Being Sick is NOT an Option.
Believe it or not, I’m still sick. I have the worst cough and colds EVER. My nose is sore and red from blowing all that snot. My unhealthy lifestyle is definitely taking its toll on my health: bing eating, lack of sleep, chain-smoking, booze, etc.
I was supposed to go to my doctor this afternoon for a quick check-up but I ended up pampering myself instead, after partying the other night at the Shu Uemura/Motorola event.
Isn’t it hilarious how I have my priorities fucked up? For instance, my sister and I spent the entire afternoon together. Getting a facial (plus a back massage, a manicure and a pedicure at my local nail place, Tips and Toes) is more important than getting a chest/lung x-ray and going to the doc.
3 women working on your body while you’re reading a magazine: bliss.
(Hat by Frankie Morello, sunglasses from Gucci, sneakers from Fendi, t-shirt from Dior Homme, shorts from Kenneth Cole, bag from Dior)
Why oh why am I doing this to myself? Is beauty worth sacrificing one’s health?
Obviously the answer is "NO" but I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say I’ll stop shooting heroin and turn myself into a vegan.
Is being beautiful healthy… or is being healthy beautiful?
I know I said this many, many times: I wanna be 75 years old and wear Oscar de la Renta. However, I’d be lucky to even reach 30 at the rate things are going in my personal life.
Fuck it. I really need to adapt some sort of a healthy lifestyle. You know… I gotta quit smoking, sleep at least 8 hours A DAY, eat sensibly, exercise and cut back on my alcohol consumption. Easy to say than done eh?
Afterall, I can’t afford to be sick. I have hot and horny boys all over the world I need to please sexually.
I love each and every one of you. Seriously. It takes a lot of balls to send "I Love Bryanboy" pics to planet earth’s favourite third world fag.
Can I just say that the last time I saw/touched/felt someone’s cock and balls was back on DECEMBER 27, 2005?
As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email firstname.lastname@example.org. NO photoshopped photos please.
I have to cut this entry short cause it’s 5:12AM and I have a flight to catch in a couple of hours. I haven’t even packed yet!!!!
I love you all. Email me or SMS +63-915-785-1492 and tell me you want to fuck my mangina.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Toxic Week Ahead
To cut this story short, take a peek on my PARTIAL to-do list for the week of March 27 – April 2, 2006.
My life is sooo boring and predictable it’s not even funny.
I hate having short attention span.
I think I need a breakthrough. I need to experience/do something NEW and something different.
It’s my party… and you may CRY if you want to.
Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers?
You wanna talk about mothers!
It’s mother time, okay!
Your mother’s so dumb she went to Dr Dre for a Pap smear!
"Something’s wrong, Dr Dre! My coochie’s doing a beatbox!"
I’ll see you all tonight! We’re gonna party till the cows come home.
Special thanks to Absolut for the lovely Absolut Raspberri. The Bryanboy Babooshtini (yes, I even have my own drink) won’t exist without it.
More to come later. I have a party to prepare for and it’s in 8 hours!
I love you all. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
I’m depressed and it’s my fucking birthday
I just turned 17 today 5 hours ago.
There’s definitely something in the air. I’ve been shopping (and eating) too much recently. You can usually tell I’m depressed when a) I’m gaining weight or b) I just added a ridiculous amount of new items to my wardrobe. It’s been proven that overeating and overshopping can make all my Academy Award-winning depression moments go away but this time I was wrong… I don’t mind being left bankrupt; I could always sell my ravaged rectum to a dirty old white guy and let his schlong hit my prostate for a couple of grand per hour. I just don’t want to be fat and that’s exactly where I’m heading.
Believe it or not, I managed to stay indoors over the weekend. It’s been quite awhile since I spent BOTH Friday and Saturday nights at my familia de horreur’s birdcage. I think it’s because of the fact that I got drunk on Tuesday and Wednesday last week. Oh well. At least I have bragging rights that *I* can stay at home on the weekends and I’m not really a party person.
Who am I fooling?
Anyway, I finally got hold of my new Fendi Spy bag.
I almost had a cardiac arrest when I opened the box… I (initially) got soooo disappointed with my Fendi Spy. It’s made out of Nappa leather and it’s supposed to be "metallic gold". It wasn’t even THAT metallic… it was gray! Pearlized gray! I called one of my bag hags and told her it felt as if it was made out of styrofoam and it looked like the stuff they use on car interiors.
I totally had a bitch fit so I decided to pop my Spy bag’s cherry. I gave it a spin around town on Friday afternoon. I went shopping. Yes, I fucking took that yellow brick road to Louis Vuitton. Satan made that house, I’m telling you. I could never, at least in this life, leave that bloody store empty-handed. Ok, I did once. With Mrs. T.
Anyway, it’s a serious disease. I made a personal pact that I will never set foot in that store this year and I’ve broken that promise many, many times. Heck, I even missed all of their events and parties in the past few months in order not to drop mad cash but here I am, back to my old habits again.
I really should stay away from Louis Vuitton. It’s driving me insane!!!
Heck, I was thinking of buying a fake LV bag, waltz inside Louis Vuitton’s premises, hit some random punter with my faux bag and finally get a restraining order that prohibits me from setting foot at LV for 1 year. I know I’m not the only one who wants to stay away from LV. Why isn’t there a support group for people like me?
Enough LV Madness.
Anyway, so yeah, I took my spy for a spin and I fell in LOVE with it. The bag is soo lightweight and it can hold a shitload of stuff. I wouldn’t mind using this bag in the event I turn into selling heroin for money. It’s such a gorgeous piece.
The bag is pretty much like a good friend that you fall in love with… over time. The more I use the bag, the more I like it.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Laughlin. NV, De Soto, KS. Elizabethtown, KY, Joliet, IL, Salt Lake City, UT, Rome, Italy, Wuhan, China, Grinnell, IA, Milan, Caavera, Andalucia Spain, Louisenruh, Bayern Germany, Chester, MD, Sesto, Sardegna Italy, Narva, Estonia, Bristol, United Kingdom and of course, all the fabulous people in San Francisco, CA. I love each and every one of you. Heck, you know I’d be more than happy to give you sexual favors of any kind. Say hi you fuckin cunts.
#2 – Don’t believe that whole "the best things in life are free" adage. Whoever invented that saying probably didn’t have access to Chanel or Hermès at that time. You know how I am… I substitute sex with Chanel, love with Vuitton and friendship with Dolce & Gabbana. This is how I managed to survive in the past 17 years. I’m kidding.
Here’s what I think: the best things in life are free AND EXPENSIVE. I had a 2-hour online chat fest with Mrs. T, who, by the way, is pretty much the only form of "support group" that I have at this time of the day (4AM), and she sent me a lovely birthday present… a gift that will give me nightmares for the rest of my life.
Being the pretentious gay twink that I am, I was gonna brag on how Mrs. T gave me a crocodile Kelly bag for my birthday until I read her note where it clearly indicated "Love this foto coz this foto is your gift from me".
Oooooh I am sooo fuckin envious. I’m gonna see you in designer hell Mrs. T.
Fuck it, I REALLY WANT A CROCODILE KELLY/BIRKIN BAG! That would be the best birthday present EVER!
#3 – Look at what I got as a birthday present over the weekend… a 3-month old baby!!! I’m thinking of good male names for a German Shepherd.
Sometime last year, my Miniature Pinscher baby, Daria, passed away due to some liver and kidney infection. She gave me a lot of love and affection in spite of having her for only a month. I still miss her though.
Hopefully my new baby will do the same.
Shit, hopefully my new baby give me my much-need masculinity and testosterone action I never had.
He’s sooo big and he’s sooo lovely! He needs to be thoroughly trained though. I’ll make sure I’ll take the extra mile just to take care of him.
#4 – Get your Hollywood trashtastic outfits ready cause we’re gonna party until the cows come home.
#5 – I think the best birthday present one can give to himself is the gift of good health. I need to stop smoking ASAP. I know I said I want to die ala Nan Kempner, complete with her couture and her portable oxygen tank. I want to take that back. I don’t want to die with a lung or heart disease. I want to die of old age.
#6 – I am sooo happy to know that I’m not the only one who is gaining weight these days.
#7 – Random Cheesemax on the net
- click here | L’Oreal Buys The Body Shop for $1 Billion. Holy fucking shit.
- click here | Someone please buy me this trunk as a birthday present
- click here | That gay Stephen Gately of Boyzone fame got married… to a man, of course
- click here | I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT BRITISH BOMBSHELL JORDAN SLUT GOT FEATURED IN VOGUE MAGAZINE
- click here | And I still can’t believe Perez got to hang out with La Lohan. Lucky git. Imagine me hanging out with John Galliano.
- click here | PARIS HILTON LEAVES STAVROS NIARCHOS FOR PARIS LATSIS.
I think that’s all for now. I’m gonna sleep in a bit cause I have to do some errands later today. It’s friggin 5:18AM and I need to be up before 12 noon.
As always, you know where to contact me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
It’s my 17th birthday today god dammit. Don’t be a cheapskate and buy me presents. Email me and I’ll tell you where to send them.
It’s my special day so you better buy me something nice.
Never forget: the best things in life are free and expensive.
I love you all.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
You Give Love a Bad Name
Shot through the heart and you’re to blame. You give love a bad name. I play my part and you play your game. You give love a bad name.
From San Diego, California and Paris, France to right here in the heartlands of the third world, fawning fuckwits all over the world are sending photos of their love to me, planet earth’s favourite third world fag and the crown princess of pretentious people everywhere.
Keep them coming bitches. As always, you know where to send them. Email email@example.com. You know I love you all and I’d be more than happy to give sexual favours anytime, day or night, winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there oh yes I will, you’ve got whore.
I Look Sooo Fucking Healthy
Those pesky paparazzi (hah!) won’t stop following me. They should know that Fridays are big errand days and I have no choice but to dress down. I went to The Coffee Bean earlier, followed by a quick trip to Rustan’s (my fave third world department store) to stock up on cosmetics and fragrance. I also went to the supermarket with Eunice, our maid, had dinner at a Chinese place and last, but not the least, got my usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial and microdermabrasion/power peel session at my dermatologist’s. Let’s play pictionary, shall we?
Looking at those pictures, I have to say that I have NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER, looked so healthy in my entire life. I look so obese! I’ve got sooo much FLESH, FLAB and CREASES. It really is not funny anymore.
I don’t care about other people so please spare me from that whole "if you’re fat then I must be a beached whale" tirade. It’s ME that’s the problem. I eat far too much and I just can’t stop. I think this is karma for giving my younger brother a hard time for being obese. I’m telling you, in spite of the all the abuse I gave him over the years, he’s still fat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid.
I was supposed to finish my article for shopping magazine (Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Just Shop) early this evening but I was busy shoving Chinese food down my throat.
Enough ranting. Moving on…
Oversized black men’s tank top (size small) by Ann Demeulemeester, men’s vest by Dsquared, jeans by Acne, bag by Hermes, necklace by H&M, boots by Fruit.
Isn’t it amazing how I’m wearing men’s clothes (I said clothes, not accessories) yet I effotlessly make them look as if they came from the women’s section?
Bah! I’m really fed up of people thinking I’m a trannie.
I only have 2 things to say…
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Honolulu, HI, Petrie, QLD Australia, Elsternwick East, VIC Australia, Bolton, ONT Canada, Lima, Peru, Shanghai, China, Wahroonga, NSW Australia, Nordstemmen, Germany, Hanoi, Vietnam, Tampa, FL, Ashburn, VA, River Forest, IL and of course, people from San Jose, CA. I love each and every one of you, I swear.
#2 – This is exactly why I **LOVE** Mary Kate. Nobody else in this planet can pull off the "I’m-a-little-girl-playing-dress-up-with-mommy’s-clothes" look other than the Olsens. Check out the coat and the shoes. I love it.
#3 – It looks like Dior’s Gaucho bag is here to stay. There’s snakeskin… and lizard (?) for fall/winter 06/07. Hmmm… believe it or not, I haven’t really seen any celebs carry the Gaucho yet.
Me likey likey the croc version!!! I think it’s beautiful. Me needy needy rich sugar daddy now.
#4 – Here’s my beauty loot for the day. I bought 2 fragrances: L’Artisan Parfumeur – Jour de Fete and Annick Goutal – Mandragore. I also picked up Dior Addict Ultra Gloss Pearl Shine Collection lip gloss in radiant gold and iridescent pink, Chanel cristalle lip gloss in vanilla dream, Lancome Juicy Tubes, Clarins self-tanning gel, Citre Shine hair straightening balm and pomade. This is why I love buying beauty products… they always give you freebies. I got this Dior cosmetic bag with samplers as well as this huge straw (?) clutch.
I just realized, why am I paying for beauty products?
Those damn beauty editors of magazines have it lucky. I bet you they get all of this stuff for free. I once read an article on British Vogue about this British Beauty Editor and her house was literally filled with cosmetics and toiletries, including her kitchen cupboard!
One of my good friends used to be a beauty editor and she told me that her car trunk was constantly filled with goodies back when she held her position at the magazine.
#5 – URGENT NOTICE: I got an email or two from some of my friends telling me that I recently sent them a file that is infected by a virus/worm. God knows who else might have gotten such emails.
FYI: IT’S NOT ME WHO DID IT!!!! Someone’s computer (with both of OUR email addresses) got infected and the worm is using random email addresses to send the virus to other people.
For instance, the email I got said the virus is called "W32/MyDoom-Gen". I went to Symantec’s website (Norton Anti-Virus) to know more about it and they said the virus is a mass-mailing worm that sends itself to the email addresses found on a compromised computer.
I recommend that you update your computer’s ANTI-VIRUS software with the latest virus definitions. I know I’ve got mine on auto-update.
6. Miscellaneous Cheesemax from the net
- click here | Kim Basinger for Miu Miu
- click here | Missoni to open its first hotel in Edinburgh, Scotland
7. OH MY GOD I’M A CELEBRITY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You know you’re a celebrity when people start asking autographs and pictures of you.
Well, I went to my favourite cafe on Tuesday afternoon and several people (ok, 4 people total LOL) asked to take pictures of/with me.
I’m telling you, I fucking love it. It’s soooo hilarious!
Shit, I’m not even famous!!!!
When someone asks to take a photo with me, I’d be more than happy to oblige. Pictures are pictures. I’m probably the BIGGEST camwhore in the world. Nobody took pictures of me when I was a child (yeah right) and it’s only until now that I’m airing out my frustrations…
Anyway, one of the folks who approached me and asked whether he can take a photo of me or not was this guy. I think his name is Erwin. He’s such a sweet fellow.
(Translation: I saw Bryan at M Cafe and of course, I didn’t pass the opportunity to take a picture of him with me. I’m really a big fan of him and his blog. All I can say is he is so sweet. When we approached him, oh my god, I looked like a PA/Personal assistant. His aura is really different. Oh my god, as in! I love Bryanboy)
I told him of course he can take photos of me and he shouldn’t be silly. His friend then told him something like "see, I told you he’s nice".
DO I LOOK AS IF I’M SOMEONE WHO BITES?
I’M NOT A SNOB YA KNOW!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
KEEP IN MIND I WAS A FUCKIN LONER WHEN I WAS GROWING UP. NOBODY GAVE ME ATTENTION WHEN I WAS YOUNG!
I want to be just like this prostitute. Hell yeah why not? There’s nothing wrong with being an attention whore!!!!!
I love it. I really do.
I think that’s it for now. More updates coming soon.
I love each and every one of you. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Paris <3 Bryanboy
Lookie lookie at what I found earlier at CelebWorld. Paris and I have the same Marc Jacobs Collection bag except mine is black.
And I love that pic of her doing the infamous bryanboy pose.
Yes, I know she’s about to put her bag on top of her Bentley (?) Maserati (?) but who cares.
Eat your heart out.
Hahahahah! I’ll update in a bit.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
If Looks Could Kill…
I can’t even remember as to when exactly I last bitched about someone I really, really despise but here goes…
Before I do so, let me just say that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You know me… I just don’t have any shame sometimes.
In spite of whatever bitching that you see here, keep in mind that I’m a REALLY nice and sweet person. Promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a heroin syringe (hell, morphine is good, too) in my eye… but since I’m immortal, it’s pretty much impossible to erase me from the face of this planet.
Now… meet Mr. Daniel Ondiz. He’s this mongrel who lives in the UK who troll every single post I make in some online internet forum. He’s half Filipino, half something something. Whatever. All roads lead to perdition but for some strange reason, he ended up somewhere in bumfuck Scotland. I assume his reformed prostitute mother married some sad git.
Bitch had the nerve to call me ugly.
Now I generally don’t have a problem with that. Hello, it’s a known fact that I have a face only a biological mother can love but when that statement is coming from someone who looks like a complete turd and then saying he’s gorgeous and I’m not, then that’s where the problem starts.
That Daniel made me choke on my own vomit when I saw one of his recent pics.
It’s not even funny.
Shit, I am so glad he’s gay. I have absolutely no words as to what his offspring would be like. I know any of my future offspring can give Saffie Monsoon a run for her money.
Looking at his photo will make ANYONE in this god damn planet feel BETTER about themselves.
Ooooooh I really despise him. He’s such an asshole.
I even asked one of my best, best friends the first thing that came to his mind when I showed him his photo.
Life is beautiful my friend. Sadly, not this guy’s.
I’m gorgeous, you’re ugly INDEED.
Whew. Now that has been said, I’d like to thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. This is exactly why I love my blog. This little narcissistic shrine of mine is sooo therapeutic, it’s better than seeing my shrink.
You see, I have the option to either:
a) keep all my derogatory thoughts about him to myself and be insane for the rest of my life or
b) cleanse my mind, body and soul by purging all my dirty sins in the form of a blog post no matter how defamatory it may be.
I’d rather choose the latter…
I have to be TRUE to myself you know. They don’t call me the big brown bitch from hell for nothing.
Phone Fun with Bryanboy
Wait a sec.
Save your sanctimonious sermons. Before you castigate me and tell me I’m ugly too (so I don’t have the right to criticize satan’s spawn)
Well guess what? Even if Natasha Poly and Gemma Ward is one (very tiny) notch prettier than me, I do have the right.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think he’s ugly. Hahahahaha!
REPEAT AFTER ME: IT’S NOT A SIN TO MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. IT’S NOT A SIN TO MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.
We’re all gonna burn in hell anyway so why should we deprive ourselves of some good ol’ fun?
This is EXACTLY why I love posting my phone number online. It’s little (priceless) moments like these that make life worth living.
Random stranger called my number earlier this morning and hung up. He did one of those "missed call" things and expected me to call him back.
I sent him a message telling him I don’t call strangers who are not on my contact list.
A couple of hours later, random stranger calls again. Read the rest of the messages.
I also sent him/her a followup message 30 minutes later that said "Well?????".
Message #36 is the last message I got. I think I scared him/her away.
Thanks for giving me a good laugh. That really made my night. I was sooo bored earlier and I needed something to make me smile.
Sweet Scent of Logo-Free Success
I had a blast Friday last week. Definitely one of the best nights I’ve ever had in this town… and I managed it without a single logo in sight. You know how I’m trying to avoid anything that’s got a logo this year, whether it’s LV, interlocking CCs, Dior, etc.
After several months of planning, a good friend and I finally had a dinner date. She brought me to a French restaurant called "Je Suis Gourmand".
Words cannot describe how wonderful the food was. The foie gras and white asparagus was TO DIE FOR. My steak was fabulous. Each course is rich and scrumptious… perfection! Heck, it’s been 6 days already and I’m STILL bloated from all that food intake last Friday.
For your reference, a 3-course meal for 2 plus several glasses of white wine will set you back about US$85. It’s MONEY well-spent. Trust me on this one.
Je Suis Gourmand is located at GF Net1 Center Bldg., Fort Bonifacio, beside Neo Spa and BPI. Phone number is +63.2.815.8801.
Apres-dinner, my friend Ianne and I went to this bar called "Luce" to celebrate an acquaintance’s birthday party.
Top by Marc by Marc Jacobs, belt and tie by Topshop, pin by Versace, handbag by Marc Jacobs Collection, jeans by Cheap Monday.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Eindhoven, Noord-Brabant Holland, Riga, Latvia, Manchester, UK, Langley, BC Canada, Champigny-sur-Marne, France, Hung Hom, HK, Rome, Italy, Ostrava, Moravskoslezsky Kraj Czech Republic, Visaginas, Lithuania and of course, all the beautiful people of Rio De Janeiro, Brazil! I love each and every one of you… say hi, mother fuckers!
#2 – Courtesy of one of the gayest blogs evar, Towleroad.com, Karl Lagerfeld appears to have a gorgeous friend.
I WANNA GET A CHIN AUGMENTATION PROCEDURE DONE. NOW!
#3 – An urgent cry for help. Can someone please watch/listen to this video and tell me the name of the track that’s being played around the middle to the end of the clip? It’s the track where all the gorgeous are mincing on the runway and where Zac is being interviewed. I think the song is either spanish or italian. I’m not sure.
Click here to watch the video
All I know is that "na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na" thing got me obsessed. I downloaded a copy of that video on my video ipod and had the thing run on my speakers for HOURS!!!
Believe it or not, for the very first time in my life, I’m lusting over Zac Posen. Not his clothes, silly, but him and his slimy, dirty looks. I think he’s kinda hot. For some strange reason, he’s got this weird sex appeal, thanks to that video. I can totally envision him giving it to me hard up my bum. Curly hair and all.
#4 – I love it when people do the infamous Bryanboy handbag pose. Be creative! Be spontaneous! In fact, get the best muscle mary you can find, strip him naked, cover his crotch with an "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign and get him to smile for the camera.
Big shout to all my fabulous lovers (and posers) below…
Kudos to Diesel @ Poochnation.com.au. Diesel is soooo cute!!!!!!!! I’ll definitely pay him a visit if ever I get my ass down to Melbourne, Australia.
As always, you know how to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.