The Great Fall of China
I finally found the cure to depression.
2 xanax pills, Badger Sleep Balm, a night’s worth of sleep, a 40+ year old man/driver (who I think should be a photographer instead because he took good pictures) and a car.
Let me tell you this: BEIJING IS FUCKING BREATHTAKING.
And I mean BREATHTAKING.
The traffic jams and the travel time to go from one place to another is WORTH IT.
I slept at around 10PM last night, got up at fuckin 4AM (then again at 7AM) and I was out of the hotel by 9.
Went straight to the Great Wall of China (Badaling) and boy oh boy, I was the most gorgeous and best-dressed person on the wall.
(Yep, that’s a Starbucks Americano right there)
As any tourist spot in the world, there were HORDES and HORDES of tourists and I know this goes without saying, they all look fucking hideous. H-I-D-E-O-U-S. Hahahahahahahaha!
(Hey, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE tourists. A TON of them (particularly the Japanese, the Americans and the Spanish… who arrived via tour bus) took pictures of me. Man, if I got a dollar every time someone asked a photograph of me on the wall I’d be FUCKING rich (and on the top 10 of the Forbes’ list) by now.
I know any sane person will walk that gigantic brick architectural wonder with a pair of sneakers but come fucking on, it’s always nice to glam it up for all those photo ops.
I want my grandchildren (my adopted spawns’ offspring) to see pictures of me up the wall and say "my fabulous grandfather looked so American Vogue".
God I love the ego boost from all the stares I got earlier. Even those white tourists (a ton of Spaniards and Americans) took pictures of me because I’m SOOOO fucking beautiful.
I even rode this cute huge animal. It’s kinda like a horse but like it has these 2 weird mounds on its back. I forgot what they’re called. I see these whenever I watch the Discovery Channel and these are like all over the place in exotic places like Egypt or like Mongolia or whatever.
Apres Great Wall, I asked my driver to bring me to the Forbidden City.
It’s ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
I sashayed and powerminced its massive brick roads as if I’m a coked-up supermodel on the runway during New York Fashion Week whilst listening to my Hotel Costes 8 album on my ipod.
I’m ON A FUCKING ROLL!
I’m definitely coming back to Beijing… 36 hours is simply NOT enough. I’ll create a photo album (for more pictures) on this blog when I have the spare time.
I love you all! You know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
P.S. I know I owe you a big random cheesemax. I’ll do one as soon as I get to Moscow. Love ya all!
Bryanboy LOVES Beijing
The Bryanboy HAS LANDED.
After 4 agonizing (and boring) hours on the plane, this sleepless bitch from hell finally arrived in Mr. Mao’s homeland.
(I know – don’t laugh. One of my sisters told me my hair looks like a fucking christmas tree because of the highlights – copper and light brown)
And because I’m sooo fucking beautiful, the folks at the St. Regis upgraded me to a fucking suite, complete with my own sitting area, a room for my excess baggash (all 84.7 kilos of it).
I even wrote something on the plane, a couple of hours ago because I was DEAD bored.
I have never been so bored in my entire life.
It’s no fun channeling Hans Solo; this is exactly the thing I hate about traveling alone – you and nothing but you, on business class, surrounded by empty seats on the plane cabin.
The only time I opened my mouth for the past few hours was a) when breakfast was served and b) when one of the cabin crew sat down beside me and did a little, warm (and sweet) chit chat.
Other than that, man, I’m telling you, not even my ipod, books and magazines can keep me entertained.
Fine – I browsed a copy of the November issue of American GQ and yes, I got some nanoseconds’ worth of titillating visual fun thanks to some of the pictures of half-naked men with stubble.
What keeps my sanity intact though is the little screen with the map that shows where exactly you are in the world. I LOVE that screen, especially on long haul flights. Apparently we’re flying at 37,500 feet at 861 km/h with an outside temperature of -51 degrees centigrade.
Anyway, fuck you all.
Now that I’m here in Beijing, I’m off to see TIANAMEN SQUARE.
More updates later.
Grande Puta Maricona Putain de Salope
3:41PM and I just got back home from the big bad city.
My gal pal Tina D. hanged out with me at one of the embassies earlier (I’m surprised she managed to read a book whilst waiting for me… I mean, god… for her to read a book….shit man, I’m impressed!)
I got up at fucking 5AM earlier (only had 2 hours of sleep) to go to one of the embassies to pick up my visa.
I got there at around 7:30 and queued for about 2 hours. Ugh. The hassle and distress eh?
There’s this family of three – husband, wife and a 4 or 5-year old rodent, evil bitch troll son who welcomed me as soon as I entered the embassy lobby.
Guess what satan’s spawn aka rodent said?
"Oh mommy look at that fag! fag fag fag!"
How can someone so young be sooo fuckin homophobic! I swear to god, I wanted to stuff the kid inside my Balenciaga bag and throw the rodent out of the double-digit-floored window.
I don’t blame the kid though. Look at me – no decent and respectable human male would wear my little ensemble.
The parents apologised profusely but the kid was a pest.
Not contented with his verbal abuse, the little bitch lied down on the floor and used his body as if he’s a mop… he did one of those "snow angels" thing right then and there.
If only I brought my bottle of sedatives with me that 5-year old rodent would be dead by now – good ol drug overdose.
Let’s see what he’d end up in about 15 or so years.
I hope he turns out to be a faggot.
The family’s probably applying for residency at the country where I’m going so I’m 100% sure that little piece of shit will take it up the arse with white cocks before he even hits puberty.
I hope that happens.
See – I don’t look like I’m an illegal immigrant afterall. I got all the visas I wanted. Apparently it pays to be fucking beautiful, even if I look like a bloody 12 year old on that photo.
As if I’d be an illegal immigrant anyway. I live like a princess in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives.
NOBODY WILL DO A GOOD JOB PROMOTING THE HIGHLY FABULOUS CESSPIT/ARMPIT OF THE THIRD WORLD CALLED ‘LAS ISLAS FILIPINIANAS’.
One day… oh yes one day… set it in stone bitches… I’ll become an AMBASSADOR OF GOODWILL!
Anyway, Tina D nailed it right there when we had this conversation:
Tina D: My god, I’m so glad we were born pretty.
Me: That’s true. Beautiful people get everything in this life. Fame. Fortune. Sex.
Tina D: I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be not-pretty.
Me: You’re the only one who’s pretty, not me bitch.
Tina D: You’re pretty too… compared to them (points at random strangers)
Me: But they’re not faggoty and camp as a row of pink tents like I am. Try being a flamer for a day.
Tina D: That’s true.
We had lunch at our favourite haunt, the M Cafe, had our usual oysters, lemongrass prawns + mango salad, guava + tamarind + scallops soup and some gindara fish. Loves it!
Oh I’m the happiest heshehoochimammipapimale today!
More updates later you fucking whores.
I throwing a little dinner party tonight with some of the people who appreciate me for being me, with no judgment whatsoever – the ones whom I don’t need to explain anything cause they understand me, me and me!
I need to sleep… and I have 4 hours to do so.
I love you all.
You know where to contact me – Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
P is for Productivity
Hola chica amigas, long time no talk!
I know I was supposed to do a sex issue a few days ago but I’m currently in a bind. I’ve been ultra busy… and sick (well, not really. I just had some slight fever from those damn vaccinations that I recently had – flu, pneumonia, hepa, etc) the past few days.
I don’t even know where to begin.
I had some awful chest pains not too long ago after eating fatty foods.
YES – FATTY FOODS YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT.
My doctor recently told me to get a blood test done (cholesterol and lipid profile) and it looks like I’m still (thank god) a healthy baby boy.
I know what you’re thinking – a cholesterol test?
Like how old am I? 12?
While my cholesterol levels are normal, I need to cut back on my meat consumption.
I’ve been doing this no-carbs thing for the past few days (with hopes of me losing the last… it’s always the last… 20 pounds).
BTW, Big apologies to TRLCRL. I was looking forward last Saturday to see you again but the damn fever kept me bed-ridden!
I HOPE TO SEE YOU MONDAY NIGHT… EVEN FOR A FEW SECONDS.
I THOUGHT WE’RE MARY KATE AND ASHLEY? BRYANGIRL, I MISS YOUR HUGS!!!!
Anyway, my Sunday’s been good.
Managed to get one last facial before I leave. Please pray to the good lord almighty that I won’t get a zit. I know my zits – they’re volcanus eruptus the size of Mount Vesuvius if I don’t get a facial every 2 weeks.
I also have a new haircut… and colour.
I think I’ve gone overboard with the highlights. Dennis at Provost told me I have to do copper (hello ginger minger) and light brown (like before). I was so stressed earlier I had no choice but to nod and say yes.
My sister told me my hair looks like a christmas tree. I’ll take pictures of it tomorrow. Promise.
I don’t think it’s that bad. Seriously.
You know how I am though — Mr. Exaggeration G. Alore.
I started to pack my shit seriously this time around. Can’t trust the household help to do it cause they’re hopeless.
God I’m soo bad.
Oi vey! At least my household help knows
her my fashion ABCs.
Even if she ruined one of my L P-F cashmere sweaters.
McQueen Black Scarf, Zara Chocolate Scarf, Missoni Striped Cashmere Belt, Missoni Mohair Scarf, Hermes Bandana, Hermes Scarf, Louis Vuitton Denim-Print Silk Scarf, Louis Vuitton Rabbit Fur Scarf, Marc by Marc Jacobs Diagonal Stripes Long-Sleeve Top, Gucci Purple Sheer Cotton Long Sleeve Top, Marc by Marc Jacobs Blue and Red Stripe with Dog Long-Sleeve Top, Dior Homme T-Shirt, Beige Zara Cotton V-neck Cardigan, 2 bangles from Urban Outfitters (black and purple), Mango crystal brooch (green) and Linda Farrow Gallery Sunglasses
Logo-a-gogo v-neck sweaters from Fendi, Marc by Marc Jacobs wool top, Missoni oversized cardigan, Cullen cashmere crewneck, Balenciaga assymetrical batwing top, Marc by Marc Jacobs cardigan, Yves Saint Laurent, Fendi and Chanel sunglasses.
Vintage fox fur gilet, Mango purple turkey feathers bolero, vintage Prada fur collar, Fendi rabbit gilet, Elie Tahari rabbit vest.
Louis Vuitton umbrella, Louis Vuitton oversized scarf, Louis Vuitton fur gloves, vintage leather gloves, 2 furry ivy caps by Mango, black Chinese Mao-like hat (unknown), Chanel No5 belt, Valentino belt with tassles, Hermes red belt, Gucci belt, Topshop metal belt, Mango belt, Zara beaded belt, Valentino swarovski belt, Chanel fish belt.
Goyard bag, Marc by Marc Jacobs striped top, Marc by Marc Jacobs fleece top (can you tell I LOVE Marc by Marc Jacobs already?), Zara faux fur gilet, Zara faux shearling jacket.
Vivienne Westhood hat, Chanel bag, Gucci bag, Dior East/West bag, Zara hat, Vuitton bag with Hermes scarf, Dior saddle bag.
Frye boots, Zara boots, Yves Saint Laurent boots, Dolce & Gabbana suede trainers, Pucci boots, Gucci trainers, Louis Vuitton low-cut boots.
More to follow later. I gotta sleep and get up in 3 hours!!!!
You know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Shu by Ai & Motorola Pebl
THANK GOD I DECIDED TO GO OUT LAST NIGHT, IN SPITE OF FEELING FEVERISH.
I finally got my influenza and pneumonia vaccinations done yesterday afternoon. Perhaps I developed some sort of tolerance… with needles… in the past year? The shots didn't hurt at all.
I mean, for god's sake, I had 20 shots done on each of my arm, not once, not twice, not thrice… but 4 or 5 times (that's cause I had lipodissolve twice)
I wouldn't be surprised if I conduct self-acupuncture soon.
What's crap though is the bulky feeling on my arm – they're BOTH sore.
These vaccines better work.
Anyway, armed with a slight fever and my Louis Vuitton Rabbit Scarf, I went to The Loft in Rockwell yesterday for the Shu Uemura, Motorola and Smart Infinity event.
UGH. I really think I should learn a new pose and a new facial expression. I don't want to be known as the boy with the same facial expression all the time.
Let's play pictionary then, shall we?
World’s Worst Traveller
I’ve been looking for a travel buddy for the past few months to no avail so I guess I’m destined to be travelling alone forever.
I am the epitome of the phrase "LONELY PLANET".
I think it has to do with the fact that I’m probably the world’s worst traveller.
- I never fly economy (unless it’s a 1-class flight i.e. those 45 minute domestic flights within the Philippines).
- I carry so much stuff with me (that I eventually don’t use) I just use it as an excuse to get my clothes dry cleaned and laundried by the maid.
- I carry so much stuff with me I usually end up shipping boxes upon boxes via Federal Express at the end of each journey.
- I spend far too much on excess luggage… enough to pay for a roundtrip, business class seat for all my suitcases.
- I almost never go to museums. Why go to huge halls filles with relics of the past when you can go to a well-lit shopping mall, be the emperor, and BUY new clothes (and shoes… and bags… and accessories…)?
- Soaking up local culture to me means getting drunk at the nearest nightclub and flirting with fellow tourists
- Mornings are for sleeping, Afternoons are for shopping, Evenings are for drink and dance.
- I don’t do public transport. Don’t expect me to take the subway.
- The longest distance that I’ll walk is 100 meters or 109 yards or 328 feet. Anything else beyond that figure requires me hailing a cab or hiring a driver via the hotel concierge. Where’s the glamour when I’ve got sweat beads on my forehead?
- Trying local cuisine means going to the nearest Japanese restaurant to order miso soup and mixed sushi.
- Sightseeing to me means going to the nearest Dior or Chanel boutique.
- I always lose maps, hotel keys and hotel address cards. In a span of 24 hours, I usually ask the hotel receptionist 5 copies of those credit-card sized plastic hotel keys.
- Wherever it is in the world, any hotel room (or suite) that I’ve stayed at should be declared as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Cleaning up the mess I leave requires miracles… it’s a test of human strength.
- My toiletries alone weigh more than 10 kilos. And no, I don’t use them all.
- Unlike my contemporaries who steal bath robes, towels and slippers, I never steal anything from hotels except those little tiny pads of stationery that they leave on your desk/bedside table – proof that I’m still a stationery kleptomaniac after all these years; I used to be the #1 thief of Sanrio stationeries and Lisa Frank stickers amongst my friends back when I was a infant.
- Not even a fire drill/fire alarm test can wake me up when I’m sleeping.
- I have this weird habit of bringing out everything inside my suitcases just to have an outfit for any particular day.
- Yes oh yes, even if that means unpacking everything on the floor only to spend more than 6 hours the following day to repack it all over again…
Now, now, all flaws aside… here are the reasons why I also qualify for the
World’s Best Travel Buddy
That’s not too bad isn’t it?
Bing Bing Beijing
I’ll be on top of this wall SOONER than you think. All I need is a damn driver (and a guide) to bring me from my hotel to the Great Wall.
I was supposed to go to Beijing a couple of months ago but I was sidetracked by all the shopping opportunities in Hong Kong.
This time however I’m on a mission.
I’m going straight to the heart of the Chinese capital… the heartland of 1 billion people… wonderful people with names and surnames that rhyme with all the sounds that emanate from a Szechuan frying pan: Tang, Ting, Tong, Tung. Mao, Ming, Mong, Mung.
I’ll only stay for 2 days so here’s what I planned on doing:
1. Visit Tian An Men Square
2. Visit Forbidden City
3. Visit Silk Alley and the Friendship Store
4. Visit Wangfuijing Street
5. Go shopping (fabrics, gems, presents and random knick-knacks, FUR and EXOTIC SKINS)
1. Visit Great Wall of China
2. Visit Summer Palace
I’ve spent far too many hours researching but I think the above should do it.
If you know any good-hearted people who live in Beijing who can show me around, please tell them to email me, firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’ll be on my own, all sad and alone.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Hong Kong, Santa Cruz, CA, Goleta, CA, Morristown, NJ, Austin, TX, Gilles Plains, South Australia, Pyrmont, NSW, Australia, Diamon Bar, California, McMahon Park, Singapore, Brimley, ONT, Canada, Melville, Saskatchewan, Canada, Copenhagen, Denmark, Malmo, Sweden, Neubiberg, Germany, students of Parsons School of Design, employees of Neiman Marcus in Post Oak Blvd, Houston, TX and of course, people from Yio Chu Kang, Singapore. Bryanboy loves you all you fuckin bitches!
#2 – The only thing that’s stopping me from buying this bag at eLuxury.com is the lack of time before it gets forwarded to me by my US office. I probably have left the country before it gets delivered to me. God knows whether LV Manila has this bag… The price ain’t that bad either… US$1,140!!! Oi vey!!!!
#3 – NOW THESE TWO GIRLS CAN GIVE ME A RUN FOR MY MONEY. Thanks girls for doin the infamous Bryanboy pose. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!
That’s the way to do it bitches! Put one hand on your waist/hip and the other one upwards.
Gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous.
#4 – Love is all around me!
Good afternoon minions. Damn pre-holiday
I’m not feeling well.
I got up this morning with a slight fever and cold – I shouldn’t have gone out on Saturday night.
I’m supposed to go to the hospital today to get my flu and pneumonia vaccinations done so I won’t be sick when I leave but the powers may be gave me a damn cold.
Syringes aside, I accomplished a lot today.
I started to pack my bags cause I’m leaving in a week’s time (TIME IS SOOO FUCKIN FAST!!!).
I won’t be back till around Christmas – celebrate Christmas at home, with the family, then New Year’s Eve with friends in Boracay (HANNAH I can’t WAIT TO SEE YOU BITCH).
When I went to Bangkok, Moscow and St. Petersburg, Russia last year, I brought 5 bags, appox. 95 kilos or over 146.3 pounds of luggage.
This year I want to keep my luggage at a bare minimum cause I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on excess baggash.
FYI to luggage nazis: I’m not one of those people who make sure their luggages match. I ensure I use a good ‘mix’ of luggage because of the fact that these things can be lost/stolen/damaged.
Each suitcase contains a different set of outfits and accessories, this way if one gets lost, I still have some sort of a head-to-toe ensemble on another case.
The only thing I’ll make an exception is my shoe/accessories bag – I usually allocate one more bag strictly for shoes and accessories – it’s the little square nylon Prada.
I packed half a case so far today… my Vuitton Damier Alzer.
What’s inside it?
McQueen Black Scarf, Zara Chocolate Scarf, Missoni Striped Cashmere Belt, Missoni Mohair Scarf, Hermes Bandana, Hermes Scarf, Louis Vuitton Denim-Print Silk Scard, Louis Vuitton Rabbit Fur Scarf, Marc by Marc Jacobs Diagonal Stripes Long-Sleeve Top, Gucci Purple Sheer Cotton Long Sleeve Top, Marc by Marc Jacobs Blue and Red Stripe with Dog Long-Sleeve Top, Dior Homme T-Shirt, Beige Zara Cotton V-neck Cardigan, 2 bangles from Urban Outfitters (black and purple), Mango crystal brooch (green) and Linda Farrow Gallery Sunglasses
Quite an accomplishment eh?
More updates to follow.
I need a shower; I smell like a goat.
Man, I have the WORST hangover ever.
I did a little "emergency" trip to my favourite club, Emba at around 1:30AM and got back before 6:30AM. Wore a black button-down shirt for the first time (in MONTHS!), striped Dolce & Gabbana trousers, Valentino belt, Frye boots and a wool Chanel bag.
I wish I took pictures but I left the damn camera in the car. Jenni E. looked ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS in her little orange number.
Believe it or not, I have remnants of vomit on my bedside table. The maid must have cleaned up my act while I was asleep.
I haven’t puked in the longest time.
I wish I knew how much I puked though.
I wish I puked all the junk food I had yesterday… but knowing my body, I probably vomitted gastric acid and excess saliva.
I spent 4 whole hours munching on junk food whilst watching Nip/Tuck on DVD yesterday. These 2 guys never cease to amaze me. If only our plastic surgeons are THAT good-looking and rich (ok, they’re not really good looking but they do have some sort of a sexual appeal), I’d be busy doing serious self-harm to get some car crash cosmetic surgery (and hopefully some fun fun sexual action) done.
Oh I am so bored out of my skull.
I just can’t wait to hop on a plane.
Let the countdown begin.
In less than 2 weeks I’ll be wearing my fall/winter regalia.
I **NEED** that mini winter wonderland holiday.
Screw everything at this point. I need a fucking vacation.
1 Month. 7 Countries.
I’ll be home before Christmas. ..
and then Boracay on New Year’s Eve.
I promised myself I’ll fill my 3rd passport with stamps before the year ends so I’ll have a new passport next year with a prettier photo. LOL
Next week is going to be busy; need to pick up my passport at an embassy cause they approved my visa… and then go to ANOTHER embassy the following morning for my appointment.
All these visa drama. Ugh.
Somebody just fucking give me a diplomatic or official passport already. Afterall, I’m doing a good job promoting the third world to the international community.
Sucky sucky 5 dolla, me love you long time 10 dolla, you pay 20 dolla I gib free roast duck!
Think about it – why the hell should we bring tourism into our country when the country can export the Department of Sex Trade and Beauty Industry (aka me) instead ???
Keep the Love Coming
See, even people who go to couples therapy loves Bryanboy.
Big shout out to both of these boys doing the infamous Bryanboy pose. First one’s from Greenwich, London, UK and the other one is from Singapore.
Keep the love coming.
Love comes in the form of imagery so it’s best to send your love via email – email@example.com.
Try to avoid "photoshopping" please.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Montpellier, France, Bedok Village, Singapore, Bangkok, Thailand, Reseda, CA, Jurong Town, Singapore, Souspierre, France, Helmond, Netherlands, Spearwood, WA and Box Hill & Ascot Vale VIC Australia and of course, people from Osaka, Japan! Bryanboy loves you all – identify yourselves bitches and say hello!
#2 – Take a look at Style.com’s top Spring/Summer 2006 models. They all have funny looking eyebrows.
#3 – Why does papaya have a weird aftertaste?
#4 – Can someone please tell me where I can buy high-quality but cheap fur jackets & coats/exotic animal skins/etc in Beijing?
#5 – I NEED A SUGAR DADDY TO SPOIL ME GOOD… SPOIL ME REALLY ROTTEN. PLEASE BE YOUNGER THAN 35, THANK YOU. AND YES, IT IS POSSIBLE TO CONCEIVE A CHILD AT 12 YEARS OF AGE.
#6 – Happy Birthday Astrud Crisologo!
#7 – THAT Embassy better approve my visa application. I OWN STOCK (AKA MINORITY SHAREHOLDER – I’M POOR) in one of their country’s BIGGEST companies.
#8 – Courtesy of MadeinBrazil.com – the New Gucci Boy (S/S 2006) is Michael Camiloto. Gorgeous son of a bitch eh?
Ugh. Enough male model fantasy.
Hannah Matronic, remember how I told you that we shouldn’t be fantasizing about male models (well, Filipino male models) because they’re poor, they’re dull, they’re poor, they have STDs, they’re poor, they shoved their cocks up some dirty old fag’s asshole, and best of all, they’re gonna end up as prostitutes in the future?
#9 – Danish government provide prostitutes for the disabled – at the taxpayers’ expense. Quick! Let’s all move to Copenhagen PRONTO!
#10 – I’d love to see someone with a low-hanging scrotum wear those denim shorts. Click here to see more from "Butch".
As always, you know where to contact me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Total Icon, Period.
I got this email yesterday and boy I was touched. Honestly, I don’t know how to feel…
Fuck, I really should learn how to receive compliments by now.
I know I’m flattered.
But in all seriousness, I think your days are numbered when someone starts calling you an icon.
It’s like receiving a lifetime achievement award when your career as an actress is over… thing is, I don’t even have a career… yet!
Screw acting though – I love my brown skin and my flat nose.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Spread the love and be fabulous… each and every one of you. Don’t be afraid to parade yourself to ridiculous extents because the only thing that matters at the end of the day is whether or not you had fun.
Even if you have to do this:
(It’s not yet too late to buy a copy of today’s Philipine Daily Inquirer. Great article by Tim Yap. Check out Super! Saturdays…)
Stay at Home Housewife
I was supposed to go out in the big, bad city yesterday night but I decided to catch up with my healthcare obligations.
I went to my aesthetician’s office yesterday evening and got the usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial and power peel sessions – I tortured my face over the past week and a half with everything under the sun.
Don’t I look
raw and vulnerable crap? No amount of concealer can hide those bags under my eyes.
Here’s another fugly picture of me.
BTW, both pics were taken AFTER my treatments, that’s why my face is all red and sore. Ugh!
I know what you’re thinking.
If I think I’m really fugly, then why do I bother posting my fugly pictures online.
Well, I think you’re right.
I’m fishing for compliments because I look like a fisherman’s friend.
I like to expose my flaws and insecurities so people will feel sorry and compliment me instead.
If they don’t compliment me and said bad stuff, I still have the upper hand cause I said it first and wallowed in self-pity.
Either way it’s a WIN-WIN.
Try it yourself.
Tell people you’re fugly, show them you’re insecure, show them your flaws.
If they say "No you’re not" then tell them "Thanks darling. You’re pretty too."
If people say you’re REALLY fugly then tell them "Oh I know, it’s nothing new."
That would shut them up for a while.
After my little trip to the aesthetician, my dad, mum and my sis had dinner at our local Korean.
I gave birth first thing in the morning to a 2-pound turd named "Monty the Python".
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Fayetteville, Arkansas, Jurong Town, Singapore, Kangkar, SIngapore, Stamford, CT, Plymouth, Michigan, Weston, ONT, Canada, Alpharetta, GA, Gainesville, FL, Melbourne, Australia, Rochester, NY, Hubbard, OR, East Greenbush, NY, Altoona, PA, Sheffield, UK, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, and of course, people from Helsinki, Finland.
#2 – Remember ladies, December 1st is the First Annual International Armpit Hair Shaving Day. Remind all the men in your life to shave their armpits because armpit hair is the root of all things evil.
#3 – I’m going to update my baby, InsideMyBag.com later today. Keep an eye out for fabulous bags.
#4 – Designer purses sale gets out of hand. "The sale was halted and the doors locked for hours after the crowd exploded in anger over the store’s attempt to manage the flow of nearly 1,000 customers who were hoping to get a deal on purses from designers such as Prada, Chanel and Gucci. The deputy on the scene said it was very unusual to see women fighting over purses."
All this drama at a place called "C-Mart" in Joppatown, Maryland, USA.
Thank god I buy my purses straight from the boutiques.
Imagine buying a Chanel at an outlet.
What would people say?
Third-party: "Nice Chanel darling"
Your response: "Thanks doll, it came from an outlet."
Third-party: "Eeew, Outlet Chanel."
Your response: "Cut me some slack bitch I won the war over 1,000 other women."
#5 – WHEN THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO HAVE DIOR IN THE PHILIPPINES????? Calling the attention of Store Specialists, Inc. Just bring Dior and make me bankrupt already.
#6 – I recently came across some cute old man online. I forgot his name, Robert something. I dunno, I suddenly shifted my taste from that of a twink to that one of an oldie. Seriously, I wouldn’t be caught dead with a dirty old prick but this guy is sort of a looker.
#7 – JANTHINA FONG et al, owner of half of Hong Kong, is this the guy you’ve been lusting about???
Sniff sniff, December 1st.
#8 – Manila’s premier, by appointment only, designer bag consignment resource has a blog. Check out http://tresormakati.blogspot.com.
As always, you know how to get hold of me. Bombard me with messages you fucking fools. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-7851492.