Mariah sang a song for me
Oh. my. fucking. god.
You people have got to listen to this voicemail I got a few days ago. Mariah called in and sang a song especially for me. I was gonna put it on a new podcast but I’m too friggin lazy and I can’t be bothered.
Click here to download the voice message.
I’m not really a Mariah fan but after listening to that voiceclip, I realized damn, I should love her too!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You, too, can call in my voicemail line and leave me messages. In fact, you can even call in and ask me questions. I’ll answer them on my next podcast.
Pick up the phone and dial +1.206.339.3479.
That number is located in Seattle, USA. If you’re calling from outside the USA/Canada, you’ll need to add your international dialling code before calling this number. Don’t forget to say your name, where you’re calling from, whether you love me or not and of course, you gotta say the magic word BABOOSH!.
Hat by Chanel, short-sleeve cropped hoodie by Norma Kamali for Everlast, oversized tank top by Karoo (Mark Eisen), jeans from Cheap Monday (Sweden), B-Bag from Fendi and boots from Dior Homme.
Can’t Say No to Nokia
The fabulous folks at Nokia recently invited me to join one of their campaigns for their phones. They’re going to launch the new NOKIA 3250, a phone that allows you to listen to play tracks, listen to music, take photos with the 2-megapixel camera etc. It’s a lovely phone. I got mine in… PINK!!!
The shoot went well. I got there in time. I thought I was gonna be late but the traffic wasn’t as bad as I thought. It took no more than 25 minutes from my house to the big city… on a rush hour!
I guess I’m an easy subject. Hahahaha! ‘styling’ me was effortless. HAHA! I hope so. In fact, all I had to do was bring my own clothes and accessories. Make-up didn’t take more than 5-10 minutes. It was piss easy.
Eunice is such a pig. I gave her my leftover pizza and the bitch smothered pizza oil on my camera hence the blurry pictures. Argh!!
There’s absolutely NO excuse for my bovine-sized love handles.
BTW, that’s Karla, fab stylist galore… she’s also the Fashion Editor of Philippine Tatler magazine.
I also met Lourd of Emphasis salon. He’s my
nonsexual wife anorexic daughter Hannah’s stylist. He’s the guy who did my makeup. I need a tan pronto!!! Standing next to him makes me feel caucasian. I’m soooo pale I hate it!!!
I guess y’all have to wait until the campaign goes out on the papers to see the end result. I’m SOOO excited! I feel like a model. Hahahha! YUCK. My faggotry is finally paying off!!!
I can’t wait to have my own billboard one day!!!
HAHAHAH! :) You all know how I’ve always fantasized about having my own billboard. Someone just please fulfill my dream pronto. I’m not getting any younger these days.
Ok.. well.. it’s either a billboard or a crocodile birkin bag.
After the shoot, I went to the cash machine to take out cash. It’s been ages since I last went to McDonald’s and I had a weird chicken craving, thanks to my Mexican buddy Mauricio. I know I LOOOVEEEEE Jollibee Chickenjoy but I can’t, for the life of god, find a Jollibee drive through at the place I went.
Did you know that my motherland, the Philippines (aka land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives), is probably THE only place in the world where McDonald’s sell fried chicken?
Oh dear. My bum looks big on this photo. Hello J.Lo!
Work it like you own it.
Mmmmm yummmy!!! I loooove McDonald’s fries. Take note how nobody wanted to fall in line behind me. I guess that’s how scary I am.
My favourite New York Queen Bee socialite once said that being on a wheelchair at the airport is like flying FIRST CLASS +++ PLUS. You automatically get in front of the line!
Screw the wheelchair. I’d rather be a fag! I LOOOOOOVE being a fag cause I get to have all this space around me. Let’s face it, it really is fun when nobody wants to go near your initimidating flaming ass for the fear of catching the homosexuality bug.
Even Nicky Hilton and our Fendi B-Bag will agree with me.
This just in… courtesy of Perez Hilton.
It’s official. Kate really sobered up her act and stayed away from cocaine. Oh no!!!!!!! She looks like a fat woman!!!!!! I hate it!!!!! What did this woman do to the legendary Kate Moss?
I guess this whole sobering up/weight gain/domestication thing is VERY trendy these days. All the fabulous people in the world are domesticating themselves and fattening up.
Yes, I know, I know. I haven’t paid ANY attention to my InsideMyBag.com baby in the past few months. Please don’t be mad at me. I decided I’m gonna resurrect that site and update it with your submissions.
PLEASE send me a picture of what’s inside your handbag. Email firstname.lastname@example.org. Give me a couple of hours and I’ll start with the first set of updates.
I’d truly appreciate it if you spread the word about that site to everyone that you know.
I **PROMISE** I’m gonna do everything that I can to update that website often.
I know I fucking look like a stroke victim on this photo. One of my eyes look weird but what the hell. All I can say at this point is…..
LONG LIVE FAGGOTRY!
More updates later. I promise.
Enough faggotry for now. You know how I close my blog entries, right?
I love you all. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Long, Hot Summer
Remember how I recently complained on how I *NEVER* get free trips?
Well, I got my first ever "free" vacation without paying a single dime on BOTH the airfare and hotel accommodations.
I just got back yesterday morning from a wonderful weekend in Boracay Island, one of my favourite islands here in the third world. The Local Government of Malay, Aklan and SEA Air sent over 120 members of the press, local designers, models and celebrities for a weekend of food, fun and frolics. SEA Air flies several dozen times daily from Manila – the fastest way to go to the island… 35 minutes! I stayed at the Pearl of Pacific resort.
Speaking of summer, it was sooo hot in the island I was sweating VODKA round the clock. I swear to my grandmother’s grave that vodka overflowed the mother fuckin island… the more I drink, the more I sweat. I pretty much got intoxicated each and every night I was there. In fact, I got back to my old drunk dialling habits; I drunk-dialled some of my girlfriends in Manila (and all over the place) at friggin 4 in the morning. I got soooo hammered one night and I rang some of my friends whilst running on the beach on the way back to the hotel at dawn – alone and drunk. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In spite of being on the island for 4 days, I only managed to swim once and sunbathe for about 10 minutes! I’ll definitely come back though (soon) and enjoy what the island really has to offer, sea, sun and sand, amongst other things, with very close friends and/or family.
P.S. Boys and girls, you gotta check out that new place called Asya Resort. It’s sooo GORGEOUS! All of their chic guestrooms are decorated in a modern manner and the bathrooms are extremely spacious. I love that resort and I’ll most definitely stay there the next time I’m back in the island.
What’s up with the abundance of guys emailing me recently?
From NYC to California, I’ve been getting a lot of emails (and pictures that can give any random dirty old pundit a hard on without using viagra) from all these guys recently.
For the life of god, just get a bloody plane ticket and come visit me here in the third world/Las Islas Filipinas! You know who you are. Plane tickets are cheap and I’ll give you a lovey lovey good time!
Meet Jose Luis from Mexico.
Paris <3 Bryanboy
Lookie lookie at what I found earlier at CelebWorld. Paris and I have the same Marc Jacobs Collection bag except mine is black.
And I love that pic of her doing the infamous bryanboy pose.
Yes, I know she’s about to put her bag on top of her Bentley (?) Maserati (?) but who cares.
Eat your heart out.
Hahahahah! I’ll update in a bit.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Lights, Camera, Talk Metro!
Fuck! I THINK I totally fucked up on my LIVE interview earlier. I was sooo friggin nervous I ended up looking like a complete trainwreck… at least that’s what I felt. Cut me some slack though; I have the flu – fever, sore throat, cough and colds.
It’s a miracle I didn’t shat on my pants earlier.
Anyway, I wish I had illegal substances earlier to calm me down. I seriously would’ve opted for whatever River Phoenix had before he died outside The Viper Room.
DOWN SYNDROME in Dior Homme. That’s all I gotta say.
If you got a dollar everytime you heard me sigh, cough, laugh, snort (like a coke whore), say "um" or "you know", you’d be a millionaire by now. Thank god I didn’t fart!
The only thing that was missing was a fuckin loincloth… at least I’d fit my "ooga wooga mooga" caveman TV persona.
Shit, even my voice sounded soooo gay.
My voice is friggin irritating.
I sounded like a stuffy-nosed Irish drag queen on crack cocaine.
Both my hosts, Philipp and Caroline (sp? I forgot her name), were complete PROFESSIONALS. The questions were spot-on, I enjoyed their humor and they did the very best to make me feel comfortable. They also tried to rescue me whenever I get tongue-tied.
It’s a great opportunity and a fantastic learning experience though. It’s not often that I get to be on TV.
Natural high galore… it was FUCKING EXHILIRATING and NERVE WRACKING at the same time.
I’ll be honest… I’m actually NOT disappointed with the outcome.
Why? Because I sorta had a clue that I’m gonna be shit on TV.
If I’m gonna be fine on LIVE TELEVISION, dontcha think I should’ve been on TV ages and ages ago?
Let’s face it… I’m not built for TV.
Save it for people with perfect teeth and those who use whitening products.
What the heck… at least my makeup was good… thanks to my friend Xeng Zulueta, make-up artist extraordinaire (Shu Uemura). She got interviewed as well.
Ooooh I love Shu Uemura.
XENG… GIMME A LIST OF THE PRODUCTS YA USED ONE ME INCLUDING THE COLORS ETC SO I CAN BUY THEM WHEN I GO TO RUSTAN’S!
A family member (gasp) recorded the thing and the 20-minute interview is permantly etched on my head.
Note to people who are gonna be interviewed on TV soon:
1) Take lots of drugs. Get yourself relaxed by injecting the same stuff they use for lethal injections.
2) Learn how to speak eloquently. I sounded like a caveman on TV. Always remember: OOGA WOOGA MOOGA.
2) Stop making noises. In fact, do not MOVE. The only thing thats important are your eyes, your mouth and your clothes. Nothing else. Be a fuckin mannequin in front of the camera.
3) DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, INHALE or EXHALE throughout the interview. OXYGEN DEPRIVATION is the key for that perfect TV look.
4) Be straight to the point when giving out answers to your hosts. You have no time for mental block.
5) Xanax, Valium, Rivotril, Mogadon, Ambien, Vicodin. Swallow two of each and wash them down with a bottle of vodka.
Practice makes perfect. I know I’ll be better next time.
I HIGHLY DOUBT IF THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME.
Now I know what those American Idol rejects feel…
Talk Metro. Every Saturdays at 8PM on ANC (ABS-CBN News Channel). It’s also available to viewers around the world via TFC (The Filipino Channel). Check with your local cable/satellite TV operator if it’s available in your area.
I’m not really a fan of this obese platinum blond aryan whore named PINK but her latest video brings home the bacon.
Visit this link to watch Pink’s latest video.
God I LOVE pop culture: the eternal quest to having the perfect, emaciated body via eating disorders and drug abuse, the ridiculous clothes, the trashiest accesories one can wear that’s worth several months of an average person’s salary, the belief that sex sells, the liposuctions, the cosmetic surgeries and the need to look plastic… I LOOOOOVE it all!
Maybe if I act like that, flippin my blond hair back, push up my bra like that…
I like the bit where she said….
Oh my god guys, I totally had like 300 calories that is soo not sexy.
*ugh* *vomit* *ugh*
I WILL BE SKINNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
I love it. I really do.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Cataluna, Spain, Kent, OH, Trenton, NJ, San Angelo, TX, Chicopee, MA, Fall River, MA, Hastings On Hudson, NY, Shawford, NH, Kanagawa, Japan, Burwood, NSW Australia, Ostfold, Norway, Leuven, Vlaams-Brabant Belgium, Jaguh, Johor Malaysia, all my friends who live in Trollhattan, Vastra Gotaland Sweden and of course, my homies in Severna Park, MD. I love, love, love, love you all!
#2 – Bryanboy gives a huge shout out to all his lovers and friends from Melbourne, Australia, especially Suz. Thanks darling, you’re sooo sweet.
Nikki (from Queens, NY if I’m not mistaken) sent me a picture of his love. In spite the fact that he didn’t show his face and he couldn’t spell my name right, it’s the thought that counts and I love him regardless.
#3 – I’m sure you people know how I despise photoshop. Here are 3 exceptions though. The first image came from Paul, who, in celebration of Australia Day, thought me and Cate Blanchett have similar features while the other one is from Joella who lives in Sweden.
This threesome photo brought a smile to my face, courtesy of a guy from Offtopic. I love it.. though that pic of me looks as if I have a hairy chest.
#4 – I didn’t go to that Paul Van Dyk event yesterday night. I’m not going out tonight either. I’m still sick. Not even the liquid strepsils thing I bought in Moscow last year could save my sore throat.
#5 – I finally found a webhost that offers at least 1 Terabyte of data transfer. Whew!! Dreamhost.com, say hello to Bryanboy.
I think that’s all for now. My throat, head, neck and back hurts. I think I’m gonna give birth now.
As always, you know where to contact me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
This is a pen.
You HAVE to watch this interview. Fuckin hilarious! I’m surprised that this SEVENTEEN year old Japanese kid didn’t cream his pants when Dakota Fanning hugged him.
Full video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfmHCBnT1aY
Although Dakota didn’t answer his questions well, I’m impressed with her professionalism and the way she handled the interview. How old is she anyway? 10? 12? Gosh.
Put myself in her shoes and I would’ve reached out for my handbag and give the poor kid a shitload of xanax.
It’s official: WEARING YOUR CLOTHES MORE THAN ONCE IS CHIC AGAIN!
This is great news for all the little people out there (such as myself) who cannot afford to wear things JUST once.
You can blame the House of Chanel (no less) for this crime against fashion.
The folks at 31 Rue Cambon are having a grand day for sending Reese Witherspoon a dress worn by Kirsten Dunst back in 2002.
That aside, Chanel also sent Natalie Portman a dress that Debra Messing wore in 2001 and Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman 2.
The only lucky bitch in this world is Kirsten Dunst — she gets to wear everything first before handing them out to everyone!
Email from St. Bernadette
I really don’t know what to say. You see, I receive far too many emails on a daily basis from people all over the world and this one bites the cake.
I don’t even know what to say/feel/react etc. Read it for yourself and tell me what YOU think.
Is it freaky? Is it too intense? Is it psychotic?
Don’t get me wrong, there’s something about psychotic people that I like. Perhaps I’m in need of therapy myself.
Read her email thoroughly. Perhaps she’s just playing around? For all I know, s/he could be a famous, wealthy and powerful person. I love it how I can get so delusional sometimes…
I’m quite intrigued on how s/he insulted me on the first paragraph of her email and then she opened up and then asked whether or not I’m a fake. CLASSIC!
Nevertheless, she did ask a serious question.
Am I the type who will use other people just to be somewhat happy?
After serious thought (oh yes), I’d say no.
1. I’ve dedicated almost my entire life in making MYSELF happy without the aid (or with minimal aid) of anyone else.
2. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I’m still single; I’m not proactive or desperate enough to have someone to make me happy.
3. In most cases, I feel soo much better whenever I’m alone vs with a group of people.
4. I sought acceptance from others for several years, thinking that would make me happy… only to realize it’s not the acceptance of others that I need… it’s acceptance of MYSELF.
Now I won’t be a hypocrite and say I LITERALLY don’t need anyone to make me happy.
I do want people to be there in the event that I’m sad or when I need support. In fact, we all need some sort of a support system in place.
To cut this drama short, I think there’s only one person in the world that can truly make you happy.
And that person is YOURSELF.
I learned about this when many, many people failed me in the past.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Den Engelsen Hoek, Antwerp Belgium, Trber-Siedlug, Austria, Ryde, NSW Australia, Koppenbach, Germany, Flushing, NY, Rome, Italy, Procoio Nuvo, Italy, Kista, Sweden, Harwood Heights, IL, Boston, MA, Tarragindi, QLD Australia, Kugayama, Tokyo Japan. Identify yourselves bitches and say hello.
#2 – Long live Kate Moss. Buy the latest issue of W and see the goddess bask in her glory.
Someone feed her cocaine though; she’s gotten fat all over the years (I don’t blame here) no wonder she’s befriending La Lohan.
#3 – Bryanboy shouts out to all the beautiful people at Makeup Alley. I love each and every one of you.
#4 – I don’t give a shit whether or not my website takes forever to load. IT’S A SIGN FOR YOU TO DITCH YOUR NASTY DIAL-UP CONNECTION AND GET SOMETHING FASTER.
Besides, my site is worth the wait. Say yes ya fuckin twats.
#5 – Holy mother of god. Miuccia Prada is notorious for ONLY sending out aryans on the catwalk. I’m quite shocked that she sent this guy on the Miu Miu runway. I WANT those shoes. I’m GONNA have those shoes.
#6 – Next week is haute couture week. I’m sure Mouna Al-ayoub and those billion dollar taitais are en-route to Paris. Lucky mother fuckers. I can only dream to be just like them one day… oh well. Poor Nan… I still can’t get over the fact that Mrs. Kempner is now six feet under the ground.
#7 – Why can’t I find a god damn boyfriend? I know I’m not the best looking person out there but surely there must be someone half-decent in this country who likes me.
#8 – How to Lose a Pound in 10 Days. Click here.
#9 – I just found out that an anorexic’s best friend is a can of good ol diet coke. Apparently if you drink a can of this in the morning, you won’t feel hungry for the rest of the day.
#10 – This is one of the best emails that I received in the longest time, especially on the bit where Brad said "Of course, you’ve heard it a zillion times and you probably print these emails out and use them to wipe your ass but I just had to make it a zillion and one."
Err, Brad, um, err… I actually print these emails and eat them. Sometimes I sprinkle salt and pepper for taste. I can seriously survive on these cause they’re fat free.
Thanks sweetie for the lovely and kind words.
Dates with gorgeous people?
BRAD OH BRAD.
I HOPE YOU’RE NOT HALLUCINATING!!!!!!!!!
YOU’D DIE OF SHOCK IF YOU KNEW HOW HARD AND LONELY MY LIFE IS IN THE THIRD WORLD.
You see, NOBODY and I mean NOBODY likes anyone who is a flamer, brown and have a nasty nose… like me.
A lot of people in this country are sooo obsessed in people who:
a) looks half chinese
b) looks half spanish
c) looks half something something
d) looks like a pale mother fucker with all the skin-whitening crap they put on their faces and bodies.
One of my acquaintances said the best thing ever earlier in the week: PEASANTS NEED LOVING, TOO!
This is why I love travelling. Whenever I set foot on a foreign land, I’m queen of the nile… little miss l’exotique at its best.
A shitload of wrinkly, sex-starved people visit this country for sex tourism.
I on the other hand, GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY just to keep my sex life updated.
Seriously though… you won’t recognize me if you see me walk around the streets of the third world… i look like miss plain jane!
Here’s a dare: get me a decent date around here and I’ll give you a kiss on the cheek, a dollar and an oreo cookie.
And be sure sure he’ll pay for dinner.
More updates later.
Y’all know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
I love you all, as always.
Beauty & Premature Ageing
The title, the photo and the caption says it all.
I turned myself into a 66-year old OVERNIGHT.
If you think that was bad, wait till you see what I saw at Eluxury.com earlier today. Since when did they put people with awful plastic surgery on that website?
Speaking of plastic surgery, god I need it. Fast.
Anyone kind enough to give me the gift of good looks?
I don’t need to have good looks.
I mean, let’s face it, you only need good looks if you want to be a prostitute or something.
Does one need to have good looks in order to survive this big, bad, shallow world?
Nuh uh, I don’t think so.
Let’s talk about weight for instance.
When I was much, much younger, I wished I had an eating disorder.
A couple of years later, that wish was granted. I developed an eating disorder: I ate far too much.
Anyway, I don’t want to have problems good-looking people have.
People lusting over them only because of the way they look, people talking to them only because of the way they look, people offering them jobs just because the way they look, people giving them money just because of the way they look.
Enough beauty talk. That photo is fucking awful.
I don’t even know why I posted it here.
Besides, I’ve posted far too many fugly photos of myself on this site.
I need sympathy, bitches!
Motorola, The Philippine Daily Inquirer and Not Enough Circuses (my very good friend of godknowshowmany years, Ariel Lozada’s production team) are holding an event, featuring 5 of the Philippines’ young designers, Ivarluski Aseron, Ignacio Loyola, James Reyes, Yvonne Quisimbing-Romulo and Joey Samson on Tuesday, October 25 at the NBC Tent.
Ziggi Zigga Zara
was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time was perfect.
I have NO idea how I managed to get home earlier this morning when the moon and the stars are still up.
In fact, I got home at around 4:30AM.
For the past few months, my personal "ride of shame" had always been done in broad daylight. 7AM, 8AM, 9AM even 10AM. It’s extremely rare for me to be home before 6AM.
ride of shame = that icky, lonely, home-bound 20 minute-long journey with you (and only you) at the back of the car, staring at the window with your designer sunglasses, palpitations and headaches galore, after a night’s worth of debauchery
I think I had an early night cause I went out first thing in the afternoon.
I went to Louis Vuitton, bought a pair of boots, a Beijing Carnet de Voyage and a woollen scarf. Thank god they’re done cleaning with my Damier trunk.
I also went to Mix for a pair of Antik denim jeans and to Diesel for a t-shirt and a tank top.
Apres-shopping, I quickly dropped by at the Zara Store Opening. Had far too many cocktails and yes, those damn quail-egg nibbles are good.
(This is why I *NEVER* smile or laugh at any of my photos. I look hideous!)
After Zara, a friend and I quickly went to the supermarket to buy some supplies for our little "girls night in" mini-party.
Errr, sorry, wrong photo.
What are those things at Paris’ back, arms and elbows? Rashes? Marks? Whatever?
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Camberwell, VIC, Australia, Warsaw, Poland, Trenton, NJ, Lake Hiawatha, NJ, Austin, TX, Assentoft, Denmark, Zurich, Switzerland, Pequannock, NJ, Orlando, FL, Bonn, Germany, Suasalito, CA and of course, people from Santa Monica, CA. Bryanboy loves y’all! Identify yourselves bitches and say hi!
#2 – Drew Barrymore is gonna model for Missoni. Lucky bitch. Click here for the article. Someone just fucking stop this blatant fashion hijacking by celebrities. Celebrities are fucking stealing models’ jobs!
#3 – Gotta finish my article tomorrow for Just Shop magazine.
#4 – Keep an eye out on my blog tomorrow for my new online project.
#5 – Elijah Wood is very, very, gay. Yuck. I don’t like the way he looks. In fact, he looks just like Harry Potter.
You know where to contact me if you need me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-7851492.