I’m depressed and it’s my fucking birthday
I just turned 17 today 5 hours ago.
There’s definitely something in the air. I’ve been shopping (and eating) too much recently. You can usually tell I’m depressed when a) I’m gaining weight or b) I just added a ridiculous amount of new items to my wardrobe. It’s been proven that overeating and overshopping can make all my Academy Award-winning depression moments go away but this time I was wrong… I don’t mind being left bankrupt; I could always sell my ravaged rectum to a dirty old white guy and let his schlong hit my prostate for a couple of grand per hour. I just don’t want to be fat and that’s exactly where I’m heading.
Believe it or not, I managed to stay indoors over the weekend. It’s been quite awhile since I spent BOTH Friday and Saturday nights at my familia de horreur’s birdcage. I think it’s because of the fact that I got drunk on Tuesday and Wednesday last week. Oh well. At least I have bragging rights that *I* can stay at home on the weekends and I’m not really a party person.
Who am I fooling?
Anyway, I finally got hold of my new Fendi Spy bag.
I almost had a cardiac arrest when I opened the box… I (initially) got soooo disappointed with my Fendi Spy. It’s made out of Nappa leather and it’s supposed to be "metallic gold". It wasn’t even THAT metallic… it was gray! Pearlized gray! I called one of my bag hags and told her it felt as if it was made out of styrofoam and it looked like the stuff they use on car interiors.
I totally had a bitch fit so I decided to pop my Spy bag’s cherry. I gave it a spin around town on Friday afternoon. I went shopping. Yes, I fucking took that yellow brick road to Louis Vuitton. Satan made that house, I’m telling you. I could never, at least in this life, leave that bloody store empty-handed. Ok, I did once. With Mrs. T.
Anyway, it’s a serious disease. I made a personal pact that I will never set foot in that store this year and I’ve broken that promise many, many times. Heck, I even missed all of their events and parties in the past few months in order not to drop mad cash but here I am, back to my old habits again.
I really should stay away from Louis Vuitton. It’s driving me insane!!!
Heck, I was thinking of buying a fake LV bag, waltz inside Louis Vuitton’s premises, hit some random punter with my faux bag and finally get a restraining order that prohibits me from setting foot at LV for 1 year. I know I’m not the only one who wants to stay away from LV. Why isn’t there a support group for people like me?
Enough LV Madness.
Anyway, so yeah, I took my spy for a spin and I fell in LOVE with it. The bag is soo lightweight and it can hold a shitload of stuff. I wouldn’t mind using this bag in the event I turn into selling heroin for money. It’s such a gorgeous piece.
The bag is pretty much like a good friend that you fall in love with… over time. The more I use the bag, the more I like it.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Laughlin. NV, De Soto, KS. Elizabethtown, KY, Joliet, IL, Salt Lake City, UT, Rome, Italy, Wuhan, China, Grinnell, IA, Milan, Caavera, Andalucia Spain, Louisenruh, Bayern Germany, Chester, MD, Sesto, Sardegna Italy, Narva, Estonia, Bristol, United Kingdom and of course, all the fabulous people in San Francisco, CA. I love each and every one of you. Heck, you know I’d be more than happy to give you sexual favors of any kind. Say hi you fuckin cunts.
#2 – Don’t believe that whole "the best things in life are free" adage. Whoever invented that saying probably didn’t have access to Chanel or Hermès at that time. You know how I am… I substitute sex with Chanel, love with Vuitton and friendship with Dolce & Gabbana. This is how I managed to survive in the past 17 years. I’m kidding.
Here’s what I think: the best things in life are free AND EXPENSIVE. I had a 2-hour online chat fest with Mrs. T, who, by the way, is pretty much the only form of "support group" that I have at this time of the day (4AM), and she sent me a lovely birthday present… a gift that will give me nightmares for the rest of my life.
Being the pretentious gay twink that I am, I was gonna brag on how Mrs. T gave me a crocodile Kelly bag for my birthday until I read her note where it clearly indicated "Love this foto coz this foto is your gift from me".
Oooooh I am sooo fuckin envious. I’m gonna see you in designer hell Mrs. T.
Fuck it, I REALLY WANT A CROCODILE KELLY/BIRKIN BAG! That would be the best birthday present EVER!
#3 – Look at what I got as a birthday present over the weekend… a 3-month old baby!!! I’m thinking of good male names for a German Shepherd.
Sometime last year, my Miniature Pinscher baby, Daria, passed away due to some liver and kidney infection. She gave me a lot of love and affection in spite of having her for only a month. I still miss her though.
Hopefully my new baby will do the same.
Shit, hopefully my new baby give me my much-need masculinity and testosterone action I never had.
He’s sooo big and he’s sooo lovely! He needs to be thoroughly trained though. I’ll make sure I’ll take the extra mile just to take care of him.
#4 – Get your Hollywood trashtastic outfits ready cause we’re gonna party until the cows come home.
#5 – I think the best birthday present one can give to himself is the gift of good health. I need to stop smoking ASAP. I know I said I want to die ala Nan Kempner, complete with her couture and her portable oxygen tank. I want to take that back. I don’t want to die with a lung or heart disease. I want to die of old age.
#6 – I am sooo happy to know that I’m not the only one who is gaining weight these days.
#7 – Random Cheesemax on the net
- click here | L’Oreal Buys The Body Shop for $1 Billion. Holy fucking shit.
- click here | Someone please buy me this trunk as a birthday present
- click here | That gay Stephen Gately of Boyzone fame got married… to a man, of course
- click here | I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT BRITISH BOMBSHELL JORDAN SLUT GOT FEATURED IN VOGUE MAGAZINE
- click here | And I still can’t believe Perez got to hang out with La Lohan. Lucky git. Imagine me hanging out with John Galliano.
- click here | PARIS HILTON LEAVES STAVROS NIARCHOS FOR PARIS LATSIS.
I think that’s all for now. I’m gonna sleep in a bit cause I have to do some errands later today. It’s friggin 5:18AM and I need to be up before 12 noon.
As always, you know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
It’s my 17th birthday today god dammit. Don’t be a cheapskate and buy me presents. Email me and I’ll tell you where to send them.
It’s my special day so you better buy me something nice.
Never forget: the best things in life are free and expensive.
I love you all.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
You Give Love a Bad Name
Shot through the heart and you’re to blame. You give love a bad name. I play my part and you play your game. You give love a bad name.
From San Diego, California and Paris, France to right here in the heartlands of the third world, fawning fuckwits all over the world are sending photos of their love to me, planet earth’s favourite third world fag and the crown princess of pretentious people everywhere.
Keep them coming bitches. As always, you know where to send them. Email firstname.lastname@example.org. You know I love you all and I’d be more than happy to give sexual favours anytime, day or night, winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there oh yes I will, you’ve got whore.
I Look Sooo Fucking Healthy
Those pesky paparazzi (hah!) won’t stop following me. They should know that Fridays are big errand days and I have no choice but to dress down. I went to The Coffee Bean earlier, followed by a quick trip to Rustan’s (my fave third world department store) to stock up on cosmetics and fragrance. I also went to the supermarket with Eunice, our maid, had dinner at a Chinese place and last, but not the least, got my usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial and microdermabrasion/power peel session at my dermatologist’s. Let’s play pictionary, shall we?
Looking at those pictures, I have to say that I have NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER, looked so healthy in my entire life. I look so obese! I’ve got sooo much FLESH, FLAB and CREASES. It really is not funny anymore.
I don’t care about other people so please spare me from that whole "if you’re fat then I must be a beached whale" tirade. It’s ME that’s the problem. I eat far too much and I just can’t stop. I think this is karma for giving my younger brother a hard time for being obese. I’m telling you, in spite of the all the abuse I gave him over the years, he’s still fat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid.
I was supposed to finish my article for shopping magazine (Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Just Shop) early this evening but I was busy shoving Chinese food down my throat.
Enough ranting. Moving on…
Oversized black men’s tank top (size small) by Ann Demeulemeester, men’s vest by Dsquared, jeans by Acne, bag by Hermes, necklace by H&M, boots by Fruit.
Isn’t it amazing how I’m wearing men’s clothes (I said clothes, not accessories) yet I effotlessly make them look as if they came from the women’s section?
Bah! I’m really fed up of people thinking I’m a trannie.
I only have 2 things to say…
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Honolulu, HI, Petrie, QLD Australia, Elsternwick East, VIC Australia, Bolton, ONT Canada, Lima, Peru, Shanghai, China, Wahroonga, NSW Australia, Nordstemmen, Germany, Hanoi, Vietnam, Tampa, FL, Ashburn, VA, River Forest, IL and of course, people from San Jose, CA. I love each and every one of you, I swear.
#2 – This is exactly why I **LOVE** Mary Kate. Nobody else in this planet can pull off the "I’m-a-little-girl-playing-dress-up-with-mommy’s-clothes" look other than the Olsens. Check out the coat and the shoes. I love it.
#3 – It looks like Dior’s Gaucho bag is here to stay. There’s snakeskin… and lizard (?) for fall/winter 06/07. Hmmm… believe it or not, I haven’t really seen any celebs carry the Gaucho yet.
Me likey likey the croc version!!! I think it’s beautiful. Me needy needy rich sugar daddy now.
#4 – Here’s my beauty loot for the day. I bought 2 fragrances: L’Artisan Parfumeur – Jour de Fete and Annick Goutal – Mandragore. I also picked up Dior Addict Ultra Gloss Pearl Shine Collection lip gloss in radiant gold and iridescent pink, Chanel cristalle lip gloss in vanilla dream, Lancome Juicy Tubes, Clarins self-tanning gel, Citre Shine hair straightening balm and pomade. This is why I love buying beauty products… they always give you freebies. I got this Dior cosmetic bag with samplers as well as this huge straw (?) clutch.
I just realized, why am I paying for beauty products?
Those damn beauty editors of magazines have it lucky. I bet you they get all of this stuff for free. I once read an article on British Vogue about this British Beauty Editor and her house was literally filled with cosmetics and toiletries, including her kitchen cupboard!
One of my good friends used to be a beauty editor and she told me that her car trunk was constantly filled with goodies back when she held her position at the magazine.
#5 – URGENT NOTICE: I got an email or two from some of my friends telling me that I recently sent them a file that is infected by a virus/worm. God knows who else might have gotten such emails.
FYI: IT’S NOT ME WHO DID IT!!!! Someone’s computer (with both of OUR email addresses) got infected and the worm is using random email addresses to send the virus to other people.
For instance, the email I got said the virus is called "W32/MyDoom-Gen". I went to Symantec’s website (Norton Anti-Virus) to know more about it and they said the virus is a mass-mailing worm that sends itself to the email addresses found on a compromised computer.
I recommend that you update your computer’s ANTI-VIRUS software with the latest virus definitions. I know I’ve got mine on auto-update.
6. Miscellaneous Cheesemax from the net
- click here | Kim Basinger for Miu Miu
- click here | Missoni to open its first hotel in Edinburgh, Scotland
7. OH MY GOD I’M A CELEBRITY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You know you’re a celebrity when people start asking autographs and pictures of you.
Well, I went to my favourite cafe on Tuesday afternoon and several people (ok, 4 people total LOL) asked to take pictures of/with me.
I’m telling you, I fucking love it. It’s soooo hilarious!
Shit, I’m not even famous!!!!
When someone asks to take a photo with me, I’d be more than happy to oblige. Pictures are pictures. I’m probably the BIGGEST camwhore in the world. Nobody took pictures of me when I was a child (yeah right) and it’s only until now that I’m airing out my frustrations…
Anyway, one of the folks who approached me and asked whether he can take a photo of me or not was this guy. I think his name is Erwin. He’s such a sweet fellow.
(Translation: I saw Bryan at M Cafe and of course, I didn’t pass the opportunity to take a picture of him with me. I’m really a big fan of him and his blog. All I can say is he is so sweet. When we approached him, oh my god, I looked like a PA/Personal assistant. His aura is really different. Oh my god, as in! I love Bryanboy)
I told him of course he can take photos of me and he shouldn’t be silly. His friend then told him something like "see, I told you he’s nice".
DO I LOOK AS IF I’M SOMEONE WHO BITES?
I’M NOT A SNOB YA KNOW!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
KEEP IN MIND I WAS A FUCKIN LONER WHEN I WAS GROWING UP. NOBODY GAVE ME ATTENTION WHEN I WAS YOUNG!
I want to be just like this prostitute. Hell yeah why not? There’s nothing wrong with being an attention whore!!!!!
I love it. I really do.
I think that’s it for now. More updates coming soon.
I love each and every one of you. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
February Ends With the Letter "L".
Louis Vuitton, Lancome, Ladyboy Love at La Embajada.
I’m sorry for the lack of updates. I’ve been AWFULLY busy the past few days it’s just CRAZY!
I guarantee that today’s update will knock you off your seats… especially my pictionaries.
Are you ready?
My February ended with a bang. Little miss third world gay
socialite wannabe went out in full force on Tuesday… I got drunk
before sunset and sobered up before dawn.
It’s times like these when I feel that my life is nothing but one big party.
It’s amazing how I can stay at home, indoors, for 3 whole days like
a hermit with no social life whatsoever and then go out as if I’m the
Oh well. :)
First stop: Louis Vuitton.
Louis Vuitton notified me that my green perforated speedy had
arrived. I went to the store for a viewing session and I have to admit
I liked the pink one better. I told them to put it on hold until
Thursday or Friday to decide whether or not I’ll get it. I picked up a
couple of items though – a new ipod case (FYI, I bought a new video
ipod), a little pouch thingie for random sundries and 2 bandanas.
I promised my Mexican friend Mauricio, who now lives in Madrid, that I’m not gonna buy any Louis Vuitton bags this year.
I’m supposed to be doing my best to go "logo-free" but Louis Vuitton is just proving it hard. *sigh*
Next Station: Lancome
You know an event is a success if there’s someone who left the party intoxicated. In case of Lancome, **I’M** the unlucky bastard who got drunk after more than 5 glasses of white wine, 4 glasses of champagne and a glass of vodka tonic. Shit, I have NEVER drunk in BROAD DAYLIGHT! I got there at 3:15PM and left at around 6PM all tipsy.
Lancome threw a launch party for their Blanc Expert Neuro-White line at M Cafe. I’m sooo glad I wore a white t-shirt (Zara).Otherwise I’d feel out of place in a sea of white.
Remember how I got a miniature pinscher late last year (Daria) then she passed away after a month due to a kidney+liver infection? I still miss my baby.
There were 2 canine cuties at the event… a few folks told me I should get myself a pooch but I don’t think I’m ready. I think it’s a sign that I’m better off with dead animals (i.e. fur, leather, steak, exotic skins) rather than have a real, live one. Besides, I already have a cat and a dog.
I went to a local designer’s atelier for a fitting session after the event. I also popped by at the gas station to grab some hotdogs on my way home. I ***LOVE*** pigging out with gas station food. I had like 3 hotdogs the other day. It’s soo damn satisfying.
Trust me, life ain’t a 24/7 festival of caviar and foie gras. Sometimes… yes, sometimes, it’s fun to rough it up and eat trash.
I was sooo drunk (and full) when I got home. I slept for around 2 hours. I got up at around 11:30PM, showered, dressed up and went to Embassy.
Last stop: Embassy High
Man, who would have thought my favourite Manila nightclub, Embassy,
is one year old? I swear to god, it felt like it’s been there for AGES
cause it’s pretty much the ONLY place/club I go to. Hah!
Yesterday’s theme was "Embassy High". A lot of people wore school-like outfits i.e white shirts, shorts, ties, etc.
I on the other hand went all out in my regalia.
I’m at a complete loss of words so I’ll let the pictures tell the
story. Y’all wouldn’t believe how many times I got hit on by guys. It’s
People who are new to my blog sometimes think I’m a tranny because I
wear handbags, lip gloss, tight jeans etc.I always defend myself by
telling them I’M NOT A FUCKING TRANNY… I’M JUST A REALLY EFFEMINATE
Fuck it though.
They want tranny, I’ll get them tranny.
I only have one thing to say.
DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN SUCK COCK LIKE ME?
DONTCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A FREAK LIKE ME?
TUESDAY night was definitely SOMETHING.
I had SOOO much fun.
I also had an early night. I got into the club at around 12:30AM and left the club at around 3AM.
My damn driver fell asleep and the bastard won’t pick up the phone. I had to wait for 30 minutes outside the club, looking all cheap, trashy and whore-ish.
THANK GOD I saw a couple of acquaintances who offered me a ride. I told her all I wanna do is look where my driver parked my car. I had to knock on the windows for 5 minutes before my driver got up.
My acquaintances told me to fire him but I won’t. I had to cut him some slack. He’s been up on the road since 8AM.
Tuesday was nothing but fun, fun, fun. I LOVE IT.
I think that’s it for now. A lot of things happened yesterday, Wednesday, and I’ll post them later when I get up.
I love you all as always.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492. Bombard me with messages of love and hate so I’ll have a smile on my face when I get up.
Tell me I’m pretty!
Tell me you love my vagina.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
P.P.S.S. Man, I feel like a woman!
Envy… Envy Me
Saucer of Gucci Envy please.
I’ve somewhat lost interest in blogging over the past few days because of this big, bad world I live in. There are many, many cold-blooded and resentful people out there who have nothing to do in their lives. Their bloodstreams overflow with venomous bile hence the need to spread hatred to others.
If you’re gonna talk shit about me or other people, please…. for good times’ sake, be careful (and selective) as to who you talk to. You’re only making yourself look worse (you already LOOK bad darling) when your bitter messages reach the person you are talking about.
All I can say is… envy breeds malice, spite and ill-will. Why can’t these people get over with their own personal failures and insecurities?
Let me share some quotable quotes. They came from THIS article published by The Catholic News… don’t ask my why I quoted them in the first place. I don’t know what to tell you other than the fact that I’m satan’s shopaholic spawn. Shopping is my religion and the mall is my temple.
"Envy eats away at the insides of its victim, and from its self-torment malice ensues. Envy is particularly adept at noticing and pointing out the faults of others. What I cannot have, I will besmirch or bring low. Or I will say it’s not worth having in the first place."
"A levelling instinct dominates envy. It grows naturally, as Aristotle observed, in relationships between equals. If we’re all equal, why should you stand out? Envy is the besetting sin of all professional groups, a fact most noticeable in the faculties of universities, but not only there, of course. You find it also in prayer groups. The envious prayer group member finds it extremely galling that other people can pray “better” than he or she can. "
"Envy confuses being equal with being identical. We all have equal rights before the law, and equal access to God. But life is otherwise a field of unequal distribution. No matter where I look there’s someone who has something I don’t have, or something I have but in a finer way, or simply more of what I have. Comparison only condemns me to ceaseless torment. "
"The antidote to envy, on the other hand, is growth in self-love and self-acceptance. The envious are not grateful for, or happy in, what they are or what they have. They feel that they are nothing and their nothingness is exposed by the success, achievement, or good fortune of others."
Click HERE to read the full article.
On that profound note, keep in mind that the ultimate form of revenge to these bottom feeders is success.
Gucci Envy ME, anyone?
This blog entry goes out to people who deserve to read this message.
Besides, only the guilty knows what on earth I am talking about.
Set this is stone mother fuckers: don’t drag me into your acerbic and foul lives. Live… and let live. I **WILL** be fucking successful regardless of whatever it is that I want to achieve in life.
I know bad grass NEVER die so… fuck you. Fuck EACH and EVERY one of you.
I got up early yesterday morning cause I have a "Beauty Day" date with a friend. The first thing my mom told me was for me to stay indoors unless I wanna die.
You must have heard all the politics-related insanity going on in the capital of the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives.
Riots or no riots, war or peace, heck, I don’t give a flying fuck if all hell breaks loose… I was fucking determined to get my hair done…
… and that’s exactly what I ended up doing.
I met up with friends at H-Salon in Rustan’s Makati to get a color and highlights. I LOVE that place. The service is good and Henry is a doll! I’m gonna go there for color from now on for color.
I thought I’d get my eyebrows done while waiting for their turns to finish their treatments.
Man, it was TORTURE! I wailed like a pregnant bitch who is about to give birth. I have a feeling it was my voice that stopped the riots yesterday.
Thank you Henry Calayag! I LOOOOOVE the color of my locks. I got a ton of comments last night how my hair is sooo nice. The pictures don’t do it justice.
This third world hell hole of a country can burn in hell for all I care but at least I’ve got FABULOUS hair!
Don’t get me wrong… I love my country…. but I have to love my own ass first.
Seriously… some of these people should just stop all these riot/protest nuisance. It was effective for the first 2 times… but you can’t recreate the past. You’re scaring the tourists away and you’re destroying the economy, including my livelihood. Being the local dollar earning prostitute that I am, how the fuck am I supposed to get well-hung clients from far flung places?
Ugh. I don’t even wanna talk anything that has to do with politics. It’s a touchy subject and the only time I’ll talk about it in great detail is when I’m holding public office or when someone with ill-gotten wealth adopts me.
Anyway, yesterday was productive. I accomplished a lot of things. I bought 2 delectable clutch bags. One of them is real snakeskin and the other one is faux croc. I LOVE the way you open/close the bag. These lovely confections will drive a bag thief insane – it took me several hours to figure it out.
Yves Saint Laurent bag, Dolce & Gabbana eel skin and kid fur clutch, Mulberry bag, DSquared shirt, Tim Camino t-shirt.
I love my new Mulberry bag. It looks a bit weird in photos but it’s lovely in person. The color is astounding.
Yes mother fuckers, I’ll update InsideMyBag.com later today. PROMISE!
Mulberry bag, Hermes scarf, Goyard wallet, Goyard agenda, Alain Mikli eyeglasses, Gucci sunglasses, Shu Uemura face powder, Yves Saint Laurent concealer, pens, ipod, lighter, cash, passport.
I ***LOVE*** my Mulberry bag!!!!
It was a good day overall. There must be something in the air. Heck, we even went to the cinema to watch Big Momma. Celine and I packed far too many calories yesterday. We had 3 meals yesterday… in a span of 8 or so hours… oh, and I had 3 enormous scoops of Haagez Dazs ice cream while watching the movie.
We all went home after the film. I was exhausted at the end of the day.
And a little depressed.
7 of us went to the movie theatre. A gay couple, 2 straight couples and good ol singleton me.
JUST BECAUSE I’M A TRANSVESTITE HERMAPHRODITE, IT DOESNT MEAN I DON’T DESERVE TO BE LOVED.
SOMEONE JUST LOVE ME GOD DAMMIT.
This is Summer
Even my 2 younger sisters have boyfriends even if I don’t like them that much. Fuck love and fuck being in a relationship.
I have to rely on myself to get love. It’s only ME who loves ME, MYSELF and I.
Until I find someone who will love me, I’m gonna love myself by pouring out my frustrations by shopping.
This is summer right here. Well.. part of it. LOL.
Save the 5-inch Chloe shoe/sandal and Versace clip-on earrings for a rainy day. I wanna to dress up like a whore once or twice this year.
Dior Homme (can’t remember) tuxedo vest, Ann Demeulemeester tank, Paul Smith shoes, Dolce & Gabbana jacket, Dolce & Gabbana t-shirt, Dolce & Gabbana polo shirt, David Szeto pearl necklace, Fruit cowboy boots, Chloe shoes, Versace clip-on earings, Marc Jacobs bag, Dior sunglasses, Tom Ford sunglasses, Marc Jacobs sunglasses, Zodiac chrono watch, Dior Homme tie, Versace pin, Louis Vuittn bag, Strenesse caftan, Ike watch, Etro sneakers, Eme Jota gazelle fur bag, Oscar de la Renta faux croc portfolio clutch, Nancy Gonzalez python minaudiere.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Ca Quarta, Veneto Italy, Cambridge, UK, Cagayan De Oro, Philippines, Chicago, IL, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Long Beach, CA, Braddock, PA, Mount Laurel, NJ, Hawthorn, VIC Australia, Honolulu, HI, Easthampton, MA, Kilmacanoge, Wicklow Ireland, Cote D’Azur, France, Kanagawa, Japan, Toulouse, France, Roslyn, NY and of course, people from Liberec, Czech Republic. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Email me and tell me you wanna fuck my fanny.
#2 – Watch out for Podcast #4 coming out in 6 hours!
#3 – See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. YOU ARE EVIL.
#4 – Geography is no boundary when it comes to unconditional love and the infamous Bryanboy pose. Here’s one from good ol New York.
#5 – Be sure to go to my Discussion Forums. www.bryanboy.com/forum. Say hi, don’t be shy.
I’ve had it. I’m gonna work on my podcast and post here in a bit.
More updates later.
Talk to me you maggots! Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
It’s almost midnight here and I’ll be awake for the next 6 hours.
I love each and every one of you. Someone please buy me a Boucheron watch!
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Hannah Matronic: (2/14/2006 10:42:17 PM): ill-gotten wealth is hot
Bryanboy: (2/14/2006 10:42:19 PM): I KNOW
I was originally gonna post an in-depth entry about my Adoption Notice out to the public. I wanted to be adopted by someone with ill-gotten wealth but I decided to back out in the last minute because it suddenly occured to me that nobody will adopt anyone over the age of 12, let alone adopt anyone twice that age.
I posted my adoption poster though for posterity’s sake. Don’t get me wrong… ill-gotten wealth is cool… shit, wealth, regardless whether it’s ill-gotten or legitimate, is fabulous.
I think the best option at this point is to dig platinum through traditional methods. Being self-employed (aka prostituion) is one thing, selling your soul to satan is another.
I like the former. Screw dignity at this point. I’m gonna be a prostitute one day. The idea of having lots of sex and getting paid for it is fucking awesome.
Third World Tai Tai
"Tai Tais, a Cantonese term, are wives or mistresses of wealthy businessmen, the occidental equivalent being ladies-of-leisure or, to put it less chivalrously, trophy wives. In the Asian context, they are a relatively recent phenomenon, arising from the East Asian economic resurgence of the past half-century, though they could trace their ancestry to the concubine traditions of Chinese history. Tai Tais are famed for their exquisitely groomed and attired persons made possible by their spouses’ wealth. They often become fashion icons if they possess the requisite qualifications of taste, a model to be followed by other Tai Tais and Tai Tai wannabes. Being of widely disparate backgrounds, often there is little else other than their sartorial splendor to immediately distinguish them as a class. So it is very understandable that they seek to mould their identities on their consumption."
– Karunanethy Kalaivani
I don’t care what you think but it’s been quite awhile since I dabbled around my delusions of gradeur.
What was I thinking yesterday when I said I wanted to have a career in the healthcare industry? I must have been on a morphine drip to have such ludicrous thought.
Oh fuck it. After Friday’s frolics, I decided I don’t want to be famous. Heck, I even don’t want to be a star! And I definitely don’t want a career as a standup doyenne of comedy either.
I know it would take more than a ton of skin-whitening products, a facial reconstruction (i.e. eyelash removal and eyelid folding) and a last name with no more than 1 vowel… but yeah….
I think I want to become a TAI TAI when I grow up!!!!!
I’m envisioning mammoth National Portrait Gallery-worthy murals of me, myself and I, followed by a nice gold plaque that says "BRYANBOY: LADY OF THIRD WORLD LEISURE". Those murals will travel all over the world, from the Hermitage to the Louvre, Smithsonian to the MET.
Nina Wang – Asia’s Richest Woman
Flamboyant widow Nina Wang has walked out of Hong Kong’s top court $4 billion richer after beating allegations that she had forged her late husband’s will in her favour. Mrs Wang, known for a girlish style of dressing that includes miniskirts, leather tops, and pigtails, will move to have the criminal charges against her quashed. — Sydney Morning Herald
Generations upon generations of girls and faggots worldwide will gasp and revel in my glory.
Hoardes of tourists will pose in front of those murals, emulating their best renditions of the infamous Bryanboy pose.
Fabulous eh? Don’t get pissed at me cause I thought of it first.
Bah! I can’t even get a fucking billboard on one of Manila’s main thoroughfares let alone have my own mural.
Enough fantasy… for now.
Bryan’s Crossdressing Night
Bryanman and the birthday boy, DJ
Nothing is more fun in this world than bending the rules of gender.
I went to a friend’s birthday party yesterday at L’Opera for a couple of drinks, wearing an outfit Ellen Degeneres would be proud of. The theme of the party was moda mafia black.
I got many many comments from people that I looked good on my outfit, it was quite… errr… different. I kinda disagree with them though after seeing my pictues. Nevertheless, I’m flattered and I love it! I think I’m gonna dress up like a
boy man more often.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DJ!!!!
I’m sooo glad I dressed for the ocassion… I didn’t even know everyone was dressed to the nines until I arrived…. and to think, I was planning to show up wearing a black tank top and jeans!!! HAHAHAHA.
Shit, do I really have to dress like a butch lesbian these days to get attention? An acquaintance even told me I looked better as a man than a woman. Oi vey!
It really was great night out!!!! I had sooo much fun.
After L’Opera, I went to a little gay night house party thing in the city, followed by a stint at La Embajada.
OMG. the most embarassing thing EVER happened to me. I totally felt like Stavros-Niarchos-Denied-At-Pure-Nightclub-Las-Vegas yesterday night when I went to the ONLY club I go to in this city.
You see, my usual haunt recently changed some of its staff. Gone are my favourite waiters etc. Even Aslie, my favourite resident door bitch, who let us skip the lines, wasn’t there. They had this new girl in place guarding the clipboard.
When I walked in, the lady asked for my name.
Naturally, I gave it to her.
Then she told me I wasn’t on the list.
Say what now?
I didn’t wanna put on an argument so I told her "ok, thanks" then off I went outdoors.
I SWEAR TO GOD, THERE’S LIKE 5 PEOPLE BEHIND MY BACK AND THEY SAW ALL THAT DRAMA.
Ooooooooh it was sooo embarassing.
List? What list? I never get into those lists cause I always, always, always, ALWAYS get in!!!
Luckily, a friend just arrived so all 3 of us went together.
The manager was there when we went back into the club. He apologised profusely… the clipboard girl was new.
We went to the vip area and stayed for no longer than 5 seconds. It was packed with so many people, stepping on someone’s non-vip shoes was inevitable. I’m surprised nobody died from oxygen deprivation.
Apres-club, we drank the entire night away at the restaurant downstairs till dawn.
I guess it really proves that I’m a mortal too, contrary to what some of you think.
I always find it funny and amusing when people ask me if I’m "THE FAMOUS BRYANBOY" whenever I go out.
I’m not famous, I swear!
I’m just someone with a foul mouth and a voice that wants to be heard.
Heck, I don’t even wanna be famous. Fame can lick my scrotum and my ass crack.
If I were famous, the central bank of the third world will have my name and my face printed on US$20 bills. I’d have my own statue, my own monument and people all over the world will worship me like god.
Bryanboy: Lady of Third World Leisure
I left my dad’s house at 9:30AM on Friday morning with no sleep from the previous night whatsoever, for a business meeting. I went to my favourite cafe and ordered steak and eggs.
I really can’t wait for my projects to blast off. I’m soo excited!! I just have to make sure I give myself a good kick in the ass to get on with them instead of procrastinating around.
The meeting finished at around 12:30 and I was quite tired. I thought I’d do a little bit of window shopping then go home to catch up with my sleep.
A couple of minutes after I left, I got a text message from a lovely madwoman aka Mrs. T, telling me she’s at the cafe. I love her… she’s soo nice… and her handbag addiction is WORSE than mine! HAHAHAHHAHA!
BTW, I’M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS NOW OR ELSE I’M GONNA DIE OF REGRET LATER…
You see, my handbag illness is acute. I always think it’s gonna go away on its own. If you think mine is bad, hers is CHRONIC! She even gave me nightmares!!! Not once, but many, many, many times. I’m NOT even gonna bother with specifics. SHE KNOWS WHAT HER WRONGDOING IS AND SHE BETTER BE GUILTY OF HER SINS!!!!!!
****YOU***** KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, MRS. ING BARRINGS.
Before she got to the cafe, I told my friends and the ladies I met for brunch, that I was planning to buy a classic LV mono speedy later in the afternoon.
Imagine the shock, awe and horror I had when I went to Mrs. T’s table… she was decked out in taitai-NIC barbie-goes-preppy chic: pique polo, jeans, the SHOES, the long hair, and of course, that damn LV mono speedy!
(For some strange reason, using the title "Mrs." feels inappropriate to use because she’s sooo youthful, lithe, thin… don’t forget the VERY long and VERY straight hair… whenever I hear "Mrs., I automatically get mental images of babboon-like matrons stampeding their way to my aesthetician’s office for botox shots.)
I joined her and chit-chatted for a couple of minutes.
Apres-lunch, the two of us hopped (not sHOPPED), from one shop to another, in the halls of Greenbelt 4 like rabid rabbits. We were completely out of it!!!!!
First stop: Louis Vuitton
Photo credit: Tresor Makati
The perforated speedy is not as bad as you think. It does look like a mini sac chien… I guess it’s part of the appeal. Nevertheless, I think it’s a cute bag… even the outside pockets are lined in suede!
Isn’t she lovely?
The only time we hushed is when I asked her whether some woman’s Chanel bag was genuine or not… WITHOUT the woman hearing me. I didn’t know whether she was a woman or a teenage girl. She looked like one of those little girls that run for beauty pageants acting like a 40 year old except she was sluttier and she had what looked like a Chanel white cambon (with python) bucket bag. The guy she’s with was rather scary…. 6 foot tall, backwards cap, basketball playAHesque outfit. The type that would punch you in the face in the event of eye contact.
Man, I really need to wear my eyeglasses and I should stop criticizing how other people look when I look like a prostitute myself.
Next Stop: Mix Boutique
I’m still pissed (and I have no one else to blame other my familia de horreur) for missing Celine’s Loungeri Lux line last weekend.
I bought a black tee (size LARGE!!!!!) and Mrs. T helped me pick my ribbons.
The tees run really really small, fyi.
After Loungeri Lux, Mrs T. and moi dropped by at Burberry, Bottega Veneta and Bvlgari.
What can I say… even Blvgari loves me.
Photo credit: Tresor Makati
The bottega bag above is sooo supple and soft.
I had a blast with Mrs. T. That woman is a hoot!!!!!!
Overall I had a nice weekend.
I’ll create another podcast in a couple of hours so if you’re reading this, fire away with your questions!
As always, check out my forums, http://www.bryanboy.com/forum
Big hugs and kisses from the fabulous turd world.
I love you all!
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Welcome Back to Civilization.
Welcome to blogging. Welcome back to civilization. I’m so glad I’m kinda over my podcast addiction.
Don’t worry though. I promise I’ll do a podcast once a week… perhaps twice or thrice a week. Depends. ;)
My psychic, also known as Miss Cleo, who, btw, got charged with deceptive advertising, billing and collection practices by the US Federal Trade Commission back in 2002, was right all along; my prince charming didn’t call me on Valentine’s Day. No dinner date, no expensive champagne… and definitely no tiny red box with a big shiny gift from Cartier.
I should have known better.
It’s been a quiet week at the House of Bryanboy.
My uncle had a heart attack on Saturday afternoon and my familia de horreur told me to stay at home as they take care of things at the hospital. I’m glad my uncle survived and he’s waiting for surgery. I think he’s gonna have either a bypass or angioplasty… I’m not sure. He’s currently confined at the hospital and he’s doing ok.
A friend launched a new collection from her line, Loungeri Lux last Saturday. I promised her I’ll go to the party but my parentals told me that I should stay indoors in case we need to go to the hospital. I missed the first launch and now I missed it again. I’m almost 24 years old for god’s sake!
The oh-so-lovely Celine and her gold python Fendi Spy bag
I ended up not visiting him at the hospital so another weekend gone down the drain. Call me insensitive but it was my aunt’s fauly in the first place why my uncle had a heart attack.
Enough drama of my clammy clan. I don’t wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about beautiful things and beautiful people.
Photo credit: The Fash Pack
I stole both photos from The Fash Pack’s blog (sorry!!).
If you live in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives, pop by Mix at Greenbelt 3. JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU’RE ***NOT*** GONNA TOUCH THE LARGE SIZES! I’ll GET THEM IN 3 COLORS. BLACK, WHITE AND PINK. These tees run a little small and a big, obese bitch like me need every square inch possible.
My Maid Deserves A Raise.
My oh so loyal servant, also known as Miss Eunice, deserves a raise. Who knew the bitch (that I truly love) had talent when it comes to photography?
I love her. I really do. That bitch mastered the art of namedropping and fashion faster than the speed of light. All of these conversations were done in our local language, fyi.
Me: "Have you seen my white belt with the yellow and pink stripes?"
Eunice: "No, is it the one from Delia’s?"
Me: "No… it’s Chanel because it says Chanel all over it!"
Me: "Look at that woman’s Chanel bag. Isn’t it nice?"
Eunice: "The bag is a fake cause the quilts aren’t aligned/the same"
(Peke po yung bag kasi iyung maliliit na squares hindi po pantay pantay)
Eunice: "Bryan, did you drink some cooking oil again? Your lip gloss is all over the place"
(Kuya, uminom nanaman po ba kayo ng mantika? Lagpas lagpas po yung lip gloss niyo)
When I got up yesterday afternoon, the first thing that she told me was "I can’t believe Paris Hilton is gonna be Mother Theresa in the movie. She looks like barbie doll. Isn’t Mother Theresa an Indian?"
(Kuya, hindi ako makapaniwala kinuha nila si Paris Hilton para maging Mother Thera. Para siyang Barbie Doll. Eh diba si Mother Theresa boombay?)
On Wednesday evening, I thought it would be nice to pay my uncle a visit. I was bored at that time so I asked Eunice to take photos of me; I haven’t camwhored in a long time.
I’m telling you… I think I should start a career in becomin a cleaning lady.
If I can’t get a guy being Le Superstar Fabuleux, maybe I can get a guy by being a hospital cleaning lady?
Shit, if that bitch Jennifer Lopez can steal Dolce & Gabbana outfits from hotel guests or wear Harry Winston diamonds on a date to the Met, I’m sure I can do better.
The person I’ll flirt with at the hospital are the ones on the Intensive Care Unit… the ones who have a one-way ticket to the morgue… the ones who are about to face death as soon as I touch their genitals… Before I do that though, I wanna make sure their last will and testament is signed, leaving all their assets and wealth to me.
God, imagine how lucky those nurses are.
HOSPITALS MUST BE GOLD-DIGGER CENTRAL!!!!
I’m sure somewhere in the world, there’s a filthy wealthy hospital patient fed up of dealing with their heirs so they leave everything to the ones who wipe their shitty arses off the shitting pan.
Anyway, I think I LOOK SOOOOOOOOO DAMN GOOD WITH ALL THOSE CLEANING EQUIPMENT.
Looking at a picture from my past, I think I was meant to work in the cleaning lady/healthcare industry. Here’s a picture of me about 5 or 6 years ago at Amanpulo. That’s table napkin on my head!
I have such a huge respect for nurses. Who else will take care of us even if we’re sick, even if they’re getting paid? I have to admit that nurses in this country are sooo underpaid, no wonder they’re emigrating by the flock to other countries, just like migratory birds.
Anyway, I respect them soo much when I got hospitalized, I had to boo them away in order for me to take a poop. I don’t care even if I was on Intensive Care. I don’t want a nurse to be wiping my ass with baby wipes; I want to do it myself!
Bryanboy Loves…. and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Doha, Qatar, Tianjin, China, Tampa, FL, Quinta Da Verdelha, Lisboa Portugal, Hanoi, Vietnam, Oslo, Norway, Kortemark, Belgium, Perth, WA Australia, London, ONT Canada, Mount Sibley, QLD Australia, Helsinki, Finland, Eschborn, Hessen Germany, Magnolia, TX and of course, all my friends from Cazevieille, Languedoc-Roussillon, France. I love you all. Say hi, don’t be shy you fuckin maggots!
#2 – I love these guys from Belgium. Don’t worry boys… when I go to Brussels one day, I wanna make sure we’re gonna have a threesome. Both of you guys can take turns fucking both my mouth and my ass. I’m gonna milk your genitals until the cows come home. I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!
#3 – More love from all over the world… Big shout out to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Hong Kong! As always, you know where to send your love. NO PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES PLEASE!!! Email email@example.com.
#4 – I hope you liked Podcast #003. If you haven’t listened to it yet, click here to download it. I named my Podcast "Greetings From The Third World". I’m open to ideas and suggestions!
#5 – Be sure to pay my online forum a visit. It’s free for god’s sake. I’m gonna go there in a bit to post a couple of things.
#6 – OH MY GOD. I GOT PUBLISHED AT OKLAHOMA DAILY!. OKLAHOMA. Oh. my. god.
Anyway, I have NO idea where it is in the USA but all I know is Amber Valetta was born there.
Apparently I’m this "Filipino Socialite" and I "make out with European models".
Making out with them?
SHIT, I CAN’T GET A FILIPINO MODEL TO KISS ME ON THE LIPS LET ALONE MAKE OUT AND HAVE HORNY SEX WITH EUROPEAN MODELS.
Hilarious. I LOVE IT.
I like it that they featured me though. It’s one step to world domination. It’s nice to have readers from Oklahoma.
SOMEONE PLEASE SCAN THAT ARTICLE IF IT EVER GOT PRINTED AND EMAIL IT TO ME. I’LL GIVE FREE BLOWJOBS AND AN OREO COOKIE IF YOU DO. firstname.lastname@example.org.
Click here to read the article online.
I think that’s all for now. I gotta be up early tomorrow.
Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
I love you all.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.