Work ittttt! Exercise!
After approximately 3 weeks of channeling domestic goddess Martha Stewart, I finally put my best dancing shoes on and went to the city yesterday evening to infuse some nightlife into my system. I’m seriously surprised how I managed to stay indoors in the past couple of weeks. Shit, I’ve been hibernating in my own little world filled with plaid aprons, white carnations and yellow daisies.
Any child of MY age SHOULD BE out there indulging in crime, mischief and scandals… or get themselves drunk till they pass out and vomit whatever they ate during the day. They should also do hard drugs, enjoy unsafe sex with multiple partners until they get sperminated or preggers and of course, catch a sexually transmitted disease that can be sorted out by a bunch of antibiotics or lice shampoo. Afterall, life is too short not to experience such hell-worthy sins.
Let’s face it, it’s a waste of youth to stay indoors on a Saturday night, especially if you’re in your late teens with raging hormones (like me). I’ve been ITCHING to expose myself to the toxicity of bars, booze and clubs so I decided to do just that.
I left the house at 10:30PM. On my way to a friend’s house, REALITY knocked on my car window while we’re waiting for the stoplight to turn green: the REAL and SAD face of the "FAUX-bulous" third world I live in.
Why is there a young boy, probably younger than 10 years old, selling flowers on the streets late at night when he should be at home asleep?
And there I was… all comfortable in my fully-airconditioned crappy car, all dolled up and decked in ridiculous outfits + accessories that can pretty much feed this child for a year and even send him to a good school.
It really made me think for a second and trust me, this doesn’t happen VERY OFTEN considering I’m the most selfish and materialistic son of a bitch you’ll probably ever come across.
I kinda felt guilty about my sins so I gave the kid a bag of chips and a bottle of gatorade that I had in my car.
He smiled and thanked me. I asked if I can take a photo, he said yes. I thanked him and I closed the window.
I tried to delete, delete, delete, abort, abort, abort, whatever just happened from my head. It wasn’t the right time to think about charity and world peace. My mission for the night is to have fun and paint the town periwinkle. The most important thing in the world at that moment is the fact that I’m so fucking beautiful and that was that.
Anyway, I picked up my friend at her place. I also asked my driver to stop by at the cash machine so I can take out some cash. Usually I don’t take out that much since everywhere I go takes credit cards – booze, food, botles of champagne, drug dealers, hired hitmen, shit, even prostitutes these days take credit cards… all it takes is one swipe on their ass cheeks and they’re yours for the night.
So yeah, US$20 is enough for the night to cover highway toll-fees, fast food take out, tips, my driver’s fee, etc.
After entering my pin number, the machine asked how much cash I wanted to take out.
Out of nowhere, I had mental images and flashbacks of the street child’s face. The thought of using my visa card to pay for a night’s worth of debauchery gave me a weird feeling at the pit of my stomach. Gone are the days where I’d easily and effortlessly throw my plastic to the air and rack up a 6-foot long bar tab in 6pt Arial font.
I figured I’m gonna ditch the visa for once and pay in cash the entire night so I don’t go overboard. Afterall, there are children starving on the streets. I entered P3,000, which is about US$60.
Our first stop was this bar called "Nuvo" where we spent quality time chatting. I had a gin tonic and 3 frozen margaritas. It was refreshing indeed.
We then went to my usual haunt, La Embajada. They recently got renovated and it’s the first time I went there after their renovation. They now have 2 VIP areas, which is a good thing.
I thought I’d do the infamous Bryanboy pose. Afterall, it was at La Embajada where I gave birth to that pose.
There weren’t a lot of familiar faces so it was fun to let my hair down for a change, get all sweaty and wrecked.
It’s refreshing to ditch the glitz, the glamour, the pretension and just dance, dance, dance and sweat like a fuckin rapist!
A fan from Australia even approached me and said hi. See, I’m nice and I don’t bite. I got a photo of us taken. Shit, I probably scared the living hell out of her. HAHAHHA. Sorry babes!
Man, it’s just like the good ol’ days when me and my sister would go to the club, booze our guts out, dance like there’s no such thing as tomorrow.
I must have lost 5 pounds from all that dancing! To hell with it, I had a complete body workout.
This guy is a good DJ. For the life of god I can’t remember his name and I’ve seen him many, many times.
Sunglasses by Gucci, bracelet from Hermès, cropped hoodie by Norma Kamali for Everlast, tank top by Fake London, jeans by Fake London, shoes by Dior Homme, Ursula Elise bag from Marc Jacobs collection.
The Marc Jacobs bag is available at all Marc Jacobs boutiques worldwide, Neiman Marcus, Saks, Bergdorf and eLuxury (US$1,050) in the USA.
We left the club at around 3:30AM. I dropped my friend home then I stopped by at McDonald’s for a post-clubbing snack. I orderedd chicken nuggets, 2 large fries, a double cheeseburger, a big mac and a large coke.
And yes bitches, I ate them all. There goes my 5 pounds eh?
Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot
Due to high demand from my readers, I am now gonna post an "obligatory paparazzi shot" going on forward. Many of you have emailed telling me you enjoy these shots so I’ll try to do this often.
Isn’t it my cropped hoodie sooo Muslim chic? Perhaps I should make a trend out of the burka. Sooo sexy!
5 SECONDS OF TV AIR TIME
Guess who got 5 seconds of TV Air Time in San Diego, California?
I’d like to give a big shout out to Peter from San Diego. In his own words, "thousands of San Diegans know that somebody in San Diego loves Bryanboy."
Peter sent a text message to be shown on the big screen in between performances. It’s a concert featuring Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Chris Brown and other folks.
Visit Peter’s website at http://www.petterz.com.
Thanks babe. You’re a doll!!! You’re doing the world a big favor by spreading my gospel and the glory of my faggotry.
Those Europeans sure do know how to make a gook like me happy. They love their labels as much as I do.
Meet Oliver from France…
…Terry from Italy
… and of course, the father of my first born child, Alex from the UK, who is the original "I LOVE BRYANBOY mascot.
It’s Sunday, 6:54PM. I’m gonna work on Podcast #006 and my much-awaited Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax post.
You all know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I love you all. Don’t do anything that I won’t do and remember kids, keep your chastity belts on.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
HOLY FUCKING SHIYET FENDI
FENDI DEDICATED A POSE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIYET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT’S MY POSE!!!! IT’S MY HAND ON THE HIP POSE! IT’S THE BAG HANGING ON THE AIR POSE!
THE BEAUTIFUL ANGELA LINDVALL DID THE INFAMOUS BRYANBOY POSE!!!
SOMEONE PLEASE CALL THE PRESS OFFICES OF FENDI AND KARL LAGERFELD AND TELL THEM I LOVE THEM SOOOO MUCH (AND THEY SHOULD GIVE ME FREE BAGS FOR COPYING MY POSE !!! HAHAHA)
Shit, I should’ve trademarked my pose back on July 2005 and sued Fendi but what the heck… I fucking love Fendi!!!!!!!!
What a coincidence, eh?
The fabulous folks at www.buxey.com were roaming around Roma Fiumicino airport today and found this glorious dedication to my glory hanging besides customs.
Here’s photos of me and my Fendi B-Bag 9 days ago… click here.
NOTHING CAN BEAT THE ORIGINAL, THE LEGENDARY AND THE INFAMOUS BRYANBOY POSE.
I LOOOOOVE FENDI!!!!!!!
I’m gonna spend the next few hours later uploading hundreds of your bryanboy pose submissions to my photo album. I’ve collected them ever since I started the blog.
Before I continue, I got a mention on the Edmonton Journal, a lovely newspaper from Canada the other day.
I remember one of their writers emailing me a long time ago and I never had the chance to follow through because of my schedule. I think it was around the same time I went on a mini vacation break. UGH!!! Nevertheless, her article about handbags got published and I got mentioned there… about my favourite handbag line in the world, Goyard!!!!
CLICK HERE TO READ THE ARTICLE.
I called their editor just now to see whether I can get a faxed or a scanned copy so I can add it on my Press/Media center. Unfortunately, I’m in the Philippines so I can’t get a copy of the paper. Oh well.
Cross your fingers. I hope she faxes it to me soon. I’d love to have it on my portfolio.
Edmonton now, the world tomorrow! Bryanboy loves Canada and Canadians should love Bryanboy.com.
Remember kids: help me in my quest for world domination. Spread the world about my gospel and my glory to every one that you know.
WORLD PEACE THROUGH FAGGOTRY!!
Time flies sooo fast it’s unbelievable. Heck, it’s MAY, for god’s sake and I haven’t accomplished anything "worthwhile" at all!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even believe it’s already THURSDAY early morning. I must have spent the past day or so SLEEPING.
You can blame my fresh prescription for clonazepam/rivotril. Man, I love this stuff. One half of a tab and I’ll doze to neverland faster than the speed of light.
Anyway, I’ve been having sleeping problems for the past few weeks. Some days I’ll sleep for 3 or 4 hours MAX. Some of my friends from Sweden and England often ask as to when I usually go to bed because I’m always ONLINE!!!
I usually ask my doc for rivs if I can’t get xanax. Seriously, those little periwinkle pills of alprazolam/xanax/xanor sell like hotcakes in this country. It’s a known fact that the pharmacies in the third world can’t supply my usual xanax.
Well.. guess who just got up from a 12-hour sleep? ME!!!
Before going to bed, I had 2 cups of rose tea from Fauchon, some danish butter cookies (with Fauchon raspberry preserve spread on top), some grapes and slices of cheese a family friend gave me who just got back from Paris… oh and the last season of Sex and the City on DVD.
In the words of my bag hag, Mrs. T., truly luxurious! I feeel so refreshed now.
Sunglasses by Dior, oversized turqouise necklace (2 strands) from L’Obelisk, watch by Chanel. oversized tank top by Mark Eisen, cardigan by Yacht Club, jeans by Acne Jeans (Sweden), shoes by Gucci, bag by Goyard.
I’m telling you.. you guys should better get a Goyard bag soon! Mine’s a Goyard Croisiere 35 and it’s availbale for US$1,690. You can get one from the Goyard boutique in San Francisco or in St. Honore, Paris, Harvey Nichols Hong Kong, Barneys New York or Bergdorf Goodman in NYC. It’s a GORGEOUS bag and you can tell it on the pictures. Go Go Go Goyard!
Tuesday was a fabulous, low-key affair. I really felt like a REAL tai-tai. HAHAHAH!
I met up with Mrs. T. (on the last minute) for lunch and shopping.
My maid Eunice went on month-long vacation. My mom’s maid’s daughter, who is a nice girl, is spending the month in our house. Her family lives in the province and they often drop by in our house to visit her mom (one of our maids) during summer/vacation time. She’s my paparazzi for the day because my incompetent, evil bitch troll of a sister is out with her boyfriend.
I think my mom should just adopt her so I can dress her up in my teeny tiny outfits. Oh dear… I hope the Department of Child Services don’t arrest me for child labor. HAHAHAH!
Skinny jeans for the mother fucking win!! For some strange reason, my legs look skinny from behind. I love my size 26 Acne Jeans from Sweden. I HATE MY THUNDER THIGHS though.
Our first stop: Sakae Sushi. It’s one of those conveyer-belt sushi eateries. Damn I miss Yo! Sushi in London. I used to go there back in the dark ages like EVERY SINGLE DAY. Shit, I remember spending 5 hours each day at Harvey Nichols, the food hall, a quick meal at Yo! Sushi and a coffee at the 5th floor cafe. This was many, many, many years ago.
After our scrumptious lunch, Mrs. T and I went to Irene’s Closet.
I’ve been wanting to drop by at Irene’s shop for the past few months but I’ve been sooooo busy whoring myself online and giving unsuspecting white tourists my infamous $5 blowjobs. It’s sooo hard being a whore you know. Like what my dad keep on telling me since I was a child, time is the ultimate luxury.
I LOOOOVE Irene’s Closet. There’s a ton of good finds and they even have pique polos for pooches!!! I should’ve stopped by the ATM Machine because I didn’t have a lot of cash with me and they don’t accept plastique fantastique yet.
See that brown hat above the clothes rack? That’s MINE!!!!! I’m definitely gonna come back to pick it up.
Mrs. T. then brought me to a lot of boutique shops in the city. Shops I’ve never heard of before. For instance, we went to Abfit Jeans Co., which stocks True Religion, Rock & Republic, Seven, etc. I even found this gaudy but cute patchwork bag. I didn’t buy it though. Hahahha!
Today’s obligatory paparazzi shot:
Our last stop was this called "Fibre" and I found this gorgeous, gorgeous bolero with hundreds upon hundreds of layers of fabric made by Louis Claparols. It’s sooo avant-garde!!!!
I tried it on and it suits me perfectly. I would have worn a plain white or beige sleeveless top underneath it. It’s quite pricey though, at P8,500 (roughly around US$160) but then again, it’s quite "couture-ish" so it’s a steal! I told the gals at Fibre I’m gonna come back and think about it.
More Louis Claparols pieces…
This jacket is sooo Liza Minelli. Very matronic!
ALL of the pieces in Fibre are unique and one-of-a-kind. They carry pieces from Filipino young designers and some of the pieces there are the actual pieces that the designers use on thier shows. You won’t see anyone else with the same piece, trust me.
Even Mrs. T. tried something on…
We also met Vicki, who owns Fibre. She’s really lovely and super nice.
Apres-Fibre, Mrs. T, Vicki and I went for a quick coffee and chit chat session. I took this opportunity to take a photo of our twin Goyard bags. Mrs. T brought her black one while I got my white. Aren’t they cute?
There’s a ton of photo thieves out there so I watermarked the photo. God knows if pictures of our twins end up on eBay.
You know, I need to catch up with my tan. I’m too pale and fat. It’s a known fact that being bronze and brown can give the illusion that you’re stick thin. I can’t even wrap my hands around my upper arm anymore.
What a fun day eh? I should be doing this more often and go out during the day.
I still can’t get over the fact that I did LUNCH.
WHO THE FUCKIN HELL IN THE CIVILIZED WORLD
DOES LUNCH AT 12:30PM?
I usually do "lunch" at 4 in the afternoon, sometimes 5!!!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from… Oxford, OH, Amsterdam, Netherlands, Brommy Kyrka, Sweden, Douglasville, GA, San Diego, CA, Garden City, NY, Morimondo, Italy, Vienna, Austria, Limburgerhof, Germany, Kuopio, Finland, Minneapolis, MN, Skoglsa, Sweden, Campinas, Sao Paolo Brazil, Bucuresti, Romania and of course, all the gorgeous chavs in Glasgow, Scotland. I love each and every one of you. Say hi, don’t be shy and send me pictures of you holding the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign!
#2 – SO THIS IS WHAT PARIS HILTON’S LUGGAGE LOOKS LIKE. FABULOUS! Paris Hilton arrives in LAX… For some strange reason, these hideous bags remind me of pretentious snobby twats I always see at airports and act as if they’re the Queen of Zululand at the business class counter but all they use are cheap, nylon, promotional bags given out for free by corporations. These are the same type who would go all postal and complain at the airport counter girl for refusing to upgrade their cattle class tickets.
#3 – Ever since I was young, I’ve worked hard and I’m still working hard to build a future or a name for myself without kissing people’s ass or without the help of others. I’m trying my best in keeping my personal and professional lives separate but there are scrupulous (AND psychotic) people out there.
Ohhhhh I hate gossip mongers. Some people should really just get on with their fucking lives. Trash talking about other people YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW won’t get you anything. Money? Fame? Personal satisfaction? Ego trip?
And to think, most of these people are nobodies in their own right. I can’t help but wonder whether these people can survive staring at themselves in the mirror because of the way they spit vitriol and trash other people.
I don’t mind gossip. It’s fun. Shit, I even do it myself. But when it gets REALLY personal, defaming and career-destroying then that’s where I’ll draw the line. Oh well. The price you pay for being a fuckin "out there". Fame and celeb status can lick my scrotums anytime. I’m not even famous! I’m not even a celebrity! Screw those damn labels. If I’m famous, I’d be given a ton of free clothes, free accessories, get a free nosejob, and I’d have my own billboard on the freeway!
#4 – More love from people around the world…. you know what to do faggots. Keep them coming! Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Here’s my non-sexual wife with the I Love Bryanboy sign. Hannah you skank you’re getting fat!! I can see flaps on your arm. You and I…. we need to renew our membership at Anorexics Anonymous. I love you babe and I miss you sooo much. We should have sex when you get here. I don’t care if our babies turn out into brown monkeys… we’ll dress them in Chanel couture for the world to worship em.
BY THE WAY YOU LOOK PREGGERS IN THAT PHOTO! WHO THE FUCKIN HELL KNOCKED YOU UP? IS MY SPERM NOT WORTH OF YOUR EGGS?
Afterall, Chanel trumps skin color anytime! Take a look at me for instance.
I also would like to say hi to the Sarah Lawrence girls. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU YOU FUCKIN SLUTS. Thanks for doing the infamous Bryanboy pose. Are you people like, poor? Why are you borrowing my wife’s handbags?????? *kidding*
I WANT SARAH LAWRENCE BOYS GOD DAMMIT. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK THAT BULLDYKES OUTNUMBER MALES IN THAT SCHOOL. WHERE’S THAT JEWISH FAG JORDAN? I WANT YOU ALL TO STRIP HIM NAKED AND COVER HIS JEWISH COCK WITH THE I LOVE BRYANBOY SIGN.
I also love Jonathan from Rhode Island and of course, Erin, who vandalized her arm for the sake of her love to me, queen of faggotry.
#5 – Ka-ka-ka-ka-karmmmmmmmma. Hahahahahahahahaha! I hope things are doing good on your end. Last time I’ve checked, people no longer store leftovers in plastic tupperware cases… they throw them away or feed table scraps to the dog! Ka-ka-ka-ka-karma! Karma mia… here we go again. My, my, how can I resist you?
#6 – Those religious fanatics are out to get me again!!! I don’t understand the hypocrisy of those religious fanatics. One minute they’d be reading my blog, the next minute they’d go all crazy because of the fact that I photoshopped my fabulous fugly face to an illustration of a woman wearing a nun’s outfit. Look mother fuckers, isn’t homosexuality is a sin? Then what the fuckin hell are you doing on the website of the gayest gay that ever gayed? Go away before you turn into salt. Visiting this site means that you support me and my faggotry.
#7 – Remember kids, Podcast #005 is out now. My recent podcast is dedicated to the best city in the world, Paris. Click here for more information and hear me sing Vanessa Paradis’ JOE LE TAXI.
#8 – I have 1,622 emails I need to reply to. I PROMISE I’LL REPLY TO THEM ALL.
I LOVE YOU ALL
AND I FUCKING LOVE FENDI!!!!!
AND FENDI LOVES ME SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!
All of you sluts know how to get a hold of me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Allow me to indulge in a moment of shameless self-promotion.
Generally-speaking, I don’t give a fuck on what people think of me or say about me. I won’t deny that I’m a proud attention whore and a good one at that. I like jacking off every time someone says something where I’m involved. It doesn’t matter whether it’s positive or negative. There’s something pleasurable (and self-satisfying) every time I find my name on an internet site or forum or whenever I hear from my moles and minions that people are talking behind my back.
I always tell myself, "wow, people are really making the effort in vocalizing their thoughts and opinions." It’s wonderful being able to ellicit some sort of a reaction.
I searched my name on google earlier this morning and the world’s #1 search engine came up with 83,800 results. "Kate Moss" came up with 4,300,000 results while "Paris Hilton" got 44,100,000. That’s right mother fuckers, fourty four MILLION one hundred thousand results.
I know it’s absolutely wrong for me to compare myself to these 2 women considering I’m a certified nobody but come on, I know I can do better than 83,800.
You see, it just occured to me that I should no longer deny the fact that my true purpose in life is world domination through my faggotry.
One day when I become the United Nations Secretary General, get really really really famous and super duper filthy rich, I want to be able to bitch at all the people who made my life miserable (including the ones who constantly pulled me down and didn’t believe in me) and say "say hi mother fuckers, don’t cry for me Argentina eva-peron style", followed by a wink and an airkiss that Marilyn Monroe would be proud of.
Now, none of this is gonna happen WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
From New York City and Adelaide, Australia, to New Zealand and Hoofddorp, Noord-Holland in the Netherlands, people, teenagers and teenagers at heart (oh dear god hahaha) all over the world are reading my blog… including people from my hometown, Las Islas Filipinas aka land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives. I’ve got each and everyone of you, fabulous, fantastic and lovable maggots, dancing on the palm of my hand.
According to Female First, Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of American Vogue said she has 3 commandments to maintain the standard of her magazine.
#1 – aim high. very high
#2 – have fun and last. but not the least…
#3 – keep your finger on the pulse and KEEP YOUR INFLUENCE BY EXERCISING IT.
Well, I want to put my influence to the test.
I want to see whether I’m larger than life or not.
I want you, yes, you, to feed my ego.
All this talk on various internet sites on how I’m a "blog celebrity" or how I’m "famous" makes me wonder if I’m really famous.
I really should stop pretending I’ve got a tiny bone of humility inside me. HAHAHAHAHA!
I think it’s best for me to cut to the chase and save all this incessant crap about fame for a later time.
I’m not happy I only got 83,800 results on google.
Why should I settle for 83,800 when I can shoot for 500,000???
With the help of corruption and bribery, of course, just the way we LOVE it in the ultra fabulous third world, I am hereby proud to present you…
You read that right.
I want you to pimp my fat ass on the internet.
It’s quite simple, really.
The person who spread the word about my blog www.bryanboy.com on the most number of websites will win a fabulous DOLCE & GABBANA (NOT D&G… there’s a big difference, maggots. hahaha) dog tag necklace with the word "SEX" in swarovski crystals.
Don’t ask me how much it costs. The only thing that I can tell you is Dolce & Gabbana ain’t cheap, so there. =)
I usually give sexual favours but given the distance
from my brothel to where you live, I figured this is
the next best thing to my infamous $5 blowjobs.
As a bonus, I’ll throw in an old copy of one of my favourite reads EVAR, the ultimate nouveaux riche and social climbers’ "feel good" book entitled, "THE RIGHT ADDRESS" by Carrie Karasyov and Jill Kargman.
All you need to do is bombard every internet website, online forum, blog, chat room, online networking sites (MySpace, Friendster, etc) whatever about my gospel and my faggotry and email me the links where I can read about what you or whatever the site owner said.
The person who emails me the most number of links AND bring the most traffic to my site wins!
I’ll run this contest from now until May 15, 2006. Just email me all the links where you (or your minions) mentioned me. Don’t send me your name or your mailing address. I only need that information once I pick the winner.
FYI: I have this amazing website stats program that can track where people are coming from so you can’t really cheat. LOL
If you have any questions, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’ll be watching you all very closely.
I bet some bloggers out there will copy my self-promotion antics.
There are sites out there who already copied my "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign pics and INFAMOUS BRYANBOY POSE etc…. I wouldn’t be surprised if I get copied again this time.
Well, it happens to only the best, right?
Spread the love bitches and always remember…
Oooooooo the sheer thought of knowing that you’re all watching me VERY CLOSELY too is making me moist with delight. I bet I’m driving you insane already.
I love you all as always. Email email@example.com or SMS + HÖRA ETT EXEMPEL PÅ ETT MEDDELANDE
(ignorera musiken i bakgrunden)
Du kan också ställa vilken fråga du vill. På ENGELSKSKA, såklart. Jag kommer publicera ditt meddelande på min nästa podcast.
RING NU SLYNOR! ALLA NI SMUTSIGA SVENSKA SLYNOR, HOROR OCH BÖGAR! jag vill höra din röst, det borde inte ta mer än 1 minut. Hahahaha!
Jag älskar er som alltid.
I’m getting bored…
First things first… I’d like to give a big shout out to readers of Elle Girl magazine in the Netherlands. Thanks for loving and talking about me.
Ik HOUD van ELKE EN ELKE ÉÉN VAN U! VERZEND ME een BEELD VAN U DIE HOUDEN Het TEKEN Ik van de LIEFDE BRYANBOY! KUSSEN!!!
Ok. My Dutch is all wrong and that’s what I get from using one of those online translator things. Hopefully y’all get the jist out of it. HAHAHAHA!
I finally managed to get my lazy fat ass to my dermatologists yesterday afternoon. There’s a photo shoot I need to go to and I have to look pretty.
First stop: Coffee Bean
THANK god the whipped cream-serving bulldyke of a midget wasn’t there. I don’t want anyone to be spitting on my drink (unless they’re cute, hot and rich… but then again, no cute, hot and rich person will work as a barista) after whingeing on my blog.
Just to be safe, I EXPLICITLY told the lovely lady behind the counter that I DO NOT WANT WHIPPED CREAM on my drink… my wish is her command.
Cardigan by LAROK, white tank top by Calvin Klein, brown/rust-colored jeans from Acne Jeans (Sweden), boots from Fruit, bag from Hermès, amber and gold necklace from Kenneth Jay Lane, sunglasses from Dior
Boy I got a surprise for all of you.
You see, I often get asked as to who takes my photos. In addition to my familia de horreur members and friends, well, let me unveil one of them. Meet my maid, Eunice.
Eunice has been my maid for quite some time and she’s the best, best, best friend a faggot like me can ever have. She’s got everything about me memorised. She knows some of my deepest, darkest secrets. She’s been with me through obesity and thin and up to this day, I’ve never heard a single word (.. or grunt) from her in spite of everything that she’s done for me, like cleaning up all my puke on the bathroom floor after a good night out… or my soiled, skid mark-infested underwear.
nonsexual wife anorexic daughter Hannah would complain about her "hunchback" maid, Simang, every once in a while.
HOY HANNAH, at least your maid ain’t a lesbian!!!
Today’s obligatory paparazzi shot.
I have a feeling my maid Eunice might be a lesbo. I’ve never seen her show any kind of perverted emotion towards guys.
OK… WAITTTTT.. she thinks that Piolo (spelling?) Pascual
Filipino actor guy is cute.
She won’t believe me when I told her that he’s gay like a row of pink camping tents.
So yeah, I had my usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial.
For the first time in ages, I didn’t feel any pain today. God knows why. I usually have low tolerance for pain, expecially while having a facial done. I know I scream like a pregnant prostitute bitch in labor every time my aesthetician extracts a white head from one of my blocked pore.
Today’s lack of pain made me think about things I don’t usually think about on a day-to-day basis.
For instance, sometime last week, I told a friend on how I’m starting to get bored. I expressed my desire to experience something new, like, learn a new skill or take up cooking classes.
She suggested that we learn a foreign language together… take up French at one of those Alliance Francaise centers. I told her sure, why not. We even checked the availability online and the session that we want won’t start until October. There’s a 3rd and 4th session but we’re both planning to travel around June/July/August.
While the lady pricked my face, I realized I’m at that stage where everything is just stagnant. I’m turning into a stale, 20-something.
I mean, I know I’ve changed tremendously in the past 12 months. However, if I look at it on a different perspective, it feels as if I’m not going anywhere. My life’s at a standstill and I’m doing the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
I told my friend this and she thinks "I’ve gone so far and achieved so much already".
I remember the old times when I used to deny myself from owning to what I’ve achieved in order to delude myself into thinking I have a tiny bone of humility inside me.
But I still can’t can’t help but ask myself the $64 million question.
WHERE AM I GOING AT THIS POINT?
Let’s face it, I won’t deny that all I do is shop, shop, shop, work, work, work, shop, shop, shop, spread my faggotry to the world, shop, work, eat, eat, eat, spread my faggotry to the world, shop, shop, spread my faggotry to the world.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s like a routine.
Shit, it’s MY routine.
Everything used to be fun. Every time I get a material ‘acquisition’…a bag, a jacket, everything… it brings a genuine smile to my face and I feel soo… contented. I know I once said that being severely materialistic makes up for my lack of non-material things in life. But in all honesty, I don’t take my sense of materialism too seriously. Afterall, it’s only material stuff!
Enough ranting. I already sound like a broken record.
I think it might be therapeutic if I list what I want to happen SOON.
- have a clear sense of direction on where I’m heading
- experience something NEW and FUN!
- learn something NEW… a new skill, a new hobby, whatever
(Would you believe I even went as far as researching VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES in countries like ECUADOR and ROMANIA? I don’t know what came over me considering there’s over 80 million people who need help in my own backyard. My familia de horreur had always told me to stay away from hallucinogenic drugs and the people who take them.)
Before you go on a high horse and bombard me with your PREDICTABLE sanctimonious crap, I’m begging you to please avoid telling me to
- just be "myself" (and)
- donate to charity.
An escape from reality is what I need. Away from the blog, the Chanel, the Fendi, the Goyard, the shopping, the facials, the cellphone, the internet, the familia de horreur and of course, the sheer thought at the back of my mind that I’m surrounded by vultures who are constantly looking for that perfect opportunity to devour me alive.
I need a holiday. A 1 or 2 month-long vacation. Somewhere extremely remote and far-flung but close to civilization. Somewhere where nobody knows me and I know nobody.
Somewhere like Skåne, Sweden.
I want to be surrounded by nature. I want to pick fresh flowers, see trees, ride a huge horse. I want to buy a lot of art materials and learn how to paint scenery etc., that sort of thing. I also want to get gangbanged by well-hung farmboys and have hot and horny mixed-race baby-making sex on top of a tractor.
Remember Jakob, the Swedish guy I met up with in Copenhagen> He’s the only person in the world who managed to made me walk (and you KNOW I despise walking) for like 2-3 hours just to find that bloody Little Mermaid Statue?
Well, he offered to take me to his summer house in Varberg middle of nowhere bumfuck Sweden.
If I take him up on his offer that beats the purpose of me travelling somewhere where "no one knows me and I know nobody".
Hmmm pakipot ka pa alam mo naman kung saan matutuloy yan.
I wanna go to Skåne god dammit.
Oh I’m just soooo bored with life right now. All I need is change. That’s all.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
PPSS. The only thing that making life worth living is your love. And John Galliano.
Bryanboy loves Erick from Vandenberg AFB (Air Force Base?) California. Erick sweetie you do know that one of goals in life is to get gangbanged by the military/navy/army/men in black etc, right? PLEASE GET SOME OF YOUR AIR FORCE BUDDIES TO STRIP NAKED AND HOLD AN I LOVE BRYANBOY SIGN FOR ME.
Screw the don’t ask don’t tell policy. If I get gangbanged by men in uniform, I want MAXIMUM MILEAGE, MAXIMUM PUBLICITY. I want to make a shitload of MONEY and sell videos of it.
Failing that, the Bryanboy pose picture will do just fine. :)
You really love me do you now? Can I ride your aeroplane? It’s my aeroplannnneeee…
Alex from Tasmania, Australia. Big kisses from me to you. I love ya lots darling even if you sent me a damn photochopped photo. I SAID NO PHOTOSHOPPED ONES… HAHAHA ;)
This set of photos is better than PORN!!! I jacked off 10 times and my balls are the size of raisins. Courtesy of Clair from Perth, Australia.
(This is what I call TRUE LOVE)
PPPSSS. OH MY GOD. THIS VIDEO HAS GOT TO BE THE GAYEST VIDEO I HAVE EVER AND I MEAN EVER SEEN.
I’m gonna go to sleep now. I have a photo shoot later today.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
"Everybody wants to be us."
Lookie lookie at what I found on the internet earlier. It’s a trailer of The Devil Wears Prada.
So far so good. I like the movie already!!! My favourite line? EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE US.
Hahahahah! Classic. I LOOOOOVE IT.
I suddenly had this huge burst of mental images in my head!
MySpace faggots hear ye hear ye. That "Everybody wants to be us" line is going to be MY line of the year!
I can totally picture myself as a nasty, catty, bitchy, self-centered, delusional, egotistical, so-full-of-me-me-me-and-no-one-but-me Mean Girls (Regina George) queen bee-type of person saying that line (over and over and over) to my latest fledgling minions.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I can’t wait to see this movie.
Screw Anna Wintour. I know I love her dearly but I like Carine Roitfeld (Vogue Paris Editor-in-Chief) more. Carine is amazing.
She’s extremely edgy and chic, she has impeccable taste, she’s got a fuck all fuck you attitude on things and she seems lively and fun.
BryanBoy: i really wanna see carine roitfeld and anna wintour go into a fight and then carine take over american vogue
mauricio: they won’t, they love each other
BryanBoy: they do???
mauricio: haha no. they can’t stand the sight of each other. that’s why they’re never in pictures together
Oooooh I want to be just like her when i get older.
She’s got 2 children, Julia and Vladimir Restoin. I like Julia.
I think she’s pretty… and she used to date Starving Nachos. The Vladimir guy looks like a vampire. Too gothic-looking. Maybe it’s the poor quality of the scan. He sorta looks like Olivier Theyskens in this photo.
My favourite Carine quote: "Black? ‘It’s finished.’ Leather? ‘No good as you get older.’ Jewellery? ‘I hate watches. I never wear these things.’ Thongs? ‘Before I love strings. Now I hate strings.’ Handbags? ‘You can wear a completely transparent shirt and show all the breasts – I don’t care. But I prefer to have my hands in my pocket than to have a nice little bag. So I am not good for all these fashions. They have to sell bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags. I hate handbags.’"
Click here to read the full article from the Daily Telegraph.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – I’ll keep this entry short and sweet. It’s 7:10AM and I’m knackered to the bone. I’m gonna sleep in a bit cause I have to wake up early in the afternoon… I’m gonna go to my aestheticians and get myself pampered.
#2 – Bryanboy loves people from Gibraltar, Irvine, CA, Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada, Svartskog, Norway, Seould, Korea, Atlanta, GA, Perth, Australia, Tampere, Finland (where the hell is this???), Dublin, Ireland, Orrius, Cataluna Spain, Kaarina, Finland, Pico Rivera, CA, Durham, NC, Tulsa, OK, Pasadena, CA, Nueva York, Chiapas, Mexico, Juprelle, Belgium and of course, all the fabulous people from Kingston, Jamaica. I love each and every one of you. Say hi faggots, don’t be shy!
#3 – It’s been quite awhile since I posted your renditions of the infamous Bryanboy pose. I’m gonna create a photo album with all your images sometime this week. Just give me time.
By the meantime, take a look at these photos. You’re all adorable and I love the photos!!!
Kate from Illinois
Francis from the Philippines
Hannah and Judy
Someone who wants to remain anonymous…
…and of course, Tatiana from France.
Send me more photos assholes! Be creative! Have fun! Be spontaneous! I want pictures of you doing the ‘pose’ or you holding an I LOVE BRYANBOY sign. You know where to send them. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
# 4 – Speaking of Stavros, oh my god. He looks really rough and dirty. Eeek!!
#5 – Lookie lookie on who stole my Fendi spy! Isn’t it great how she lost weight? The face is still flat out fat though. As soon as she sorts out that chin she’ll forever remain OBESE in my books.
I loooove the image change. Give yourself a good pat on the back sweetie!
#6 – Tora B from Los Angeles emailed me a photo of that Bobby Trendy character. I have NO words. HAHAHAHAHA! Take a look at his skin… and the clothes. My oh my!
So this is what "FAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS" looks like. Oh dear.
#7 – Ooooo. Look at what I got via email!! Isn’t it loverly?
I think that’s all for now. I’ll update later in the afternoon.
I love you all as always. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.