Fun, Fun, Friday
First things first. Many, many thanks to Alana Tourin, a writer for the Ottawa Citizen who mentioned my fabulous self. I also got published on the Ottawa Citizen, a newspaper in Canada. It looks like her article for the Ottawa Citizen got syndicated by the folks at Edmonton Journal so her piece hit two stone at once! FANTASTIC! Isn’t it amazing how a third world low life nobody such as me get mentioned on newspapers where eskimos play hockey, where marijuana is legal and its citizens wave flags with the maple leaves? *kidding*. I LOVE CANADA!!!!!!!
OK I look scary on that photo. —>
The article is available online to subscribers only so you may have to subscribe. Don’t worry, I’m still giving blowjobs to members of the Canadian embassy/parliament so they can send me a hard copy that I can scan and post online.
Click here to read the article.
I went to the big city yesterday afternoon. It’s the 2nd time this week that I went to the big city. Amazing eh? I’m supposed to be the domesticated queen of the south, away from the bright lights, the booze and the toxic, fake people with the phrase "LIP SERVICE" stamped on their foreheads.
It’s a good thing I went to the city in broad daylight. 1PM to be exact. I brought our maid’s daughter, who is currently spending summer in our house to visit her mom, as my paparazzi for the day. I’m surprised she takes good pictures. Shit, even better than Eunice. I miss Eunice though.
God I love looking gorgeous. Money can’t buy class but money can definitely buy beauty…. oh and moneycan induce attitude. Screw class at this point… they don’t call me the new-moneyed classless bitch from hell for nothing.
Long live the gaudy gladiators!
Foulard by Louis Vuitton, Sunglasses by Gucci, bracelet by Hermès, oversized tank top by Calvin Klein, silk cardigan by Roberto Collina (Italy), jeans by Acne, boots by Frye, handbag by Dior, necklaces by Irene’s Closet.
I’ve always taken pride with my onion bulby noise and my nonexistent chin and jawline but seriously, I wonder what I would look like if I finally went through the knife. I believe in natural beauty. We should be happy on what god had given us… but I’m really, really, really curious what I’d look like if I had a nose job and a chin implant done. I’m too scared though!!!!!!! I think I should just be happy with myself.
That Dior Gaucho bag is HUGE, I’m telling you. I have the double saddle version for US$1,995. It’s available at Dior boutiques worldwide, Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue, Bergdorf Goodman and the like. I even called one of my friends because this is a bag that I don’t get to use often. I probably have used it no more than 5 times. If you’re interested in buying it from me, let me know. I’ll even throw in an autographed picture of my cock if you want.
Don’t you think our maid’s daughter takes good photos? It makes me realize how BLESSED I am in this world. I need to lose weight though.
If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been wearing cardigans the past few weeks to conceal my flabby arms.
(SEE THAT WHITE CAR OVER THERE? A COUPLE OF KIDS IN THAT CAR SCREAMED "BRYANBOY!!!!" WHILE HAVING THIS PICTURE TAKEN AND THEY DIDN’T EVEN GET OUT OF THE CAR TO SAY HI. IDENTIFY YOURSELVES BITCHES, I DON’T BITE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. I’M NOT A CELEBRITY. I’M JUST A NORMAL PERSON WHO WANTS LOTS OF MONEY, FAME AND LOVE HAHAHAHA)
Shit, I used to tease my young sister for wearing sweaters and cardigans when it’s fucking 37 degrees celsius (or 98 degrees fahrenheit) out to cover her fat and now I’m going through the same thing.
KARMA MIA HERE WE GO AGAIN. MY MY HOW CAN I RESIST YOU??
I also went to Rustan’s, my favourite department store in Manila. It’s been ages since I last went there. I didn’t have the chance to roam around to check the goods but I get to go to the VIP Services section (a third world faggot of my calibre deserves nothing but VIP treatment. KIDDING. HAHAHAHAHA) and I bumped into my friend Mariko, her artworks are AMAZING, and his super adorable (I wonder if it’s MUSCLES inside that blue shirt) assistant.
Mariko and I had lunch at Cibo (my fave Italian snackerie), followed by dessert at a cafe inside Rustan’s called "Eat". I also got a little tour around Rustan’s. Someone please give me US$20,000 so I can buy a new watch. Please? I give good blowjobs and I’ll even swallow your population paste no matter how bad the taste is.
Here’s the obligatory paparazzi picture of the day.
Behind me is one of Manila’s biggest malls, Glorietta. They’ve got Paul Smith there, "masstige" and other "affordable luxury" (that’s the term I learned yesterday hahah) items. The tall building is called "Oakwood". It’s a "posh" place where all these corporate white expats, who live here in the long term, fuck their filipino brown pussy loot. *I’m kidding.* I’ve never been there but it’s supposed to be a plush "residence" type thingie.
Mariko and I went to Glorietta to buy magazines. We bumped into Liza of the fabulous THEFASHPACK blog. I LOOOVE her accessories! Look at how she customized her LV speedy!!!
We all had to go on our separate ways and what’s a trip to the city without paying a visit to the house that monogram built? My Mexican buddy Mauricio, who is now in Spain, fainted when I told him I went to LV. Thank god there aren’t any monograms in sight. That man would fly first class to the third world just to strangle me if I get anything monogrammed.
I’ve been eyeing this epi leather tote. It’s soo gorgeous!
Yes mother fuckers, Louis Vuitton cover some of their bag handles with plastic. There are people out there who think they are "know it alls" and say LV never does that. Well, the camera doesn’t lie.
I went home after Louis Vuitton. I was tired, knackered and sleepless from the previous night.
Overall, I had a fun Friday. Domesticated goddess my fucking ass. I want to be a taitai! TAI TAIs of the world UNITE!!!!!!
Anyway, I thought I’d share some of my guilty pleasures.
I visited my grandma down south on Thursday afternoon. I try to visit the old brown lady as much as I can because she’s not getting any younger. I’m trying to get her to walk but her lazy fat ass would rather be pushed on a wheelchair by one of her maids. She’s the most stubborn person I know. She’s 80-something years old, she can still walk and everything but she’d rather do it the easy way and take a ride on the wheelchair. The only time she’ll stand up is when she raids the larder to eat. I love my grandma to bits though. There won’t be a Bryanboy without her eggs.
Here’s a Filipino delicacy. It’s called "taho". I know it looks disgusting…. but it tastes soooo good.
Taho is basically made out of bean curd, liquified sugar and those pearly things called "sago". People usually buy them in a cheap plastic cup but I can’t get enough of this stuff so I asked them to give me a shitload in a bowl.
I haven’t had tahoo in years and now is the best time to indulge myself in such delicacy. It really is delicious. I usually ask the taho man to put a lot of the sugary syrup and those pearl thingies.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE TAHO! It’s not even expensive. I spent like P15, or around US$0.25 cents (YES, 25 CENTS) for the entire bowl.
For more information about Taho, visit the blog Dessert Comes First. You’ll even see what a taho man looks like!!!
Click here to visit the site.
Oh, oh oh, my subscription to US Weekly has finally arrived. I used to spend sooo much money buying US Weekly at the gas station. I hate how shops in the Philippines jack up the prices of such trash rags. I remember paying US$8 for each issue… screw that. Now that I’m a subscriber, I can finally oogle on my celebrity obsession.
It’s one thing to visit my fave celebrity gossip sites, Celebworld, PinkistheNewBlog, SocialiteLife and PerezHilton, and it’s another thing to see everything IN PRINT!!!!!!!!!
God I’m sooo white trash, I mean, whitewashed (in the third world no less) it’s not even funny anymore.
I think that’s all for now. I’m gonna do a huge Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax in a bit.
More updates later.
I love you all, as always. Email email@example.com (AND firstname.lastname@example.org because my other email might be fucked up). You can also send me text messages at +63.915.785.1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
PPSS. NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL TRUE LOVE.
THIS IS MANNA FROM HEAVEN AT ITS FINEST.
Since there aren’t any guys out there who would strip naked and cover their crown jewels with the I LOVE BRYANBOY sign, I decided to take up lesbianism instead.
Keep them coming!!!! I NEED PICTURES LIKE THESE SO I CAN ATTRACT HETEROSEXUAL MALES TO VISIT MY SITE. YOU GOTTA LOVE THOSE STRAIGHT MEN.
MAYBE WE CAN PLAY THE "BAITBUS" GAME WHERE A STRAIGHT GIRL FLIRTS WITH A GUY, BLINDFOLDS HIM, AND THEN GET A FAGGOT LIKE ME TO SUCK THEIR COCK. OOOH LA LA.
Oooooh Imagine the fun eh? IIIII NEED A HOT SEXY FAG HAG SO I CAN PLAY THIS GAME!!!!!!!
OOoh la la eh?
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
HOLY FUCKING SHIYET FENDI
FENDI DEDICATED A POSE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIYET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT’S MY POSE!!!! IT’S MY HAND ON THE HIP POSE! IT’S THE BAG HANGING ON THE AIR POSE!
THE BEAUTIFUL ANGELA LINDVALL DID THE INFAMOUS BRYANBOY POSE!!!
SOMEONE PLEASE CALL THE PRESS OFFICES OF FENDI AND KARL LAGERFELD AND TELL THEM I LOVE THEM SOOOO MUCH (AND THEY SHOULD GIVE ME FREE BAGS FOR COPYING MY POSE !!! HAHAHA)
Shit, I should’ve trademarked my pose back on July 2005 and sued Fendi but what the heck… I fucking love Fendi!!!!!!!!
What a coincidence, eh?
The fabulous folks at www.buxey.com were roaming around Roma Fiumicino airport today and found this glorious dedication to my glory hanging besides customs.
Here’s photos of me and my Fendi B-Bag 9 days ago… click here.
NOTHING CAN BEAT THE ORIGINAL, THE LEGENDARY AND THE INFAMOUS BRYANBOY POSE.
I LOOOOOVE FENDI!!!!!!!
I’m gonna spend the next few hours later uploading hundreds of your bryanboy pose submissions to my photo album. I’ve collected them ever since I started the blog.
Before I continue, I got a mention on the Edmonton Journal, a lovely newspaper from Canada the other day.
I remember one of their writers emailing me a long time ago and I never had the chance to follow through because of my schedule. I think it was around the same time I went on a mini vacation break. UGH!!! Nevertheless, her article about handbags got published and I got mentioned there… about my favourite handbag line in the world, Goyard!!!!
CLICK HERE TO READ THE ARTICLE.
I called their editor just now to see whether I can get a faxed or a scanned copy so I can add it on my Press/Media center. Unfortunately, I’m in the Philippines so I can’t get a copy of the paper. Oh well.
Cross your fingers. I hope she faxes it to me soon. I’d love to have it on my portfolio.
Edmonton now, the world tomorrow! Bryanboy loves Canada and Canadians should love Bryanboy.com.
Remember kids: help me in my quest for world domination. Spread the world about my gospel and my glory to every one that you know.
WORLD PEACE THROUGH FAGGOTRY!!
Time flies sooo fast it’s unbelievable. Heck, it’s MAY, for god’s sake and I haven’t accomplished anything "worthwhile" at all!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even believe it’s already THURSDAY early morning. I must have spent the past day or so SLEEPING.
You can blame my fresh prescription for clonazepam/rivotril. Man, I love this stuff. One half of a tab and I’ll doze to neverland faster than the speed of light.
Anyway, I’ve been having sleeping problems for the past few weeks. Some days I’ll sleep for 3 or 4 hours MAX. Some of my friends from Sweden and England often ask as to when I usually go to bed because I’m always ONLINE!!!
I usually ask my doc for rivs if I can’t get xanax. Seriously, those little periwinkle pills of alprazolam/xanax/xanor sell like hotcakes in this country. It’s a known fact that the pharmacies in the third world can’t supply my usual xanax.
Well.. guess who just got up from a 12-hour sleep? ME!!!
Before going to bed, I had 2 cups of rose tea from Fauchon, some danish butter cookies (with Fauchon raspberry preserve spread on top), some grapes and slices of cheese a family friend gave me who just got back from Paris… oh and the last season of Sex and the City on DVD.
In the words of my bag hag, Mrs. T., truly luxurious! I feeel so refreshed now.
Sunglasses by Dior, oversized turqouise necklace (2 strands) from L’Obelisk, watch by Chanel. oversized tank top by Mark Eisen, cardigan by Yacht Club, jeans by Acne Jeans (Sweden), shoes by Gucci, bag by Goyard.
I’m telling you.. you guys should better get a Goyard bag soon! Mine’s a Goyard Croisiere 35 and it’s availbale for US$1,690. You can get one from the Goyard boutique in San Francisco or in St. Honore, Paris, Harvey Nichols Hong Kong, Barneys New York or Bergdorf Goodman in NYC. It’s a GORGEOUS bag and you can tell it on the pictures. Go Go Go Goyard!
Tuesday was a fabulous, low-key affair. I really felt like a REAL tai-tai. HAHAHAH!
I met up with Mrs. T. (on the last minute) for lunch and shopping.
My maid Eunice went on month-long vacation. My mom’s maid’s daughter, who is a nice girl, is spending the month in our house. Her family lives in the province and they often drop by in our house to visit her mom (one of our maids) during summer/vacation time. She’s my paparazzi for the day because my incompetent, evil bitch troll of a sister is out with her boyfriend.
I think my mom should just adopt her so I can dress her up in my teeny tiny outfits. Oh dear… I hope the Department of Child Services don’t arrest me for child labor. HAHAHAH!
Skinny jeans for the mother fucking win!! For some strange reason, my legs look skinny from behind. I love my size 26 Acne Jeans from Sweden. I HATE MY THUNDER THIGHS though.
Our first stop: Sakae Sushi. It’s one of those conveyer-belt sushi eateries. Damn I miss Yo! Sushi in London. I used to go there back in the dark ages like EVERY SINGLE DAY. Shit, I remember spending 5 hours each day at Harvey Nichols, the food hall, a quick meal at Yo! Sushi and a coffee at the 5th floor cafe. This was many, many, many years ago.
After our scrumptious lunch, Mrs. T and I went to Irene’s Closet.
I’ve been wanting to drop by at Irene’s shop for the past few months but I’ve been sooooo busy whoring myself online and giving unsuspecting white tourists my infamous $5 blowjobs. It’s sooo hard being a whore you know. Like what my dad keep on telling me since I was a child, time is the ultimate luxury.
I LOOOOVE Irene’s Closet. There’s a ton of good finds and they even have pique polos for pooches!!! I should’ve stopped by the ATM Machine because I didn’t have a lot of cash with me and they don’t accept plastique fantastique yet.
See that brown hat above the clothes rack? That’s MINE!!!!! I’m definitely gonna come back to pick it up.
Mrs. T. then brought me to a lot of boutique shops in the city. Shops I’ve never heard of before. For instance, we went to Abfit Jeans Co., which stocks True Religion, Rock & Republic, Seven, etc. I even found this gaudy but cute patchwork bag. I didn’t buy it though. Hahahha!
Today’s obligatory paparazzi shot:
Our last stop was this called "Fibre" and I found this gorgeous, gorgeous bolero with hundreds upon hundreds of layers of fabric made by Louis Claparols. It’s sooo avant-garde!!!!
I tried it on and it suits me perfectly. I would have worn a plain white or beige sleeveless top underneath it. It’s quite pricey though, at P8,500 (roughly around US$160) but then again, it’s quite "couture-ish" so it’s a steal! I told the gals at Fibre I’m gonna come back and think about it.
More Louis Claparols pieces…
This jacket is sooo Liza Minelli. Very matronic!
ALL of the pieces in Fibre are unique and one-of-a-kind. They carry pieces from Filipino young designers and some of the pieces there are the actual pieces that the designers use on thier shows. You won’t see anyone else with the same piece, trust me.
Even Mrs. T. tried something on…
We also met Vicki, who owns Fibre. She’s really lovely and super nice.
Apres-Fibre, Mrs. T, Vicki and I went for a quick coffee and chit chat session. I took this opportunity to take a photo of our twin Goyard bags. Mrs. T brought her black one while I got my white. Aren’t they cute?
There’s a ton of photo thieves out there so I watermarked the photo. God knows if pictures of our twins end up on eBay.
You know, I need to catch up with my tan. I’m too pale and fat. It’s a known fact that being bronze and brown can give the illusion that you’re stick thin. I can’t even wrap my hands around my upper arm anymore.
What a fun day eh? I should be doing this more often and go out during the day.
I still can’t get over the fact that I did LUNCH.
WHO THE FUCKIN HELL IN THE CIVILIZED WORLD
DOES LUNCH AT 12:30PM?
I usually do "lunch" at 4 in the afternoon, sometimes 5!!!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from… Oxford, OH, Amsterdam, Netherlands, Brommy Kyrka, Sweden, Douglasville, GA, San Diego, CA, Garden City, NY, Morimondo, Italy, Vienna, Austria, Limburgerhof, Germany, Kuopio, Finland, Minneapolis, MN, Skoglsa, Sweden, Campinas, Sao Paolo Brazil, Bucuresti, Romania and of course, all the gorgeous chavs in Glasgow, Scotland. I love each and every one of you. Say hi, don’t be shy and send me pictures of you holding the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign!
#2 – SO THIS IS WHAT PARIS HILTON’S LUGGAGE LOOKS LIKE. FABULOUS! Paris Hilton arrives in LAX… For some strange reason, these hideous bags remind me of pretentious snobby twats I always see at airports and act as if they’re the Queen of Zululand at the business class counter but all they use are cheap, nylon, promotional bags given out for free by corporations. These are the same type who would go all postal and complain at the airport counter girl for refusing to upgrade their cattle class tickets.
#3 – Ever since I was young, I’ve worked hard and I’m still working hard to build a future or a name for myself without kissing people’s ass or without the help of others. I’m trying my best in keeping my personal and professional lives separate but there are scrupulous (AND psychotic) people out there.
Ohhhhh I hate gossip mongers. Some people should really just get on with their fucking lives. Trash talking about other people YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW won’t get you anything. Money? Fame? Personal satisfaction? Ego trip?
And to think, most of these people are nobodies in their own right. I can’t help but wonder whether these people can survive staring at themselves in the mirror because of the way they spit vitriol and trash other people.
I don’t mind gossip. It’s fun. Shit, I even do it myself. But when it gets REALLY personal, defaming and career-destroying then that’s where I’ll draw the line. Oh well. The price you pay for being a fuckin "out there". Fame and celeb status can lick my scrotums anytime. I’m not even famous! I’m not even a celebrity! Screw those damn labels. If I’m famous, I’d be given a ton of free clothes, free accessories, get a free nosejob, and I’d have my own billboard on the freeway!
#4 – More love from people around the world…. you know what to do faggots. Keep them coming! Email email@example.com.
Here’s my non-sexual wife with the I Love Bryanboy sign. Hannah you skank you’re getting fat!! I can see flaps on your arm. You and I…. we need to renew our membership at Anorexics Anonymous. I love you babe and I miss you sooo much. We should have sex when you get here. I don’t care if our babies turn out into brown monkeys… we’ll dress them in Chanel couture for the world to worship em.
BY THE WAY YOU LOOK PREGGERS IN THAT PHOTO! WHO THE FUCKIN HELL KNOCKED YOU UP? IS MY SPERM NOT WORTH OF YOUR EGGS?
Afterall, Chanel trumps skin color anytime! Take a look at me for instance.
I also would like to say hi to the Sarah Lawrence girls. I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU YOU FUCKIN SLUTS. Thanks for doing the infamous Bryanboy pose. Are you people like, poor? Why are you borrowing my wife’s handbags?????? *kidding*
I WANT SARAH LAWRENCE BOYS GOD DAMMIT. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK THAT BULLDYKES OUTNUMBER MALES IN THAT SCHOOL. WHERE’S THAT JEWISH FAG JORDAN? I WANT YOU ALL TO STRIP HIM NAKED AND COVER HIS JEWISH COCK WITH THE I LOVE BRYANBOY SIGN.
I also love Jonathan from Rhode Island and of course, Erin, who vandalized her arm for the sake of her love to me, queen of faggotry.
#5 – Ka-ka-ka-ka-karmmmmmmmma. Hahahahahahahahaha! I hope things are doing good on your end. Last time I’ve checked, people no longer store leftovers in plastic tupperware cases… they throw them away or feed table scraps to the dog! Ka-ka-ka-ka-karma! Karma mia… here we go again. My, my, how can I resist you?
#6 – Those religious fanatics are out to get me again!!! I don’t understand the hypocrisy of those religious fanatics. One minute they’d be reading my blog, the next minute they’d go all crazy because of the fact that I photoshopped my fabulous fugly face to an illustration of a woman wearing a nun’s outfit. Look mother fuckers, isn’t homosexuality is a sin? Then what the fuckin hell are you doing on the website of the gayest gay that ever gayed? Go away before you turn into salt. Visiting this site means that you support me and my faggotry.
#7 – Remember kids, Podcast #005 is out now. My recent podcast is dedicated to the best city in the world, Paris. Click here for more information and hear me sing Vanessa Paradis’ JOE LE TAXI.
#8 – I have 1,622 emails I need to reply to. I PROMISE I’LL REPLY TO THEM ALL.
I LOVE YOU ALL
AND I FUCKING LOVE FENDI!!!!!
AND FENDI LOVES ME SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!
All of you sluts know how to get a hold of me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.