Protected: Aiming for Anorexia: The Official Bryanboy “DYING TO BE THIN” Diet and Faggotry in Motion #004
Moscow Needs Some Faggotry. Big Time., Meet Dhani Lennevald, Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax, LOTS OF LOVE From Around the World
Moscow Needs Some Faggotry. Big Time.
I’m sure you’ve heard the news on how Moscow’s first ever gay pride got trashed by a ton of nationalists, skinheads, religious fanatics and such. Thanks to Moscow’s homophobic mayor Yuri Luzhkov (who put a ban on the event), Russian fags and queers were deprived of such celebration… and some of them even got beaten up.
Mary-Kate, Ashley and Bryanboy Olsen
I’m sure everyone in this planet had committed some sort of a fashion faux pas at one point in their lives. While some do it more frequently than others, I, on the other hand, represent everything that is wrong in fashion. I seriously never cease to amaze myself on how I come up with the most ridiculous outfits/combinations ever.
Most people say it’s not about the clothes… it’s about attitude and how you "pull things off". Maybe it’s true. I didn’t know what I was thinking on Friday night when I went out… all I can say though is "FUCK YOU" cause money speaks and my little hideous ensemble is probably (just probably) more expensive than yours. Hahaha! God I’m such an asshole.
Anyway, enough ranting and let’s get down to business cause I know you’re all anxious to read what I’m up to.
Me and the birthday boy, Dustin who looks sooo cute.
T-shirt by Dior Homme, oversized tank top by Ann Demeulemeester (underneath the tee), bracelets from Hermès, tights from www.welovecolors.com, bag from Chanel (Luxury by Chanel line), shoes by Mauri
This is the look I want to achieve but the damn weather here is SOOOO nasty (hot and humid) so I skipped the jacket and wore a t-shirt and an oversized tank underneath instead… oh and one of our maids couldn’t find my black thights so I settled for blue. My maid Eunice isn’t back from her month-long vacation.
I went to Absinth (I LOOOVE this bar) on Friday with a buddy to meet my friend Hannah and her friends. Little I had known it was the birthday party of this Dustin guy, who I only met once last week. I (unknowingly) gatecrashed his birthday party and I felt REALLY bad cause I’m not the gatecrashing type and I didn’t pay a single dime because the gracious hosts, Dustin and Christine, fed me with all the booze I can take.
The booze overflowed so who am I to complain? Even reformed alcoholics, people with cancer or fucked up livers won’t say no to free drinks.
That Dustin guy is a hoot! I LOOOOOOOVE him. He told me that one can actually lose weight by eating UNSALTED and UNBUTTERED popcorn the entire day.
Après-Absinth, we went to Cuisine (at La Embajada) for more drinks and fun. I got so tipsy to the point where I broke my Dior Glossy sunglasses (my fat ass sat on it… proof that I REALLY need to lose weight).
I swear to god it’s not a skirt. It’s an oversized tank top UNDERNEATH the t-shirt to cover my cock and my balls!
These are the Mauri of Italy shoes I used last night. I got these from Harrods back when I was 16 or 17 and I haven’t used them in YEARS. It’s amazing what kind of shit I find in my closet after all these years.
The girl on the right is Monica. I suffocated with envy when I saw her stark white Chanel 2.55 bag. What is it with people snapping up those white 2.55 bags anyway? She’s like the umpteenth person that I’ve seen with a white 2.55 bag.
I want one of those!!!! I really want one but I’m scared I’d fuck it all up with dirt in no time. Those white bags require extra TLC. Case in point: I completely fucked up my oversized US$2,300+ Dolce & Gabbana white lace and leather bag with pink lip gloss stains… and to think, I only used it about thrice. No more white bags for me.
I think the only way to keep a white bag in its original, pristine condition is NOT TO USE IT AT ALL.
God I look so red and drunk on this photo. And fat, too. Gotta love those Hermès enamel bracelets. For some strange reason, I haven’t seen too many people wear them. Hannah’s got the palladium-plated black one and I got the gold-plated white and the blue one. Everyone in this planet should have em. Those bracelets are wayyyy better than those nasty nasty kabbalah string. Those bracelets aren’t even that expensivo at $480 a pop and I’ve been monitoring Hermes.com almost on a monthly basis to see if they have new colors in stock. Someone just fucking bring Hermès to the third world for god’s sake.
Look at the look on my nonsexual wife Hannah’s face. Only HANNAH FUCKIN MATRONIC has the balls to chase local third world actors and go nuts in front of them.
Hannah, we gotta lose 20 fucking pounds your arms look as if they’re as big as his! What is wrong with us????? We’re all getting fat and we’re ageing disgracefully! WE NEED LIPOSUCTION, COCAINE AND CRYSTAL METH to get our 95-pound figures back!
Cuisine was fun! I’m so glad I went out the other night. I had sooo much fun it was overwhelming. I met a lot of very, very nice people (in spite of my scary Peter Pan outfit and alcohol-induced state). I was telling one of my friends, it’s great to have genuine fun with no pretentions or stress whatsoever.
OK, I lied.
The only stress that I had is the fact that I literally had NOTHING to wear the other night. I **NEED** to do some serious shopping once again. It’s funny how I bought so many clothes recently I haven’t even used them yet… I just need to find the right opportunity to do so.
SUPER Summer Soles
Lookie lookie at what I got in the mail yesterday. My friends at Summer Soles sent me a shitload of their fabulous stay-dry liners. I love how I get sent some goodies in the mail. Celebrities love swag… and since I’m a celebrity (hahahaha delusional cunt, that’s me), I love swag too!
Don’t you just dread the feeling of sweaty feet? Let’s face it, not everyone in this planet got dry feet. I know at least a handful of boys and girls out there (like me) who got sweaty feet. There’s this girl who I know and she hated wearing thongs because her feet get so sweaty she constantly had to wipe her feet using tissue paper in between bathroom breaks so her toes won’t look icky.
Summer Soles are discreet peel and stick fabric liners designed specifically for stay-dry comfort in sandals, flip flops and almost all closed shoe fashions – are sure to become a style staple for those who don’t want to smack, slip or squish their way through the season.
These one-of-a-kind removable peel-and-stick fabric strips provide edge-to-edge shoe coverage, are completely removable with no sticky residue, and, for women come in a variety of color and fabric options (“Suede Softness” and “Ultra-Absorbent”) or, for men, “Ultra-Absorbent” fabric in the classic colors black and chocolate brown. They accommodate up to ladies size 11 and men’s size 12 – simply snip the heel to size, peel and place.
I test-drove these liners on my my sky-high satin Lanvin cone heels that I got a few months ago. I haven’t used them yet because I’m saving them for halloween… the only time where it’s perfectly acceptable for a 17-year old boy like me to go drag without humiliating himself in public.
Summer Soles’ stay-dry liners are THE END of squishy feet. Because I’m fabulous and you are, too, Summer Soles offers a 10% discount to ALL Bryanboy.com readers. To get your exclusive discount, you MUST enter the promo code BRYANBOY upon check-out and you must use the link below to purchase them. Feel free to pass this along to anyone that you know. For more information about Summer Soles, click the link below.
Remember… you won’t get the discount if you don’t use that link or enter the promo code upon check-out. Summer Soles ships worldwide and offers $3 shipping wherever you are in the world.
I think that’s all for now. I REALLLLY have to work on my podcast. People are already bugging me, you know.
I love you all! Email email@example.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
PPSS. Bryanboy loves Canada, too…. and people who go to Yale University. I like smart people.
Breaking News: ANNA WINTOUR
Oh my god. American Vogue Anna Wintour went to the advanced private screening of The Devil Wears Prada (the movie) at the St. Regis Hotel on Tuesday night with her daughter, Bee Shaffer.
Guess what? She wore Prada. I LOVE Nuclear Wintour!!!
From New York Post’s Page Six
ANNA Wintour has a sense of humor, but there are limits. The icy Vogue editrix accepted Meryl Streep’s invitation to Tuesday’s screening of "The Devil Wears Prada" – which she wore – but avoided posing for a photo with Streep, who plays an icy fashion magazine editrix in the film. Wintour bolted from the Paris Theatre with her entourage as soon as the credits rolled, skipping the dinner and charity auction at the St. Regis. Wintour, whose entourage included boyfriend Shelby Bryant, daughter Bee Shaffer, and Dixon and Arianna Boardman, "thought the movie was very funny," said her spokesman, who also said Wintour never planned on staying for dinner. One insider denied Wintour purposely avoided posing with Streep, who had never met Wintour before publicist Peggy Siegal introduced them.
"It was so chaotic, we couldn’t set up the shot," said our source. In the chaos were Streep’s castmates Anne Hathaway, Stanley Tucci and Bridget Hall, plus News Corp. president Peter Chernin and 20th Century Fox co-chair Tom Rothman. Martha Stewart, in the elevator after ward, said, "Wow! Who ever had a boss like that?" Silence.
Did you know Anna Wintour’s got a son? His name is Charles (Charlie) Shaffer. According to my fag buddy Mauricio he looks gay. I think he looks fugly. Non? Nothing worse than a fugly fag if you ask me. No wonder’s leashing out to everyone in the fashion world. He’s got a weird-looking fag son.
I don’t mind sucking his cock for a couple of nights though.
Imagine having Anna as your mother-in-law.
All the FREEEEEEE clothes and accessories!
Charlie Shaffer photo courtesy of Style.com
Click here to read more about the Advancec Screening of The Devil Wears Prada from Rush & Molloy of the New York Daily News.
I REALLY can’t wait to see this film! That’s it… I’m gonna sleep now. It’s 9:32AM for god’s sake!
Meet Andrés, an 18 year old guy from Argentina. I HATE YOU YOU FUCKING SKINNY BITCH! I AM SO GONNA SMOKE CRACK AND CRYSTAL METH ONE DAY AND BE SKINNIER THAN YOU.
I love you though cause you sent me an I love Bryanboy sign pic.
Fuck the haters. You know who you are. Jealousy and envy breeds malice my dear. Hahaha! All around the world, from far away places and faraway lands… everyone loves BRYANBOY!
I hope no more nightmares for me today. God forbid if Anna Wintour tells me I’m fat in my dreams. Hah!
STOP! Faggotry in Motion #003
Stop. Read. Listen.
You know, there’s clearly something wrong with me. Less than 24 hours ago, I made myself a pact that I’ll no longer loitter around gas stations with a fast food chain just a stone’s throw away.
I got up extremely late (again) this afternoon (I went to bed at 10AM!!) I was gonna channel Caroline D’Amore but whatever. I had little time to dress up cause I was late for dinner at my grandma’s house down south. Well, I’m back home now and I have a shitload of surprises for you. It’s been quite awhile since I last camwhored and going down south is the perfect opportunity to do so.
Karl Lagerfeld: "You are as Beeeg as a Peeeg."
Ugh! I’ve been slacking all week long. In fact, I haven’t shaved since since last week. My entire face is covered with stubble. Boy I look so fucking rough and hideous. Bin Laden would’ve been so proud of me for channeling my inner taliban. At this point, even smack junkie Pete Doherty looks better than me.
I was supposed to get some highlights and my hair done at 2PM this afternoon with one of my gal pals but I ended up getting out of bed 3 hours late. Don’t ask me why – I already missed far too many appointments this week (including a late lunch session with Mrs. T) because of my fucked up sleeping habits.
I had 9 hours of sleep instead of my usual 4. I got up at 5 in the afternoon all sweaty and freaked out: I had the strangest
dream nightmare EVER… and to think, it’s rare for me to dream. Extremely rare. I’m too old for that dreaming bullshit. Afterall, sleeping is the only time my mere 2 brain cells get to rest. I’m gonna dream WHEN I WANT TO and that’s when I’M AWAKE. You know, foie gras wishes and Chanel haute couture dreams.
The World Is Mine
Geography is no boundary when it comes to Bryanboy’s faggotry! New York City, Singapore, Montreal, Canada, Melbourne Australia, Chicago, Södertälje, Sweden, Baltimore, Maryland even Boulder, Colorado in the US of A!
Full-sized pics (and a guy in underwear) after the jump…
I’ve Been FARKED… and you too.
First things first, I’d like to give a big shout out to more than 15,914 (and growing) individuals who visited my website in the past 18 hours coming from Fark.com. I love each and every one of you.
All ya gotta do is fall in line and wait for your turn… sloppy seconds galore.
I’m working on Podcast #006 (I know, I know and if you haven’t subscribed yet, be sure to do so by visiting http://www.bryanboy.com/podcast cause I’m about to release it shortly).
Meet FOPHEY, aka Chris Chapman from Richmond, Virginia.
Salivate Mother Fuckers
Fuck billionaires at this point. I take back what I said on how money speaks louder that bone structure. In my books, love and muscles trump money anytime baby.
Remember how at one point I said that I am the gayest gay that ever gayed, I sweat glitter and I am so gay that even gay people hate me because I give gay people a bad name? I cannot help but ask… who the fucking hell are these "gay people"?
Well guess what faggots and maggots… screw being gay…who’s having the last laugh now?
I fucking found the father of my first born child!!!!
I’ve travelled the world and back, met British chavs, Icelandic jailbait, Russian sailors and Swedish twinks, but nothing beats a good ol’ American jock.
I know y’all come here every so often for that daily dose of glittery fairy dust and my world-renowned faggotry. Today however, I’m giving you pure testosterone.
Meet Ethan of the Brat Boy School.
I’m sure you’ve recognized him somewhere. He even snagged the cover of this gay magazine called XY which I used to read back in the dark ages, before I discovered V and Wallpaper*. HAHAHAHA!
I’ve been reading his website recently (to compensate for my lack of masculinity AND BRAINS) and this guy is such a hoot! I love his blog entries, especially his "cooking" posts!!!! This is a guy who’s got brains (unlike me… I only have 2 brain cells) and makes perfect sense. Personally though I couldn’t care less about politics, the price of gas or religion but he makes all of that stuff interesting. There are more important things in my life like worrying about my nails when there’s a category 1 hurricane where I live.
Photo credit: www.bratboyschool.com
Ok… I’m really at a loss on what to say.
I don’t wanna be an anorexic princess anymore… I wanna be a muscle mary too!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! That means I have to ditch my love for Chanel though… ick!
Photo credit: www.bratboyschool.com
Well, now that I gave y’all a touch of butch, let’s go back to what you came for… faggotry at its finest!
I sent Bratboy a couple of pictures of my unconditional love. In pink!!!!! His website is soooo butch I just have to gay it up a little bit and sprinkle some fairy dust.
Shit, I have to resurrect my super old NEON PINK Juicy Couture sweats (and you know how I’m totally allergic to Juicy Couture) with the word JUICY emblazoned on my butt cheeks to celebrate my newfound love for daddy.
Hat by Stephen Jones for John Galliano, wristband by Chanel, sunglasses by Dior (and Gucci), t-shirt by Fake London, sweatpants by Juicy Couture
My god, believe it or not, I’m still hyperventilating! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god! *kidding*
What are you waiting for? Stop drooling over our pictures…. get your camera and start snapping photos! I’m still waiting for my wish to be granted — men in uniform holding the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign.
But for now, I’m happy with Bratboy. Bryanboy loves Bratboy!
I love you all! Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
To Market To Market!
Foulard by Louis Vuitton, sunglasses from Dior, Pepsi t-shirt from Dolce & Gabbana, amber & gold necklace from Kenneth Jay Lane, bag from Hermès, jeans by Acne, boots by Frye.
I was bored out of my skull yesterday late afternoon so my sister nad I joined our mom and our maid to the supermarket. Kind of.
We skipped the whole roam-around-with-a -trolley thing and went straight to my favourite local patisserie Bizu. It’s pointless to watch your mom and the help browse raw, dead meat when you can sashay around the mall and try to get cute boys check out your OWN meat. Hahaha!
Anyway, my sis and I went to Bizu to have "breakfast"… at 6 in the evening!
Ooooh lookie lookie at at all those colourful macarons. I don’t like the blue-coloured mint one. Yuck! My favourite has got to be the green-coloured pistacchio and the purple-coloured blueberry. Scrumptious! It’s been ages since I last went to this place… even my mom only goes to Bizu for their macarons!
One day, when I get really really really rich and when I get my own big house with no traces of my familia de horreur in sight, I’ll invite each and every one of you and we’re gonna have a big macarons and tea party. I’ll buy macarons from Bizu by the truckload and I’ll import tea from Fauchon.
Then we’ll have a big orgy and you’ll watch me get gangbanged.
After Bizu, we went to our local bookstore to look for a book that was recommended to me by a reader called "Wolves in Chic Clothing". It’s a book written by the same people who wrote one of my favourite books, "The Right Address". I love these Park Avenue/New York society schmoiety books. It’s one step up from my previous reads such "Gossip Girls" etc. Books like these are very hilarious and highly entertaining. It’s fun to read stories involving the rich, the richer, the richest, the high society and all their drama in spite of the fact that they’re fiction. It makes you think "damn, I’m so glad I don’t belong in such circles" etc.
Wolves in Chic Clothing is available at Amazon.com for US$14.27. You can even get it cheaper on Amazon.com if you buy a like-new or used copy. It’s sad that my bookstore is sold out of the book.
We didn’t roam around the mall that much. I know that there’s NOTHING to see and to think, I’m almost there EVERY fucking day so we went back to the supermarket to take some pictionary shots.
Oh oh oh oh oh oh wait… we passed by this shop called "Tutto Moda" and saw this super old, super god knows how many seasons ago Gucci bag for about US$1,784.50 (P93,450). I can’t believe they’re still selling it at FULL PRICE!!! This is exactly why
NOBODY there aren’t a lot of people who buy luxury goods in this country. Inventory rarely moves because it’s rare for the shops to put items on sale!!! If things DO go on sale, they’ll only shave 15 or 20% off, unlike in other countries where they take 50-70% off the original price…. and to think, these items are oh so last season ago.
Camilla in a GAY Scandal and Willian finds out her shocking secret. What? Camilla is a man? Old news baby. I bet you a million dollars that Camilla DOES have a penis and Charles loves taking it up the shitter. Next!
I LOOOVE the fruits and vegetables section… always a nice backdrop for photos. It’s oh-so-domesticated.
Fashion Trivia #164349: did you know that Calvin Klein model Natalia Vodianova used to be a fruit market girl in Nizhny Novgorod in Russia?
Not too long ago, I watched this documentary about these anorexic Australian twins. A camera crew and a doctor visited their house and all they found on their fridge was a slice of watermelon. I was chatting with a friend the other day and I told her I should embark on a "watermelon and diet coke"-only diet. I really need to lose weight and anorexia is my only salvation.
We went straight home after the supermarket. I had a great time. It was Monday for god’s sake! I had much needed oxygen and it’s always nice to strut around and walk like Mariacarla Boscono at the fuckin mall.
Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot(s)
Billionaire Bachelors Club
I was chatting to a friend on MSN and he gave me this link to check out. It’s Forbes’ Billionaire Bachelors list. I saw this list ages ago so it’s good to be reminded again.
It’s amazing how all of these boys are filthy rich yet they’re all fucking fugly. Proof that money can’t buy good looks the same way money can’t buy class or style (look at me… I’m a circus of my own and to think, I don’t even have that much money!).
Anyway, who needs good looks if you have THAT much money? I’ve seen a lot of FILTHY rich people and they look really awful and hideous. Even poor people look good compared to them. Hell yeah, look at all those poor models who end up prostituting once their careers are over. LOL. In this superficial and material world that we live in, money speaks louder than bone structure. Who needs jaw-dropping DNA when you’ve got at least 10 figures in your bank account? Even the pope will have unsafe sex with you if you’re dripping with that much wealth.
Say hello to daddy!!!!
Out of everyone on that list, I find Mikhail Prokhorov and 22-year old "Prince Albert" (HAHAHAHAHAHA) err Albert von Thurn und Taxis quite "doable". Ok… I wouldn’t touch them with a bat had they been poor but out of everyone on the list, they’re the ones who look ok. I think I’m biased because
1) I like Russians – those Russians certainly know how to play hard. And a Russian with $6.4 Billion dollars can easily turn my dream into a reality — to be an oligarch’s wife, all novvye russkiye (new Russian) style in $120,000 chinchilla furs and US$11,000 crocodile Fendi b bags.
2) I have a soft spot for young people – I don’t know what it is but I’ve always been a jailbait magnet. As much as I’d want to have a sugar daddy to spoil me rotten, it’s different to be with someone a little younger than me. God forbid I end up a pedophile someday.
Come to mommmmmmma
and 3) I like billionaires – who doesn’t? Billionaires trump millionaires any time of the day sweetie.
Ok, except Fahd Hariri. The fine line starts here and let’s not even go there.
He may be only 25, worth US$2.7 BILLION dollars and can easily turn me into the new MOUNA AL AYOUB but there’s something in his eyes that are sooo satanic.
Oh good lord just fucking look at me. I’m a gold digger at such tender age. For all you know, I could end up with a penniless (not penisless) man in the future.
And with my attitude (in addition to my ugliness), I might even end up
with NO MAN AT ALL!!!
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Poor me. I’m doomed for the rest of my life!
Podcast #6 coming up in a bit… and Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax. Be sure to subscribe to my podcast. You WON’T FIND IT on iTunes. Visit
I love you all. Email email@example.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
PPSS. Bryanboy älskar svenskar!
Jag talar till alla lata, svenska mammaknullare. Lyft på luren och ring +46-08-5592-6279 för att tala in ett meddelande till mig. Säg ert förnamn och vart i Sverige du ringer ifrån. Jag vill även höra er säga det magiska ordet "Baboosh" och jag vill att DU, ja DU, säger att du ÄLSKAR MIG.
Du kan också ställa vilken fråga du vill. På ENGELSKA, såklart.
EXEMPEL PÅ ETT MEDDELANDE
(ignorera musiken i bakgrunden)
Du kan också ställa vilken fråga du vill. På ENGELSKSKA, såklart. Jag kommer publicera ditt meddelande på min nästa podcast.
RING NU SLYNOR! ALLA NI SMUTSIGA SVENSKA SLYNOR, HOROR OCH BÖGAR! jag vill höra din röst, det borde inte ta mer än 1 minut. Hahahaha!
Jag älskar er som alltid.