know. I’d rather accept myself despite of being too plump already. I mean, I’m the one responsible why I’m curvy anyway; I love food!
You guys have got to see the photos. I won’t go into detail (hello confidentiality) so y’all gotta either a) buy a copy of Fudge Magazine, November 2005 issue and/or b) wait until next month when I get my own copy and I’ll scan the pictures and post them here. Obviously I recommend that you go for option A… but sadly, most of you aren’t from the land of the brown, the l’exotique and the natives aka Filifuckingppines
Return of the MatronAirs
Not too long ago, I wrote a piece about my experience with MatronAirs at my aesthetician’s clinic. Well, a fan sent me the ultimate North American MatronAir. Meet MatronAir Force Starr Jones.
Louis Vuitton handbag and wallet, Dior Sunglasses, Gucci reading glasses, nasal spray, marlboro lights, Hermes bracelet, mirror, Motorola phones
You people really know how to make one’s day, don’t you?
Keep the love coming! Be creative! Be spontaneous
What’s stopping you from showing your unconditional, undying love to me? If little toddlers can carry Versace bags and dress up in heels, why can’t you?
I need people of the vaginal kind to send me pictures of love and adoration. Just because each and everyone of you LITERALLY don’t have balls it doesn’t mean you FIGURATIVELY don’t have balls.
Stop procrastinating bitches! Send your love to firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
There’s even a small mini Bryanboy-look-alike contest someobody did in their office here in the Philippines. Separate at birth? You decide.
Check out some this photo album of my fans in Singapore.
I love my Singaporean fans. Love Love Love you all! I know NOBODY can emulate me beeeeeetches, I give them A++++ for trying though. A++++ for Effort. Even if there’s a pizza hut on the background…and god knows whatever handbag that is he’s holding. Yeah, yeah, I’m flattered. =)
All these Singapore craziness is inspired by this photo, of course.
My god, look how influential one picture can be!!!! Amazing eh?
It’s NICE to try hard. It’s even NICER to try harder. But nothing can beat the one who tried the HARDEST. If everyone put some effort on everything that they do, the world will become a better place.
Go on then. I invite you to take a shot at your best Bryanboy pose and send me a photo. I’ll give you an oreo cookie and a kiss on the cheek email@example.com.
No, not the Harry Winston kind.
Looks like I’m back on my little showbiz trash mag obsession again.
I bought 2 issues of People magazine at the hospital shop earlier and boy oh boy we’re in for a treat.
It’s amazing how he turned out to be this boylet of a man after all these years.
Look at that William person – he’s balding, he’s got rabbit teeth and he’s just icky.
Harry on the other hand…
(Note: I know my DAD reads my blog. Bah!)
Let’s just say…. Harry oh Harry…
WE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE you.
What’s wrong with a little fantasy anyway?
Single-mother Kelly van der Birkinson is thrilled to announce the arrival of her first children, Daria van der Birkinson (miniature pinscher) and Louis Vuitton Monogram Waltz/Macha bag.
Thank you very much to those of you who joined the contest. I’ve received dozens upon dozens of entries
Contrary to what people think, no, it’s not a Fendi Spy Bag, a Chloe Paddington Bag, a "high-end" designer chain, a pair of shoes, an ostrich Kelly bag, a black patent leather Prada handbag, 2 male chicks or an iPod Nano.
Kristy from Washington D.C. even thought Kelly’s gonna give birth to a pair of kangaroos!
Oi vey! As much as Kelly loves group sex and getting gangbanged, her eggs aren’t capable of carrying such enormous offspring.
If there’s anything that should benefit from kangaroos… or from the land of kangaroos down under, that would be me – and it better include hot sex with the hundreds of thousands of 18-30 year old fit, tanned and delicious surfer boys that populate their land.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
‘#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Lindfield, NSW, Australia, Lyon, France, Oslo, Norway, Lavrune, France, Rovaniemi, Finland, Zurich, Switzerland and of course, people from Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Bryanboy loves y’all – identify yourselves bitches and say hello!
#2 – Boy George busted and arrested for Kate Moss possession. Citizens of the world you’ve been warned. Please be careful where you stash your fine South American powder. It’s not right to keep your bag near your computer.
#3 – Someone from Salt Lake City, Utah, land of the Mormons and the 2002 Winter Oympics, sent me a picture of his crotch using his work email address. He works for one of the city’s newspapers as an ad executive. Gotta love media and press people baby, some of them are just downright HORNY. Bryanboy loves you too, however, please send a picture of your face cause your crotch looks like any other crotch – is that Hanes or Fruit of the Loom?
#4 – A big, big, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday to ____. I wish you good health, genuine happiness and the very best. I know it’s not often that we see each other but there’s just something special whenever we’re together. I’ll keep it short – I’ll ALWAYS be here whenever you need me.
#5 – Keep an eye out everyone for a rather sentimental post tomorrow. I’ll talk about blessings, friendships and of course, Chanel lip gloss!
As always, you know where to contact me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org with messages of love, hate and luxury. SMS +63-915-785-1492.
(I’m the only one who’s not pretty. I look terrible that night. *sigh*)
There’s definitely something odd going on.
I left the house at around 9:30PM on a Wednesday night and I got
back home at 9:30AM on Thursday. That’s about 12 hours of pure
I slept at around 12:00Noon, only to wake up at 9:30PM after nine hours and 30 minutes of sleep yesterday.
What’s up with the nine-thirty? Is 9-30 the new 7-11? Should I buy lotto tickets with these numbers?
I started my night by going to Bizu to meet Tina T. who I haven’t
seen in the longest time; in fact, she was the reason why I decided to
go out today. I’ve been out of circulation the past week or two because
of my colds/cough. I was introduced to one of her childhood/best
friends. I hope she gets a Louis Vuitton Suhali bag — in blue!
When Pepper arrived, we went to Nuvo (a bar/restaurant located at Greenbelt) for a couple of drinks, met quite a few people.
Stayed there till about 1:30AM or so before heading to the VIP room
at Embassy, drank for a bit, got my YSL shoes stepped on, stepped on
other people’s toes,
Après-Embajada, Celine, Ianne, another gent and moi went to Jacques’
house for more vodka and orange fun. It’s all good and i had so much
fun. It’s one of those times when you want the night to last forever…
but you have to go early cause your evil bitch troll
sister-cum-cinderella-pumpkin-wagon-driver, your maid and your 3-month
old bitch is waiting for you inside the car, nagging on your cellphone that you have to go back home.
Desire is the ultimate necessity INDEED!
Jenni Epperson, shopping queen of the land of the brown, the l’exotiques and the natives, famous for her good finds and shopping skills par excellance, Creative Director of Just Shop magazine, and of course, the one who took memorable and unforgettabe pictures of me looking like a bloody lampshade, notified me recently that the teaser ad… and this month’s "Just Shop" magazine is availabe today!
(Click the graphic above for a larger version)
If you are FIili-flippin Filipino and you live in the CAPITAL of the land of the brown, the l’exotique and the natives (also known as Manila), be sure to get hold of "Just Shop", October Issue. I have a piece there about a mini shopping guide to some of the Metro Mall-ila’s malls.
Ya gotta love Erickson Beamon, bebe. I bought a fancy schmancy bracelet with colourful stones the other day at one of my fave shops here in Manila called Firma. It’s a little gem of a store filled with some of the most faBulous (with a capital B) finds ever — feathered fans, semi-precious stones, exotic (and the perennial matronic beaded) handbags, jewels and various accessories. They also have home furnishings!
I was supposed to get one of those US$150 faux-bling-bling watches but I opted for this bracelet instead. It’s quite pricey… around US$600, ouch, but it’s really, really beautiful. The picture doesn’t do the bracelet some justice. Trust me though – it’s soo gorgeous and I fell in love the first time I tried it on.
Erickson Beamon is available in Manila by going to Firma (Greenbelt). It’s also available on the internet by visiting Net-A-Porter.
Say hello to my new phones.
I’m really a Nokia fan and the last time I had a Motorola was back in the dark ages when the phones are as heavy as a brick and I had a trusty, crusty, Star-Tac.
I think it’s time for me to jump on that Razr V3 bandwagon, who cares if I’m late. I like how it’s thin and black and nice. I also bought a Motorola MPX220 – I love the Windows features and how the ring tones are LOUD as in LOUD. Heck, even pressing the keypad is LOUD.
I love my new phones. The only thing that’s hard is how to transfer over 400 people on my Nokia address book without the aid of hooking my phone up to computer… it’s a serious job, I’m telling you..
Consider it as a blessing in disguise at east I now have a reason NOT to include those unimportant bitches in my life. Hah!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1- Pleasanton, CA, San Antonio, TX, Rowland Heights, CA, Montclair, NJ, Garo, Japan, Binghamton, NY, MelVille, Saskatchewan, Canada and of course, people from Grandouet, France. Identify yourselves bitches and say hello to me, Bryanboy, Our Lady of Materialism.
#2a – Calling all citizens of the land of the brown, the l’exotique and the natives. I’ve been indulging again by watching TV. I know, I know, it’s a sin I shouldn’t be confessing but seriously, WHO THE FUCK IS THAT GUY ON THE NEW SUNSILK SOFT TOUCH COMMERCIAL? HE’S SOOO FUCKING CUTE. Maybe it’s his stubble/facial hair that’s making me feel like a bitch in heat despite the fact that I normally don’t like hair on any part of the body other than one’s head?
#2b – I have a photo shoot and an interview for a local magazine in about 2 hours. I’m scared of these things. Honestly! I mean, I know I’m a camwhore… but only if it’s MY camera and not somebody else’s. I really don’t know why I’m not comfortable in front of anybody else’s camera.
#4 – I thought I was the most tactless person in the universe. I was wrong. There are a several of people out there who won’t know recognize what a dick is even if it landed on their faces.
#5 – All I can say to this other person is thank you. Thank you VERY much. I wish you the best in your future endeavours, whatever they may be.
As always, you all know where to contact me. Bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS me at +63-915-785-1492. Tell me you love me.