Happy Birthday Bryanboy.com!
Pop open your virtual Cristal and Clicquots bottles and greet my little website a jolly first birthday.
Believe it or not, over 2 million computers worlwide had a taste of my third world arrogance and pretentiousness over the past year.
Thank YOU… each and every one of YOU for spreading the word around.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you all!
Bring Out the Missoni!
Don’t you just love the rain?
Gray skies, a light breeze, H2O falling from the sky…it’s enough to justify cashmere, wool and mohair.
I don’t care if it’s 24 degrees celsius outside… that’s the closest thing we have to winter you bitches.
Screw Filipino people and their tacky nylon "windbreakers".
Ugh. Please, for the life of god, stop wearing such hideous garments.
Wear your nylon jackets, I’ll wear my cashmere, my wool and my mohair, thank you very much.
Fashion first before comfort.
I don’t care if I sweat inside as long as it’s not visible AND I look FUCKING fabulous on the outside.
(Don’t get me wrong – sweat is NEVER fabulous. A couple of sweat beads on your upper lip is enough to unglamourize an ensemble. Take it from experience. If you’ve got a sweaty upper lip, I’ve got a sweaty body – they don’t call me sweaty betty for nothing. The heat in this cesspit of a third world civilization is PURE torture, I’m telling you.)
The Missoni is gorgeous, non?
One last gorgeousness and I’m out.
I Have Seen the Future
… and all I can think of is the past and the present.
Meet Bryanboy’s borderline 80-something (or so she says, but we all know old women lie about their ages) grandma.
Images of liposuction and extreme plastic surgery pumped my scared mind.
I want to be as fabulou as Nan Kempner SANS liver spots, warts, wrinkles, veiny limbs, saggy skin, etc.
She’s spending the night over at our humble abode because my parents and some of my siblings went on a quick vacation. It’s just me, our maids and my grandma and her driver whos here in my house.
I went to Firma earlier, one of my favourite shops in Manila where they sell a wide variety of chic knick-knacks and bought this aquamarine-colored glass beaded necklace. I told her to try it on so I can take a picture of her.
Let’s just say I LOVE my grandma to BITS but that necklace would look FUCKING GOOD on me if I wore it with a plain white tank top and some jeans.
I love you nana!
Prima facie evidence that weight watchers (at least in the UK) is effective. Look at what "snuggles79" achieved in 9 months.
Visit his web page to see his photos:
I wonder if weight watchers can make me skinny, too.
Bryanboy Loves and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from
#2 – I went to Embassy #2 and it looks like my visa will be approved. Unless they see this cheesemax, feel guilty and deny me when I go back.
The good thing about their embassy is how they make sure your documents are in order BEFORE you pay for the visa fee at a bank – yes, they don’t accept payments right there at the embassy. You HAVE to WASTE A COUPLE OF HOURS to go to a bank just to pay for your applicaton. Their reasoning behind this red tape drama is how they WANT to view your documents first before they make you pay the fee. If you paid the fee, all you need to do is to come back (AGAIN) at the embassy, submit your payment receipt and your passport and off your passport goes so they can stamp the visa.
If they have a problem with your documents, they’ll see you home and ask you to comply with their guidelines (therefore you won’t have to pay for the fee) because your application will most likely be declined.
That’s the good thing about this embassy – I guess they’ll only make you pay if they know you’re gonna be approved and if not, then they won’t ask you to pay for the fee, unlike others.
Next step for me?
All I need to do is to come back on Monday, queue for 2 hours, hand them my proof of payment for the visa fee AND THEN wait for 10 "working days" for them to stick a damn stamp on my passport.
Thing is, I’m leaving on NOVEMBER 15th!
Here’s what boggles me even further.
Me: How long is your fastest processing time? I saw on your flyer that you have 3 working days processing (this is the one I had last year) and a next and same-day process.
Her: 10 days
(followed by her closing the door in front of my face)
HOW RUDE IS THAT?
See what I’m telling you about being the mercy of others? It’s a position I hate next to doggie style.
If I didn’t need anything from then I would’ve slapped and spat at her in the face, told her she’s as big as a fucking elephant and she smells like funeral flowers.
I have to play the nice and sweet "oh, ok" game.
Word of warning – I had a different consul this time compared to the one I had last year. My consul back then was a nice and accommodating lady.
This one though was the WORST and RUDEST consul I’ve met in my ENTIRE life. I wanted to ask her a few questions but she was dowright cold.
Anyway, I have a feeling the bitch wore vintage Dior.. Her jacket and skirt had "buckles" in various positions, like the hem of her skirt (diagonally). The print of her skirt suit was AWFUL though.
She really was a complete BITCH – I submitted 2 tourist visa applications because I wanted 2 "single-entry visas". I don’t a double-entry visa because according to their policy, their tourist visas are only limited to a 30 day max. I’m staying 3 weeks in her country, followed by 2 weeks of galoping around a couple more contries and finally, a week back again that rude evil troll’s country so I can take that famous train (or somethin) to yet another country. It’s the perfect journey for a lifetime!
But no, this bitch consul disregarded my 2nd applicaton for the 2nd leg of my trip and acted as if I didn’t submitted anything. She’ll only consider the first application.
I remember her telling me that she might give a double entry visa but I gotta do your 2nd entry within 30 days.
I DON’T WANT TO DO MY 2nd ENTRY IN 30 DAYS!
Sod it. I WANTED to explain how she was misundertsood (I explained my case eloquently) but the fat girl behind a counter probably couldn’t understand a word of english so I’ll chalk it down to experience.
These embassy people are fucking insensitive.
There you are, a legitimate tourist who will burn your money in their motherland, and then they’re acting all hoity toity in YOUR cuntry (no pun intended – I love my CUNTRY)… UGH!
I’m 100% sure these expats are the ones who leave supermarket carts in the parking lot.
Oh yes. Their faces look familiar.
YOU KNOW WHAT’S EVEN FUNNY?
Her country is one of the most powerful nations of the world but a TON of their citizens are dirt poor, just like Filipinos.
Thank god they don’t have street children though but they have the MOST number of heroin addicts in the world.
I won’t tell you what that country is.
Enough bitching with the embassies. You all probably have NO idea what I’m talking about anwyay, LOL!!!
Here’s my visa tally so far
Destination1 – Approved
Destination2 – Most Likely to be Approved if not Approved already. Problem lies in the delay as to when can I get my passport cause I’ll be submitting the visa fee receipt on Monday – it takes about 10 WORKING days from the payment of the fee for them to process my application… and I’m leaving on NOVEMBER 10!!!!!
Destination 3 – May not have time to apply for this one. I have an appoinment on Friday so I’ll ask whether they require my passport to be in their place as I apply for yet another visa on their embassy.
Destination 4 Nothing.. Absolutely nothin. I haven’t applied yet.
#4 – God I’m freaking out as I’m typing. I’m hallucinating and I can see people standing up, mingling, drinking etc at the corder of my eye. I think it’s the side effects of going for 2 days without sleep and downin a xanax.
#5 – If you’re living in the land of the bown, the natives and l’exotique, be sure to buy a copy of the Philippine Daily Inquirer tommorrow, Saturday. I’m THERE = and I want YOUR feeback.
I love you all!!! Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS: +63-915-785-149.
I’m NOT Happy…
at the moment, that is.
Sorry for the lack of updates – I’ve got sooo many things going on in my life.
I’ve NEVER been this stressed. EVER!
At least my skin’s good this week. NO breakouts whatsoever.
Blame it on the facial that I recently had. Har har.
I’ll give you drama.
1. My baby bitch (literally), Daria, is really sick. In fact, she’s been sick for the past 3 days. The vet said she’s got kidney and liver problems, according to her recent blood test. She hasn’t peed since yesterday (Wednesday) – I know my pooch, she’s the crown princess of all things related to urine but for some strange reason, she hasn’t peed at ALL recently. My maid brought her to the vet (again) as I’m writing this for another check-up cause her stomach is REALLY bloated. Poor Daria. hope she gets well soon. Thinking about her makes me want to cry – she brings so much life in this household!
2. Xerox is my best friend these days. You won’t believe the amount of time I’ve spent hanging out with the trusty old xerox machine – the paper cuts on my fingers are prima facie evidence that all I’ve been doing the past few days is handling paperwork.
The embassies do want everything. Income tax returns, business registration documents, bank statements (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PRODUCE BANK STATEMENTS WHEN 2 OF MY "DAY-TO-DAY" BANK ACCOUNTS… WELL, BANKS, DON’T EVEN SEND PRINTED STATEMENTS CAUSE I JUST VIEW MY TRANSACTIONS ONLINE??????? THANK GOD I HAVE THE ODD, PASSBOOK-BASED SAVINGS ACCOUNT HERE AND THERE AND I’LL JUST USE THAT INSTEAD), credit card statements, photocopies of all my passports’ stamps and visas, etc etc etc. I even asked my driver to fucking go to the National Statistics Office to get a CERTIFIED copy of my birth certificate printed on some fancy schmancy paper. I simply don’t get it – isn’t my passport and my gorgeous self enough to validate my existence?
Obviously not cause I’m a MODEL CITIZEN of the THIRD WORLD.
You gotta love bureaucracy and red tape baby.
3. I have 19 days before I leave good ol’ Manille for my winter escapade and I’ve only sorted out 1 visa so far. I need to get 3 more tourist visas to my destinations and I only have about 2 weeks LEFT!!!!!! God knows if I get my visas in time. I may have to do some begging (so they’ll process my visa applications FAST) at the embassy.
I doubt they’ll do it though. I’m Mrs. John L. Nobody.
OHHHHH I FUCKING hate it.
The worst position next to "doggie style" is that one of being at the mercy of others.
Will my fabulous looks (yuck – go on then – make faces) and fantastic charm work with my visa interview officers/consul people so that I can fulfill my fall/winter 2005 escapade and return before Christmas?
Ugh! Just tell me I don’t look like this guy/these people. (BTW, I got this pic as it is FROM google. search for "illegal immigrant". No offense to people of the coloured kind. Hello – I’m a certified gook! I know what it’s like to be on BROWN ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION)
These ones are courtesy of the BBC.
Where’s the fun in that?
The best part of travelling is going BACK HOME and all the PRETENTIOUS BRAGGING RIGHTS that come along with it. Let’s face it, anyone who fucking travels changes as soon as they get back.
"Oh darling, I went to so-and-so place, you have to go there!"
"OOOOOOOO The shopping is fantastic!"
"The food is to die for, you should go to so and so restaurant!"
"You have to see X, Y, Z"
Blah blah bullshit.
I love it though.
I’m guilty as charged.
I like to give myself a period of post-vacation bragging fun of about 2 weeks. Brag and blab to everyone I know – within a 2 week timeframe. Any bragging beyond those 2 weeks is pointless.
Funny I said that – I know of several people who keeps going on and on about where they went… even if the fact that the last time they went there was more than a DECADE ago.
Anyway, I’ll keep it "hush-hush" for now as to where I’m going.
I know I’m not supposed to buy plane tickets UNLESS the visas are approved but I’m an impatient mother fucker. I bought all my plane tickets, from one destination to the next, booked my hotels, etc. It will definitely help me budget. I know most fares go up at the last minute – it’s always better to book in advance. Besides, I *NEVER* fly economy. All my flights are on business and they’re fully changeable, refundable, etc. My losses, in the event I get denied, are gonna be miniscule.
Nevertheless, I’ll try my luck.
I mean, if I was meant to be denied, then I’ll be denied. If I was meant to be approved, then I’ll be approved. The world is such a huge place anyway. If I wasn’t meant to go to the places I want to go before Christmas, there’s always the mall.
I’ll update later. Promise.
(Afterall, it’s my blog’s 1 year ANNIVERSARY today.)
I love you all. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.