|You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish
|You are pretty evenly split down the middle – a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don’t actively fight them. You’re just you. You don’t try to be what people expect you to be.
70%! That’s fuckin bollocks!
Maybe there’s a real man hidden underneath the handbags, the lip gloss, the in-your-face camping tents?
I mean, we all know that I don’t have a single ounce of masculinity in my body. I simply cannot act straight even if it were the last thing to save my life.
Like what I said before, I am so fucking gay that even gay guys are scared of me… and I’m NOT even gay!
It really is THAT bad.
What’s worse though is the fact that the only boys who probably like me are fuckin guys who think I’m a woman at first glance.
I’m not EVEN a TRANNIE for god’s sake. I don’t think of myself as a trannie or a ladyboy.
I’m just a fat boy who likes handbags, lip gloss, campy things, fur, jewelry, diamonds, accessories and other colourful stuff.
That doesn’t mean I think of myself as a girl though. I’m sure of one thing – you’ll never see me wear a dress, a bra, a wig, some panties and stillettos anytime soon. Ick, ick, ick.
I’ll never forget the time when I went to Bali when I was like 17 or something. I was dancing on some ledge in a club and then some white trash 20-something lifted the trousers I was wearing to see whether or not I’ve got hair on my leg because he couldn’t believe I’m a boy.
It really was a miracle, IN SPITE of sweat, makeup and all, for me to achieve a straight face err straightish self at that mini-photo shoot yesterday.
I’m telling you, this picture is probably the CLOSEST thing I’ll get to straight acting.
Go on. Feel free to have a laugh at MY expense.
I think I know what it was – the shoot was held in one of the most hardcore Catholic, all-male schools in the
third world country, Don Bosco school. One of my mum’s cousins went to the same school although a different branch. Yep, Uncle Charlie… that’s his name.
It was fascinating indeed! Giles (who is oh-so-adorable) and I even chuckled when we saw a group of really camp (and young) boys having lunch.
(god my face is HUGE!!!)
Keep an eye out for the Philippine Daily Inquirer in the next few weeks for the entire set of photos – if they publish it, of course.I’ll scan the pictures when they get published. I think there were 6 outfits; I won’t publish any other photos because I don’t want to preempt the article. Hello confidentiality!
Clothes were made by Vurve Clothing Co. Eyewear by Yves Saint Laurent.
Twinkle Twinkle Travel
I’ve been awfully busy this week planning and preparing my Fall/Winter ’05 escapade. I’ve decided to go to China (Beijing) and Russia (Moscow) next month. I already bought my plane tickets and booked my accommodations. My travel agent has my passport because they’re processing my Chinese Visa application. Hopefully I’ll get it back soon so I can start working on the Russian side.
By the meantime, I’m still thinking whether or not to go to Estonia AND/OR Latvia. The Latvian Embassies that I called said that they’ll only accept visa appliations in-person and not via courier. I called the Latvian Embassy in Moscow and they said that they can process my visa over there.
Oh I don’t know. I know myself though – remember how I’m supposed to go to Beijing/Shanghai back in August but me and my gal pal Tina only ended up splurging our hearts out in Hong Kong? Once I’m in a certain city, all I’m gonna end up doing is procrastinate/party/shop/party/shop.
We’ll see how it goes in the next few weeks. I think I’ve got a little over a month before I’ll leave anyway.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Leaside, Ontario, Canada, Raleigh, NC, Tavares, FL, De Banken, Holland, Santiago, Chile (that’s a new one – I love you all over there!), Jamaica, NY, Houston, TX, East Lansing, MI, East Elmhurst, NY and of course, Merredin, Western Australia. Everyone get down to your knees, worship the ground I’m standing on. Identify yourselves bitches and say hi to me – I don’t bite!
#2 – So many events, so little time. I’ve decided to stay home this week.
#3 – I have a couple new crushes and I’m not telling you who they are. My sewage-worthy potty mouth have sent me far too many roundtrip tickets to HELL in the past.
The best thing about all my previous crushes is the fact that they’re ALWAYS unattainable
(in other words, the chances of them going for me is pretty much NONEXISTENT), which makes it even more exciting because they remain what they are – crushes.
#4 – Bryanboy loves Susan.. and her lips. No, erase that. I like the cash. I like them all!
#5 – Oh fuck it. Fuck being straight-acting. I’m telling y’all, my Birkin bag will definitely go with me to my grave… unless of course I hoard MORE Birkin bags before I die. Yes, I know I’m pathetic for bragging just one Birkin bag when there are probably a ton other botoxed matrons who have them in all sorts of colours, leathers etc.
Nevertheless, a trophy is still a trophy. And for a lower middle-class pretentious parrot like myself, a trophy doesn’t come often.
As always, you know where to contact me – email@example.com or SMS +63-915-7851492.
Anna Oh Anna
The picture says it all.
U.S. Vogue editor Anna Wintour reacts after having a pie thrown at her face on her way to the Chloe show at Jardin des Tuileries in Paris October 8, 2005 as part of the Spring/Summer 2006 ready-to-wear fashion collection. Wintour had a pie thrown at her by a PETA supporter protesting against the promotion of fur in the magazine. Photo and text courtesy of REUTERS/Handout
Went to Celine’s birthday party on Saturday and boy it was fun!
I know my outfit sucked – I literally didn’t have anything to wear. I swear to god, I need to catch up on my shopping otherwise I’d be paralyzed in the next few weeks.
Saw everyone from A to, well, A. They’ve closed down the vip area strictly to those who were invited. It’s refreshing to see the "room-with-the-pink-walls-and-yellow-floors" filled with no other than beautiful people and sheer immortals, especially on a Saturday night.
(happy, happy birthday babe!)
Bryanboy loves people from Moscow, Russia, Staten Island, NY, Atlanta, GA, Plymouth, Michigan, Braslia, Brazil, Merrick, NY, Sacramento, CA, Concord, NC, Seattle, WA, Arlington, TX, Noxen, PA, Mlarhjden, Sweden and of course, people from Ringgold, GA. Bryanboy loves y’all!
More updates later. I gotta get my ass ready. I have another photo shoot to do later today and the call-time is in 2 hours.
Oh fuck it.
I was planning to do a big bang party for Kelly and her offspring yesterday but my sister had to go to the Emergency Room at the hospital for severe cramps.
Family comes first you know (alright, Hermes comes first before Family but you know what I mean) so I had to drop by and visit her.
Thank god she’s alright. She got confined for a day and we picked her up earlier this afternoon. The doctors thought she had appendicitis (sp?); one check-up with the OB-GYNE (sp?) and it’s just cramps/hormonal imbalance. *whew*. I love my sister to bits. Even if she’s the evil bitch troll from hell.
Thank god I’m not a woman.
God knows what she had for painkillers though. Seriously, that lucky bitch must have been in heaven, with her painkillers being dripped via IV/dextrose.
I was about 15 minutes late from my shoot yesterday for Fudge Magazine because of the damn traffic and when I got to the studio, we needed more clothes and accessories so I sent my maid and my driver back home to fetch more stuff.
The shoot went well; I ended up eating pizza – I know, I know, I’ve been trying to combat hunger these days by abusing Xanax – a pill and a half makes the hunger go away. Unfortunately, I’m too old to purge, purge, purge and I’m even older to have an eating disorder. I’m not Karen Carpenter you know. I’d rather accept myself despite of being too plump already. I mean, I’m the one responsible why I’m curvy anyway; I love food!
You guys have got to see the photos. I won’t go into detail (hello confidentiality) so y’all gotta either a) buy a copy of Fudge Magazine, November 2005 issue and/or b) wait until next month when I get my own copy and I’ll scan the pictures and post them here. Obviously I recommend that you go for option A… but sadly, most of you aren’t from the land of the brown, the l’exotique and the natives aka Filifuckingppines
Return of the MatronAirs
Not too long ago, I wrote a piece about my experience with MatronAirs at my aesthetician’s clinic. Well, a fan sent me the ultimate North American MatronAir. Meet MatronAir Force Starr Jones.
Louis Vuitton handbag and wallet, Dior Sunglasses, Gucci reading glasses, nasal spray, marlboro lights, Hermes bracelet, mirror, Motorola phones
You people really know how to make one’s day, don’t you?
Keep the love coming! Be creative! Be spontaneous
What’s stopping you from showing your unconditional, undying love to me? If little toddlers can carry Versace bags and dress up in heels, why can’t you?
I need people of the vaginal kind to send me pictures of love and adoration. Just because each and everyone of you LITERALLY don’t have balls it doesn’t mean you FIGURATIVELY don’t have balls.
Stop procrastinating bitches! Send your love to firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
There’s even a small mini Bryanboy-look-alike contest someobody did in their office here in the Philippines. Separate at birth? You decide.
Check out some this photo album of my fans in Singapore.
I love my Singaporean fans. Love Love Love you all! I know NOBODY can emulate me beeeeeetches, I give them A++++ for trying though. A++++ for Effort. Even if there’s a pizza hut on the background…and god knows whatever handbag that is he’s holding. Yeah, yeah, I’m flattered. =)
All these Singapore craziness is inspired by this photo, of course.
My god, look how influential one picture can be!!!! Amazing eh?
It’s NICE to try hard. It’s even NICER to try harder. But nothing can beat the one who tried the HARDEST. If everyone put some effort on everything that they do, the world will become a better place.
Go on then. I invite you to take a shot at your best Bryanboy pose and send me a photo. I’ll give you an oreo cookie and a kiss on the cheek email@example.com.
No, not the Harry Winston kind.
Looks like I’m back on my little showbiz trash mag obsession again.
I bought 2 issues of People magazine at the hospital shop earlier and boy oh boy we’re in for a treat.
It’s amazing how he turned out to be this boylet of a man after all these years.
Look at that William person – he’s balding, he’s got rabbit teeth and he’s just icky.
Harry on the other hand…
(Note: I know my DAD reads my blog. Bah!)
Let’s just say…. Harry oh Harry…
WE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE you.
What’s wrong with a little fantasy anyway?
Single-mother Kelly van der Birkinson is thrilled to announce the arrival of her first children, Daria van der Birkinson (miniature pinscher) and Louis Vuitton Monogram Waltz/Macha bag.
Thank you very much to those of you who joined the contest. I’ve received dozens upon dozens of entries
Contrary to what people think, no, it’s not a Fendi Spy Bag, a Chloe Paddington Bag, a "high-end" designer chain, a pair of shoes, an ostrich Kelly bag, a black patent leather Prada handbag, 2 male chicks or an iPod Nano.
Kristy from Washington D.C. even thought Kelly’s gonna give birth to a pair of kangaroos!
Oi vey! As much as Kelly loves group sex and getting gangbanged, her eggs aren’t capable of carrying such enormous offspring.
If there’s anything that should benefit from kangaroos… or from the land of kangaroos down under, that would be me – and it better include hot sex with the hundreds of thousands of 18-30 year old fit, tanned and delicious surfer boys that populate their land.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
‘#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Lindfield, NSW, Australia, Lyon, France, Oslo, Norway, Lavrune, France, Rovaniemi, Finland, Zurich, Switzerland and of course, people from Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Bryanboy loves y’all – identify yourselves bitches and say hello!
#2 – Boy George busted and arrested for Kate Moss possession. Citizens of the world you’ve been warned. Please be careful where you stash your fine South American powder. It’s not right to keep your bag near your computer.
#3 – Someone from Salt Lake City, Utah, land of the Mormons and the 2002 Winter Oympics, sent me a picture of his crotch using his work email address. He works for one of the city’s newspapers as an ad executive. Gotta love media and press people baby, some of them are just downright HORNY. Bryanboy loves you too, however, please send a picture of your face cause your crotch looks like any other crotch – is that Hanes or Fruit of the Loom?
#4 – A big, big, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday to ____. I wish you good health, genuine happiness and the very best. I know it’s not often that we see each other but there’s just something special whenever we’re together. I’ll keep it short – I’ll ALWAYS be here whenever you need me.
#5 – Keep an eye out everyone for a rather sentimental post tomorrow. I’ll talk about blessings, friendships and of course, Chanel lip gloss!
As always, you know where to contact me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org with messages of love, hate and luxury. SMS +63-915-785-1492.
(I’m the only one who’s not pretty. I look terrible that night. *sigh*)
There’s definitely something odd going on.
I left the house at around 9:30PM on a Wednesday night and I got
back home at 9:30AM on Thursday. That’s about 12 hours of pure
I slept at around 12:00Noon, only to wake up at 9:30PM after nine hours and 30 minutes of sleep yesterday.
What’s up with the nine-thirty? Is 9-30 the new 7-11? Should I buy lotto tickets with these numbers?
I started my night by going to Bizu to meet Tina T. who I haven’t
seen in the longest time; in fact, she was the reason why I decided to
go out today. I’ve been out of circulation the past week or two because
of my colds/cough. I was introduced to one of her childhood/best
friends. I hope she gets a Louis Vuitton Suhali bag — in blue!
When Pepper arrived, we went to Nuvo (a bar/restaurant located at Greenbelt) for a couple of drinks, met quite a few people.
Stayed there till about 1:30AM or so before heading to the VIP room
at Embassy, drank for a bit, got my YSL shoes stepped on, stepped on
other people’s toes,
Après-Embajada, Celine, Ianne, another gent and moi went to Jacques’
house for more vodka and orange fun. It’s all good and i had so much
fun. It’s one of those times when you want the night to last forever…
but you have to go early cause your evil bitch troll
sister-cum-cinderella-pumpkin-wagon-driver, your maid and your 3-month
old bitch is waiting for you inside the car, nagging on your cellphone that you have to go back home.
Desire is the ultimate necessity INDEED!
Jenni Epperson, shopping queen of the land of the brown, the l’exotiques and the natives, famous for her good finds and shopping skills par excellance, Creative Director of Just Shop magazine, and of course, the one who took memorable and unforgettabe pictures of me looking like a bloody lampshade, notified me recently that the teaser ad… and this month’s "Just Shop" magazine is availabe today!
(Click the graphic above for a larger version)
If you are FIili-flippin Filipino and you live in the CAPITAL of the land of the brown, the l’exotique and the natives (also known as Manila), be sure to get hold of "Just Shop", October Issue. I have a piece there about a mini shopping guide to some of the Metro Mall-ila’s malls.
Ya gotta love Erickson Beamon, bebe. I bought a fancy schmancy bracelet with colourful stones the other day at one of my fave shops here in Manila called Firma. It’s a little gem of a store filled with some of the most faBulous (with a capital B) finds ever — feathered fans, semi-precious stones, exotic (and the perennial matronic beaded) handbags, jewels and various accessories. They also have home furnishings!
I was supposed to get one of those US$150 faux-bling-bling watches but I opted for this bracelet instead. It’s quite pricey… around US$600, ouch, but it’s really, really beautiful. The picture doesn’t do the bracelet some justice. Trust me though – it’s soo gorgeous and I fell in love the first time I tried it on.
Erickson Beamon is available in Manila by going to Firma (Greenbelt). It’s also available on the internet by visiting Net-A-Porter.
Say hello to my new phones.
I’m really a Nokia fan and the last time I had a Motorola was back in the dark ages when the phones are as heavy as a brick and I had a trusty, crusty, Star-Tac.
I think it’s time for me to jump on that Razr V3 bandwagon, who cares if I’m late. I like how it’s thin and black and nice. I also bought a Motorola MPX220 – I love the Windows features and how the ring tones are LOUD as in LOUD. Heck, even pressing the keypad is LOUD.
I love my new phones. The only thing that’s hard is how to transfer over 400 people on my Nokia address book without the aid of hooking my phone up to computer… it’s a serious job, I’m telling you..
Consider it as a blessing in disguise at east I now have a reason NOT to include those unimportant bitches in my life. Hah!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1- Pleasanton, CA, San Antonio, TX, Rowland Heights, CA, Montclair, NJ, Garo, Japan, Binghamton, NY, MelVille, Saskatchewan, Canada and of course, people from Grandouet, France. Identify yourselves bitches and say hello to me, Bryanboy, Our Lady of Materialism.
#2a – Calling all citizens of the land of the brown, the l’exotique and the natives. I’ve been indulging again by watching TV. I know, I know, it’s a sin I shouldn’t be confessing but seriously, WHO THE FUCK IS THAT GUY ON THE NEW SUNSILK SOFT TOUCH COMMERCIAL? HE’S SOOO FUCKING CUTE. Maybe it’s his stubble/facial hair that’s making me feel like a bitch in heat despite the fact that I normally don’t like hair on any part of the body other than one’s head?
#2b – I have a photo shoot and an interview for a local magazine in about 2 hours. I’m scared of these things. Honestly! I mean, I know I’m a camwhore… but only if it’s MY camera and not somebody else’s. I really don’t know why I’m not comfortable in front of anybody else’s camera.
#4 – I thought I was the most tactless person in the universe. I was wrong. There are a several of people out there who won’t know recognize what a dick is even if it landed on their faces.
#5 – All I can say to this other person is thank you. Thank you VERY much. I wish you the best in your future endeavours, whatever they may be.
As always, you all know where to contact me. Bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS me at +63-915-785-1492. Tell me you love me.
Delay Delay Delay
A big hello to all of you. I know I haven’t updated much in the past two days. I’ve been terribly, terribly busy. Plus, my colds and cough are still here. I’m fine though –
don’t you dare thanks for worrying about me. your thoughts of sympathy are good but I need a new Chanel bag.
Unfortunately, I started smoking again. Yesterday, to be exact… after a 6-day lung holiday.
Save the lung cancer sermon – I don’t need it. In fact, shove this imagery up your buttocks if you want. I look forward to the day when my lungs turn pitch black.
Err, ok, I take that back.
I’ll stop smoking. I promise.
I look forward to the day I turn 75 – at least I’ll get to wear Oscar de la Renta.
Going back to business, my god, I’m soo anxious to see what my best friend Kelly’s offspring are gonna be.
I actually know what they are already. (DUH)
It’s just that I can’t reveal them until Friday night. That’s what I said on the invite.
Everyone knows that patience is a word that does NOT exist in my vocabulary. A pretentious parrot such as myself will never, ever, voluntarily shut his mouth for a few days to stop himself from bragging.
Keeping this secret from each and everyone of you is nothing but pure torture!
I think y’all gonna die if you knew what’s inside those two eggs. I’ll give you a couple of hints:
- they’re both brown
- one of them has some of the world’s most exotic skins
- one of them is bigger than the other
- one of them can fit inside the other
I know it’s already quite obvious from those two pictures but please gargle and swallow that man cream cum like a proper whore so you won’t ruin it for everyone else.
Besides, it could be an iguana or a ferret.
You never know.
Keep an eye out on Friday, October 7, 2005.
And yes, I know what you’re thinking. Shut IT. Oh yes. Just STOP, STOP, STOP looking at my arms and my bulging stomach. I know I’m BALLOONING to UNBELIEVABLE PROPORTIONS. It’s hard being a surrogate mother. Contrary to what people think, I will never, ever, ever accept that dirty rumor our ancestors said over time. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT the "joys of motherhood" is worth all that excess flesh and stretch marks that motherhood brings. That’s all bollocks, I’m telling you.
I’m not even a real mother yet I already have stretch marks.
Bah! I won’t dig my own grave any further. What would my future grandchildren think if they read this blog in year 2080 and see that I admitted having stretch marks on a public domain?
Louis Vuitton Goodies
Yesterday was quite productive. I accomplished a ton of stuff – went to my usual haunt in Greenbelt, enjoyed a huge lunch with my gal pal Tina. As always, I enjoyed our our favorites – baked oysters, foie gras with green apple tart, duck confit, green mango and prawns salad.
Picked up a few things at Louis Vuitton – bought a bag strap and a bracelet. My special orders from Paris also arrived – my ski bonnet and my fur gloves.
This Thing About My Age
Stop this ludicrous commotion about my age – all of you!
Since when did a number became so important in your backwater swamp gossip talks? Heck, the only set of numbers that are important to me is the number of unfortunate guys I’ve slept with, my American Express card number and of course, the number of times I ask my maid to fetch me a glass of water each and every day.
Let me clarify this once and for all.
I’m too old to be a runway model in Milan, too young to be a pensioner, too old to be a pedophile’s sexual prey, too young to be a parent (of any kind), too old to be barely legal.
In other words, I’m….
cha-chin,. cha-ching, cha-ching
However, I’ll leave it up to YOUR imagination on how many ++ (plus plus) you’d like to add to that age.
Have you guys forgotten my annual 18th birthday party this year when i failed dressing up like a proper
bloke on knickers ladyboy?
Now as for that special someone at the LVLU discussion forums who thought I’m 17 years old…
Well, I wouldn’t call you special for nothing.
Let’s leave it at that.
I’ve been thinking of going dropping by Tallinn, Estonia (and Riga, Latvia) mid-trip on my Russian holiday. Like most countries, I need a fucking visa to go to that "Nouveaux-Euro" country. One of their visa requirements is the fact that I need to have some invitation to visit their country, even as a tourist.
Blah blah blah Kabbalah.
Unfortunately, there are no Estonian embassies in South East Asia so I have to fedex my passport and visa application to some far-flung place (i.e. USA).
I’m just waiting a response from their immigration people to see what they have to say.
2 names baby.
Carmen Kass and Tiiu Kuik.
If that country can export fine specimen such as those two, I’m curious on what they have in store over there.
Grocery shopping you ask?
Believe it or not, I had my first ever encounter with someone Estonian yesterday. We exchanged quite a few messages and he seems to be nice.
Hold the malicious thoughts right there. All we did is talked about friggin Estonia.
I’ll keep you posted in the next few weeks to come whether or not I’m going to Tallinn as well.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1- Bryanboy loves people from Zaventem, Belgium, Reading, MA, Wellers Hill, Queensland, Australia, Pennsauken, NJ, Saint Paul, MN, Woodhaven, NY, Piedmont, CA and of couse, people from Manila, Philippines. Identify yourselves, bitches – Bryanboy loves each and everyone of you.
#2 – People from Finland are talking about me. God knows what they are talking about though – and I don’t care. It’s nice to get some attention from the far north. Click here to read the thread on some discussion forum. Big brownie points if you can understand what the hell they are talking about. Hello Finland!!!!
#3 – Jesus, the heat here is FUCKING killing me. I’ve got my airconditioning set to the coldest temperature it’s capable of but the heat seeps through our fucking roof – yes, we have third world roofing. We’re poor!
#4 – The Kate Moss cocaine video is out. Let’s all put this issue down to rest shall we?
More upates later. Promise!
As always, you know where to contact me… +63-915-785-1492 or email@example.com.
aka "New Russians" or новые русские (in Cyrillic)
Fall is in full swing and winter is fast approaching.
It won’t be long until people in the northern hemisphere bring out their luscious coats made out of the most fabulous tweeds, the most exotic furs, the warmest wools, the chic cashmeres and of course, puffy, faux-down-filled puffy bomber-style jackets worn by the unfortunate poor ones.
I’m doing my 2nd winter pilgrimage to the land of the the matrioshkas.
You see, I always get that dreaded "Why Russia?" every time I talk about Russia.
No, it’s definitely not about the caviar… even if I eat the finest beluga, sevruga and osetra thrice a day until my poop looks like miniature hershey’s kisses (aka goat poop).
No, it’s definitely not about the vodka… even if I drink vodka all day long.
No, it’s definitely not the gorgeous, tall, skinny, runway model lookey-likey girls.
No, it’s most definitely not the hunt for gorgeous, fit, toned boys aka my own personal Olympic gymnast/swimmer/sports person.
No, it’s definitely not the cold weather.
No, it’s definitely not the ostentatious display of wealth by the New Russians
So why Russia?
No amount of Russian Tourist Board propaganda (I don’t think there’s one) can convince me to go to the land of the czars and the communists other than these 2 pictures can.
Now THAT is something.
Come visit Russia, land of vodka, caviar and um, um, um…
I’m at a loss of words on this one.
The thing I love about "free" websites is the fact that they will exist online forever and ever and ever and ever, amen.
I went to my ex’ home page and his last message to me is still there.
Yep, the one whom I spent a year and 8 months with.
Yep, the one I really, really loved.
Yep, the one who really, really loved me.
Yep, he made this page for me a couple of years ago.
And believe it or not, everything he said there was true.
So true it hurts.
Brace yourself fuckers.
(yep, a small one.)