Gag Reflex vs Gag Orders
As someone who has dealt with enough species of the male human kind, let me tell you upfront that the only thing worse than a blowjob gag reflex is a self-issued gag order.
Not too long ago, I remember being asked this (ok, perhaps not with the same verbiage) question several times:
“Do you ever feel pressure that you have to satisfy your readers with content?”
I’ve always been consistent with my answer.
NO, I’ve never felt any pressure from anyone or any outside forces of nature whatsoever. My blog has always been some sort of a sperm/blood bank of my personal purges – I flush whatever it is that I see/feel during a certain time.
I don’t give a flying fuckahontas about what people think. Some people (thank god) get “it”, whatever it is… and some people don’t.
It’s my little corner of the world wide web and it’s all about me – me, me and me.
Let’s face it, why the heck would I even attempt to satisfy readers when my short-term priority is to satisfy myself first amongst others, make myself happy and live how I want to live?
Perhaps I should state the unobvious: I do, to an extent, get a certain amount of personal satisfaction when I “unknowingly”, without any effort on my part, make other people happy – in other words, I just do what I want to do, say what I say, like it has always been, and whenever there are people coming up to me, telling me that I make them happy, I’m happy.
One loyal reader even pointed out, in person (oh yes), that the best thing she likes about me is the fact that I don’t do bullshit. I’m just “out there”, pouring out whatever it is I want to pour out.
Fuck what everyone else thinks.
Ah, the mantra we all would like to live by. You’ll probably get that ‘impression’ the first time you see me. I think this is how I’ve lived after all these years. Without that lucky phrase, god knows how I’ll survive in a country whose society lives by the “This is How We Do Things Handbook of Life”.
Over the weekend, I opened up to a couple of friends on how things are taking a turn recently.
A person can only take so much flak before he/she reaches a breaking point.
I think I’ve reached that point already.
After seeing/hearing negativity, I couldn’t help being affected by such crap.
I genuinely admire those, who over time, develop some sort of a ‘numbing shield’ to such negativity. I’ve had that numbing shield for years but like what I said, it does break down at one point.
I know there is no way we can please everyone. Oh yes. It’s just impossible. Besides, why should anyone try to please everyone.
But then again, for some strange reason, I have this little (fuck yeah), little teeny voice hiding inside my esophagus that screams ala Ashlee Simpson that says that I don’t want to offend anyone either.
Acid reflux anyone?
One friend said that instead of being affected by crap, you use that negativity away and let it inspire you to do things better.
But doesn’t that translate that you have to change yourself?
Doesn’t it mean that you’re giving up a certain part of yourself/your personality just to satisfy others?
Bottom line: doesn’t it mean that you eventually DID get affected by such negativity?
Another friend said that I should just plain blank ignore the crap and just do things MY WAY. How I should never, ever, ever change myself despite anything.
That’s the sort of answer that I have in my head. And that’s what I’m more inclined to do.
There are just so many things I’d like to whine and write about but my self-issued gag order prohibits me from blowing the whistle and sing Scooby-scooby-doo-where-are-you?
Enough rambling. I think we’re going in circles. I can’t even say what I want to say in an eloquent manner.
I’d love to hear what you think. Feel free to post comments or as always, email firstname.lastname@example.org. If you really, really love me, send me an SMS message: +63-915-785-1492.
To be honest, I think I’d rather settle for the lesser evil. I’ll suck a cock instead of giving myself a gag order. Any offers?
Let me introduce you to Napoleon High School Seniors 2004.
I’m still sick. My fever’s gone down but I still have that awful, awful cough and chest infection. God knows when it’s gonna clear up. I wish I’ve got SARS so I can like infect each and everyone of you.
Can you imagine, I’ve been cigarette-free for the past 28 hours, to be exact? I have a ton of Marlboro Reds here – oh the temptation of just lighting one then huff and puff galore. But no. I’m determined to just follow my meds and get my cough sorted out.
I’ve been thinking, if I were to go to a yank high school on Monday, where would I belong?
Preppy? Oh fuck no. I am so not clean-cut.
Geeks? Say what now?
Goths? Marilyn Manson is so dark ages ago. I think goths evolved into candy kids whatever, non? I’m so outdated with youth culture.
Jocks? Ha ha. Like I would play any sport. Very funny though.
Go on then. Where would you classify me? Definitely not the PTA. And please don’t say the Gay-Straight Alliance.
I am so gay that even gay guys are scared of me. Which is strange cause I’m not even gay. I’m bisexual.
Enough brain farting for me. I’m off to have my lunch.
Love you lots. Toodles!
It’s 3:13 in the morning and i just got up. I hate early nights — I slept at around 10PM yesterday cause I was just dead tired (and tipsy).
I went out yesterday to meet Harvey, an acquaintance from London who is here on holiday. 4 years ago, I gatecrashed his house party in Tooting Broadway (yep. so so far.) along with a bunch of people I met online. He was here about 5 months ago and decided to come back cause he made friends blah blah.
We talk about lots of stuff. For 4 hours.
I met him at Starbucks at around 3PM. I had a latte and bought some mints.
And since I haven’t been to the big city in like 2 weeks (Makati), and the shops were literally about a 30 second walk, I decided to take a look.
I haven’t done proper browsing in a long time.
We went to Prada cause I’ve been looking for this white and turqoise silk/cashmere top but it was gone.
Then we went to Yves Saint Laurent, I bought a canvas Kahala Yachting tote in white canvas and gold leather.
Then we went to Vuitton, I bought a multicolore bracelet. I have this addiction thing with Vuitton bracelets.
Here’s a pic of my loot:
Then we took a look at Gucci. There was this nice big bag I wanted but didn’t have enough motivation to pick it up cause I’m with someone. I generally like to shop alone.
After the shops, we went to this cafe to have more drinks. I had 2 gin tonics, about 4 or 5 vodka red bulls and a perrier. Then we started talking about stuff again.
Apparently he likes this shithole of a place, Manila.
He made quite a bit of friends from all walks of life, which is nice, and he’s been to a ton of places locally even I wouldn’t be caught dead going to.
Oh yes. We’re talking about the slums, my dear. The dreaded word that nobody here really likes to talk about.
I mean, I don’t really like talking about it. Sure, it does exist. And yes, I am aware of it, not to mention I did feel guilty about all my blessings etc. But hell, in no way I have a fault whatever.
After several hours, I didn’t want to get too drunk and I was dead tired at 7PM so I called my driver to pick me up and to go home.
The slums conversation didn’t end in the big city.
When I got home, my mom was watching a documentary about the unstoppable population boom in the Philippines.
Yes, people in the slums who earn no more than US$50 per month but have not 5, not 6, not 7, heck, not even 10, but 17, 19, 21, 23 **and** 25 kids.
There was this old lady who had a child every bloody year for the past 25 years. She lives in this matchbox-sized shanty house, the same with all her kids **AND** her kid’s kids — she has 9 grandchildren already.
These people had no idea what they’ve gotten into. Well, I think they do, but they chose to lead a blind eye. Despite living in extreme poverty, they continously add more and more to the global population burden by irresponsible breeding.
And it’s mostly the catholic church’s fault. The catholic church has a huge influence here and they prohibit their followers from using artificial contraception (i.e. pills, condoms, vasectomies, etc).
Both my mom and I were COMPLETELY appalled
with what we saw. I’m gonna reiterate what she
said before — these people are nothing but poultry.
They spend their lives while laying a ton of eggs
In fact, there was even this small area about 30 miles from where I live and it was named "Addition Hills" because of the fact it was an instant population factory. 100,000 people, 60% are under the age of 15 and it keeps on adding more and more and more kids every year. Even the kids have fucking kids. Some of them only eat once a day because they simply cannot afford to feed 18 mouths. It was absolutely awful.
Sometimes I don’t even know what to feel.
Should I feel sorry for them? Or should I feel
despise and wish genocide to do them a HUGE
These days, I’m leaning towards the genocide bit because it’s just sad. Really sad. There’s far too many rodents and vermin in the world already yet they continously and irresponsibly add more cockroaches in this planet.
Bah. I can’t believe I’m stressing out over this. I have my extraction facial in about 13 hours and I have to be fresh looking or else I’ll get another sermon from my aesthetician.