Good afternoon minions. Damn pre-holiday
I’m not feeling well.
I got up this morning with a slight fever and cold – I shouldn’t have gone out on Saturday night.
I’m supposed to go to the hospital today to get my flu and pneumonia vaccinations done so I won’t be sick when I leave but the powers may be gave me a damn cold.
Syringes aside, I accomplished a lot today.
I started to pack my bags cause I’m leaving in a week’s time (TIME IS SOOO FUCKIN FAST!!!).
I won’t be back till around Christmas – celebrate Christmas at home, with the family, then New Year’s Eve with friends in Boracay (HANNAH I can’t WAIT TO SEE YOU BITCH).
When I went to Bangkok, Moscow and St. Petersburg, Russia last year, I brought 5 bags, appox. 95 kilos or over 146.3 pounds of luggage.
This year I want to keep my luggage at a bare minimum cause I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on excess baggash.
FYI to luggage nazis: I’m not one of those people who make sure their luggages match. I ensure I use a good ‘mix’ of luggage because of the fact that these things can be lost/stolen/damaged.
Each suitcase contains a different set of outfits and accessories, this way if one gets lost, I still have some sort of a head-to-toe ensemble on another case.
The only thing I’ll make an exception is my shoe/accessories bag – I usually allocate one more bag strictly for shoes and accessories – it’s the little square nylon Prada.
I packed half a case so far today… my Vuitton Damier Alzer.
What’s inside it?
McQueen Black Scarf, Zara Chocolate Scarf, Missoni Striped Cashmere Belt, Missoni Mohair Scarf, Hermes Bandana, Hermes Scarf, Louis Vuitton Denim-Print Silk Scard, Louis Vuitton Rabbit Fur Scarf, Marc by Marc Jacobs Diagonal Stripes Long-Sleeve Top, Gucci Purple Sheer Cotton Long Sleeve Top, Marc by Marc Jacobs Blue and Red Stripe with Dog Long-Sleeve Top, Dior Homme T-Shirt, Beige Zara Cotton V-neck Cardigan, 2 bangles from Urban Outfitters (black and purple), Mango crystal brooch (green) and Linda Farrow Gallery Sunglasses
Quite an accomplishment eh?
More updates to follow.
I need a shower; I smell like a goat.
Man, I have the WORST hangover ever.
I did a little "emergency" trip to my favourite club, Emba at around 1:30AM and got back before 6:30AM. Wore a black button-down shirt for the first time (in MONTHS!), striped Dolce & Gabbana trousers, Valentino belt, Frye boots and a wool Chanel bag.
I wish I took pictures but I left the damn camera in the car. Jenni E. looked ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS in her little orange number.
Believe it or not, I have remnants of vomit on my bedside table. The maid must have cleaned up my act while I was asleep.
I haven’t puked in the longest time.
I wish I knew how much I puked though.
I wish I puked all the junk food I had yesterday… but knowing my body, I probably vomitted gastric acid and excess saliva.
I spent 4 whole hours munching on junk food whilst watching Nip/Tuck on DVD yesterday. These 2 guys never cease to amaze me. If only our plastic surgeons are THAT good-looking and rich (ok, they’re not really good looking but they do have some sort of a sexual appeal), I’d be busy doing serious self-harm to get some car crash cosmetic surgery (and hopefully some fun fun sexual action) done.
Oh I am so bored out of my skull.
I just can’t wait to hop on a plane.
Let the countdown begin.
In less than 2 weeks I’ll be wearing my fall/winter regalia.
I **NEED** that mini winter wonderland holiday.
Screw everything at this point. I need a fucking vacation.
1 Month. 7 Countries.
I’ll be home before Christmas. ..
and then Boracay on New Year’s Eve.
I promised myself I’ll fill my 3rd passport with stamps before the year ends so I’ll have a new passport next year with a prettier photo. LOL
Next week is going to be busy; need to pick up my passport at an embassy cause they approved my visa… and then go to ANOTHER embassy the following morning for my appointment.
All these visa drama. Ugh.
Somebody just fucking give me a diplomatic or official passport already. Afterall, I’m doing a good job promoting the third world to the international community.
Sucky sucky 5 dolla, me love you long time 10 dolla, you pay 20 dolla I gib free roast duck!
Think about it – why the hell should we bring tourism into our country when the country can export the Department of Sex Trade and Beauty Industry (aka me) instead ???
Keep the Love Coming
See, even people who go to couples therapy loves Bryanboy.
Big shout out to both of these boys doing the infamous Bryanboy pose. First one’s from Greenwich, London, UK and the other one is from Singapore.
Keep the love coming.
Love comes in the form of imagery so it’s best to send your love via email – firstname.lastname@example.org.
Try to avoid "photoshopping" please.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Montpellier, France, Bedok Village, Singapore, Bangkok, Thailand, Reseda, CA, Jurong Town, Singapore, Souspierre, France, Helmond, Netherlands, Spearwood, WA and Box Hill & Ascot Vale VIC Australia and of course, people from Osaka, Japan! Bryanboy loves you all – identify yourselves bitches and say hello!
#2 – Take a look at Style.com’s top Spring/Summer 2006 models. They all have funny looking eyebrows.
#3 – Why does papaya have a weird aftertaste?
#4 – Can someone please tell me where I can buy high-quality but cheap fur jackets & coats/exotic animal skins/etc in Beijing?
#5 – I NEED A SUGAR DADDY TO SPOIL ME GOOD… SPOIL ME REALLY ROTTEN. PLEASE BE YOUNGER THAN 35, THANK YOU. AND YES, IT IS POSSIBLE TO CONCEIVE A CHILD AT 12 YEARS OF AGE.
#6 – Happy Birthday Astrud Crisologo!
#7 – THAT Embassy better approve my visa application. I OWN STOCK (AKA MINORITY SHAREHOLDER – I’M POOR) in one of their country’s BIGGEST companies.
#8 – Courtesy of MadeinBrazil.com – the New Gucci Boy (S/S 2006) is Michael Camiloto. Gorgeous son of a bitch eh?
Ugh. Enough male model fantasy.
Hannah Matronic, remember how I told you that we shouldn’t be fantasizing about male models (well, Filipino male models) because they’re poor, they’re dull, they’re poor, they have STDs, they’re poor, they shoved their cocks up some dirty old fag’s asshole, and best of all, they’re gonna end up as prostitutes in the future?
#9 – Danish government provide prostitutes for the disabled – at the taxpayers’ expense. Quick! Let’s all move to Copenhagen PRONTO!
#10 – I’d love to see someone with a low-hanging scrotum wear those denim shorts. Click here to see more from "Butch".
As always, you know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Total Icon, Period.
I got this email yesterday and boy I was touched. Honestly, I don’t know how to feel…
Fuck, I really should learn how to receive compliments by now.
I know I’m flattered.
But in all seriousness, I think your days are numbered when someone starts calling you an icon.
It’s like receiving a lifetime achievement award when your career as an actress is over… thing is, I don’t even have a career… yet!
Screw acting though – I love my brown skin and my flat nose.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Spread the love and be fabulous… each and every one of you. Don’t be afraid to parade yourself to ridiculous extents because the only thing that matters at the end of the day is whether or not you had fun.
Even if you have to do this:
(It’s not yet too late to buy a copy of today’s Philipine Daily Inquirer. Great article by Tim Yap. Check out Super! Saturdays…)
Stay at Home Housewife
I was supposed to go out in the big, bad city yesterday night but I decided to catch up with my healthcare obligations.
I went to my aesthetician’s office yesterday evening and got the usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial and power peel sessions – I tortured my face over the past week and a half with everything under the sun.
Don’t I look
raw and vulnerable crap? No amount of concealer can hide those bags under my eyes.
Here’s another fugly picture of me.
BTW, both pics were taken AFTER my treatments, that’s why my face is all red and sore. Ugh!
I know what you’re thinking.
If I think I’m really fugly, then why do I bother posting my fugly pictures online.
Well, I think you’re right.
I’m fishing for compliments because I look like a fisherman’s friend.
I like to expose my flaws and insecurities so people will feel sorry and compliment me instead.
If they don’t compliment me and said bad stuff, I still have the upper hand cause I said it first and wallowed in self-pity.
Either way it’s a WIN-WIN.
Try it yourself.
Tell people you’re fugly, show them you’re insecure, show them your flaws.
If they say "No you’re not" then tell them "Thanks darling. You’re pretty too."
If people say you’re REALLY fugly then tell them "Oh I know, it’s nothing new."
That would shut them up for a while.
After my little trip to the aesthetician, my dad, mum and my sis had dinner at our local Korean.
I gave birth first thing in the morning to a 2-pound turd named "Monty the Python".
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Fayetteville, Arkansas, Jurong Town, Singapore, Kangkar, SIngapore, Stamford, CT, Plymouth, Michigan, Weston, ONT, Canada, Alpharetta, GA, Gainesville, FL, Melbourne, Australia, Rochester, NY, Hubbard, OR, East Greenbush, NY, Altoona, PA, Sheffield, UK, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, and of course, people from Helsinki, Finland.
#2 – Remember ladies, December 1st is the First Annual International Armpit Hair Shaving Day. Remind all the men in your life to shave their armpits because armpit hair is the root of all things evil.
#3 – I’m going to update my baby, InsideMyBag.com later today. Keep an eye out for fabulous bags.
#4 – Designer purses sale gets out of hand. "The sale was halted and the doors locked for hours after the crowd exploded in anger over the store’s attempt to manage the flow of nearly 1,000 customers who were hoping to get a deal on purses from designers such as Prada, Chanel and Gucci. The deputy on the scene said it was very unusual to see women fighting over purses."
All this drama at a place called "C-Mart" in Joppatown, Maryland, USA.
Thank god I buy my purses straight from the boutiques.
Imagine buying a Chanel at an outlet.
What would people say?
Third-party: "Nice Chanel darling"
Your response: "Thanks doll, it came from an outlet."
Third-party: "Eeew, Outlet Chanel."
Your response: "Cut me some slack bitch I won the war over 1,000 other women."
#5 – WHEN THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO HAVE DIOR IN THE PHILIPPINES????? Calling the attention of Store Specialists, Inc. Just bring Dior and make me bankrupt already.
#6 – I recently came across some cute old man online. I forgot his name, Robert something. I dunno, I suddenly shifted my taste from that of a twink to that one of an oldie. Seriously, I wouldn’t be caught dead with a dirty old prick but this guy is sort of a looker.
#7 – JANTHINA FONG et al, owner of half of Hong Kong, is this the guy you’ve been lusting about???
Sniff sniff, December 1st.
#8 – Manila’s premier, by appointment only, designer bag consignment resource has a blog. Check out http://tresormakati.blogspot.com.
As always, you know how to get hold of me. Bombard me with messages you fucking fools. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-7851492.
You should’ve seen the look on my face when I got up. I only had 4 hours of sleep (slept around 8:30AM got up at 12:30PM) and man, I feel AWFUL.
Hand me the eye cream bitch – I don’t want people to think I’m a heroin addict because of the dark circles under my eyes.
I started early yesterday; left my parents’ birdcage at around 7:30PM to meet P&A for dinner at L’Opera. I didn’t eat a lot at the restaurant cause I ate at home; I think P&A were trying to poison me with the pasta (though it TASTES very good) because I’m lactose intolerant-ish. They had this steak thing with foie gras – I’ll DEFINITELY have that when I go back. Who knows, maybe tomorrow? We’ll see.
Apres-dinner, P&Me quickly went to Nuvo, followed by Luce and hanged out with a lot of wonderful folks.
I had far too many drinks… far too many double gin tonics, vodka etc.
I think I may have to cut back on the booze.
The liquid running through my veins is probably 144 proof (70%), I swear to god, all you gotta do is rub cashmere against my skin (think of the static) and I’ll burst into flames in no time,
I’m gonna pamper myself today. Facial and all.
If you weren’t born with a pretty face, the next best thing to have is fantastic skin.
Sadly, I have neither.
Bryanboy Loves Alison
It’s about time I get some lovin’ lovin’ from girls.
My little narcissistic shrine of love is infested with adoration from gay males… I don’t want people to think this is the International Male catalog.
Meet Alison from St. Louis, Missouri, US of A!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Apple Valley, CA, Toronto, ONT, Canada, Las Vegas, NV, Honolulu, HI, Portland, OR, Irvine, CA, Lucky Park, Singapore, Frankel Estate, Singapore, Wooroloo, Western Australia, Malmo, Sweden and of course, people from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Bryanboy loves y’all!
#2 – If you live in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives, be sure to grab a copy of this month’s JUST SHOP (Philippine Daily Inquirer’s monthly shopping supplement) and FUDGE magazine.
#3 – Living it Large, my self-asked, self-answered Q&A thing is now available online. Click here to read the article.
#4 – Shu Uemura and Motorola are throwing another party again next week. Can’t wait to see the new Shu limited edition cleansing oils.
#5 – I WANT A MOTOROLA PEBL phone!!!!!!!!!! It’s sooo gorgeous.
#6 – Nice little black Dior logo a gogo jacket… and it’s available in my size (well, I’m a size 36 on Dior trousers, size 38/40 on tops)…. it’s on SALE at US$795. I’m pondering whether to get it or not. I’ll give myself 24 hours. It’s black! It’s shiny! It’s….. LUREX!
#7 – Somebody from Helsinki Television visited my site. OI YOU FINNISH BITCHES, SAY HI TO ME LIVE ON TV (I know CNN greeted me at one point). Tell all those Finnish people that YOU LOVE BRYANBOY and BRYANBOY LOVES FINLAND.
#8 – This is my DREAM holiday. I’m REALLY serious about going to the North Pole. I mean, I’ve never really heard of anyone from the third world go up there. Fuck civilized countries… I want to go to a place where humanity is at bare minimum.
It’s a 2-week expedition. The cheapest is US$18,995 for a twin cabin (1 person). If I’m going alone, I may have to share this cabin with a smelly white geek person, probably a scientist or a senior citizen. There’s a mini-suite available, at US$21,995.
Expensivo, innit? It’s a journey of a lifetime!!!
Think of all the shopping you can do for that much money…
I’ll stick to shopping.
More updates later.
I love you all!
As always, you know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Armpit Hair: The Root of All Things Evil
I don’t understand why millions upon millions of men, boys and guys worldwide blatantly show their armpits whenever they get their pictures taken.
I mean… WHY?
Why oh why oh why oh why?
Especially those with armpit hair.
Armpit hair is the root of all things evil. That’s why I shave (or sometimes, wax) mine.
Nothing disgusts me than that endless strands of hair on someone’s armpits… not to mention the musky, pungent smell that comes from good ol armpit hair.
It doesn’t matter whether you take showers twice daily, use antiperspirant, use deodorant etc.
Armpit hair is still awful and disgusting.
I don’t care if it brings warmth to your bodies in the middle of the winter.
It really is not funny cuddling up to someone only to end up with your face shoved on someone’s armpits and you don’t have a choice but to INVOLUNTARILY use their armpit hair as dental floss.
Armpit hair has to be abolished on the face of this planet.
Women… or men alike.
Even for a day.
On that profound note, I am proud to present The First Annual International Armpit Hair Shaving Day.
Mark your calendars boys and girls.
On December 1, 2005, wherever you are in the world, I want you to participate by shaving your armpits.
Shave all that excess auxilliary hair that you’ve got there since god knows when.
I know I’ll be travelling during that time but what I want you to do is to send pictures of your BALD armpits.
Let’s rewind the clocks, take a ride in the time machine and go back to our prepubescent years.
Send me pictures of you and your HAIRLESS armpits on December 1, 2005. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Best armpits will win an award.
HELP ME SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT THIS VERY IMPORTANT GLOBAL SHAVING EVENT. POST IT ON YOUR BLOGS, SPREAD IT TO THE MEDIA, FORWARD IT VIA TEXT/SMS/EMAILS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW.
INCLUDING YOUR HAIRY GORILLA FATHER.
I love you all!
As always, you know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Boredom Killed the Cat
It’s 12:15AM and I am so bored out of my skull. I don’t think I have been so bored in my life.
Seriously, all I did for the past 2-3 hours was absolutely nothing.
You know your life is about to go on a downward spiral when you celebrate midnight by reheating 4 slices of leftover pizza on a Wednesday night.
A couple of my friends called and texted earlier this evening asking whether we’ll go out tonight; I told them I won’t.. and some… are reserving their energy for this weekend.
I’m definitely going out tomorrow night though. Drink and let live. Don’t ask me where… I’ll go where the young, the beautiful and the damned go.
Kelly’s Kool Kalloween
I don’t know whether to hate or thank god for being the only creature in this household who is NOT having fun.
Kelly’s all over the place. Again.
Blimey, that fowl is even more jetset than I am.
Thanks, Penny, from Australia!
This one’s fresh from the boat in Dover, UK.
I love this guy. I really do.
Even Clint, from London, had something to show us.
I love British passport holders. They sure do know how to show some good old Bryanboy lovin’ lovin’.
The love doesn’t even end there. Meet Megan from Anchorage, Alaska.
Send me images of love (and hate). Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
I think I’m going to down some downers and go to sleep. There really is NOTHING to do at the moment.
You know where to contact me. SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Thai Airways. Smooth as Silk
[Disclaimer: get some red bull, some amphetamines, coffee or whatever you can grab to keep you awake because this post will most likely bore you to death. But frankly, I'm a happy camper.]
Who would have thought my Wednesday would be soooo productive?
I think a ton of people are still suffering from post-mortem syndrome.
Everything is starting to go back to normal; the country’s government and business sectors have been closed since Friday last week and today is the first day all the office workers, clerks, 9-5ers, the yucky yuppies brigade and their ilk, go back to work.
I got up at 5AM earlier this morning. I don’t care if I didn’t put make up on and I had a bad hair day – I was determined to file my visa application with Embassy #3.
Wore my Elie Tahari trousers tucked in my brown Frye boots, a Lacoste pique polo and a Zara cardigan. Brought my Birkin with me. It’s the only respectable bag that I have.
I originally plan on channeling my inner Madonna for Versace ad campaign but I ended up looking like a woman in her 40s. I don’t give a shit though. I was probably the best dressed person in the Embassy.
Can I just say how wonderful that embassy is? It was Thai Airways galore – everything was smooth as silk.
Sure I have to queue for about an hour and a half but when they opened their doors at 9AM sharp, I was out in no more than 20 minutes.
I handed the Filipino lady at the counter 2 sets of folders: one containing all my original documents – tax returns, bank books, financial statements, birth certificate, all my passports, bank statements, everything… and another containing my visa application, pictures, itineraries and photocopies of EVERYTHING in folder 1.
I told her I need to get my passports back AND folder #1 (originals) cause I’m also applying for a visa with Embassy #4. She told me there’s no problem.
I was totally surprised that the lady was nice. Seriously. She even SMILED! She even talked to me! It’s quite refreshing actually.
In other words, SHE WASN’T A ROBOT.
She quickly went through my documents (yep, all 8,491 KILOS worth of documents) and told me they’re all ok and she’ll accept them. She asked me as to when I got the passport photos (that I submitted) taken. I said March. She replied: we can only accept photos taken within the last 6 months, come back with new photos.
Other than that she told me to contact the hotel I’m staying at and ask them to fax the Embassy with a hotel confirmation.
I asked her whether or not I’ll be interviewed and she said there’s no need. It takes about 10 days for processing.
It was simple as that.
I was so excited and relieved that I minced my way out of the door thinking there’s still enough time to go to Embassy #2… soo excited I completely forgot to get my passports.
I ran back to the elevator and went straight to the counter again and told her I forgot to get my passports and my folders back.
She greeted me with a smile, told me she was just about to call but she’s glad I came and that’s about it.
As I’ve said earlier, I have two phrases: Thai Airways. Smooth As Silk.
I hope I get approved… otherwise I’ll commit suicide.
Diplomatic Faux Pas
I take back whatever I said on THIS post. I would like to express my sincerest apologies to Mrs. Isthatanold Dior for calling her a bitch.
I encounted her again today (who, btw, wore a vibrant floral ensemble) at Embassy #2. I was supposed to go there Tomorrow – they were going to open the Visa Section strictly for me because I whinged I’m busy on Wednesday.
But since I finished at Embassy #3 early, I thought I’d drop by at Embassy #2 to see what they can do for me.
THIS TIME HOWEVER, SHE GREETED ME WITH A SMILE!
I couldn’t help but wonder why all these consuls are suddenly smiling when they have reputations that they are colder than cold-blooded animals. It’s quite mind-boggling actually.
Have they really opened up to the fact that I’m NOT going to be one of these?
Anyway, I explained to her my case THOROUGHLY, gave her the bank receipts that I paid the expedited payment fee.
She told me it’s going to be VERY, VERY, VERY cold in December.
Then I told her it’s going to be MONEY WELL SPENT. I’m wearing my FUR!
She laughed (it requires more than a MIRACLE for a consul to do such thing).
Then she pointed on her calendar, did some calculations.
Visa Approved. I’ll pick it up early next week.
She gave me a double entry visa.
I’m a happy, happy young man!
More updates later.
Did you know November 1st of each and every year is a public holiday? That’s the case here in the heartlands of the third world.
It’s the time of the year where millions of Filipino people pay their respects to the dead kind. They flock cemeteries like rodents in the dark.
I went to the cemetery today with my dad, my sister and my brother to visit my grandmother (mom’s side) and my grandfather (dad’s side) and boy oh boy I had the ultimate "snap-snap" reality check today.
When I saw my grandfather’s grave, I realized, SHIT…
WE MUST BE SOOO FUCKING POOR.
It really is not funny to see one of your ancestors buried in a nasty plot when clearly there are others ON TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN who have full-blown familial mausoleums.
The ones on those pictures aren’t even the top-of-the-line mausoleums. These are the cheap ones made out of stone (and not marble). It made me think: surely my clan must be REALLY poor not to be able to afford one of those mini dead person houses.
I told my dad I DONT WANT TO BE BURIED IN ONE OF THE NASTY REGULAR plots.
I asked him how many plots do we need to get in order to get a decent dead person house.
He made this funny "let me calculate" face and said that in my case, I’ll be needing 4 bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room, a salon, a maid’s area and a huge walk-in wardrobe to store all my material stuff.
In other words, he told me I don’t need a mausoleum. I need THIS:
After visiting my grandparents’ plots for a few minutes, we went back to the car and drove home.
On our way back, I had this dirty thought at the back of my head.
My dad had always taught me and my siblings to LOVE OUR OWN.
I do love my own… in my OWN little ways…
But in all seriousness
I found the answer why I don’t.
How can I love my own when my own looks like this?
I miss my grandparents. :(
The only thing that cheered me up was this random old woman at the cemetery with a Dior (probably a FAUX DIOR) bag.
Long live the new-moneyed ones (like me, you and others) with illusions of grandeur.
Happy all saints day!
Here’s a picture of me inside the van over the weekend (sans makeup and wig) with a little bit of photoshop fun. Happy Halloween to each and every one of you.
Happy 80th Birthday to Fe-fe-fendi! Gotta love Amanda LePore darling.
There’s something in the air and the only thing I can think of is winter.
I’ve been experiencing a HUGE traffic surge (and emails + SMS messages) from my viking readers in Norway, Sweden and Finland over the past few days.
Perhaps I have some sort of a snow angel doing a jolly good round of shameless Bryanboy promotion up there near the arctic circle? Whoever you are, feel free to spread the word about my third world brown-assed glory.
I have no idea who/how/why. I love it though!
In fact, I even spent quite some time chatting to a lovely lass from Stockholm a day or two ago – her name is Alex E.
Proof that I learn something new everyday: JANTELAGEN (aka Jante’s Law). A lot of scandinavians apparently live by this "unofficial law".
From WikiPedia: Although there actually are 10 different rules in the law, they are usually referred to as a singular homogenous unit. The Danish word loven means "the law" and can be translated into the English as "code." Like in all Scandinavian languages, -en is a definite article suffix.
- You shall not think that you are special.
- You shall not think that you are of the same standing as us.
- You shall not think that you are smarter than us.
- Don’t fancy yourself as being better than us.
- You shall not think that you know more than us.
- You shall not think that you are more important than us.
- You shall not think that you are good at anything.
- You shall not laugh at us.
- You shall not think that anyone cares about you.
- You shall not think that you can teach us anything.
Hmmm. I can smell humility, modesty and purity from afar. Thanks but no thanks.
I might as well go to a convent and be a fucking nun.
Who the hell cares about us? Life is all about ME, ME and ME!
One of my former clients and friends (who I terribly miss – the legendary Thomas Leonard, the father of COACHING) who passed away a couple of years ago, said one of the rules of attraction is to become INCREDIBLY SELFISH.
To cut it short, all you gotta do is go to the Stureplan.se website to see an abundance of swedes breaking Jante’s Law. You’ll also see how the beautiful people of the north live.
Big shout out to people from Kristiansand, Norway, students from Tampere University of Technology, Tampere, Finland, Herrngen, Sweden, Kingswood, NSW, Australia, Norco, California, Huvudsta, Sweden, Skogome, Sweden, Moriyacho, Japan, Horten, Norway, Verwolde, Netherlands, Eastwood, NSW, Australia, Seoul, South Korea and Husie, Sweden.
Bryanboy Needs *YOU*!
I’m in need of hot boys and anorexic girls so I can pimp them and get a shitload of money.
Eeew. I’m kidding.
I already have a hard time pimping myself let alone peddle other people’s flesh, souls, orifices and dignities.
Someone around here needs to be filthy rich (that’s me darling, NOT you.. alright… you make me rich and I’ll drag you along… we’ll both be swimming in money) and I need your help to achieve that dream.
I don’t usually like to talk about business because I NEVER mix my personal and professional lives (don’t ask me what I do for a living – I’ll tell you I’m a whore, a funeral director, a fluffer and a porn star – all you gotta do is pick the best aswer) but one of my independent contractors have quit on me because she’s about to give birth and I can totally understand where she’s coming from.
Enough drama. I’ll cut through the chaff and go straight to what I need.
I’m an equal opportunity chu chu bells person (all ages, race, underwear type, etc are welcome to apply) but I have to let you know that I’ll most likely hire people based in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives aka Philippines.
Position: Web Editor
- you must be internet savvy
- you must have your own computer at home
- you must have high-speed internet access
- you must have an Instant Messenger program (Yahoo! or MSN Messenger)
- you must be proficient with a graphics software (preferably Macromedia Fireworks)
- you must have great HTML and CSS skills; experience with Macromedia Dreamweaver
- priority will be given to those with excellent English (this is where the English Nazis can be useful; trust me, my English is CRAP) and copyediting skills.
- crop images for web use
- upload images
- update various websites/web pages/blogs
- design and develop websites, web pages and graphics
- manage and create online affiliate programs
Things to keep in mind:
- the greatest thing about this position is the fact that you get to work at the comforts of your own home; you can go to school/office/do your own thing during the day and work for me at night and/or vice-versa
- any work created belongs to me, my firm and/or my clients. You won’t be allowed to use any work that you create as part of your own respective portfolios.
- our relationship will be that of an independent contractor/client and NOT that of an employer/employee
- you will be responsible for paying for your own taxes, social security, healthcare, etc.
- you need to be available for 30 "work" hours per calendar week – which means it includes the weekends. it is up to you to divide such time, for instance, 3 hours today, 6 hours tomorrow, etc. all you have to do is to report to me via email/phone/instant messenger when you’ll be available/unavailable.
- you’ll need to use a time-tracking software (I’ll give you a copy) where you need to "punch-in/punch-out" before and after you work.
- you will only be paid for work (aka billable) hours; you won’t be paid for "idle" time.
- you’ll need to sign a confidentiality, subcontractor and non-compete agreements so both our arses are protected
- send me your CV/resume via email – email@example.com
- include any work samples; if you have a blog or a website, include the URLs
- include how much you’ll charge for those 30 hours (per week) and an hourly rate outside those 30 hours; be reasonable – I know how labor is cheap in the fucking Philippines so don’t charge me extortionate rates.
- free labor is good, too. i can pay you in methods other than cash if you want.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org. DO NOT call my cellphone because I don’t pick up calls from people whose numbers are unknown to me. My cellphone is published online so that people can tell me they love me by text; those are nice to get whenever I’m feeling down.
Please feel free to forward this post to anyone.