A Memorable Night
7:11Am and I just got home about an hour ago. I’ve been indulging on asparagus soup, ham sandwich and spring rolls.. at this time of the day! Gotta love Eunice and the cook. Hah!
Man, what a night I had.
My damn camera’s fucked up… I totally forgot to charge my batteries hence the lack of photos. Nevertheless, a shitload of people asked to take photos of me (I love each and every one of you, my dear readers) so I hope they’d email me a copy soon. *hint hint*. HELLO BITCHES! hahahaha
I’m glad I went out tonight. Seriously. I won’t get into any specifics but tonight’s been very bittersweet. I was genuinely happy I’ve patched things up with people from my not-so-long past… It’s refreshing to see how a lot of people have changed. Some people were the same, some were completely different. Nevertheless, the most important thing is that I (hopefully) clarified things with people I previously had disagreements and misunderstandings with… yaddi yaddi yadda.
The sad part is, I think I might have lost someone really close to me. Someone I really love to bits. It’s completely my fault though. It’s not the first time that I’ve been told that I give people a bad reputation simply because they’re associating themselves with me. Isn’t it sad? However, that’s not really the core problem/case.
I’ve been told, not once, not twice, but probably a couple of times that I turn into this completely different person whenever I’m in a "group" of people. I tend to embarass the people "I’m with" (again, in a group), especially when I’m drunk, and apparently, I deliberately go on a "mission to lose the few people who have given me the chance" (i.e. the very few people who decide to hang out with me).
Let’s face it. In this shithole of the third world, nobody really wants to hang out with me. I have the worst reputation ever. Half of the people who make the effort to talk to me would rather hang out with me in private where nobody can see us and half of the people who do hang out with me are genuine, nice-hearted people but I somehow, one way or another, tend to UNCONCIOUSLY trash them.
Someone really close to me sent me a message earlier on how he/she got "a lot of flak by associating him/herself with me". In all honesty, I wasn’t surprised by a single bit. I’ve heard this sooo many times and it wasn’t anything new. I did, however, expressed my apologies though. He/she was a good friend and I admire him/her for sticking up for me. Let’s face it, it’s extremely rare for someone to put up with all the bullshit that I have in my life. It takes balls… and attitude… for someone to actually sacrifice their reputations just to be my "friend".
It’s sad really, but it’s the truth.
For instance, I tried to talk to someone whom I had a major fight about 6 months ago. I said hi last night and guess what she told me: "FUCK YOU. GO TO YOUR FRIENDS!" and she left me hanging there whilst she walked away.
Another example was sometime last year when I went to Hong Kong to meet up a guy I chatted to for quite a little while. Ok, perhaps not a long time but still. He showed me around one night to a couple of bars, clubs and introduced me to some of his friends. I had a blast at the end of the night and genuinely thanked him for his hospitality. I’ve never had so much fun in his area before.
I thought everything was fine until fast forward a few months later, on an internet forum, here’s what he said about me.
"I may not know him but I have met him and, unfortunately for them, introduced him to a few of my friends. One he slapped, the other he insulted verbally within 5 seconds of meeting them. Damage limitation by moving him to another bar did not help as it entailed walking a block up a hill. Once in there he proceeded by nearly getting me barred from a place I’d used for two years and got on well with the manager by insisting he flicked ash in the bars ice sink."
Ouch, right? And to think, I wasn’t AWARE that’s what happened. I thought I REALLY had a blast yet.. that was his version of the story.
The funny part is, this backstabbing wench even had the balls to email me a couple of months later asking me to promote his little art/gallery website since he’s moved from HK to another country. Absolutely hilarious.
Anyhooooooo.. am I the most insensitive, carefree person in the world?
I don’t know.
I *DO* make the effort to put on my best. I am, by no means, perfect, but I try to be as decent as I possibly can. I don’t want to be one of those people who are absolutely "contrived" and watch every single move they make and/or say. It’s just NOT ME!
Anywhow, I guess it would be fair to come into the conclusion that maybe… just maybe… I’m really destined to be a loner. I’ve always been one since I was a child and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens to me whilst I’m an adult.
Let’s face it: for the past few years, I’ve "hopped" from one "crowd" to another…. a separate groupd of "friends" here, a new "group" of friends there. A shitload of people, I’m telling you…. but… I’m not the type who’s got a "REAL" best friend from "day 1". I don’t even have childhood friends at all. It’s a sad fact, really, but in reality, I *DO NOT HAVE* a "best friend" that I could call, talk, or whatever about my day-to-day problems. I always tell people who I come across with… "shit man, you’re so lucky to have the friends that you have now. I don’t!".
I guess that’s how life is. Some people are blessed of having fantastic, flawless relationships (and friendships) with people, whereas some, like me, are cursed, without NONE.
How many of you have a "REAL" "REAL" best friend? I bet most of you have one whereas I, on the other hand, have NONE.
Whatever. The most I could do at this point is make the effort to change myself for the better. One can only change themselves to a certain extent.
Bah! I’m gonna finish my soup and go to bed. To those of you in the third world who went to the Preview Magazine party and took FUGLY pictures of me, please, I’m begging you to email pictures of myself at email@example.com.
Shit, I wore a Galliano jacket, Viktor jeans (oh yeah, metallic), my 5-inch Lanvin shoes, Bernard Wilhelm top yaddi yaddi yadda.
As always, you know how to get a hold of me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I love you all.