Dream of Domestication
Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging. Celebrity skin is this your chin or is that war you’re waging. First born unicorn, hardcore soft porn… Dream of californication. Dream of californication.
AZNNNN FUCKIN PRIDE, Fendi’s B-bag, Kimora’s a Keeper, Lucky Jean, Forbidden Fruit, Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
AZNNNN FUCKIN PRIDE
Oh my god. You are so not gonna believe what I’ve gotten myself into these days.
I am sooooooooooo sorry for the lack of updates recently. My mother made me watch all these Korean DVDs and thanks to her, I’m totally hooked. I just finished watching the entire "My Name is Kim Sam Soon" set… all 9 DVDs of them.
I’m telling you… those Korean DVDs are evil. EVIL EVIL EVIL!
I bet my soul is burning in Seoul as I speak. All these Korea Korean nonsense DVDs are a threat to my fabulousness – I haven’t done anything productive in the past 2 days.
I don’t even know why I liked watching em. I laughed. I cried a little bit. I got pissed off. Heck, I could barely understand the English subtitles yet the damn soap was entertaining.
Someone please rescue me before I develop an intraracial obsession.
I’m seriously thinking of buying a plane ticket to Seoul and get myself a Korean loverboy. Those Korean guys are starting to grow on me. I think they’re lovely. A shitload of them look gay. Take that Hyun Bin guy (one of the lead characters in Kim Sam Soon) for instance. Man, he looks soo gay he’s soo cute.
Look at those nails!!!!! French tips! They’re SOOOOOOO FUCKIN GAYYYYYYYYY!!
THIS IS INSANE!!!!
I already feel dirty for googling him and search for his pictures.
Why oh why am I doing this? This is completely absurd and preposterous. This AZN obsession has to stop. Next thing you know, I’d be dancing to J-POP (Japanese Pop), wear Hello Kitty outfits and say SUPER KAWAIIIIIIIIIIII.
Besides, I don’t wanna end up with someone who looks like this.
Dirty dirty dirty.
You know what’s even funny? I’ve been having daily chat sessions with one of my long-time Mexican buddies, Mauricio, who is now in Madrid. We’re both having a little asian obsession right now. SOMEONE PLEASE TURN US INTO TAI-TAIS!!!!!!
mauricio: you got to fix me up with one of your rich asian friends
BryanBoy: they’re all straight and married hahahaha
mauricio: fuck dem asians
BryanBoy: exactly. we need aryans sweetie. think of the babies. mixed race babies are the chanel of babies
mauricio: i want asian, it’s easier, they’ll be all ooh and aah with my big eyes and my natural wavy hair, and my big dick cuz these are asian. everything is big to them.
mauricio: i love being un-PC
BryanBoy: look at friggin AZN pride. it’s like incest. it’s hard to penetrate asian society. no wonder everyone looks the same.
mauricio: but i look white. they love the white
BryanBoy: not the yellow ones babe. it’s the brownies who love the white. sucky sucky 5 dolla you love me long time 10 dolla. you gib 20 dolla i gib free tom yum
mauriciom: out of roast duck?
mauricio: dood, these brownies need to get with the program and give me money
mauriciom: i’m so going filipino hunting
BryanBoy: Come to the philippines. They’d LOOOVE you here. Flips love foreigners. you’d be soooo exotic here.
mauricio: maybe then i can be a tai tai
mauricio: i need a tagalog dictionary if i’m gonna successfully infiltrate filipino society
BryanBoy: hmm. you don’t need a dictionary babe. all you need to do is wave your exotic dick and speak the international language of love.
I don’t wanna be disowned by my own race. Being disowned by your friends and family is bad enough. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Get your Fendi B bags PRONTO! Just got a medium-sized canvas B-bag with the black patent and it’s gorgeous! I know I look rough and unshaven – I asked my maid Eunice to take these photos at 5:17AM earlier when I chatted to my buddy Mauricio in Madrid.
Norma Kamali for Everlast black cocoon cardigan, cheapo black tank top from god knows where, jeans by Cheap Monday, Fendi B bag, Dior sunglasses.
Large patent leather B bags run at US$2,000 while the medium-sized canvas bag with black patent leather buckles is set at US$1,430. Available at eLuxury.com, Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman and Fendi stores worldwide.
Kimora’s a Keeper
I’d like to say hello and give a big shout out to all the wonderful people from CRUNKTASTICAL (aka CRUNK + DISORDERLY). I love each and every one of you bitches. I’m glad to know that one of the hottest sites for African-American entertainment loves me.
Some of you think that I can give Kimora a run for her millions but in all seriousness, I’m just a little dirty middle class brown gook who lives in the cesspit of a fabulous land in the third world called the Philippines. If you can find me a sugar daddy, preferably with ill-gotten wealth (i.e. firearms business, drug dealing, stolen cars, insurance fraud, etc), no older than 35 with at least 9-figures worth in liquid assets and a 9-inch dick, please feel free to pass them my web address and tell me to contact me as soon as possible.
I’ve got no words to say. Kimora likes to soak her feet in champagne. That’s outrageous! I know good ol’ Kate Moss filled a tub with bubbly at one point but this is something else. Thanks for giving me a new photo to jack off to. A friend and I loved that ad campaign where she came out of a private jet. Kimora’s a keeper y’all!!
Visit Crunktastical at http://www.crunktastical.blogspot.com.
Her name is Jean Godfrey-June and she’s the Beauty Editor of Lucky Magazine.
Photo credit: New York Times
According to the her interview published at the New York Times, this v.v. Lucky lady gets anywhere between 50-250 product samples daily, along with fabulous items such as Pucci scarves, yoga mats and novelty chocolates. The article also mentioned how beauty editors (at least in the USA, don’t know elsewhere) also get Prada outfits, Cartier watches, free restaurant meals, press lunches at the Four Seasons, cosmetic treatments, exotic trips, free limo rides and trips to La Perla with $1,000 gift certificates etc. that sort of thing.
I have one thing to say: HOLY FUCKING SHIYETTTTTT.
I am soooo fucking jealous.
I think I already wrote on a previous post that I read a British Vogue article about another beauty editor who literally filled her entire house with beauty products to the point where she stored hundred-dollar creams and potions in her kitchen cupboard.
Also, one of my good friends here in Manila told me how her car trunk was constantly filled with beauty products when she held the same position at one point.
Set it in stone bitches. One day I’m gonna have a job exactly like that.
Except I’d get free accessories. Lots and lots and lots and lots of free accessories.
Am I really the forbidden fruit? What do you think will it take for someone like you to love me?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m a bald, virgin vagina that belongs to an 11 year old named "Tiffany Tara". You know you want to love me but you can’t cause you’ve got yourself on a self-imposed restraining order. It’s forbidden. Very forbidden.
What’s up with all these white people sending tummy pictures? I WANT FACES GOD DAMMIT. Thanks for the love though ;)
As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
For the life of god, please be creative. I’ve been begging and begging and begging and begging for you people to go to the nearest fire or police station and get a bunch of macho, muscled men in uniform hold the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign. HAHAHAHAHA!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Conegliano, Italy, Eggenhof, Germany, Aalbeek, Netherlands, Mechelen, Begium, Helsinki, Finland, Gatineau, Quebec Canada, Diserd, Sweden, Oxton, UK, ozone Park, NY, Essendon, VIC Australia, Parow, South Africa, East Meadow, NY, Wirksworth, UK, Monrovia, CA, Kiel, Belgium, Solna Sweden, Lisbon, Portugal and of course, all the gorgeous guys and hot chicks from Orlando, FL. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Say hi, don’t be shy!
#2 – I love Kim Aviance. You have to watch this video. If Amanda Lepore is the world’s #1 transexual, Kim Aviance is the world’s best drag queen.
Click here to watch Kim Aviance at Amanda Lepore’s birthday.
My friend Mauricio told me that we should roll like Kim. I told him not with confetti but cold, hard cash or cocaine. Then he said, cocaine bricks and Harry Winston diamonds!!!
Imagine the show eh? I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!
#3 – I just checked my stats and I’m quite surprised how only 13% of my readership comes from the Philippines. Prime proof that my laughable presence is still relatively unknown in this country… Either that or more and more people from other countries are reading my blog therefore fucking up my Philippine-related statistics.
Believe it or not, I’d rather be unknown in my homeland so I can still keep this place as a safe haven of some sort. One must be insane for wanting to be a big fish in such a small pond.
#4 – I need a publicist. For free. Someone who can make me even famous in exchange for sexual favours. Someone like Eliot Mintz, who is Paris Hilton’s publicist, except cuter.
Shit, I can’t even believe I asked one of my friends whether he’s gay or not. My friend hasn’t even heard of him. I searched on google for his picture and found this.
I guess anyone who looks like a carrot standing next to Yoko Ono is gay. My friend told me he looks antique. HAHAHAHAH. I replied back telling him Eliot kinda looks like vintage Louis Vuitton steamer trunks pre-monogram era. Whatever, right? He’s still one of Hollywood’s most powerful publicists.
#5 – Speaking of Louis Vuitton, it’s been ages since I visited their website. I went there the other day and boy I had goosebumps watching (and listening to) the flash file intro. You have to see AND listen to it for yourself. Click here.
#6 – Man, Marc Jacobs is lookin really old these days. Marc having lunch with La Lohan.
#7 – Does anyone know who made the skinny jeans Nicole is wearing? I want them…
#8 – Keep an eye out on Gram shoes/sneakers. Gram is one of Sweden’s newest design exports. I really, really, really love those Swedes.
They even named their shoes based on the weight of the shoe themselves. Personally I like the high-cut sneaker in white denim.
#9 – Have you ever been harassed on the street? You have to check out this blog. It’s soooo hilarious. Women all over the place take pictures of their harassers and post them online.
Harassment is wrong, evil and dirty. But in all seriousness, if my harasser is cute, hot, rich and well-hung, I’d open my ass wide and give it to him with no restraint whatsoever.
I’m gonna stop myself from making comments about sexual harassment. I don’t wanna open a can-full of worms because at the end of the day, I’m still a perverted faggot.
I think that’s all for now. I REALLY have to work on my podcast and reply to all my emails.
I love each and every one of you. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Protected: Art Attack!, Greetings From The Third World, Donatella Versace in Da House, Random Cheesemax
You Give Love a Bad Name
Shot through the heart and you’re to blame. You give love a bad name. I play my part and you play your game. You give love a bad name.
From San Diego, California and Paris, France to right here in the heartlands of the third world, fawning fuckwits all over the world are sending photos of their love to me, planet earth’s favourite third world fag and the crown princess of pretentious people everywhere.
Keep them coming bitches. As always, you know where to send them. Email firstname.lastname@example.org. You know I love you all and I’d be more than happy to give sexual favours anytime, day or night, winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there oh yes I will, you’ve got whore.
I Look Sooo Fucking Healthy
Those pesky paparazzi (hah!) won’t stop following me. They should know that Fridays are big errand days and I have no choice but to dress down. I went to The Coffee Bean earlier, followed by a quick trip to Rustan’s (my fave third world department store) to stock up on cosmetics and fragrance. I also went to the supermarket with Eunice, our maid, had dinner at a Chinese place and last, but not the least, got my usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial and microdermabrasion/power peel session at my dermatologist’s. Let’s play pictionary, shall we?
Looking at those pictures, I have to say that I have NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER, looked so healthy in my entire life. I look so obese! I’ve got sooo much FLESH, FLAB and CREASES. It really is not funny anymore.
I don’t care about other people so please spare me from that whole "if you’re fat then I must be a beached whale" tirade. It’s ME that’s the problem. I eat far too much and I just can’t stop. I think this is karma for giving my younger brother a hard time for being obese. I’m telling you, in spite of the all the abuse I gave him over the years, he’s still fat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid.
I was supposed to finish my article for shopping magazine (Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Just Shop) early this evening but I was busy shoving Chinese food down my throat.
Enough ranting. Moving on…
Oversized black men’s tank top (size small) by Ann Demeulemeester, men’s vest by Dsquared, jeans by Acne, bag by Hermes, necklace by H&M, boots by Fruit.
Isn’t it amazing how I’m wearing men’s clothes (I said clothes, not accessories) yet I effotlessly make them look as if they came from the women’s section?
Bah! I’m really fed up of people thinking I’m a trannie.
I only have 2 things to say…
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Honolulu, HI, Petrie, QLD Australia, Elsternwick East, VIC Australia, Bolton, ONT Canada, Lima, Peru, Shanghai, China, Wahroonga, NSW Australia, Nordstemmen, Germany, Hanoi, Vietnam, Tampa, FL, Ashburn, VA, River Forest, IL and of course, people from San Jose, CA. I love each and every one of you, I swear.
#2 – This is exactly why I **LOVE** Mary Kate. Nobody else in this planet can pull off the "I’m-a-little-girl-playing-dress-up-with-mommy’s-clothes" look other than the Olsens. Check out the coat and the shoes. I love it.
#3 – It looks like Dior’s Gaucho bag is here to stay. There’s snakeskin… and lizard (?) for fall/winter 06/07. Hmmm… believe it or not, I haven’t really seen any celebs carry the Gaucho yet.
Me likey likey the croc version!!! I think it’s beautiful. Me needy needy rich sugar daddy now.
#4 – Here’s my beauty loot for the day. I bought 2 fragrances: L’Artisan Parfumeur – Jour de Fete and Annick Goutal – Mandragore. I also picked up Dior Addict Ultra Gloss Pearl Shine Collection lip gloss in radiant gold and iridescent pink, Chanel cristalle lip gloss in vanilla dream, Lancome Juicy Tubes, Clarins self-tanning gel, Citre Shine hair straightening balm and pomade. This is why I love buying beauty products… they always give you freebies. I got this Dior cosmetic bag with samplers as well as this huge straw (?) clutch.
I just realized, why am I paying for beauty products?
Those damn beauty editors of magazines have it lucky. I bet you they get all of this stuff for free. I once read an article on British Vogue about this British Beauty Editor and her house was literally filled with cosmetics and toiletries, including her kitchen cupboard!
One of my good friends used to be a beauty editor and she told me that her car trunk was constantly filled with goodies back when she held her position at the magazine.
#5 – URGENT NOTICE: I got an email or two from some of my friends telling me that I recently sent them a file that is infected by a virus/worm. God knows who else might have gotten such emails.
FYI: IT’S NOT ME WHO DID IT!!!! Someone’s computer (with both of OUR email addresses) got infected and the worm is using random email addresses to send the virus to other people.
For instance, the email I got said the virus is called "W32/MyDoom-Gen". I went to Symantec’s website (Norton Anti-Virus) to know more about it and they said the virus is a mass-mailing worm that sends itself to the email addresses found on a compromised computer.
I recommend that you update your computer’s ANTI-VIRUS software with the latest virus definitions. I know I’ve got mine on auto-update.
6. Miscellaneous Cheesemax from the net
- click here | Kim Basinger for Miu Miu
- click here | Missoni to open its first hotel in Edinburgh, Scotland
7. OH MY GOD I’M A CELEBRITY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You know you’re a celebrity when people start asking autographs and pictures of you.
Well, I went to my favourite cafe on Tuesday afternoon and several people (ok, 4 people total LOL) asked to take pictures of/with me.
I’m telling you, I fucking love it. It’s soooo hilarious!
Shit, I’m not even famous!!!!
When someone asks to take a photo with me, I’d be more than happy to oblige. Pictures are pictures. I’m probably the BIGGEST camwhore in the world. Nobody took pictures of me when I was a child (yeah right) and it’s only until now that I’m airing out my frustrations…
Anyway, one of the folks who approached me and asked whether he can take a photo of me or not was this guy. I think his name is Erwin. He’s such a sweet fellow.
(Translation: I saw Bryan at M Cafe and of course, I didn’t pass the opportunity to take a picture of him with me. I’m really a big fan of him and his blog. All I can say is he is so sweet. When we approached him, oh my god, I looked like a PA/Personal assistant. His aura is really different. Oh my god, as in! I love Bryanboy)
I told him of course he can take photos of me and he shouldn’t be silly. His friend then told him something like "see, I told you he’s nice".
DO I LOOK AS IF I’M SOMEONE WHO BITES?
I’M NOT A SNOB YA KNOW!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
KEEP IN MIND I WAS A FUCKIN LONER WHEN I WAS GROWING UP. NOBODY GAVE ME ATTENTION WHEN I WAS YOUNG!
I want to be just like this prostitute. Hell yeah why not? There’s nothing wrong with being an attention whore!!!!!
I love it. I really do.
I think that’s it for now. More updates coming soon.
I love each and every one of you. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
If Looks Could Kill…
I can’t even remember as to when exactly I last bitched about someone I really, really despise but here goes…
Before I do so, let me just say that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You know me… I just don’t have any shame sometimes.
In spite of whatever bitching that you see here, keep in mind that I’m a REALLY nice and sweet person. Promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a heroin syringe (hell, morphine is good, too) in my eye… but since I’m immortal, it’s pretty much impossible to erase me from the face of this planet.
Now… meet Mr. Daniel Ondiz. He’s this mongrel who lives in the UK who troll every single post I make in some online internet forum. He’s half Filipino, half something something. Whatever. All roads lead to perdition but for some strange reason, he ended up somewhere in bumfuck Scotland. I assume his reformed prostitute mother married some sad git.
Bitch had the nerve to call me ugly.
Now I generally don’t have a problem with that. Hello, it’s a known fact that I have a face only a biological mother can love but when that statement is coming from someone who looks like a complete turd and then saying he’s gorgeous and I’m not, then that’s where the problem starts.
That Daniel made me choke on my own vomit when I saw one of his recent pics.
It’s not even funny.
Shit, I am so glad he’s gay. I have absolutely no words as to what his offspring would be like. I know any of my future offspring can give Saffie Monsoon a run for her money.
Looking at his photo will make ANYONE in this god damn planet feel BETTER about themselves.
Ooooooh I really despise him. He’s such an asshole.
I even asked one of my best, best friends the first thing that came to his mind when I showed him his photo.
Life is beautiful my friend. Sadly, not this guy’s.
I’m gorgeous, you’re ugly INDEED.
Whew. Now that has been said, I’d like to thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. This is exactly why I love my blog. This little narcissistic shrine of mine is sooo therapeutic, it’s better than seeing my shrink.
You see, I have the option to either:
a) keep all my derogatory thoughts about him to myself and be insane for the rest of my life or
b) cleanse my mind, body and soul by purging all my dirty sins in the form of a blog post no matter how defamatory it may be.
I’d rather choose the latter…
I have to be TRUE to myself you know. They don’t call me the big brown bitch from hell for nothing.
Phone Fun with Bryanboy
Wait a sec.
Save your sanctimonious sermons. Before you castigate me and tell me I’m ugly too (so I don’t have the right to criticize satan’s spawn)
Well guess what? Even if Natasha Poly and Gemma Ward is one (very tiny) notch prettier than me, I do have the right.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think he’s ugly. Hahahahaha!
REPEAT AFTER ME: IT’S NOT A SIN TO MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. IT’S NOT A SIN TO MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.
We’re all gonna burn in hell anyway so why should we deprive ourselves of some good ol’ fun?
This is EXACTLY why I love posting my phone number online. It’s little (priceless) moments like these that make life worth living.
Random stranger called my number earlier this morning and hung up. He did one of those "missed call" things and expected me to call him back.
I sent him a message telling him I don’t call strangers who are not on my contact list.
A couple of hours later, random stranger calls again. Read the rest of the messages.
I also sent him/her a followup message 30 minutes later that said "Well?????".
Message #36 is the last message I got. I think I scared him/her away.
Thanks for giving me a good laugh. That really made my night. I was sooo bored earlier and I needed something to make me smile.
Sweet Scent of Logo-Free Success
I had a blast Friday last week. Definitely one of the best nights I’ve ever had in this town… and I managed it without a single logo in sight. You know how I’m trying to avoid anything that’s got a logo this year, whether it’s LV, interlocking CCs, Dior, etc.
After several months of planning, a good friend and I finally had a dinner date. She brought me to a French restaurant called "Je Suis Gourmand".
Words cannot describe how wonderful the food was. The foie gras and white asparagus was TO DIE FOR. My steak was fabulous. Each course is rich and scrumptious… perfection! Heck, it’s been 6 days already and I’m STILL bloated from all that food intake last Friday.
For your reference, a 3-course meal for 2 plus several glasses of white wine will set you back about US$85. It’s MONEY well-spent. Trust me on this one.
Je Suis Gourmand is located at GF Net1 Center Bldg., Fort Bonifacio, beside Neo Spa and BPI. Phone number is +63.2.815.8801.
Apres-dinner, my friend Ianne and I went to this bar called "Luce" to celebrate an acquaintance’s birthday party.
Top by Marc by Marc Jacobs, belt and tie by Topshop, pin by Versace, handbag by Marc Jacobs Collection, jeans by Cheap Monday.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Eindhoven, Noord-Brabant Holland, Riga, Latvia, Manchester, UK, Langley, BC Canada, Champigny-sur-Marne, France, Hung Hom, HK, Rome, Italy, Ostrava, Moravskoslezsky Kraj Czech Republic, Visaginas, Lithuania and of course, all the beautiful people of Rio De Janeiro, Brazil! I love each and every one of you… say hi, mother fuckers!
#2 – Courtesy of one of the gayest blogs evar, Towleroad.com, Karl Lagerfeld appears to have a gorgeous friend.
I WANNA GET A CHIN AUGMENTATION PROCEDURE DONE. NOW!
#3 – An urgent cry for help. Can someone please watch/listen to this video and tell me the name of the track that’s being played around the middle to the end of the clip? It’s the track where all the gorgeous are mincing on the runway and where Zac is being interviewed. I think the song is either spanish or italian. I’m not sure.
All I know is that "na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na" thing got me obsessed. I downloaded a copy of that video on my video ipod and had the thing run on my speakers for HOURS!!!
Believe it or not, for the very first time in my life, I’m lusting over Zac Posen. Not his clothes, silly, but him and his slimy, dirty looks. I think he’s kinda hot. For some strange reason, he’s got this weird sex appeal, thanks to that video. I can totally envision him giving it to me hard up my bum. Curly hair and all.
#4 – I love it when people do the infamous Bryanboy handbag pose. Be creative! Be spontaneous! In fact, get the best muscle mary you can find, strip him naked, cover his crotch with an "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign and get him to smile for the camera.
Big shout to all my fabulous lovers (and posers) below…
Kudos to Diesel @ Poochnation.com.au. Diesel is soooo cute!!!!!!!! I’ll definitely pay him a visit if ever I get my ass down to Melbourne, Australia.
As always, you know how to contact me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
February Ends With the Letter "L".
Louis Vuitton, Lancome, Ladyboy Love at La Embajada.
I’m sorry for the lack of updates. I’ve been AWFULLY busy the past few days it’s just CRAZY!
I guarantee that today’s update will knock you off your seats… especially my pictionaries.
Are you ready?
My February ended with a bang. Little miss third world gay
socialite wannabe went out in full force on Tuesday… I got drunk
before sunset and sobered up before dawn.
It’s times like these when I feel that my life is nothing but one big party.
It’s amazing how I can stay at home, indoors, for 3 whole days like
a hermit with no social life whatsoever and then go out as if I’m the
Oh well. :)
First stop: Louis Vuitton.
Louis Vuitton notified me that my green perforated speedy had
arrived. I went to the store for a viewing session and I have to admit
I liked the pink one better. I told them to put it on hold until
Thursday or Friday to decide whether or not I’ll get it. I picked up a
couple of items though – a new ipod case (FYI, I bought a new video
ipod), a little pouch thingie for random sundries and 2 bandanas.
I promised my Mexican friend Mauricio, who now lives in Madrid, that I’m not gonna buy any Louis Vuitton bags this year.
I’m supposed to be doing my best to go "logo-free" but Louis Vuitton is just proving it hard. *sigh*
Next Station: Lancome
You know an event is a success if there’s someone who left the party intoxicated. In case of Lancome, **I’M** the unlucky bastard who got drunk after more than 5 glasses of white wine, 4 glasses of champagne and a glass of vodka tonic. Shit, I have NEVER drunk in BROAD DAYLIGHT! I got there at 3:15PM and left at around 6PM all tipsy.
Lancome threw a launch party for their Blanc Expert Neuro-White line at M Cafe. I’m sooo glad I wore a white t-shirt (Zara).Otherwise I’d feel out of place in a sea of white.
Remember how I got a miniature pinscher late last year (Daria) then she passed away after a month due to a kidney+liver infection? I still miss my baby.
There were 2 canine cuties at the event… a few folks told me I should get myself a pooch but I don’t think I’m ready. I think it’s a sign that I’m better off with dead animals (i.e. fur, leather, steak, exotic skins) rather than have a real, live one. Besides, I already have a cat and a dog.
I went to a local designer’s atelier for a fitting session after the event. I also popped by at the gas station to grab some hotdogs on my way home. I ***LOVE*** pigging out with gas station food. I had like 3 hotdogs the other day. It’s soo damn satisfying.
Trust me, life ain’t a 24/7 festival of caviar and foie gras. Sometimes… yes, sometimes, it’s fun to rough it up and eat trash.
I was sooo drunk (and full) when I got home. I slept for around 2 hours. I got up at around 11:30PM, showered, dressed up and went to Embassy.
Last stop: Embassy High
Man, who would have thought my favourite Manila nightclub, Embassy,
is one year old? I swear to god, it felt like it’s been there for AGES
cause it’s pretty much the ONLY place/club I go to. Hah!
Yesterday’s theme was "Embassy High". A lot of people wore school-like outfits i.e white shirts, shorts, ties, etc.
I on the other hand went all out in my regalia.
I’m at a complete loss of words so I’ll let the pictures tell the
story. Y’all wouldn’t believe how many times I got hit on by guys. It’s
People who are new to my blog sometimes think I’m a tranny because I
wear handbags, lip gloss, tight jeans etc.I always defend myself by
telling them I’M NOT A FUCKING TRANNY… I’M JUST A REALLY EFFEMINATE
Fuck it though.
They want tranny, I’ll get them tranny.
I only have one thing to say.
DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN SUCK COCK LIKE ME?
DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A FREAK LIKE ME?
TUESDAY night was definitely SOMETHING.
I had SOOO much fun.
I also had an early night. I got into the club at around 12:30AM and left the club at around 3AM.
My damn driver fell asleep and the bastard won’t pick up the phone. I had to wait for 30 minutes outside the club, looking all cheap, trashy and whore-ish.
THANK GOD I saw a couple of acquaintances who offered me a ride. I told her all I wanna do is look where my driver parked my car. I had to knock on the windows for 5 minutes before my driver got up.
My acquaintances told me to fire him but I won’t. I had to cut him some slack. He’s been up on the road since 8AM.
Tuesday was nothing but fun, fun, fun. I LOVE IT.
I think that’s it for now. A lot of things happened yesterday, Wednesday, and I’ll post them later when I get up.
I love you all as always.
Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492. Bombard me with messages of love and hate so I’ll have a smile on my face when I get up.
Tell me I’m pretty!
Tell me you love my vagina.
P.P.S.S. Man, I feel like a woman!
Welcome Back to Civilization.
Welcome to blogging. Welcome back to civilization. I’m so glad I’m kinda over my podcast addiction.
Don’t worry though. I promise I’ll do a podcast once a week… perhaps twice or thrice a week. Depends. ;)
My psychic, also known as Miss Cleo, who, btw, got charged with deceptive advertising, billing and collection practices by the US Federal Trade Commission back in 2002, was right all along; my prince charming didn’t call me on Valentine’s Day. No dinner date, no expensive champagne… and definitely no tiny red box with a big shiny gift from Cartier.
I should have known better.
It’s been a quiet week at the House of Bryanboy.
My uncle had a heart attack on Saturday afternoon and my familia de horreur told me to stay at home as they take care of things at the hospital. I’m glad my uncle survived and he’s waiting for surgery. I think he’s gonna have either a bypass or angioplasty… I’m not sure. He’s currently confined at the hospital and he’s doing ok.
A friend launched a new collection from her line, Loungeri Lux last Saturday. I promised her I’ll go to the party but my parentals told me that I should stay indoors in case we need to go to the hospital. I missed the first launch and now I missed it again. I’m almost 24 years old for god’s sake!
The oh-so-lovely Celine and her gold python Fendi Spy bag
I ended up not visiting him at the hospital so another weekend gone down the drain. Call me insensitive but it was my aunt’s fauly in the first place why my uncle had a heart attack.
Enough drama of my clammy clan. I don’t wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about beautiful things and beautiful people.
Photo credit: The Fash Pack
I stole both photos from The Fash Pack’s blog (sorry!!).
If you live in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives, pop by Mix at Greenbelt 3. JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU’RE ***NOT*** GONNA TOUCH THE LARGE SIZES! I’ll GET THEM IN 3 COLORS. BLACK, WHITE AND PINK. These tees run a little small and a big, obese bitch like me need every square inch possible.
My Maid Deserves A Raise.
My oh so loyal servant, also known as Miss Eunice, deserves a raise. Who knew the bitch (that I truly love) had talent when it comes to photography?
I love her. I really do. That bitch mastered the art of namedropping and fashion faster than the speed of light. All of these conversations were done in our local language, fyi.
Me: "Have you seen my white belt with the yellow and pink stripes?"
Eunice: "No, is it the one from Delia’s?"
Me: "No… it’s Chanel because it says Chanel all over it!"
Me: "Look at that woman’s Chanel bag. Isn’t it nice?"
Eunice: "The bag is a fake cause the quilts aren’t aligned/the same"
(Peke po yung bag kasi iyung maliliit na squares hindi po pantay pantay)
Eunice: "Bryan, did you drink some cooking oil again? Your lip gloss is all over the place"
(Kuya, uminom nanaman po ba kayo ng mantika? Lagpas lagpas po yung lip gloss niyo)
When I got up yesterday afternoon, the first thing that she told me was "I can’t believe Paris Hilton is gonna be Mother Theresa in the movie. She looks like barbie doll. Isn’t Mother Theresa an Indian?"
(Kuya, hindi ako makapaniwala kinuha nila si Paris Hilton para maging Mother Thera. Para siyang Barbie Doll. Eh diba si Mother Theresa boombay?)
On Wednesday evening, I thought it would be nice to pay my uncle a visit. I was bored at that time so I asked Eunice to take photos of me; I haven’t camwhored in a long time.
I’m telling you… I think I should start a career in becomin a cleaning lady.
If I can’t get a guy being Le Superstar Fabuleux, maybe I can get a guy by being a hospital cleaning lady?
Shit, if that bitch Jennifer Lopez can steal Dolce & Gabbana outfits from hotel guests or wear Harry Winston diamonds on a date to the Met, I’m sure I can do better.
The person I’ll flirt with at the hospital are the ones on the Intensive Care Unit… the ones who have a one-way ticket to the morgue… the ones who are about to face death as soon as I touch their genitals… Before I do that though, I wanna make sure their last will and testament is signed, leaving all their assets and wealth to me.
God, imagine how lucky those nurses are.
HOSPITALS MUST BE GOLD-DIGGER CENTRAL!!!!
I’m sure somewhere in the world, there’s a filthy wealthy hospital patient fed up of dealing with their heirs so they leave everything to the ones who wipe their shitty arses off the shitting pan.
Anyway, I think I LOOK SOOOOOOOOO DAMN GOOD WITH ALL THOSE CLEANING EQUIPMENT.
Looking at a picture from my past, I think I was meant to work in the cleaning lady/healthcare industry. Here’s a picture of me about 5 or 6 years ago at Amanpulo. That’s table napkin on my head!
I have such a huge respect for nurses. Who else will take care of us even if we’re sick, even if they’re getting paid? I have to admit that nurses in this country are sooo underpaid, no wonder they’re emigrating by the flock to other countries, just like migratory birds.
Anyway, I respect them soo much when I got hospitalized, I had to boo them away in order for me to take a poop. I don’t care even if I was on Intensive Care. I don’t want a nurse to be wiping my ass with baby wipes; I want to do it myself!
Bryanboy Loves…. and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Doha, Qatar, Tianjin, China, Tampa, FL, Quinta Da Verdelha, Lisboa Portugal, Hanoi, Vietnam, Oslo, Norway, Kortemark, Belgium, Perth, WA Australia, London, ONT Canada, Mount Sibley, QLD Australia, Helsinki, Finland, Eschborn, Hessen Germany, Magnolia, TX and of course, all my friends from Cazevieille, Languedoc-Roussillon, France. I love you all. Say hi, don’t be shy you fuckin maggots!
#2 – I love these guys from Belgium. Don’t worry boys… when I go to Brussels one day, I wanna make sure we’re gonna have a threesome. Both of you guys can take turns fucking both my mouth and my ass. I’m gonna milk your genitals until the cows come home. I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!
#3 – More love from all over the world… Big shout out to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Hong Kong! As always, you know where to send your love. NO PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES PLEASE!!! Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
#4 – I hope you liked Podcast #003. If you haven’t listened to it yet, click here to download it. I named my Podcast "Greetings From The Third World". I’m open to ideas and suggestions!
#5 – Be sure to pay my online forum a visit. It’s free for god’s sake. I’m gonna go there in a bit to post a couple of things.
#6 – OH MY GOD. I GOT PUBLISHED AT OKLAHOMA DAILY!. OKLAHOMA. Oh. my. god.
Anyway, I have NO idea where it is in the USA but all I know is Amber Valetta was born there.
Apparently I’m this "Filipino Socialite" and I "make out with European models".
Making out with them?
SHIT, I CAN’T GET A FILIPINO MODEL TO KISS ME ON THE LIPS LET ALONE MAKE OUT AND HAVE HORNY SEX WITH EUROPEAN MODELS.
Hilarious. I LOVE IT.
I like it that they featured me though. It’s one step to world domination. It’s nice to have readers from Oklahoma.
SOMEONE PLEASE SCAN THAT ARTICLE IF IT EVER GOT PRINTED AND EMAIL IT TO ME. I’LL GIVE FREE BLOWJOBS AND AN OREO COOKIE IF YOU DO. email@example.com.
Click here to read the article online.
I think that’s all for now. I gotta be up early tomorrow.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
I love you all.