Note: My username at that damned SomethingAwful forums is bryanboy. KID KNEE BEAN YOU BITCH you can go to hell and lick my creampied cunt.
I AM THE EPITOME OF EVERYTHING THAT’S WRONG IN THIS SOCIETY. TO HELL WITH IT, AT LEAST I’M HAVING FUN. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh. My. God.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the voice messages y’all left me last night. People from Chicago, Cleveland, OH, Connecticut, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Panama City Beach, FL, Salt Lake City, UT, Los Angeles, CA, Washington, DC and Melbourne, Australia… you’re all GORGEOUS! I love each and every one of you.
If you haven’t done so, call my USA Voicemail and leave me a sweet message. Speak loud and clearly, with no background noise of any kind. Tell me your name, where you’re from, whether you love me or not and of course, the B-B-B-B-B word: BABOOSH!
The number to call is +1.206.339.3479.
I’ll post them all on my next podcast.
Speaking of which, Podcast #004 is now available. This podcast, along with all future podcasts, are available by SUBSCRIPTION only. You won’t be able to download them from this website or on iTunes. You’ll need to subscribe (FREE!) to my podcast list in order to download my little labor of audible love. To subscribe, visit the link below.
If you are a subscriber to "Greetings From The Third World", keep an out on your email account. A memo will arrive with a subject line that says "Podcast #004". In fact, you should have already received it by the time you see this post. If it’s not in your inbox, check your junk email/spam folders, otherwise, you’ll need to resubscribe.
I’d appreciate it if you don’t share the file download links to anyone. Tell them to go to the above link instead. This way, they’ll get all future broadcasts via email as soon as I release em.
I think that’s all for now. I’ll post a proper entry in a couple of hours. I need to use my home tv shopping ab thingie to get rid of my pregnant tummy.
Big shout out to Kristine from Maine. LOVE YOU sweetie!
I love you all as always. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
PPSS. Email me pictures of your love. I’ll let you touch my fanny if you do. Heck, I’ll even allow you and your best buddy tag team me and give me a double anal creampie.
AZNNNN FUCKIN PRIDE
Oh my god. You are so not gonna believe what I’ve gotten myself into these days.
I am sooooooooooo sorry for the lack of updates recently. My mother made me watch all these Korean DVDs and thanks to her, I’m totally hooked. I just finished watching the entire "My Name is Kim Sam Soon" set… all 9 DVDs of them.
I’m telling you… those Korean DVDs are evil. EVIL EVIL EVIL!
I bet my soul is burning in Seoul as I speak. All these Korea Korean nonsense DVDs are a threat to my fabulousness – I haven’t done anything productive in the past 2 days.
I don’t even know why I liked watching em. I laughed. I cried a little bit. I got pissed off. Heck, I could barely understand the English subtitles yet the damn soap was entertaining.
Someone please rescue me before I develop an intraracial obsession.
I’m seriously thinking of buying a plane ticket to Seoul and get myself a Korean loverboy. Those Korean guys are starting to grow on me. I think they’re lovely. A shitload of them look gay. Take that Hyun Bin guy (one of the lead characters in Kim Sam Soon) for instance. Man, he looks soo gay he’s soo cute.
Look at those nails!!!!! French tips! They’re SOOOOOOO FUCKIN GAYYYYYYYYY!!
THIS IS INSANE!!!!
I already feel dirty for googling him and search for his pictures.
Why oh why am I doing this? This is completely absurd and preposterous. This AZN obsession has to stop. Next thing you know, I’d be dancing to J-POP (Japanese Pop), wear Hello Kitty outfits and say SUPER KAWAIIIIIIIIIIII.
Besides, I don’t wanna end up with someone who looks like this.
Dirty dirty dirty.
You know what’s even funny? I’ve been having daily chat sessions with one of my long-time Mexican buddies, Mauricio, who is now in Madrid. We’re both having a little asian obsession right now. SOMEONE PLEASE TURN US INTO TAI-TAIS!!!!!!
mauricio: you got to fix me up with one of your rich asian friends
BryanBoy: they’re all straight and married hahahaha
mauricio: fuck dem asians
BryanBoy: exactly. we need aryans sweetie. think of the babies. mixed race babies are the chanel of babies
mauricio: i want asian, it’s easier, they’ll be all ooh and aah with my big eyes and my natural wavy hair, and my big dick cuz these are asian. everything is big to them.
mauricio: i love being un-PC
BryanBoy: look at friggin AZN pride. it’s like incest. it’s hard to penetrate asian society. no wonder everyone looks the same.
mauricio: but i look white. they love the white
BryanBoy: not the yellow ones babe. it’s the brownies who love the white. sucky sucky 5 dolla you love me long time 10 dolla. you gib 20 dolla i gib free tom yum
mauriciom: out of roast duck?
mauricio: dood, these brownies need to get with the program and give me money
mauriciom: i’m so going filipino hunting
BryanBoy: Come to the philippines. They’d LOOOVE you here. Flips love foreigners. you’d be soooo exotic here.
mauricio: maybe then i can be a tai tai
mauricio: i need a tagalog dictionary if i’m gonna successfully infiltrate filipino society
BryanBoy: hmm. you don’t need a dictionary babe. all you need to do is wave your exotic dick and speak the international language of love.
I don’t wanna be disowned by my own race. Being disowned by your friends and family is bad enough. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Get your Fendi B bags PRONTO! Just got a medium-sized canvas B-bag with the black patent and it’s gorgeous! I know I look rough and unshaven – I asked my maid Eunice to take these photos at 5:17AM earlier when I chatted to my buddy Mauricio in Madrid.
Norma Kamali for Everlast black cocoon cardigan, cheapo black tank top from god knows where, jeans by Cheap Monday, Fendi B bag, Dior sunglasses.
Large patent leather B bags run at US$2,000 while the medium-sized canvas bag with black patent leather buckles is set at US$1,430. Available at eLuxury.com, Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman and Fendi stores worldwide.
Kimora’s a Keeper
I’d like to say hello and give a big shout out to all the wonderful people from CRUNKTASTICAL (aka CRUNK + DISORDERLY). I love each and every one of you bitches. I’m glad to know that one of the hottest sites for African-American entertainment loves me.
Some of you think that I can give Kimora a run for her millions but in all seriousness, I’m just a little dirty middle class brown gook who lives in the cesspit of a fabulous land in the third world called the Philippines. If you can find me a sugar daddy, preferably with ill-gotten wealth (i.e. firearms business, drug dealing, stolen cars, insurance fraud, etc), no older than 35 with at least 9-figures worth in liquid assets and a 9-inch dick, please feel free to pass them my web address and tell me to contact me as soon as possible.
I’ve got no words to say. Kimora likes to soak her feet in champagne. That’s outrageous! I know good ol’ Kate Moss filled a tub with bubbly at one point but this is something else. Thanks for giving me a new photo to jack off to. A friend and I loved that ad campaign where she came out of a private jet. Kimora’s a keeper y’all!!
Visit Crunktastical at http://www.crunktastical.blogspot.com.
Her name is Jean Godfrey-June and she’s the Beauty Editor of Lucky Magazine.
Photo credit: New York Times
According to the her interview published at the New York Times, this v.v. Lucky lady gets anywhere between 50-250 product samples daily, along with fabulous items such as Pucci scarves, yoga mats and novelty chocolates. The article also mentioned how beauty editors (at least in the USA, don’t know elsewhere) also get Prada outfits, Cartier watches, free restaurant meals, press lunches at the Four Seasons, cosmetic treatments, exotic trips, free limo rides and trips to La Perla with $1,000 gift certificates etc. that sort of thing.
Click here to read the article.
I have one thing to say: HOLY FUCKING SHIYETTTTTT.
I am soooo fucking jealous.
I think I already wrote on a previous post that I read a British Vogue article about another beauty editor who literally filled her entire house with beauty products to the point where she stored hundred-dollar creams and potions in her kitchen cupboard.
Also, one of my good friends here in Manila told me how her car trunk was constantly filled with beauty products when she held the same position at one point.
Set it in stone bitches. One day I’m gonna have a job exactly like that.
Except I’d get free accessories. Lots and lots and lots and lots of free accessories.
Am I really the forbidden fruit? What do you think will it take for someone like you to love me?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m a bald, virgin vagina that belongs to an 11 year old named "Tiffany Tara". You know you want to love me but you can’t cause you’ve got yourself on a self-imposed restraining order. It’s forbidden. Very forbidden.
What’s up with all these white people sending tummy pictures? I WANT FACES GOD DAMMIT. Thanks for the love though ;)
As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
For the life of god, please be creative. I’ve been begging and begging and begging and begging for you people to go to the nearest fire or police station and get a bunch of macho, muscled men in uniform hold the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign. HAHAHAHAHA!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Conegliano, Italy, Eggenhof, Germany, Aalbeek, Netherlands, Mechelen, Begium, Helsinki, Finland, Gatineau, Quebec Canada, Diserd, Sweden, Oxton, UK, ozone Park, NY, Essendon, VIC Australia, Parow, South Africa, East Meadow, NY, Wirksworth, UK, Monrovia, CA, Kiel, Belgium, Solna Sweden, Lisbon, Portugal and of course, all the gorgeous guys and hot chicks from Orlando, FL. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Say hi, don’t be shy!
#2 – I love Kim Aviance. You have to watch this video. If Amanda Lepore is the world’s #1 transexual, Kim Aviance is the world’s best drag queen.
Click here to watch Kim Aviance at Amanda Lepore’s birthday.
My friend Mauricio told me that we should roll like Kim. I told him not with confetti but cold, hard cash or cocaine. Then he said, cocaine bricks and Harry Winston diamonds!!!
Imagine the show eh? I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!
#3 – I just checked my stats and I’m quite surprised how only 13% of my readership comes from the Philippines. Prime proof that my laughable presence is still relatively unknown in this country… Either that or more and more people from other countries are reading my blog therefore fucking up my Philippine-related statistics.
Believe it or not, I’d rather be unknown in my homeland so I can still keep this place as a safe haven of some sort. One must be insane for wanting to be a big fish in such a small pond.
#4 – I need a publicist. For free. Someone who can make me even famous in exchange for sexual favours. Someone like Eliot Mintz, who is Paris Hilton’s publicist, except cuter.
Shit, I can’t even believe I asked one of my friends whether he’s gay or not. My friend hasn’t even heard of him. I searched on google for his picture and found this.
I guess anyone who looks like a carrot standing next to Yoko Ono is gay. My friend told me he looks antique. HAHAHAHAH. I replied back telling him Eliot kinda looks like vintage Louis Vuitton steamer trunks pre-monogram era. Whatever, right? He’s still one of Hollywood’s most powerful publicists.
#5 – Speaking of Louis Vuitton, it’s been ages since I visited their website. I went there the other day and boy I had goosebumps watching (and listening to) the flash file intro. You have to see AND listen to it for yourself. Click here.
#6 – Man, Marc Jacobs is lookin really old these days. Marc having lunch with La Lohan.
#7 – Does anyone know who made the skinny jeans Nicole is wearing? I want them…
#8 – Keep an eye out on Gram shoes/sneakers. Gram is one of Sweden’s newest design exports. I really, really, really love those Swedes.
They even named their shoes based on the weight of the shoe themselves. Personally I like the high-cut sneaker in white denim.
#9 – Have you ever been harassed on the street? You have to check out this blog. It’s soooo hilarious. Women all over the place take pictures of their harassers and post them online.
Harassment is wrong, evil and dirty. But in all seriousness, if my harasser is cute, hot, rich and well-hung, I’d open my ass wide and give it to him with no restraint whatsoever.
I’m gonna stop myself from making comments about sexual harassment. I don’t wanna open a can-full of worms because at the end of the day, I’m still a perverted faggot.
I think that’s all for now. I REALLY have to work on my podcast and reply to all my emails.
I love each and every one of you. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.