Romaine: how old are you? Me: I’m fifteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen Derek: YOU ARE *NOT* FIFTEEN!!!!!!!!!!
And thar she goes! Do you have 20 minutes to spare? I don’t know about you but if you’re a masochist willing to torture your senses, why not listen to my radio appearance yesterday at the Derek & Romaine show? Yes!! The folks at Gay Bloggies sent me a recording. I know my screeching voice is god damn annoying but what can I do? I, myself, I’m also annoyed with my voice. Listening to it makes me want to stab myself in the throat. Not once, not twice, but 300 times! It’s the same voice that was blasted all across America on satellite radio but whatevs.
Apparently, EVERYONE on Gay Bloggies thinks I’m the biggest threat. Nothing new there I guess. I mean hello, EVERYWHERE I GO, people always think I’m threatening. I’m harmless, promise! WHY ARE PEOPLE SO INSECURE OF ME AND MY OWN INSECURITIES? Is it right for insecure people to be insecure of an insecure person with lots of insecurities? LOL.
Me: I’m fat. I weigh 127 pounds! Romaine: My baby weighs 127 pounds Derek: I ate 127 pounds today Me: I’ve been eating sausages and lettuce.
It’s no secret I suck when it comes to public speaking… that, and my English is atrocious. Who cares? Hello, I’m not American, Canadian, British (Welsh people don’t count), Irish, Australian and New Zealander. I’m ching chong china man remember? Anyway, I always sound like a condescending whore… on crack… in all of my tv/radio/whatever interviews. Oh how I wish I was eloquent and articulate… but then again… maybe, just maybe, the fact that I cannot say what I want to say (orally at least) is the reason why I have a blog?
I had fun doing yesterday’s interview. I love the last bit when I said goodbye and they all made these fun, snipy comments on how people in the third world prefer "developing nation" over "third world" because it makes them feel better. True dat. HAHAHAHA! Oh and how I’m soo gay even gay people want to gay bash me… and how I look like a 9 year old girl. Fabulous. GOD DAMN MONEY WELL SPENT Y’ALL!
PS. I’ll give a special prize if you manage to count the number of times I said "you know". MUST. GET. RID. OF. THAT. DIRTY. HABIT.
Ladies! If have access to Sirius Satellite Radio and you’re in the USA, tune in at 9:05PM Easter (6:05PM Pacific) today because I’m gonna be on radio!
Tune it to OutQ Channel 109 (Derek & Romaine Show) in less than 1 hour.
Visit http://www.derekandromaine.com/ for more information. I don’t think y’all can listen to the show online but the folks at GayBloggies are gonna record it for me. My voice sounds like nails carving a chalkboard but whatevs.
I’m nervous as fuck but hella I have to whore myself.
Update – 10:30AM. OK. That was fun. When I joined the line, everyone was talking about vibrators and batteries exploding all over the place!!! LOL. I don’t understand why the other contestants think I’m the biggest threat on Gay Bloggies. Hahahaha! I know why… that’s because I’m pretttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Just kidding. Thanks Derek and Romaine for the time! I’m definitely gonna get a vibrator this Christmas season.
But most importantly, a big thank you to my loyal readers who voted for me — bitches you better continue voting for me until I win! I love you all!
The real one, that is. There’s only 6 of us remaining on this year’s gay bloggies and one of my competitors pulled a cheap trick on me. Today’s challenge is about the hottest guy on planet earth. Well, because y’all love me, Frank of OMG! BLOG thinks I’m hot so he posted all of my best-looking pics on the site to sway my readers to vote for him.
OMG THAT MISLEADING SON OF A BITCH HAHAHA! DO ME A FAVOUR, PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU. I’LL SUCK YOUR COCK AND GARGLE YOUR LOAD IF YOU DO THE FOLLOWING.
1) [here] Click the "thumbs down" button found at the bottom of Frank’s entry. 2) [here] Click the "thumbs up" (I SAID UP) button found at the bottom of **MY** entry. 3) [here] Click the "thumbs down" button found at the bottom of each of my other competitors’ entries.
I’ll forever be indebted if you do it and PLEASE, for the life of god, tell all your friends on myspace, friendster, facebook and whatnot to do the same. Competition is extremely tough right now and everyone is resorting to cheap, SLEAZYYYYYYYY tricks. I love Frank. I really do. Heck, I’ll let him punch my prostate with his cockerel and cover my bowels with his creamy white population paste but his entry is misleading!!! DO NOT vote for him even if he said I’m the hottest.
Remember. There is only one space for a flaming princess in this world and that person is MOI.
I have a $64 million question. Do mean gurls go to heaven when they die? I don’t care what planet you’re from but if you are reading my blog right now, click click click the graphic below and check out my latest entry on this year’s Gay Bloggies! The topic today is all about guilty pleasures…
I’m really nice. I really am. In fact, I’m so nice the United Nations should fucking pay me for my services to mankind.
2 faggots down, 9 more to go. With your help, I want to win the god damn championship so I suggest that you get off your fat ass and pony up some votes, will you? Unless you’ve got your limbs chopped off, it shouldn’t take longer than 30 seconds to keep me in the contest. Click the "thumbs up" button found at the bottom of my entry. I won’t tell you to thumb down the rest of the contestants because that’s mean and nasty but hey, I’ll leave it up to you if you want me to win.
Vote the right choice. Think brown. Think pretty. Think mean.
We all know gays come in various age, shape, size and colours but what you don’t know is that little camp queens like me are a dying breed. Every day when you wake up in the morning, more and more people are coming out of the closet and with the world’s population embracing the "big is beautiful" mantra, it won’t be long until us, slim and slender fairies, get eradicated by these muscle marys, frat jocks and gay bears.
Keep the faggotry alive by voting for me, Bryanboy, planet earth’s favourite third world fag on this year’s Gay Bloggies! Over the next few weeks, I, along with 11 of my fellow finalists, will blog on www.gaybloggies.com where one of us are going to be eliminated by popular vote. The folks at Queerclick (link NSFW) in conjunction with Aussiebum, changed the contest this year and unlike last year where I won three awards (Best Asian, Best Diva and Most Humorous Blog), there is only one grand champ — the last man standing is going to be the winner and I want to make sure I am that man.
All you need to do to vote for me is click the "thumbs up" button found at the bottom of all my entries; so far I have one. It’s as simple as that. I’m also encouraging YOU to spread the word and help me out. I promise I’ll be nicer if you do. Pleeeeaaassse tell everyone you know (friendster, myspace, facebook, blogs, whatever) to regularly vote for me (AND ALL OF MY ENTRIES) because I’m an insecure bitch and winning things validate my existence. Show these bitches that flamers rule the world and to ensure future generations of slim, slender and glitter-loving homosexuals.
Ok, I don’t really like glitter but I’m sure you get my drift.
Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
PS. Even if you are straight/bisexual/transgendered/bi-curious/bi-polar/asexual whatever, please vote for me! Y’all know I’m an equal opportunity lover. PPSS. (Update 4:05AM) My page at gaybloggies is 100% porn free.
It’s nomination season once again! You know last year, thanks to your help, I won 3 awards at the Gay Bloggies: Best Diva, Most Humorous Blog and Best Asian. This year, I want to win again. The first step is to nominate me.
Oh yes. Nomination ends tomorrow so you better nominate me, planet earth’s favourite third world fag, on this year’s gay bloggies. Just visit http://www.gaybloggies.com and type my URL, which y’all already know.
If you haven’t done so, add me on MySpace. I’m WAYYY too shallow and I’m sad that I only have 3,175 MySpace friends. I’m in desperate need of attention because I’m such an online whore. Make me Mz. Congeniality, quick!
As promised, here’s the latest issue of OUT magazine (UK) in its entirety. Well… what are you waiting for? Don’t just sit there. Right click the link and save the pdf file on your computer! It’s a large file (7MB) so forget it if you’re using the slow boat.