Josh Goot Spring/Summer 2008
Josh Goot Spring/Summer 2008
And this, my friends, is why *YOU* shouldn’t have bareback sex, smoke crystal meth or listen to Britney.
Good god gracious. That guy makes me look straight, no?
EDIT!!!!! THIS GUY IS CLEARLY, I’M TELLING YOU, CLEARLY A NUTCASE.
Meet Ashley Qualls
Fuck me with a fruitcake! God. It’s stories like this that makes me want to whore myself online even further because clearly my faggotry antics are nothing but spare change. Her name is Ashley Qualls (who recently got profiled by Fast Company), she’s 17 years old, she lives in Bumfuck, Uncle Sam of America and she made a cool US$1,000,000 (one million donald duck dollars — that’s 45 million in third world money) and growing, thanks to her free myspace layouts empire.
Where was I when I was 17? Oh yes, I remember. I was busy getting my Gucci ruined by getting gangbanged in the toilets of Departure Lounge at Heaven in London. With all that money in the bank that bitch jailbait better get rid of her baby fat and get herself a lipo as soon as she’s legal. What’s up with the suburban American Eagle mallrat outfit she’s wearing? I say go for Givenchy haute couture! Just kidding. Ignore me. I am SOO jealous much! Congrats Ashley! Thank you for giving us hope and inspiring us with your story.
Fuck that shit
Why is it sooo hard to find a truck that isn’t moving? It’s 9PM, it’s 28 degrees celsius outside which is like 300 degrees fahrenheit, I have a huge ass chubby fox coat at the back of my car and I’m DYINGGGG to do a Helmut Newton picture for my friend Mauricio but I can’t find a fucking truck!!!
Give me a few hours. I am SO not gonna sleep tonight without taking a morbid Helmut Newton death fur heels truck photo.
OMG THE GUY AT THE BANK IS SO HOT!!!!!!!!
It’s 10AM and I’m supposed to be out running some errands but I’m here at the parking lot with my laptop and my wireless internet connection but man, I don’t want to wait until I get home to blog about what I saw!
I went to the bank a few minutes ago to get my debit card replaced and to reorder checkbooks. Lo and behold I saw the hottest guy office worker I have ever seen in my entire life! Ok, maybe not THE HOTTEST OFFICE WORKER IN THE WORLD (because those London city boys in suits are hot) but definitely the hottest guy office worker in THE THIRD WORLD! It’s definitely casual Fridays cause he had a t-shirt on. HE WAS MUSCULAR as in his arms are massive. I don’t like muscular guys but his face… he was cute. He’s about the same height as I am, maybe an inch or two taller than me, super short hair and he had this cute little smile — he was soo nice, helpful and very attentive. I had a hard time looking at him (he kept on looking at me straight in the eye) because
he was soo hot I wasn’t at my glorious best. All I had on was a ratty t-shirt, shorts, flip flops, my hair is a mess, I didn’t have make-up on, not even lip gloss. I had to wear my sunglasses mid-conversation because I don’t want him to see that I’m staring at porn I’m practically having an orgasm right then and there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THERE’S A HOT GUY IN THE BANK? HELLO! WHERE THE HELL DID HE CAME FROM? IT’S THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM… BUT THEN AGAIN, I ONLY GO TO THE BANK LIKE ONCE IN A BLUEMOON. HAD I KNOWN THERE’S SOMEONE HOT IN THERE I WOULD’VE AT LEAST PUT AN EFFORT.
I bet you my fat ass he’s gay. He better be gay. LORD ALMIGHTY PLEASE MAKE HIM GAY!
I’m gonna go to the bank sometime next week and see what he’s up to. I wanted to take a stolen paparazzi snapshot using my cellphone so y’all can see what I’m talking about… and then I realized he works at the bank where I have my accounts and god forbid he tells everyone that I only have a penny and a nickel on my name. HAHAHAHAHA!
PS. I’m on friendster now. HAHAHAA!
ID? What ID?
Jesus mother of god since when did banks in the third world require 3 IDs to open a US Dollar savings account? I want to open a new, no-frills, simple savings account for one of my hobbies/projects and all the banks I called want at least 3 government-issued IDs like passport, driver’s license, social security card, etc. I have my passport alright but I don’t have a driver’s license because my student license expired about 6 years ago and I didn’t bother renewing it cause a) I got into a car crash/got rear-ended TWICE, b) I don’t know how to drive and c) I have a driver so why bother? I also have a social security card but I didn’t renew it as well — mine is still cardboard when it’s supposed to be plastic and have a photo. Apparently they don’t take birth certificates. IT REALLY IS RIDICULOUS! I mean, I’ve always thought birth certificates and passports are sufficient enough but boy I was wrong. I’m basically screwed. Don’t they know who I am? I’m Janeane Garofalo!
The last time I opened a bank account was back in the dark ages and the branch where I keep my accounts is located about 900 timezones away from me — I can’t be bothered to go there. It’s funny how banks these days want more than your first born child. I know they’re doing it to prevent money laundering but when you think about it, most of the money launderers are politicians/tax cheats/business people with a shitload of money — the same exact people who can sweet talk their ass with the banks. Afterall, they’re the ones with connections AND the money that banks want so really, the laws are pretty much useless. I even spoke to this one bank, EastWest Bank, and they also want a copy of your tax return. JUST TO OPEN A SAVINGS ACCOUNT! How ridiculous is that? And then there’s this other bank whose policy is to put a 10-day hold on US$ cash deposits. Most of the banks I spoke to also don’t accept US$ check deposits unless you have an account with them for at least 6 months.
I really don’t get it, you know? I just don’t. I know I can get a real, non-student driver’s license even if I don’t know how to drive (hello fixers, bribery and corruption) and I also called the social security office and they told me it takes about about a month and a half for me to get a card in the mail AFTER I go to their office. I don’t want to wait THAT long! God save me.