Real, Ideal or Suicide?
Real, Ideal or Suicide?
Before we begin, will y’all please cut back on all these bareback/creampie/cumslut emails? UGH!!! I’ve got all these guys emailing now telling me they wanna fill me up. God. Everyone’s prolly thinking I’m this dirty internal combustion slut. Pfft. I swear to god I’m really NOT THAT FILTHY in real life LOL!! While I’m extremely flattered with your interest in injecting my rectum with your DNA, I want to reach the age of 75 and wear Oscar de la Renta. Now….
Just a little reminder for all of you out there who are always thinking of me when they masturbate late at night. My birthday is coming up in less than two weeks and we all know the third world postal system is a complete joke.
I have a life!
Ladiesssssssss! I am soo sorry for neglecting my blogging duties as of late. I think it’s best that I let y’all in on the shit I’m getting into these days. Second Life is WAYYYYY better than crack!!! It’s sooo addictive!!! I spend far too much time on this shit… it’s unbelievable. Like, 16 hours a day. NO KIDDING!!!
That’s me right there inside the sex house, just the way I like it, legs akimbo galore LOL!!!
God. The last thing I want right now are a bunch of teenagers from Ireland who are placing bets left and right about my real age. Ugh! Someone brought it up to my attention that there’s like 300 euros now on the pot. One side says I’m under 18 and the other side says I’m older than 25. I guess y’all deserve the truth and nothing but the truth so please help get your own god to help you. By the meantime, honesty is the best policy so here goes… I’m coming clean!
On The 6: Miss Cleo is that you?
I’ll suck your cock and give you an oreo cookie (or play with your tits if you’re a bulldyke) if you manage to guess the city where this photo was taken.
Answers on a postcard… I spit and I don’t swallow. I know there’s a 1-900-Miss Cleo in you so fire away your bestimates!
BLRC coming up shortly.
Tina gör kola
Gorgeous Swedish guys aside, here’s another reason why I love Swedes.
Someone pass the silver platter betch!
Do you look like your own genitals?
Bryanboy’s note: this is absolutely hilarious. I thought I’d pass it to everyone.
I was at a dinner party the other day, when the hostess suddenly clapped her hands together loudly and said “Right my darlings, it’s time to play a game!”
She then opened an A4 folder and began to pass around some photographs. “Don’t turn them over!” she said.
When one of the photographs reached me, I realised it was a picture of a woman’s cunt. Another photograph arrived and it too, was of a cunt. It then became apparent that the cunts belonged to different ladies sitting around the dinner table, and the purpose of the game was to match the cunt with the lady.
“Oh my gosh, look at the bush on this one! That has GOT to be yours, Charlotte!” shrieked Penny, and we all waited with baited breath as she turned the photograph over, correctly revealing the name “Charlotte” in labia-pink felt-tip.
“Golly gosh, I was right!” shrieked Penny and we all began to laugh rawkously as the wine flowed.
We quickly realised how easy it was to identify someone by just looking at their genitals: Helena’s was fat and pudgy, with pouting lips that looked miserable, and pasty pale skin – just like the features on her face! Whereas Jessica’s was puckered, small and shy, almost like a prepubescent anus, and very much a metaphor for Jessica herself!
So… how easy do YOU think it would be to identify yourself from YOUR own genitals?
Mary-Kate, Ashley and Bryanboy Olsen
I’m sure everyone in this planet had committed some sort of a fashion faux pas at one point in their lives. While some do it more frequently than others, I, on the other hand, represent everything that is wrong in fashion. I seriously never cease to amaze myself on how I come up with the most ridiculous outfits/combinations ever.
Most people say it’s not about the clothes… it’s about attitude and how you "pull things off". Maybe it’s true. I didn’t know what I was thinking on Friday night when I went out… all I can say though is "FUCK YOU" cause money speaks and my little hideous ensemble is probably (just probably) more expensive than yours. Hahaha! God I’m such an asshole.
Anyway, enough ranting and let’s get down to business cause I know you’re all anxious to read what I’m up to.
Me and the birthday boy, Dustin who looks sooo cute.
T-shirt by Dior Homme, oversized tank top by Ann Demeulemeester (underneath the tee), bracelets from Hermès, tights from www.welovecolors.com, bag from Chanel (Luxury by Chanel line), shoes by Mauri
This is the look I want to achieve but the damn weather here is SOOOO nasty (hot and humid) so I skipped the jacket and wore a t-shirt and an oversized tank underneath instead… oh and one of our maids couldn’t find my black thights so I settled for blue. My maid Eunice isn’t back from her month-long vacation.
I went to Absinth (I LOOOVE this bar) on Friday with a buddy to meet my friend Hannah and her friends. Little I had known it was the birthday party of this Dustin guy, who I only met once last week. I (unknowingly) gatecrashed his birthday party and I felt REALLY bad cause I’m not the gatecrashing type and I didn’t pay a single dime because the gracious hosts, Dustin and Christine, fed me with all the booze I can take.
The booze overflowed so who am I to complain? Even reformed alcoholics, people with cancer or fucked up livers won’t say no to free drinks.
That Dustin guy is a hoot! I LOOOOOOOVE him. He told me that one can actually lose weight by eating UNSALTED and UNBUTTERED popcorn the entire day.
Après-Absinth, we went to Cuisine (at La Embajada) for more drinks and fun. I got so tipsy to the point where I broke my Dior Glossy sunglasses (my fat ass sat on it… proof that I REALLY need to lose weight).
I swear to god it’s not a skirt. It’s an oversized tank top UNDERNEATH the t-shirt to cover my cock and my balls!
These are the Mauri of Italy shoes I used last night. I got these from Harrods back when I was 16 or 17 and I haven’t used them in YEARS. It’s amazing what kind of shit I find in my closet after all these years.
The girl on the right is Monica. I suffocated with envy when I saw her stark white Chanel 2.55 bag. What is it with people snapping up those white 2.55 bags anyway? She’s like the umpteenth person that I’ve seen with a white 2.55 bag.
I want one of those!!!! I really want one but I’m scared I’d fuck it all up with dirt in no time. Those white bags require extra TLC. Case in point: I completely fucked up my oversized US$2,300+ Dolce & Gabbana white lace and leather bag with pink lip gloss stains… and to think, I only used it about thrice. No more white bags for me.
I think the only way to keep a white bag in its original, pristine condition is NOT TO USE IT AT ALL.
God I look so red and drunk on this photo. And fat, too. Gotta love those Hermès enamel bracelets. For some strange reason, I haven’t seen too many people wear them. Hannah’s got the palladium-plated black one and I got the gold-plated white and the blue one. Everyone in this planet should have em. Those bracelets are wayyyy better than those nasty nasty kabbalah string. Those bracelets aren’t even that expensivo at $480 a pop and I’ve been monitoring Hermes.com almost on a monthly basis to see if they have new colors in stock. Someone just fucking bring Hermès to the third world for god’s sake.
Look at the look on my nonsexual wife Hannah’s face. Only HANNAH FUCKIN MATRONIC has the balls to chase local third world actors and go nuts in front of them.
Hannah, we gotta lose 20 fucking pounds your arms look as if they’re as big as his! What is wrong with us????? We’re all getting fat and we’re ageing disgracefully! WE NEED LIPOSUCTION, COCAINE AND CRYSTAL METH to get our 95-pound figures back!
Cuisine was fun! I’m so glad I went out the other night. I had sooo much fun it was overwhelming. I met a lot of very, very nice people (in spite of my scary Peter Pan outfit and alcohol-induced state). I was telling one of my friends, it’s great to have genuine fun with no pretentions or stress whatsoever.
OK, I lied.
The only stress that I had is the fact that I literally had NOTHING to wear the other night. I **NEED** to do some serious shopping once again. It’s funny how I bought so many clothes recently I haven’t even used them yet… I just need to find the right opportunity to do so.
SUPER Summer Soles
Lookie lookie at what I got in the mail yesterday. My friends at Summer Soles sent me a shitload of their fabulous stay-dry liners. I love how I get sent some goodies in the mail. Celebrities love swag… and since I’m a celebrity (hahahaha delusional cunt, that’s me), I love swag too!
Don’t you just dread the feeling of sweaty feet? Let’s face it, not everyone in this planet got dry feet. I know at least a handful of boys and girls out there (like me) who got sweaty feet. There’s this girl who I know and she hated wearing thongs because her feet get so sweaty she constantly had to wipe her feet using tissue paper in between bathroom breaks so her toes won’t look icky.
Summer Soles are discreet peel and stick fabric liners designed specifically for stay-dry comfort in sandals, flip flops and almost all closed shoe fashions – are sure to become a style staple for those who don’t want to smack, slip or squish their way through the season.
These one-of-a-kind removable peel-and-stick fabric strips provide edge-to-edge shoe coverage, are completely removable with no sticky residue, and, for women come in a variety of color and fabric options (“Suede Softness” and “Ultra-Absorbent”) or, for men, “Ultra-Absorbent” fabric in the classic colors black and chocolate brown. They accommodate up to ladies size 11 and men’s size 12 – simply snip the heel to size, peel and place.
I test-drove these liners on my my sky-high satin Lanvin cone heels that I got a few months ago. I haven’t used them yet because I’m saving them for halloween… the only time where it’s perfectly acceptable for a 17-year old boy like me to go drag without humiliating himself in public.
Summer Soles’ stay-dry liners are THE END of squishy feet. Because I’m fabulous and you are, too, Summer Soles offers a 10% discount to ALL Bryanboy.com readers. To get your exclusive discount, you MUST enter the promo code BRYANBOY upon check-out and you must use the link below to purchase them. Feel free to pass this along to anyone that you know. For more information about Summer Soles, click the link below.
Remember… you won’t get the discount if you don’t use that link or enter the promo code upon check-out. Summer Soles ships worldwide and offers $3 shipping wherever you are in the world.
I think that’s all for now. I REALLLLY have to work on my podcast. People are already bugging me, you know.
I love you all! Email email@example.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
PPSS. Bryanboy loves Canada, too…. and people who go to Yale University. I like smart people.