Me, My Dad, Lindsay Lohan and White Oprah
To be honest with you, I haven’t talked to my dad longer than 10 minutes in the longest time. I mean, we talk but not like full-on, bam wham bam whatever. Never in my life I’d imagine having this sort of conversation with him. I swear to god, I have NEVER been so humiliated in my entire life — imagine being owned by a 50-year old man! This is like wayyy more embarassing than talking about the birds and the bees at age 9. It was soo awkward!!!
Click click click!
Miracles do happen, you know.
I don’t even know why I’m doing this but I don’t believe in miracles. I mean, there’s a
scientifical logical explanation on all the things that happen to us, but man, this is something else. Don’t ask me how I landed on this guy’s blog. One click led to another and another and another…
Consider me a
convert believer on all things religious and miraculous. I’M TELLING Y’ALL, THERE’S A FUCKIN GOD OUT THERE WHO CAN MAKE IT OUR WEIGHT LOSS DREAMS POSSIBLE! Click click click!
SOS! Third World Customs
Does anyone here know a customs broker or someone at the Bureau of Customs in the third world? I have a package coming in from the US and the whores at Saks screwed up with the customs declaration form and forgot to add a dot before two zeroes, so what looks like $XXXX.XX now looks like $XXXXXX, which is totally ridiculous! The fuckers at customs want to charge me a mortgage and a leg in duties and taxes and I bet you my fat arse they’re gonna pocket them. I really hate the third world! I don’t understand why they base their taxes on the "declared value" instead of the item and worse, they have NO common sense at all! Where have you seen clothes in the 6 figures sent via mail? That’s just absurd. The people at the post office told me the only thing they could do is send the package back to the sender and have them correct the form with the TRUE declared value. The post office sending it back? Like HELL THAT’S GONNA HAPPEN. The last time I got a package from Amazon ($200 in books/cds) I ended up paying over $150 in taxes! I’m fed up. SO. FED. UP.
If you have a contact, please call/text/share +63.915.785.1492. My package is stuck in Makati Central Post Office, fyi.
Wednesday Night Sluts: Miami Vice
"Greetings from the beautiful sunshine state on the other side of the world! No, I’m not talking about college-drinking Tallahassee or magic-kingdom Orlando, I’m talking about the sexiest place on the planet. Yes! Miami"
I **LOVE** it when kids play with laundry detergent… Click click click!!!
Best Obituary Ever: Count Gottfried von Bismarck
Can you imagine how fabulous it would be if your obituary read something like this?
Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who was found dead on Monday aged 44, was a louche German aristocrat with a multi-faceted history as a pleasure-seeking heroin addict, hell-raising alcoholic, flamboyant waster and a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies.
The great-great-grandson of Prince Otto, Germany’s Iron Chancellor and architect of the modern German state, the young von Bismarck showed early promise as a brilliant scholar, but led an exotic life of gilded aimlessness that attracted the attention of the gossip columns from the moment he arrived in Oxford in 1983 and hosted a dinner at which the severed heads of two pigs were placed at either end of the table.
When not clad in the lederhosen of his homeland, he cultivated an air of sophisticated complexity by appearing in women’s clothes, set off by lipstick and fishnet stockings. This aura of dangerous "glamour" charmed a large circle of friends and acquaintances drawn from the jeunesse dorée of the age; many of them knew him at Oxford, where he made friends such as Darius Guppy and Viscount Althorp and became an enthusiastic, rubber-clad member of the Piers Gaveston Society and the drink-fuelled Bullingdon and Loders clubs.
Well, that obituary is real and you can read it on The Daily Telegraph.
Melody Woodin is the hotness
Obsession du jour in progress! Who the hell is Melody Woodin and why did she only come to my life now? I just searched for her and looks like she’s been around for awhile now. God I have major model mania catching up to do. There’s just soo many of them out there! Anyway, Melody made her debut in my books a few days ago when she graced the couturific runway at Christian Dior.
At Badgley Mischka Resort
Isn’t she pure perfection?
"Marry a USA Man!"
Is it fugly people day or what? I’m currently bloghopping and this disgustin google adsense advert is all over the fucking place. It’s driving me insane! Boy do they have a shitload of ad budget to spend or what? Whoever designed this ad should be shot with a handful of .45 calibre bullets right in the skull.
Who in their right mind would fucking want to marry a bastard troll who looks exactly LIKE THAT? There is something absolutely perverted in that photo. Maybe I’ve seen far too many "i wish i was donald trump tele-evangelists" in the past. Filth. Pure filth.
I don’t know about you but "desperate times desperate measures" is not even a valid excuse to compromise whatever you believe in.
Good luck catching aids. I hope your babies look like monkeys.
[Edit - 1:00PM: I just realized that I was harsh on this entry, afterall, without fugly dirty old white men crossbreeding with gullible third world mail order brides with dark brown coochies, there won't be mixed-raced GI babies in third world entertainment/fashion/showbiz industries!]
I don’t even know what to say.
I really don’t. Watching this clip is like watching a car crash in slow motion. I died, died, died when I saw this video on YouTube. If you think I’m gay, wait till you see these faggots from the third world. You’ll have to fast forward the clip for a minute or two to see the fun part. I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry because hell I’m straight like an arrow compared to these queens. I love it!
I dunno. If you ask me, I still prefer Thai trannies over Flips. Sorry!