Bryanboy.com - Fashion Blogger
10:32 pm

Podcast #004

21/04/2006, Podcast

Podcast #004

Note: My username at that damned SomethingAwful forums is bryanboy. KID KNEE BEAN YOU BITCH you can go to hell and lick my creampied cunt.

I AM THE EPITOME OF EVERYTHING THAT’S WRONG IN THIS SOCIETY. TO HELL WITH IT, AT LEAST I’M HAVING FUN. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh. My. God.

042106_cokewhore2_1Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the voice messages y’all left me last night. People from Chicago, Cleveland, OH, Connecticut, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Panama City Beach, FL, Salt Lake City, UT, Los Angeles, CA, Washington, DC and Melbourne, Australia… you’re all GORGEOUS! I love each and every one of you.

If you haven’t done so, call my USA Voicemail and leave me a sweet message. Speak loud and clearly, with no background noise of any kind. Tell me your name, where you’re from, whether you love me or not and of course, the B-B-B-B-B word: BABOOSH!

The number to call is +1.206.339.3479.

I’ll post them all on my next podcast.

042106_cokewhore3Speaking of which, Podcast #004 is now available. This podcast, along with all future podcasts, are available by SUBSCRIPTION only. You won’t be able to download them from this website or on iTunes. You’ll need to subscribe (FREE!) to my podcast list in order to download my little labor of audible love. To subscribe, visit the link below.

http://www.bryanboy.com/podcast

If you are a subscriber to "Greetings From The Third World", keep an out on your email account. A memo will arrive with a subject line that says "Podcast #004". In fact, you should have already received it by the time you see this post. If it’s not in your inbox, check your junk email/spam folders, otherwise, you’ll need to resubscribe.

I’d appreciate it if you don’t share the file download links to anyone. Tell them to go to the above link instead. This way, they’ll get all future broadcasts via email as soon as I release em.

I think that’s all for now. I’ll post a proper entry in a couple of hours. I need to use my home tv shopping ab thingie to get rid of my pregnant tummy.

Big shout out to Kristine from Maine. LOVE YOU sweetie!

I love you all as always. Email bryan@bryanboy.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

PPSS. Email me pictures of your love. I’ll let you touch my fanny if you do. Heck, I’ll even allow you and your best buddy tag team me and give me a double anal creampie.

[pinit]
8:22 am

Leave a Message After the Tone…

21/04/2006, Podcast

Leave a Message After the Tone…

Click here to listen to an example.

Anyway, I’m dead tired. It’s 8:20AM and I need to sleep. I’ll post a longer entry when I get up in a couple of hours.

AND PLEASE CALL MY VOICEMAIL LINE NOW! I WANT TO WAKE UP TO A SHITLOAD OF MESSAGES FROM ALL OF YOU.

Just keep your messages short, sweet and less than 30 seconds.

Jailbaits for the mother fucking win!

I’m kidding.

I love you too, munkie bum!

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

[pinit]
3:31 am

Dream of Domestication

20/04/2006, Current Affairs, Fan Art, Fans, Food and Drink, Friendships, Press Coverage

Dream of Domestication

Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging. Celebrity skin is this your chin or is that war you’re waging. First born unicorn, hardcore soft porn… Dream of californication. Dream of californication.

I’m becoming

[pinit]
1:28 am

AZNNNN FUCKIN PRIDE, Fendi’s B-bag, Kimora’s a Keeper, Lucky Jean, Forbidden Fruit, Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

19/04/2006, Bryanboy.com, Fan Art, Fans, Fashion, Fun, Press Coverage

041806_kimsamsoonAZNNNN FUCKIN PRIDE

Oh my god. You are so not gonna believe what I’ve gotten myself into these days.

I am sooooooooooo sorry for the lack of updates recently. My mother made me watch all these Korean DVDs and thanks to her, I’m totally hooked. I just finished watching the entire "My Name is Kim Sam Soon" set… all 9 DVDs of them.

I’m telling you… those Korean DVDs are evil. EVIL EVIL EVIL!

I bet my soul is burning in Seoul as I speak. All these Korea Korean nonsense DVDs are a threat to my fabulousness – I haven’t done anything productive in the past 2 days.

I don’t even know why I liked watching em. I laughed. I cried a little bit. I got pissed off. Heck, I could barely understand the English subtitles yet the damn soap was entertaining.

041806_thik

Someone please rescue me before I develop an intraracial obsession.

I’m seriously thinking of buying a plane ticket to Seoul and get myself a Korean loverboy. Those Korean guys are starting to grow on me. I think they’re lovely. A shitload of them look gay. Take that Hyun Bin guy (one of the lead characters in Kim Sam Soon) for instance. Man, he looks soo gay he’s soo cute.

Look at those nails!!!!! French tips! They’re SOOOOOOO FUCKIN GAYYYYYYYYY!!

041806_nails

041806_kim2

041806_korean2

041806_hyun

THIS IS INSANE!!!!

I already feel dirty for googling him and search for his pictures.

Why oh why am I doing this? This is completely absurd and preposterous. This AZN obsession has to stop. Next thing you know, I’d be dancing to J-POP (Japanese Pop), wear Hello Kitty outfits and say SUPER KAWAIIIIIIIIIIII.

Besides, I don’t wanna end up with someone who looks like this.

041806_azn

Dirty dirty dirty.

You know what’s even funny? I’ve been having daily chat sessions with one of my long-time Mexican buddies, Mauricio, who is now in Madrid. We’re both having a little asian obsession right now. SOMEONE PLEASE TURN US INTO TAI-TAIS!!!!!!


mauricio: you got to fix me up with one of your rich asian friends

BryanBoy: they’re all straight and married hahahaha

mauricio: fuck dem asians

BryanBoy: exactly. we need aryans sweetie. think of the babies. mixed race babies are the chanel of babies

mauricio: i want asian, it’s easier, they’ll be all ooh and aah with my big eyes and my natural wavy hair, and my big dick cuz these are asian. everything is big to them.

BryanBoy: hahahahahahahahaha

mauricio: i love being un-PC

BryanBoy: look at friggin AZN pride. it’s like incest. it’s hard to penetrate asian society. no wonder everyone looks the same.

mauricio: but i look white. they love the white

BryanBoy: not the yellow ones babe. it’s the brownies who love the white. sucky sucky 5 dolla you love me long time 10 dolla. you gib 20 dolla i gib free tom yum

mauriciom: out of roast duck?

mauricio: dood, these brownies need to get with the program and give me money

Bryanboy: HAHAHAHAHHAHA

mauriciom: i’m so going filipino hunting

BryanBoy: Come to the philippines. They’d LOOOVE you here. Flips love foreigners. you’d be soooo exotic here.

mauricio:  maybe then i can be a tai tai

mauricio: i need a tagalog dictionary if i’m gonna successfully infiltrate filipino society

BryanBoy: hmm. you don’t need a dictionary babe. all you need to do is wave your exotic dick and speak the international language of love.

Enough already!

I don’t wanna be disowned by my own race. Being disowned by your friends and family is bad enough. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Peace out.

041806_peaceout

Fendi’s B-bag

Get your Fendi B bags PRONTO! Just got a medium-sized canvas B-bag with the black patent and it’s gorgeous! I know I look rough and unshaven – I asked my maid Eunice to take these photos at 5:17AM earlier when I chatted to my buddy Mauricio in Madrid.

041806_outfit2

041806_outfit

Norma Kamali for Everlast black cocoon cardigan, cheapo black tank top from god knows where, jeans by Cheap Monday, Fendi B bag, Dior sunglasses.

041706_fendi

Large patent leather B bags run at US$2,000 while the medium-sized canvas bag with black patent leather buckles is set at US$1,430. Available at eLuxury.com, Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman and Fendi stores worldwide.

Kimora’s a Keeper

I’d like to say hello and give a big shout out to all the wonderful people from CRUNKTASTICAL (aka CRUNK + DISORDERLY). I love each and every one of you bitches. I’m glad to know that one of the hottest sites for African-American entertainment loves me.

Some of you think that I can give Kimora a run for her millions but in all seriousness, I’m just a little dirty middle class brown gook who lives in the cesspit of a fabulous land in the third world called the Philippines. If you can find me a sugar daddy, preferably with ill-gotten wealth (i.e. firearms business, drug dealing, stolen cars, insurance fraud, etc), no older than 35 with at least 9-figures worth in liquid assets and a 9-inch dick, please feel free to pass them my web address and tell me to contact me as soon as possible.

041806_kimora

I’ve got no words to say. Kimora likes to soak her feet in champagne. That’s outrageous! I know good ol’ Kate Moss filled a tub with bubbly at one point but this is something else. Thanks for giving me a new photo to jack off to. A friend and I loved that ad campaign where she came out of a private jet. Kimora’s a keeper y’all!!

Visit Crunktastical at http://www.crunktastical.blogspot.com.

Lucky Jean

Her name is Jean Godfrey-June and she’s the Beauty Editor of Lucky Magazine.

041406_beauty
Photo credit: New York Times

According to the her interview published at the New York Times, this v.v. Lucky lady gets anywhere between 50-250 product samples daily, along with fabulous items such as Pucci scarves, yoga mats and novelty chocolates. The article also mentioned how beauty editors (at least in the USA, don’t know elsewhere) also get Prada outfits, Cartier watches, free restaurant meals, press lunches at the Four Seasons, cosmetic treatments, exotic trips, free limo rides and trips to La Perla with $1,000 gift certificates etc. that sort of thing.

Click here to read the article.

I have one thing to say: HOLY FUCKING SHIYETTTTTT.

I am soooo fucking jealous.

I think I already wrote on a previous post that I read a British Vogue article about another beauty editor who literally filled her entire house with beauty products to the point where she stored hundred-dollar creams and potions in her kitchen cupboard.

Also, one of my good friends here in Manila told me how her car trunk was constantly filled with beauty products when she held the same position at one point.

Set it in stone bitches. One day I’m gonna have a job exactly like that.

Except I’d get free accessories. Lots and lots and lots and lots of free accessories.

Forbidden Fruit

Am I really the forbidden fruit? What do you think will it take for someone like you to love me?

Sometimes, I feel like I’m a bald, virgin vagina that belongs to an 11 year old named "Tiffany Tara". You know you want to love me but you can’t cause you’ve got yourself on a self-imposed restraining order. It’s forbidden. Very forbidden.

041806_love

041806_love002

Danalove

What’s up with all these white people sending tummy pictures? I WANT FACES GOD DAMMIT. Thanks for the love though ;)

041806_love003

041806_love004

As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email bryan@bryanboy.com. 

For the life of god, please be creative. I’ve been begging and begging and begging and begging for you people to go to the nearest fire or police station and get a bunch of macho, muscled men in uniform hold the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign. HAHAHAHAHA!

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Conegliano, Italy, Eggenhof, Germany, Aalbeek, Netherlands, Mechelen, Begium, Helsinki, Finland, Gatineau, Quebec Canada, Diserd, Sweden, Oxton, UK, ozone Park, NY, Essendon, VIC Australia, Parow, South Africa, East Meadow, NY, Wirksworth, UK, Monrovia, CA, Kiel, Belgium, Solna Sweden, Lisbon, Portugal and of course, all the gorgeous guys and hot chicks from Orlando, FL. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Say hi, don’t be shy!

#2 – I love Kim Aviance. You have to watch this video. If Amanda Lepore is the world’s #1 transexual, Kim Aviance is the world’s best drag queen.

041806_kim002

Click here to watch Kim Aviance at Amanda Lepore’s birthday.

My friend Mauricio told me that we should roll like Kim. I told him not with confetti but cold, hard cash or cocaine. Then he said, cocaine bricks and Harry Winston diamonds!!!

Imagine the show eh? I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!

#3 – I just checked my stats and I’m quite surprised how only 13% of my readership comes from the Philippines. Prime proof that my laughable presence is still relatively unknown in this country… Either that or more and more people from other countries are reading my blog therefore fucking up my Philippine-related statistics.

Believe it or not, I’d rather be unknown in my homeland so I can still keep this place as a safe haven of some sort. One must be insane for wanting to be a big fish in such a small pond.

041806_stats

#4 – I need a publicist. For free. Someone who can make me even famous in exchange for sexual favours. Someone like Eliot Mintz, who is Paris Hilton’s publicist, except cuter.

Shit, I can’t even believe I asked one of my friends whether he’s gay or not. My friend hasn’t even heard of him. I searched on google for his picture and found this.

041806_eliot

I guess anyone who looks like a carrot standing next to Yoko Ono is gay. My friend told me he looks antique. HAHAHAHAH. I replied back telling him Eliot kinda looks like vintage Louis Vuitton steamer trunks pre-monogram era. Whatever, right? He’s still one of Hollywood’s most powerful publicists.

#5 – Speaking of Louis Vuitton, it’s been ages since I visited their website. I went there the other day and boy I had goosebumps watching (and listening to) the flash file intro. You have to see AND listen to it for yourself. Click here.

041806_lv

#6 – Man, Marc Jacobs is lookin really old these days. Marc having lunch with La Lohan.

041806_marc

#7 – Does anyone know who made the skinny jeans Nicole is wearing? I want them…

041806_nicole

#8 – Keep an eye out on Gram shoes/sneakers. Gram is one of Sweden’s newest design exports. I really, really, really love those Swedes.

They even named their shoes based on the weight of the shoe themselves. Personally I like the high-cut sneaker in white denim.

041806_gram

www.gramdesign.se

#9 – Have you ever been harassed on the street? You have to check out this blog. It’s soooo hilarious. Women all over the place take pictures of their harassers and post them online. 

http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com

Harassment is wrong, evil and dirty. But in all seriousness, if my harasser is cute, hot, rich and well-hung, I’d open my ass wide and give it to him with no restraint whatsoever.

I’m gonna stop myself from making comments about sexual harassment. I don’t wanna open a can-full of worms because at the end of the day, I’m still a perverted faggot.

I think that’s all for now. I REALLY have to work on my podcast and reply to all my emails.

I love each and every one of you. Email bryan@bryanboy.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

[pinit]
3:38 am

Protected: Black Saturday My Fucking Ass

16/04/2006, Current Affairs, Fans, Food and Drink, Manila, Press Coverage

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[pinit]
3:28 pm

Protected: Art Attack!, Greetings From The Third World, Donatella Versace in Da House, Random Cheesemax

13/04/2006, Art, Current Affairs, Fan Art, Fashion, Fun, Press Coverage, Random Cheesemax, Shilebrities

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[pinit]
9:19 pm

Protected: Snap out of it!, Meet My New Toy

10/04/2006, Current Affairs, Loneliness, Random Cheesemax

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[pinit]
2:37 pm

Back to Square One You Sad, Pathetic Fag, Home Truths

09/04/2006, Uncategorized

Back to Square One You Sad, Pathetic Fag

040906_fuckgucci002Yesterday was one heck of a night. A night I’ll (sadly)always remember… a night I most certainly want to forget. Posting about it probably won’t help but I need to vent out.

Before going to the party, I had a feeling something’s up in the air.

Remember how I told y’all I got so drunk each and every night when I went on that mini island holiday?

I’ve been told last night that I really hurt and offended a lot of people last weekend. I got absolutely drunk one night and I verbally lashed out on everyone who was with me at the time – the same people who believed in me and supported me right from the start. Apparently I was being obnoxious, rude and said a lot of painful shit.

I honestly can’t remember what exactly happened and what it is that I said to everyone that night. I simply have no recollection whatsoever. At all. I do remember going back to the hotel at 4AM and I passed out on the floor after taking a sleeping pill.

I cringed with horror when I heard about my (unacceptable) behavior. I had tears in my eyes when they told me about it. I apologized to the people involved but one can tell the damage I made was irreparable.

Anyway, I saw someone I haven’t seen in the longest time. I always have fun everytime I see him. I’ve learned a lot from this person. I gained insight every time we had a conversation… conversations that sometimes lasted for hours. I’ve always felt confident and I trusted this person completely. His words are extremely warm and comforting. He understands everything I’m saying without any fail.

I opened up to him about things that are going on. How and what I feel. We talked about my behavior over the weekend. We talked about a lot of things, some of my problems etc. I felt happy again. Shit, happy isn’t the appropriate word to use. I felt secure. Yes. Secure – someone I can open up with, just what I needed at the time.

040906_textI showed him several messages on my phone. This is my biggest mistake and this is clearly where I’m at fault.

There were 4 messages.

One of them is a snippet from the anonymous blog comment/email I got. I didn’t have time to print the entire thing so I sent myself a text message the part where it said "we actually hate u even just a glimps of ur shaddow or just hearing the tone of ur barked up voice. "oh here comes trannie agen, pretend were all dolled up on him and amazed about his bags". That was 10:51PM.

The other 3 messages were genuine advice from friends. 2 of which came from the same person while the other came from somebody else.

The rest is history and better left unsaid.

To cut the story short, I ended up igniting an argument.

It’s hard to put words on how I feel. I think disgust is the right word.

I’m disgusted at myself.
I’m digusted at my poor judgment of people.
I’m disgusted for taking other people’s precious advice for granted.
I’m disgusted for betraying people’s trust in me.
I’m digusted for not being sensitive enough on all of my actions.
I’m disgusted at myself for trusting people too easily I break other people’s confidence in me in the process.

There really is no one else to blame other than myself. Why did I even bother showing my messages and advice I got (even as part of conversation) when it’s none of his business?

040906_trust003_1

And you know what’s really sad? This isn’t the first time it happened. It happened to me many, many times and I still haven’t learned from my mistakes.

040906_peaceAll of my friendships and relationships have always been short-lived because I fuck things up big time. I have this (effortless) tendency of breaking other people’s confidence in me because I simply don’t know when AND how to shut the fuck up.

Perhaps this is exactly the reason why I am quite possibly the most materialistic son of a bitch in this planet. My life is one big mess. I’m a complete failure everywhere I go, everything that I do and everyone I deal with. And sometimes… no… and most of the time, I delude myself into thinking things will get better by shopping. Reality check: what else do I have at this point other than a bunch of designer bags that will depreciate its value over time?

I have no one.

I have nothing!

Absolutely NOTHING.

This experience taught me a lot of things.

  • I can’t and shouldn’t be trusted with anything.
  • I’m not good at nurturing interpersonal relationships with people.

Friends eh? You gain some, you lose them all.

Here’s the funny thing: I’m at that stage where I want to call someone… anyone… anyone whom I consider a "friend", just to reach out, open up and burst.

But I won’t. Because I know one way or another I’ll fuck up. Just like what I’ve always done in the past.

Err no. that’s not the reason why.

I won’t call someone/anyone because I don’t have the balls and the face to put up after this whole thing happened.

I need a clean slate. Yes. That’s what I need.

A clean slate and a new me.

040906_trust002

Hi. I’m Bryan. Will you be my friend?

I think you’re better off by saying NO.

I’m destined to be alone forever. Always have, always will.

It’s 2:30PM, Sunday, April 9, 2006.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

[pinit]
5:59 am

Lindsay Lohan and Luxury by Chanel

08/04/2006, Fashion

Lindsay Lohan and Luxury by Chanel

I’m not surprised La Lohan is carrying one of Chanel’s "Luxury by Chanel" handbag line. Grab one of these bags now! The metallic bags are gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous! I got my medium-sized bowling bag in silver for US$2,160 tax-free! It’s not bad for Chanel when most of their 2.55 bags start at $1,500 and above. FYI, there’s a denim version of the bowling bag I’m waiting for and it’s a little cheaper. The leather is gorgeous and it comes with a peach-like colored lining. It’s a really fantastic bag; this bag, like most ‘classic’ Chanel bags, will last you an entire lifetime.

040806_lindsaychanel

Buy, buy, buy, buy!

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Listen to me mother fuckers… you won’t regret it. This bag is soooo lightweight and soft, you can put a shitload of stuff inside it.

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

040806_pariselle#1 – Paris Hilton is on the May 2006 cover of Elle Magazine UK. Click here for more pictures. It’s the same issue where she slammed ex-BFF Nichole Richie as jealous and fame hungry. Oh dear.

Quotable Paris quote: "When I was 13, I really wanted a boob job because all my friends started to have boobs and I was the only one who looked like a boy. But you know what? I like being flat. I never have to wear a bra."

You go girlfriend! Tell ‘em that big tits are for mothers and hookers. I don’t even understand why species of the male human kind go for big tits. I mean, seriously, how can someone be sooo fuckin turned on with a pair of enormous lactating melons? Ugh. Awful. Just awful!

#2 – Random cheesemax on the net

  • click here | Mischa Barton wants to quit O.C.
  • click here | HOT! Jessica Simpson sued for $100,000,000 (100 Million US Dollars)
  • click here | Mariah Carey agrees perfume duel with Elizabeth Arden. Eeek!
  • click here | HOT! Move over Natalia Vodiavodafone. Kate Moss signed a new contract with good ol Calvin.
  • click here | The "Glamazon from Down Under" will star Valentino’s fall campaign

#3 – Avril Lavigne preggers? Bah. I never really liked that chick. She looks like a friggin vampire. Hello, she’s got FANGS!!!!!!!! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who is getting obese these days.

040806_avril

040806_avril002

#4 – WHO THE HELL IS THAT FAGGOT WITH LINDSAY LOHAN?

I KEEP SEEING HIM ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME!!! HIS HEAD HAIR LOOKS LIKE PUBIC HAIR. TELL THAT FAGGOT TO CLEAN UP HIS ACT.

040806_lindsay002

I’m gonna update later.

I’m sooo bored out of my skull it doesn’t make sense for me to stay at home on a Saturday afternoon. My maid Eunice is planning to go to the supermarket I think I’m gonna tag along with her grab some vanilla ice-blended and buy some lip gloss.

My life is sooooooo dull it’s not even funny.

I’ll update when I get back. I love you all as always.

And please… for the life of god email me. Or send me an SMS. You know my number. +63-915-785-1492.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

[pinit]
6:51 pm

Protected: Pictionary! Pictionary! Pictionary!, Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

07/04/2006, Books, Bryanboy.com, Fan Art, Fashion, Press Coverage, Random Cheesemax, Shilebrities

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[pinit]