How badly do you want this?

It’s 1:38AM on a Monday morning and I swear to god, this is the only thing I have in mind.

+ salt, pepper, lots of tabasco and a huge ass glass of diet coke.

Help me god.

Champorado

It’s 6:35AM and I’m eating this for breakfast. I need to gain weight!

Don’t ask what that is. I know it looks like shit but damn it’s good. Let’s just say it’s brown monkey comfort food and let’s leave it at that.

Graham Crackers

Graham crackers = my new best friend. I consume 3 of these little brown babies, in addition to 2 or 3 cups of green tea, as an alternative to having a full lunch. There’s 150 calories in each serving (3 crackers) and it’s guaranteed to keep the fat away. It’s the best snack out there and it’s super nutritious! Why eat a ginormous, obesity-inducing meal when you can have crackers and tea instead?

Click click click!

CONTINUE READING

Dinner is served.

Oooooh I am soo full from my meal! One thing I’ve learned over the years is that there is no other way of being in charge other than doing things on their own. Did that make any sense?

Mmmm yummy! And healthy, too. I love food!

CONTINUE READING

OMFG "BALIKUTSA"?? HELP ME!!!

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god! Are you in the third world? I need your help **NOW**!!! I ventured outside my grandma’s house and went to sari sari store and found these.

I can’t even remember the last time I had this shit but man, this is sooo. fucking. good. I’ve been looking for this crap in Makati supermarket FOR YEARS but they don’t sell this over there. Can someone please tell me what they’re made of? TELL ME NOW! I’M BEING INTERVIEWED BY SOMEONE FROM NYC LIKE NOW AND I WANNA TELL THEM ABOUT THIS SHIT. I know they’re made from sugar but my mum said they’re from sugar cane or whatever. I need specifics! The bitch barked at me — she told me how they’re soo full of bacteria and shit because sweaty third world men roll this on their shoulders or whatever. IS THIS TRUE??? THEY’RE SOO GOOD THOUGH. OH MY GOD.

Oh just bloody tell me what this shit is made of.

[Edit: I'm trying to pinpoint what they taste like and I'm thinking the caramelized sugar crust of a good ol' creme brulee.]

Weekend Bender

OMG. I think I’m destined to be a matron.

I finally had the chance to wear my nice, new (well it’s vintage so whatever) sweater that I got from "I Love You Store". It’s sooo cute. I really really really love it. I was looking at some of my weekend photos and thought "damn, I look like someone familiar."

CONTINUE READING

Miserable Fat Queen

I don’t feel like writing. I feel fat. I am fucking fat.  I am clinically obese. I really should be ashamed of myself. I just finished an entire box (a dozen) of Dunkin Donuts Bavarian Kreme donuts. Ugh! Terrible. Absolutely terrible.

Mmm.. bavarian kreme donuts. It’s like felching fresh cum off someone’s ass. EEW. Not that I’d felch someone. Yuck. Hahahaha. It’s me who gets felched, not the other way around. HAHAHAHA! Go right ahead. Search "felching" on google and you’re in for a treat.

I’m going to hell. I really am.