WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? Another neighbor died earlier this morning. This is the THIRD death on our street this year. This time, it's the very old (and very sick) lady who lives in the house right in front of the house beside ours (the one who died from lung cancer).
How freaky is this shit?
I'm scared!
Please lord do not, under any circumstances, take me yet. Bad grass die last! I've committed far too many sins in this life I need a lifetime several decades of penance. I want to live till I'm 85 (at least) and I want to die in Chanel haute couture and Massaro shoes not Gap and Pierre Hardy.
I'm utterly bored of the sameness and the banality that goes on around me. There's something in the air and I can't figure out what it is. Italian Glamour magazine recently interviewed me (Viva Italia again yeehaw! Milano, Roma, Firenze, Venezia and what the heck, Rimini... y'all keep an eye out for it!) and they asked me to describe my typical day. It was only until now that I realized shit, holy hermit batman, I really don't have that much of a life. My life is as exciting as a bag of walnuts!
I'm stuck in a rut and I need to get out of it quick. It's strange for me to say that now because IMO, things are going so well for me. I'm in no position to ask for more because I don't know what (and there's nothing really) to ask.
Photo: Anne Lin. Oi what camera is that OMG I look so thin!!
I think I know what I need.
I need to feel human again. I need to be inspired. I need to feel emotion that lingers for more than a few minutes (you won't get that from Raf Simons footwear I'm telling you). I need to be happy. I need to be sad. I need to be angry. I need to be perked up. I need to go bat ape crazy and do cringe-worthy things I'll regret in the future. I'm going through a stage where I'm simply indifferent to MY environment. I'm akin to an emotionless robot, pecking away on my keyboard all day long.
I've had my own fair share of psycho freaks in my humble Bryanboy.com blogging career of four years. Some of you know that the freakiest moment (so far) has got to be the time when a bunch of girls followed me and my grandma to the hospital and took pictures at the parking lot.
Well, I got up this morning with the maids telling me that some man left these awful posters on our doorstep.
I have about 20 posters along with what seemed to be hundreds of animal-rights whatever flyers, pamphlets, leaflets, etc. Just like that. PETA Philippines/PETAAsia Pacific, if you are reading this blog entry you are barking at the wrong tree.
The funny thing is that they think they can scare me with these awful images but hello... I'm a big Rotten.com fan!
Anna Wintour, check. Donna Karan, check. Can you believe it took PETA four friggin years to target my ass? Someone's got an awful lot of spare time on their hands. Oh and contrary to what some of you think, no, I have not ballooned to 300 pounds. I have finally reached my goal weight of 130 recently as I've been eating and exercising a lot. It's not easy, you know? Well, my goal this year is to be athletic. Whatever that is.
Some of the junk I received today. There's more of that where they came from.
I'll wear my Lagerfeld Gallery fox when I burn that trash this weekend.
WE JUST HAD AN EARTHQUAKE JUST NOW!!!!! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.
My fat ass is so wide I didn't feel it but I'm gonna start googling now so stay tuned. I'm chatting to a friend in NY and bitch thought I was making an excuse. Gotta love the third world!
... and god damn it's not bright. It's not just old white men who go around visiting third world countries for sexcapades. Geriatric white women do it, too. This article from Reuters is quite interesting. Two mature ladies (who are neighbours) from Britain go to Kenya for sex tourism rest and recreation.
Reading things like this makes me feel depressed. Why? I'm scared of getting old. What am I gonna do when I'm in my 40s, 50s and 60s? Go to the third world and get myself a fugly sucky sucky 5 dolla money boy? I'm already in the third world! It's soo... sad that the oldies have to resort to THAT. I'm not saying it's wrong though. Everyone has the right to find happiness etc. All I'm saying is that... it's not for me. I mean, sure, yeah, anyone could go out with an wealthy person in his deathbed but what if the tables were turned and it's YOU who is the old, lonely, miserable fart?
You know what... set this in stone. I'm gonna be EXTRA nice to my niece (and future nephews and nieces). Spoil those mother fuckers rotten because one day when I'm covered in wrinkles and liver spots, they're the ones who are gonna take care of me. Now I know why Gianni and Allegra had a special bond.
When you think about it, I'm still luckier compared to the other gays. I have a nice relationship with the familia de horreur. At least I didn't get disowned or I'm not the only child or I don't talk to the parentals/siblings anymore or whatever. I'm sure there's lots of gays out there who disconnected themselves from their families and they end up REALLY alone.
Time to design those mineral water bottle labels I guess.
Ugh! PLEASE CEASE AND DESIST FROM EMAILING ME ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THAT VIETNAMESE TRICK AND HER SEX TAPE. Just because I haven't blogged about it... it doesn't mean I'm not aware of it. Douchebag is probably revelling in all that attention she's getting. Look. I have a sex tape too. In fact, I have a 3-minute vid of me somewhere, getting gangbanged by a bunch of navy cadets but you don't see me go around showing it to anyone. There's a penis in my ass, a penis in my mouth, a penis on my hand, there's penis everywhere and cum is leaking all over the place. The only time I'll "release" it is the day when my usual internet publicity tactics fail me and when my web hits drop to an all-time low -- you know what I mean: desperate times, desperate measures. But y'all know it ain't gonna happen soon so for now, I have that vid in my iPod and my iPod is stored in the bank's lockbox -- away from prying lunatics forever and ever and ever. My sex tape is hardcore. None of those jack-ass cheap production "sex tapes" Asians seem to do these days.
Click click click! DO NOT VOTE ON THE POLL UNTIL YOU READ THE ENTIRE POST!
Apparently over 500,000 (five hundred thousand) people have evacuated their homes in Southern California because of the wildfires. I know this is a silly question but why on earth can't the US government, one of (if not) the most powerful countries on earth with a huge amount of resources, military and financially, act on a federal level and do something to control the fires? It's funny how they can bomb countries in a heartbeat but they can't even send their entire air force to do one of those fake rain/cloud seeding things.
War against terror you say? I don't know about you but the only thing y'all should be focusing on right now is the war against flamers! Oh well. My thoughts and prayers are with you South California folk.
Let's talk about fashion now. Exposing myself to things like this make me depressed.
I went to the mall yesterday afternoon to pick up a few things and this woman (with her boyfriend/husband/whatever) was right in front of me. She wore this thong with "invisible" (but no so invisible) straps made out of something. You know those "invisible" plastic/rubber bra straps? They're kinda like that.
I don't think you can see it on the picture but god damn, it annoyed the HELL out of me. While some girls -- women -- do everything they can to prevent other people see their unmentionables, some folk of the vajayjay kind, like this one, would go to great lengths to show off her thong. What for? She's already got a man (they're holding hands) so I don't get it. Who is she slutting it up for? I know most women these days dress up for other women -- everyone wants the latest designer something something to be the envy of other women so it made me think, is that woman slutting it up for other women? You decide. Answers on a postcard.
You read that right. I'm gonna dress up like America Ferrera, Ferera, Ferrari whatever the hell her last name is. My little fun, good-natured, video backfired on me because apparently, colouring your face and/or skin black is a taboo IN AMERICA and there's a history to it. IN AMERICA. And then you have people, again, IN AMERICA, assume AND expect that I, born and raised in the third world, should know American history. Do they teach all the kinks of American History in third world schools? Heck, as far as I know, bitches don't even have proper sex education classes let alone teach something socially relevant like blackface. I had to google it up to know what the hell people are talking about. Maybe people should fucking do a better job educating PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LIVE IN AMERICA and PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT AMERICANS, everything they need to know about American history so they won't offend them in any shape or form in the future or worse, accuse them of being racist.
Because you know what? Americans matter more than anyone else. Oooh smell the sweet scent of sarcasm straight from the horse's mouth. Fuck it. Fuck America. Ferrera, I mean. God forbid I get backlash next time from what's her race again? Ah yes. Jessica I-am-not-a-Mexicalatino Alba. I'll stick to blonds because blond folk clearly have more fun. Here's a little vid a few months back. I think I look pretty as a blonde, no?
It's clearly bothering me so I messaged a few black people I know off yahoo and none of them found my video offensive/racist/demeaning etc. It's funny cause this guy asked me why I have no boobs, and this girl complained about my dress and the fur (ugh petards) and one of them said I gained weight!!!
Me: Is my Nadiana video racist? African-American male: Nooo. dude you're the least racist person I know of. don't let them get to you. Black female friend from the UK (who also had no clue about 'black face'): I don't find it offensive. I don't like the bit where you wore that dead brown animal of yours. You remind me too much of Naomi. ---
Go figure. Ugh. I should know by now that I can't please everyone, right? But yes, let me say once again that it wasn't my intention to offend anyone and if any of you black folk found my video demeaning, please accept my apologies. You have to admit though that I'm the hottest honorary African-Asian bitch in existence (even better than that tranny ass Kimora) and I should be the princess of an African tribe and get a penis statue made out of Masai beads erected in my honor. As for everyone else (unrelated to the vid) who is offended by my sheer existence (that includes the faggots who say I give gay people a bad name) well... SCREWWWW YEW.
I'm honestly an equal opportunity lover. I love everyone, black, white, brown, red heads, periwinkle, mauve or chartreuse, as long as they don't have a 5 inch dick. My ass should be on the next ad campaign for United Colors of Benetton for my services to mankind! I bet you can't do it like me. I may not have all the handbags in the world but I've slept with 2 black guys in the past. If memory serves me right, I gave one of them a head job inside a car and no, he didn't pay me a fraction of some price, $12 or $30. I also didn't catch aunt aida, crabs, herpes, whatever the hell the name is. Ask my friend Nadiana. Nadiana will hook you up boy, hook you up and it's real. At least she said it's real. Eh-kneeeeeee-way, I love you guys, I love that you're reading my website, and I would like to shout out to my homegirl Nikki who connected me.
boo boo.
PS. And what about 'brown face'??? Brownies like me have rights too you know and you don't see me complain whenever Hollywood hos get a bad tan job.
I'm pissed. It has come to my attention that one of the ad networks I belong to serve adult ads on my site WITHOUT my knowledge and approval. I thought it was just a fluke on some of my readers' computers but I got a few complaints already. I emailed Adbrite like five or six times in the past 2 weeks, telling them I have young people (and office workers) reading my blog and I am NOT pleased at all with whatever it is they are doing. Getting a reply from them is like trying to make orange juice out of apples. Heck, I don't even post naked pictures and if I do, it's either life or death (like Michael Biserta's video... and it's not hosted on my server) or I cover people's bits up.
If you continue to receive interstitial ads (or a page redirect) to an adult site please let me know and I won't stop forwarding them the complaints I'm getting. I'm not too happy about this either. I apologize for emotionally-scarring you and I promise I'll get to the bottom of this. Trust me. Do you really think I want to see dick, nuts and vajayjay on my homepage? Do you really think I want *YOU* to see dick, nuts and vajayjay on my homepage? Thanks but no thanks. We're all soFEESticated laydees here. Give me a new featherette Lanvin dress over some American jock's scrotum any day.
I finally agreed to go on a fucking lunch date (yes, date as in a real date date date) with someone who's been pestering me for the past few days. I think it's about time for me to go to one of those cheesy tacky dates where two people sit on the opposite sides of the table and concoct stories about themselves, polyester tie optional. Hello... I'm not getting any younger and my biological clock is ticking. If I don't go on a date now, I'm gonna end up like Leona Helmsley with no one beside her deathbed other than her dog.
Just got this via email... WHO THE HELL KNEW? Karl Lagerfeld -- yes -- Uncle Karl -- shoots for Playboy Magazine France -- featuring Vahina Giocante! Um, who is she and why does French Playboy look chic?
I died. Died, died, died. I *must* know her name! I want to make her my wallpaper of the week!
Who the HELL is that poor, unguided soul who went to the a Teen Vogue event? Patsy Stone paralox is that chu? Have you not learned anything from Minnie Driver?
Buwisit (prounounced as boo-we-set) is something that you say to any entity who ruins your day week. You may also use that word to describe someone who is incompetent, someone who can't read what's on his or her screen properly, someone who can't give you a straightforward answer, someone who fumbles around as they try to make excuse after excuse to hide the fact that they are CLUELESS.
Buwisit also applies to companies whose "customer service" departments consist of nothing but glorified note-jotters or message-takers. You know what I mean -- you call them up, they take a note of it and "customer service" ends there. Ask them a question and listen to them spit a litany of varying lies and excuses. Customer service reps in this shithole are NOT trained to resolve problems -- they are trained to take notes! Can you believe they require 4-year college degrees to be employed for that sort of shit? I bet you my fat brown ass even my bitch of a dog can do a better job than these bottom-feeders. Ask my dog why he's grumpy and what's wrong and he would lead me to the kitchen where we keep dog food! I won't take it personal against the staff because that's how they were trained. Blame the company!
I don't know about you but tell me, what's the acceptable lead time for a blue-chip telecommunications firm (with a vast amount of resources) to have a problem investigated? 24-48 hours? 3-5 days or a mind-blowing 9 days?
I just got back from a not-so-productive last- minute meeting (yes, on a Sunday!!! and you guys know how much I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE "meetings") where I was required to bring my laptop and guess what: my
oh-so-adorable"internet connection anywhere" failed me again! What a waste this HSDPA/3G crock of shite. I had to excuse myself for a good half-hour to find a god damn wi-fi card in the area. I've been having internet problems since Wednesday night -- I thought maybe, just maybe, my problem is isolated and limited to my residence. Lo and behold I experienced the same problem about 10 miles from me -- in Greenbelt of all places. Sometimes it's good, sometimes, it's unreliable.
Errr don't shoot the messenger! Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god, this is like the biggest model/cocaine scandal of the season and there's a video for y'all to watch. British model Jodie Kidd was videotaped calling her supposedly drug dealer as she tried to score 3 grams of blow, according to News of the World, (£40/£50 per gram) for undercover reporters. I know it's not the same as Kate Moss doing a big fat line, but still. Dayummmmm those British reporters are vicious! Count me in on Team Jodie Kidd! i don't think it's fair for these reporters to take advantage of Jodie's vulnerability. Clearly they used her and set her up.
Anyway, the good thing about her is the fact that she's filthy rich
already and she didn't jack the prices of blow. Back in my hey day,
middlemen are so greedy and selfish they often add an x amount of money
on top of the dealer's price... and then they'll serve baking soda
mixed with talcum powder wrapped in teeny tiny plastic bags. Or worse,
aspirin. Can you imagine? It was probably aspirin or vitamin c that I
had during all those times I *thought* I took ecstasy when I was 5.
Damn cunts. Hahaha!
I don't know about you but there comes a point in your life when you know you should get your act straight. Drugs are bad, mmmkay? I'd rather be fat than have a nose similar to that of Daniella Westbrook. Remember her from the late 90s? Take it from me -- the next time you consider doing coke, take a trip to your nearest Shu Uemura counter instead and buy "Warm Sun" bronzing powder. It's safer and cheaper. It will also make you pretty, too.
Click here to watch the scandalous Jodie Kidd video that's making waves in good ol' Londres.
Maybe Jodie was talking about cotton candy? Or maybe, just maybe, she was talking about hot, Polish/Eastern European rent boys that you can hire past midnight to deliver a kiss-a-gram? I'll let you be the judge.
Shower me with attention and inflate my ego. Email photos of your love and I'll add you to my ever-growing collection. Be creative! Be spontaneous! Send them to bryan@bryanboy.com today!
Not funny.
I'm pissed. It has come to my attention that one of the ad networks I belong to serve adult ads on my site WITHOUT my knowledge and approval. I thought it was just a fluke on some of my readers' computers but I got a few complaints already. I emailed 
