Dream of Domestication
Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging. Celebrity skin is this your chin or is that war you’re waging. First born unicorn, hardcore soft porn… Dream of californication. Dream of californication.
Dream of Domestication
Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging. Celebrity skin is this your chin or is that war you’re waging. First born unicorn, hardcore soft porn… Dream of californication. Dream of californication.
AZNNNN FUCKIN PRIDE
Oh my god. You are so not gonna believe what I’ve gotten myself into these days.
I am sooooooooooo sorry for the lack of updates recently. My mother made me watch all these Korean DVDs and thanks to her, I’m totally hooked. I just finished watching the entire "My Name is Kim Sam Soon" set… all 9 DVDs of them.
I’m telling you… those Korean DVDs are evil. EVIL EVIL EVIL!
I bet my soul is burning in Seoul as I speak. All these Korea Korean nonsense DVDs are a threat to my fabulousness – I haven’t done anything productive in the past 2 days.
I don’t even know why I liked watching em. I laughed. I cried a little bit. I got pissed off. Heck, I could barely understand the English subtitles yet the damn soap was entertaining.
Someone please rescue me before I develop an intraracial obsession.
I’m seriously thinking of buying a plane ticket to Seoul and get myself a Korean loverboy. Those Korean guys are starting to grow on me. I think they’re lovely. A shitload of them look gay. Take that Hyun Bin guy (one of the lead characters in Kim Sam Soon) for instance. Man, he looks soo gay he’s soo cute.
Look at those nails!!!!! French tips! They’re SOOOOOOO FUCKIN GAYYYYYYYYY!!
THIS IS INSANE!!!!
I already feel dirty for googling him and search for his pictures.
Why oh why am I doing this? This is completely absurd and preposterous. This AZN obsession has to stop. Next thing you know, I’d be dancing to J-POP (Japanese Pop), wear Hello Kitty outfits and say SUPER KAWAIIIIIIIIIIII.
Besides, I don’t wanna end up with someone who looks like this.
Dirty dirty dirty.
You know what’s even funny? I’ve been having daily chat sessions with one of my long-time Mexican buddies, Mauricio, who is now in Madrid. We’re both having a little asian obsession right now. SOMEONE PLEASE TURN US INTO TAI-TAIS!!!!!!
mauricio: you got to fix me up with one of your rich asian friends
BryanBoy: they’re all straight and married hahahaha
mauricio: fuck dem asians
BryanBoy: exactly. we need aryans sweetie. think of the babies. mixed race babies are the chanel of babies
mauricio: i want asian, it’s easier, they’ll be all ooh and aah with my big eyes and my natural wavy hair, and my big dick cuz these are asian. everything is big to them.
mauricio: i love being un-PC
BryanBoy: look at friggin AZN pride. it’s like incest. it’s hard to penetrate asian society. no wonder everyone looks the same.
mauricio: but i look white. they love the white
BryanBoy: not the yellow ones babe. it’s the brownies who love the white. sucky sucky 5 dolla you love me long time 10 dolla. you gib 20 dolla i gib free tom yum
mauriciom: out of roast duck?
mauricio: dood, these brownies need to get with the program and give me money
mauriciom: i’m so going filipino hunting
BryanBoy: Come to the philippines. They’d LOOOVE you here. Flips love foreigners. you’d be soooo exotic here.
mauricio: maybe then i can be a tai tai
mauricio: i need a tagalog dictionary if i’m gonna successfully infiltrate filipino society
BryanBoy: hmm. you don’t need a dictionary babe. all you need to do is wave your exotic dick and speak the international language of love.
I don’t wanna be disowned by my own race. Being disowned by your friends and family is bad enough. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Get your Fendi B bags PRONTO! Just got a medium-sized canvas B-bag with the black patent and it’s gorgeous! I know I look rough and unshaven – I asked my maid Eunice to take these photos at 5:17AM earlier when I chatted to my buddy Mauricio in Madrid.
Norma Kamali for Everlast black cocoon cardigan, cheapo black tank top from god knows where, jeans by Cheap Monday, Fendi B bag, Dior sunglasses.
Large patent leather B bags run at US$2,000 while the medium-sized canvas bag with black patent leather buckles is set at US$1,430. Available at eLuxury.com, Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman and Fendi stores worldwide.
Kimora’s a Keeper
I’d like to say hello and give a big shout out to all the wonderful people from CRUNKTASTICAL (aka CRUNK + DISORDERLY). I love each and every one of you bitches. I’m glad to know that one of the hottest sites for African-American entertainment loves me.
Some of you think that I can give Kimora a run for her millions but in all seriousness, I’m just a little dirty middle class brown gook who lives in the cesspit of a fabulous land in the third world called the Philippines. If you can find me a sugar daddy, preferably with ill-gotten wealth (i.e. firearms business, drug dealing, stolen cars, insurance fraud, etc), no older than 35 with at least 9-figures worth in liquid assets and a 9-inch dick, please feel free to pass them my web address and tell me to contact me as soon as possible.
I’ve got no words to say. Kimora likes to soak her feet in champagne. That’s outrageous! I know good ol’ Kate Moss filled a tub with bubbly at one point but this is something else. Thanks for giving me a new photo to jack off to. A friend and I loved that ad campaign where she came out of a private jet. Kimora’s a keeper y’all!!
Visit Crunktastical at http://www.crunktastical.blogspot.com.
Her name is Jean Godfrey-June and she’s the Beauty Editor of Lucky Magazine.
Photo credit: New York Times
According to the her interview published at the New York Times, this v.v. Lucky lady gets anywhere between 50-250 product samples daily, along with fabulous items such as Pucci scarves, yoga mats and novelty chocolates. The article also mentioned how beauty editors (at least in the USA, don’t know elsewhere) also get Prada outfits, Cartier watches, free restaurant meals, press lunches at the Four Seasons, cosmetic treatments, exotic trips, free limo rides and trips to La Perla with $1,000 gift certificates etc. that sort of thing.
I have one thing to say: HOLY FUCKING SHIYETTTTTT.
I am soooo fucking jealous.
I think I already wrote on a previous post that I read a British Vogue article about another beauty editor who literally filled her entire house with beauty products to the point where she stored hundred-dollar creams and potions in her kitchen cupboard.
Also, one of my good friends here in Manila told me how her car trunk was constantly filled with beauty products when she held the same position at one point.
Set it in stone bitches. One day I’m gonna have a job exactly like that.
Except I’d get free accessories. Lots and lots and lots and lots of free accessories.
Am I really the forbidden fruit? What do you think will it take for someone like you to love me?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m a bald, virgin vagina that belongs to an 11 year old named "Tiffany Tara". You know you want to love me but you can’t cause you’ve got yourself on a self-imposed restraining order. It’s forbidden. Very forbidden.
What’s up with all these white people sending tummy pictures? I WANT FACES GOD DAMMIT. Thanks for the love though ;)
As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
For the life of god, please be creative. I’ve been begging and begging and begging and begging for you people to go to the nearest fire or police station and get a bunch of macho, muscled men in uniform hold the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign. HAHAHAHAHA!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Conegliano, Italy, Eggenhof, Germany, Aalbeek, Netherlands, Mechelen, Begium, Helsinki, Finland, Gatineau, Quebec Canada, Diserd, Sweden, Oxton, UK, ozone Park, NY, Essendon, VIC Australia, Parow, South Africa, East Meadow, NY, Wirksworth, UK, Monrovia, CA, Kiel, Belgium, Solna Sweden, Lisbon, Portugal and of course, all the gorgeous guys and hot chicks from Orlando, FL. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Say hi, don’t be shy!
#2 – I love Kim Aviance. You have to watch this video. If Amanda Lepore is the world’s #1 transexual, Kim Aviance is the world’s best drag queen.
Click here to watch Kim Aviance at Amanda Lepore’s birthday.
My friend Mauricio told me that we should roll like Kim. I told him not with confetti but cold, hard cash or cocaine. Then he said, cocaine bricks and Harry Winston diamonds!!!
Imagine the show eh? I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!
#3 – I just checked my stats and I’m quite surprised how only 13% of my readership comes from the Philippines. Prime proof that my laughable presence is still relatively unknown in this country… Either that or more and more people from other countries are reading my blog therefore fucking up my Philippine-related statistics.
Believe it or not, I’d rather be unknown in my homeland so I can still keep this place as a safe haven of some sort. One must be insane for wanting to be a big fish in such a small pond.
#4 – I need a publicist. For free. Someone who can make me even famous in exchange for sexual favours. Someone like Eliot Mintz, who is Paris Hilton’s publicist, except cuter.
Shit, I can’t even believe I asked one of my friends whether he’s gay or not. My friend hasn’t even heard of him. I searched on google for his picture and found this.
I guess anyone who looks like a carrot standing next to Yoko Ono is gay. My friend told me he looks antique. HAHAHAHAH. I replied back telling him Eliot kinda looks like vintage Louis Vuitton steamer trunks pre-monogram era. Whatever, right? He’s still one of Hollywood’s most powerful publicists.
#5 – Speaking of Louis Vuitton, it’s been ages since I visited their website. I went there the other day and boy I had goosebumps watching (and listening to) the flash file intro. You have to see AND listen to it for yourself. Click here.
#6 – Man, Marc Jacobs is lookin really old these days. Marc having lunch with La Lohan.
#7 – Does anyone know who made the skinny jeans Nicole is wearing? I want them…
#8 – Keep an eye out on Gram shoes/sneakers. Gram is one of Sweden’s newest design exports. I really, really, really love those Swedes.
They even named their shoes based on the weight of the shoe themselves. Personally I like the high-cut sneaker in white denim.
#9 – Have you ever been harassed on the street? You have to check out this blog. It’s soooo hilarious. Women all over the place take pictures of their harassers and post them online.
Harassment is wrong, evil and dirty. But in all seriousness, if my harasser is cute, hot, rich and well-hung, I’d open my ass wide and give it to him with no restraint whatsoever.
I’m gonna stop myself from making comments about sexual harassment. I don’t wanna open a can-full of worms because at the end of the day, I’m still a perverted faggot.
I think that’s all for now. I REALLY have to work on my podcast and reply to all my emails.
I love each and every one of you. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Being Sick is NOT an Option.
Believe it or not, I’m still sick. I have the worst cough and colds EVER. My nose is sore and red from blowing all that snot. My unhealthy lifestyle is definitely taking its toll on my health: bing eating, lack of sleep, chain-smoking, booze, etc.
I was supposed to go to my doctor this afternoon for a quick check-up but I ended up pampering myself instead, after partying the other night at the Shu Uemura/Motorola event.
Isn’t it hilarious how I have my priorities fucked up? For instance, my sister and I spent the entire afternoon together. Getting a facial (plus a back massage, a manicure and a pedicure at my local nail place, Tips and Toes) is more important than getting a chest/lung x-ray and going to the doc.
3 women working on your body while you’re reading a magazine: bliss.
(Hat by Frankie Morello, sunglasses from Gucci, sneakers from Fendi, t-shirt from Dior Homme, shorts from Kenneth Cole, bag from Dior)
Why oh why am I doing this to myself? Is beauty worth sacrificing one’s health?
Obviously the answer is "NO" but I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say I’ll stop shooting heroin and turn myself into a vegan.
Is being beautiful healthy… or is being healthy beautiful?
I know I said this many, many times: I wanna be 75 years old and wear Oscar de la Renta. However, I’d be lucky to even reach 30 at the rate things are going in my personal life.
Fuck it. I really need to adapt some sort of a healthy lifestyle. You know… I gotta quit smoking, sleep at least 8 hours A DAY, eat sensibly, exercise and cut back on my alcohol consumption. Easy to say than done eh?
Afterall, I can’t afford to be sick. I have hot and horny boys all over the world I need to please sexually.
I love each and every one of you. Seriously. It takes a lot of balls to send "I Love Bryanboy" pics to planet earth’s favourite third world fag.
Can I just say that the last time I saw/touched/felt someone’s cock and balls was back on DECEMBER 27, 2005?
As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email firstname.lastname@example.org. NO photoshopped photos please.
I have to cut this entry short cause it’s 5:12AM and I have a flight to catch in a couple of hours. I haven’t even packed yet!!!!
I love you all. Email me or SMS +63-915-785-1492 and tell me you want to fuck my mangina.
If Looks Could Kill…
I can’t even remember as to when exactly I last bitched about someone I really, really despise but here goes…
Before I do so, let me just say that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You know me… I just don’t have any shame sometimes.
In spite of whatever bitching that you see here, keep in mind that I’m a REALLY nice and sweet person. Promise.
Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a heroin syringe (hell, morphine is good, too) in my eye… but since I’m immortal, it’s pretty much impossible to erase me from the face of this planet.
Now… meet Mr. Daniel Ondiz. He’s this mongrel who lives in the UK who troll every single post I make in some online internet forum. He’s half Filipino, half something something. Whatever. All roads lead to perdition but for some strange reason, he ended up somewhere in bumfuck Scotland. I assume his reformed prostitute mother married some sad git.
Bitch had the nerve to call me ugly.
Now I generally don’t have a problem with that. Hello, it’s a known fact that I have a face only a biological mother can love but when that statement is coming from someone who looks like a complete turd and then saying he’s gorgeous and I’m not, then that’s where the problem starts.
That Daniel made me choke on my own vomit when I saw one of his recent pics.
It’s not even funny.
Shit, I am so glad he’s gay. I have absolutely no words as to what his offspring would be like. I know any of my future offspring can give Saffie Monsoon a run for her money.
Looking at his photo will make ANYONE in this god damn planet feel BETTER about themselves.
Ooooooh I really despise him. He’s such an asshole.
I even asked one of my best, best friends the first thing that came to his mind when I showed him his photo.
Life is beautiful my friend. Sadly, not this guy’s.
I’m gorgeous, you’re ugly INDEED.
Whew. Now that has been said, I’d like to thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent. This is exactly why I love my blog. This little narcissistic shrine of mine is sooo therapeutic, it’s better than seeing my shrink.
You see, I have the option to either:
a) keep all my derogatory thoughts about him to myself and be insane for the rest of my life or
b) cleanse my mind, body and soul by purging all my dirty sins in the form of a blog post no matter how defamatory it may be.
I’d rather choose the latter…
I have to be TRUE to myself you know. They don’t call me the big brown bitch from hell for nothing.
Phone Fun with Bryanboy
Wait a sec.
Save your sanctimonious sermons. Before you castigate me and tell me I’m ugly too (so I don’t have the right to criticize satan’s spawn)
Well guess what? Even if Natasha Poly and Gemma Ward is one (very tiny) notch prettier than me, I do have the right.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think he’s ugly. Hahahahaha!
REPEAT AFTER ME: IT’S NOT A SIN TO MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. IT’S NOT A SIN TO MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.
We’re all gonna burn in hell anyway so why should we deprive ourselves of some good ol’ fun?
This is EXACTLY why I love posting my phone number online. It’s little (priceless) moments like these that make life worth living.
Random stranger called my number earlier this morning and hung up. He did one of those "missed call" things and expected me to call him back.
I sent him a message telling him I don’t call strangers who are not on my contact list.
A couple of hours later, random stranger calls again. Read the rest of the messages.
I also sent him/her a followup message 30 minutes later that said "Well?????".
Message #36 is the last message I got. I think I scared him/her away.
Thanks for giving me a good laugh. That really made my night. I was sooo bored earlier and I needed something to make me smile.
Sweet Scent of Logo-Free Success
I had a blast Friday last week. Definitely one of the best nights I’ve ever had in this town… and I managed it without a single logo in sight. You know how I’m trying to avoid anything that’s got a logo this year, whether it’s LV, interlocking CCs, Dior, etc.
After several months of planning, a good friend and I finally had a dinner date. She brought me to a French restaurant called "Je Suis Gourmand".
Words cannot describe how wonderful the food was. The foie gras and white asparagus was TO DIE FOR. My steak was fabulous. Each course is rich and scrumptious… perfection! Heck, it’s been 6 days already and I’m STILL bloated from all that food intake last Friday.
For your reference, a 3-course meal for 2 plus several glasses of white wine will set you back about US$85. It’s MONEY well-spent. Trust me on this one.
Je Suis Gourmand is located at GF Net1 Center Bldg., Fort Bonifacio, beside Neo Spa and BPI. Phone number is +63.2.815.8801.
Apres-dinner, my friend Ianne and I went to this bar called "Luce" to celebrate an acquaintance’s birthday party.
Top by Marc by Marc Jacobs, belt and tie by Topshop, pin by Versace, handbag by Marc Jacobs Collection, jeans by Cheap Monday.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Eindhoven, Noord-Brabant Holland, Riga, Latvia, Manchester, UK, Langley, BC Canada, Champigny-sur-Marne, France, Hung Hom, HK, Rome, Italy, Ostrava, Moravskoslezsky Kraj Czech Republic, Visaginas, Lithuania and of course, all the beautiful people of Rio De Janeiro, Brazil! I love each and every one of you… say hi, mother fuckers!
#2 – Courtesy of one of the gayest blogs evar, Towleroad.com, Karl Lagerfeld appears to have a gorgeous friend.
I WANNA GET A CHIN AUGMENTATION PROCEDURE DONE. NOW!
#3 – An urgent cry for help. Can someone please watch/listen to this video and tell me the name of the track that’s being played around the middle to the end of the clip? It’s the track where all the gorgeous are mincing on the runway and where Zac is being interviewed. I think the song is either spanish or italian. I’m not sure.
All I know is that "na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na" thing got me obsessed. I downloaded a copy of that video on my video ipod and had the thing run on my speakers for HOURS!!!
Believe it or not, for the very first time in my life, I’m lusting over Zac Posen. Not his clothes, silly, but him and his slimy, dirty looks. I think he’s kinda hot. For some strange reason, he’s got this weird sex appeal, thanks to that video. I can totally envision him giving it to me hard up my bum. Curly hair and all.
#4 – I love it when people do the infamous Bryanboy handbag pose. Be creative! Be spontaneous! In fact, get the best muscle mary you can find, strip him naked, cover his crotch with an "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign and get him to smile for the camera.
Big shout to all my fabulous lovers (and posers) below…
Kudos to Diesel @ Poochnation.com.au. Diesel is soooo cute!!!!!!!! I’ll definitely pay him a visit if ever I get my ass down to Melbourne, Australia.
As always, you know how to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Welcome Back to Civilization.
Welcome to blogging. Welcome back to civilization. I’m so glad I’m kinda over my podcast addiction.
Don’t worry though. I promise I’ll do a podcast once a week… perhaps twice or thrice a week. Depends. ;)
My psychic, also known as Miss Cleo, who, btw, got charged with deceptive advertising, billing and collection practices by the US Federal Trade Commission back in 2002, was right all along; my prince charming didn’t call me on Valentine’s Day. No dinner date, no expensive champagne… and definitely no tiny red box with a big shiny gift from Cartier.
I should have known better.
It’s been a quiet week at the House of Bryanboy.
My uncle had a heart attack on Saturday afternoon and my familia de horreur told me to stay at home as they take care of things at the hospital. I’m glad my uncle survived and he’s waiting for surgery. I think he’s gonna have either a bypass or angioplasty… I’m not sure. He’s currently confined at the hospital and he’s doing ok.
A friend launched a new collection from her line, Loungeri Lux last Saturday. I promised her I’ll go to the party but my parentals told me that I should stay indoors in case we need to go to the hospital. I missed the first launch and now I missed it again. I’m almost 24 years old for god’s sake!
The oh-so-lovely Celine and her gold python Fendi Spy bag
I ended up not visiting him at the hospital so another weekend gone down the drain. Call me insensitive but it was my aunt’s fauly in the first place why my uncle had a heart attack.
Enough drama of my clammy clan. I don’t wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about beautiful things and beautiful people.
Photo credit: The Fash Pack
I stole both photos from The Fash Pack’s blog (sorry!!).
If you live in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives, pop by Mix at Greenbelt 3. JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU’RE ***NOT*** GONNA TOUCH THE LARGE SIZES! I’ll GET THEM IN 3 COLORS. BLACK, WHITE AND PINK. These tees run a little small and a big, obese bitch like me need every square inch possible.
My Maid Deserves A Raise.
My oh so loyal servant, also known as Miss Eunice, deserves a raise. Who knew the bitch (that I truly love) had talent when it comes to photography?
I love her. I really do. That bitch mastered the art of namedropping and fashion faster than the speed of light. All of these conversations were done in our local language, fyi.
Me: "Have you seen my white belt with the yellow and pink stripes?"
Eunice: "No, is it the one from Delia’s?"
Me: "No… it’s Chanel because it says Chanel all over it!"
Me: "Look at that woman’s Chanel bag. Isn’t it nice?"
Eunice: "The bag is a fake cause the quilts aren’t aligned/the same"
(Peke po yung bag kasi iyung maliliit na squares hindi po pantay pantay)
Eunice: "Bryan, did you drink some cooking oil again? Your lip gloss is all over the place"
(Kuya, uminom nanaman po ba kayo ng mantika? Lagpas lagpas po yung lip gloss niyo)
When I got up yesterday afternoon, the first thing that she told me was "I can’t believe Paris Hilton is gonna be Mother Theresa in the movie. She looks like barbie doll. Isn’t Mother Theresa an Indian?"
(Kuya, hindi ako makapaniwala kinuha nila si Paris Hilton para maging Mother Thera. Para siyang Barbie Doll. Eh diba si Mother Theresa boombay?)
On Wednesday evening, I thought it would be nice to pay my uncle a visit. I was bored at that time so I asked Eunice to take photos of me; I haven’t camwhored in a long time.
I’m telling you… I think I should start a career in becomin a cleaning lady.
If I can’t get a guy being Le Superstar Fabuleux, maybe I can get a guy by being a hospital cleaning lady?
Shit, if that bitch Jennifer Lopez can steal Dolce & Gabbana outfits from hotel guests or wear Harry Winston diamonds on a date to the Met, I’m sure I can do better.
The person I’ll flirt with at the hospital are the ones on the Intensive Care Unit… the ones who have a one-way ticket to the morgue… the ones who are about to face death as soon as I touch their genitals… Before I do that though, I wanna make sure their last will and testament is signed, leaving all their assets and wealth to me.
God, imagine how lucky those nurses are.
HOSPITALS MUST BE GOLD-DIGGER CENTRAL!!!!
I’m sure somewhere in the world, there’s a filthy wealthy hospital patient fed up of dealing with their heirs so they leave everything to the ones who wipe their shitty arses off the shitting pan.
Anyway, I think I LOOK SOOOOOOOOO DAMN GOOD WITH ALL THOSE CLEANING EQUIPMENT.
Looking at a picture from my past, I think I was meant to work in the cleaning lady/healthcare industry. Here’s a picture of me about 5 or 6 years ago at Amanpulo. That’s table napkin on my head!
I have such a huge respect for nurses. Who else will take care of us even if we’re sick, even if they’re getting paid? I have to admit that nurses in this country are sooo underpaid, no wonder they’re emigrating by the flock to other countries, just like migratory birds.
Anyway, I respect them soo much when I got hospitalized, I had to boo them away in order for me to take a poop. I don’t care even if I was on Intensive Care. I don’t want a nurse to be wiping my ass with baby wipes; I want to do it myself!
Bryanboy Loves…. and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Doha, Qatar, Tianjin, China, Tampa, FL, Quinta Da Verdelha, Lisboa Portugal, Hanoi, Vietnam, Oslo, Norway, Kortemark, Belgium, Perth, WA Australia, London, ONT Canada, Mount Sibley, QLD Australia, Helsinki, Finland, Eschborn, Hessen Germany, Magnolia, TX and of course, all my friends from Cazevieille, Languedoc-Roussillon, France. I love you all. Say hi, don’t be shy you fuckin maggots!
#2 – I love these guys from Belgium. Don’t worry boys… when I go to Brussels one day, I wanna make sure we’re gonna have a threesome. Both of you guys can take turns fucking both my mouth and my ass. I’m gonna milk your genitals until the cows come home. I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!
#3 – More love from all over the world… Big shout out to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Hong Kong! As always, you know where to send your love. NO PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES PLEASE!!! Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
#4 – I hope you liked Podcast #003. If you haven’t listened to it yet, click here to download it. I named my Podcast "Greetings From The Third World". I’m open to ideas and suggestions!
#5 – Be sure to pay my online forum a visit. It’s free for god’s sake. I’m gonna go there in a bit to post a couple of things.
#6 – OH MY GOD. I GOT PUBLISHED AT OKLAHOMA DAILY!. OKLAHOMA. Oh. my. god.
Anyway, I have NO idea where it is in the USA but all I know is Amber Valetta was born there.
Apparently I’m this "Filipino Socialite" and I "make out with European models".
Making out with them?
SHIT, I CAN’T GET A FILIPINO MODEL TO KISS ME ON THE LIPS LET ALONE MAKE OUT AND HAVE HORNY SEX WITH EUROPEAN MODELS.
Hilarious. I LOVE IT.
I like it that they featured me though. It’s one step to world domination. It’s nice to have readers from Oklahoma.
SOMEONE PLEASE SCAN THAT ARTICLE IF IT EVER GOT PRINTED AND EMAIL IT TO ME. I’LL GIVE FREE BLOWJOBS AND AN OREO COOKIE IF YOU DO. email@example.com.
Click here to read the article online.
I think that’s all for now. I gotta be up early tomorrow.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
I love you all.
Pictionary Galore: Guilty Pleasures and Errands
I’ll never forget what a friend said — I should never, ever, ever, ever, feel guilty about my pleasures.
That’s why I’ll let you in on one of my deepest, darkest secrets.
Screw the amazing confit de canard or seared escalope de foie gras I had from Josephine Chez Dumonet in Paris.
Assuming I got sentenced to death for a henious crime (rape, murder, etc.), this would be the last meal I’d ask my jail warden.
I ***LOVE*** Jollibee Chickenjoy. It’s the best fried chicken in the world.
To hell with hypertension and blocked arteries. Not even cardiac arrest would stop me from eating the crispest chicken skin. Dip ‘em in gravy before shoving it up your gob. It’s pure oral orgasm right then and there.
If you don’t live in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives and you are planning to go to this country, don’t forget to pay Jollibee a visit. You’ll thank me for it.
It’s 2:30PM here and I accomplished a lot of stuf today. I went to my friend’s office to pick up my airline tickets.
You gotta love those Cheap Monday jeans I got in Stockholm. They’re the BEST skinny jeans ever. Thank god I bought 2 pairs of the same style. I should’ve bought 5 pairs… silly me. God knows when I’ll go to Sweden again.
I also went to my office to pick up my mail. I haven’t been to my office since I left. Silly me. Jakob from Sweden has been bugging me to go there cause he sent me a Christmas card. He sent me a card back when I was in Paris and to my dismay, it’s still not there. I hate it. I’ll ask him to send me a card again.
A card that says something like how he’ll be the father of my first born child.
Hahahaha! Fuck it. I’m sooo disappointed with the third world postal system.
Filipino Postal System = EPITOME OF THE SLOW BOAT.
I’m starting to like this smile thing.
Moving on…. I got a surprise from all the lovely folks at Fudge Magazine. Thanks :) They sent me a copy with me on it. I’m a label whore alright. Loves it. :)
These Cheap Monday jeans are REALLY a godsend. I swear by them. I don’t know how you can get them without going to Sweden. Search it on google or something.
Here’s another smile smile photo. Enough already. I think it’s getting quite obvious that I’m faking it.
All I can say is…. GORGEOUS. FUCKING GORGEOUS.
I also went to the Peninsula Hotel valet shop to pick up my dry cleaning.
And of course, no trip to the city would be complete without…. SHOPPING! I bought 2 shirts at Paul Smith and I also went to Shoemart (aka "SM"). If you want cheap bargains, go to SM. I love that place. I think the last time I went there was back in 2004 when I bought a samsonite thing. I bought a shitload of socks… and 3 pairs of shorts (brown, beige and olive) for no more than US$50!!!!!
Today’s been productive. I love how I accomplished everything in no more than 4-5 hours.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Abbotsford, NSW Australia, Negros Occidentail, Philippines (woah!), Camberwell, VIC Australia, Cincinnati, OH, Austin, TX, Englewood Cliffs, NJ, Coventry, CT, Stoufville, ONT Canada, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Kearny, NJ, Columbia, SC, Orlando, FL, Lindfield, NSW Australia, Spartanburg, SC and of course, people from Bethesda, MD. Bryanboy loves you all. Identify yourselves bitches and lick my ass crack.
#2 – I feel sorry for those who judge a blog’s success by the amount of comments that one gets. It’s NOT the comments that make a blog successful. There are a few out there who want to spark a war between my blog and someone’s elses blog. Screw it though. My time is valuable and my mere 2 brain cells can’t handle anything more than what I currently have on my plate.
#3 – Send me some love! Send me some hate! Send me whatever it is that you can create! I love the latest batch of pics showing the infamous Bryanboy pose. These Americans sure know how to do it.
OOOOOOOOOOO Some 100% pure NYC love right from the middle of Times Square… I love you Colleen, I love you Kiersten!
Runnin’ pretty, New York City girl, Twenty-five, thirty-five, Hello, baby, New York City girl
You grew up ridin’ the subways, running with people… Up in Harlem, down on Broadway… You’re no tramp, but you’re no lady, talkin’ that street talk, You’re the heart and soul of New York City
And love, love is just a passing word… It’s the thought that you had in a taxi cab that got left on the curb… When he dropped you off and he stated firm
Oh, oh, oh [Oh, oh, oh]… You’re a native New Yorker… You should know the score by now [You should know by now]… You’re a native New Yorker
Even Shoelover loves me… Visit http://shoelover.typepad.com.
FINALLY…. some homegrown third world love! Melanie sent me this fabulous picture of her family doing a tribute to… ME! Look at all those luscious lips… I love the pout on each and every one of you. GORGEOUS! ADOPT ME PLEASE? I need a new family…
I think that’s about it. For now. I’ll update later in the evening.
I love you all, as always. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Man, I have the WORST hangover ever.
I did a little "emergency" trip to my favourite club, Emba at around 1:30AM and got back before 6:30AM. Wore a black button-down shirt for the first time (in MONTHS!), striped Dolce & Gabbana trousers, Valentino belt, Frye boots and a wool Chanel bag.
I wish I took pictures but I left the damn camera in the car. Jenni E. looked ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS in her little orange number.
Believe it or not, I have remnants of vomit on my bedside table. The maid must have cleaned up my act while I was asleep.
I haven’t puked in the longest time.
I wish I knew how much I puked though.
I wish I puked all the junk food I had yesterday… but knowing my body, I probably vomitted gastric acid and excess saliva.
I spent 4 whole hours munching on junk food whilst watching Nip/Tuck on DVD yesterday. These 2 guys never cease to amaze me. If only our plastic surgeons are THAT good-looking and rich (ok, they’re not really good looking but they do have some sort of a sexual appeal), I’d be busy doing serious self-harm to get some car crash cosmetic surgery (and hopefully some fun fun sexual action) done.
Oh I am so bored out of my skull.
I just can’t wait to hop on a plane.
Let the countdown begin.
In less than 2 weeks I’ll be wearing my fall/winter regalia.
I **NEED** that mini winter wonderland holiday.
Screw everything at this point. I need a fucking vacation.
1 Month. 7 Countries.
I’ll be home before Christmas. ..
and then Boracay on New Year’s Eve.
I promised myself I’ll fill my 3rd passport with stamps before the year ends so I’ll have a new passport next year with a prettier photo. LOL
Next week is going to be busy; need to pick up my passport at an embassy cause they approved my visa… and then go to ANOTHER embassy the following morning for my appointment.
All these visa drama. Ugh.
Somebody just fucking give me a diplomatic or official passport already. Afterall, I’m doing a good job promoting the third world to the international community.
Sucky sucky 5 dolla, me love you long time 10 dolla, you pay 20 dolla I gib free roast duck!
Think about it – why the hell should we bring tourism into our country when the country can export the Department of Sex Trade and Beauty Industry (aka me) instead ???
Keep the Love Coming
See, even people who go to couples therapy loves Bryanboy.
Big shout out to both of these boys doing the infamous Bryanboy pose. First one’s from Greenwich, London, UK and the other one is from Singapore.
Keep the love coming.
Love comes in the form of imagery so it’s best to send your love via email – firstname.lastname@example.org.
Try to avoid "photoshopping" please.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Montpellier, France, Bedok Village, Singapore, Bangkok, Thailand, Reseda, CA, Jurong Town, Singapore, Souspierre, France, Helmond, Netherlands, Spearwood, WA and Box Hill & Ascot Vale VIC Australia and of course, people from Osaka, Japan! Bryanboy loves you all – identify yourselves bitches and say hello!
#2 – Take a look at Style.com’s top Spring/Summer 2006 models. They all have funny looking eyebrows.
#3 – Why does papaya have a weird aftertaste?
#4 – Can someone please tell me where I can buy high-quality but cheap fur jackets & coats/exotic animal skins/etc in Beijing?
#5 – I NEED A SUGAR DADDY TO SPOIL ME GOOD… SPOIL ME REALLY ROTTEN. PLEASE BE YOUNGER THAN 35, THANK YOU. AND YES, IT IS POSSIBLE TO CONCEIVE A CHILD AT 12 YEARS OF AGE.
#6 – Happy Birthday Astrud Crisologo!
#7 – THAT Embassy better approve my visa application. I OWN STOCK (AKA MINORITY SHAREHOLDER – I’M POOR) in one of their country’s BIGGEST companies.
#8 – Courtesy of MadeinBrazil.com – the New Gucci Boy (S/S 2006) is Michael Camiloto. Gorgeous son of a bitch eh?
Ugh. Enough male model fantasy.
Hannah Matronic, remember how I told you that we shouldn’t be fantasizing about male models (well, Filipino male models) because they’re poor, they’re dull, they’re poor, they have STDs, they’re poor, they shoved their cocks up some dirty old fag’s asshole, and best of all, they’re gonna end up as prostitutes in the future?
#9 – Danish government provide prostitutes for the disabled – at the taxpayers’ expense. Quick! Let’s all move to Copenhagen PRONTO!
#10 – I’d love to see someone with a low-hanging scrotum wear those denim shorts. Click here to see more from "Butch".
As always, you know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Rest in Peace, Daria.
Rest in peace, my baby. You’ve been here for a little over a month but Daria but you brought so much joy and happiness in my household. I terribly miss you. It was completely my FAULT. I tried to save your fragile life but I made a wrong decision in the process. I wish I have sent you to a different veterinarian instead of the one who said you have kidney and liver problems. I wish I didn’t allow you to be confined at their clinic – they made the wrong decision to put you on dextrose, causing you to bloat. I wish I could turn back the clocks and brought you to an acquaintance’s referral. I just hate you being gone!
I terribly, terribly miss you babe. I tried to avoid conversations with people over the past few days because I thought I could pretend to put a straight face and play numb… but I just can’t do it anymore.
I know it’s too late for me to tell you this. AT FIRST, I thought I’d get you from the breeder simply because you were so beautiful, small and I wanted a "toy". I originally wanted a small dog for "novelty purposes" – a dog to pamper based on my selfish needs and not YOUR real needs, a dog to dress up and be seen with etc. My original intentions to get you were based on pure selfishness.
But I fell in love with you a few days after we met. You became my only best friend. I’ve put my own personal gain and selfishness aside because I know you deserved to be loved and cared for. You’re not just for "now", you’re a companion for life.
Words cannot express my sadness or how I truly feel. I am so sorry for irresponsibly taking your life away from you. I love you – you will always be remembered and I will never forget you.
(This message goes out to my readers: I know you guys are a nice bunch but I would appreciate it if you don’t say/ask me anything in regards to Daria’s death. I’d like to thank you, in advance, for YOUR condolences – I hope y’all understand. This is one of my personal flaws – I tend to play MUTE, DEAF and BLIND when it comes to personal problems. It’s a nasty, permanent flaw, unfortunately…)
Life Went On
Don’t I deserve an Academy award for putting up a fake face over the weekend in spite of Daria’s death a few days ago?
Errr.. iIt wasn’t a fake face actually; I *DID* have a lot of fun.
It felt like as if I had a huge lump in my throat and the only way to numb myself from feeling such lump is through copious amount of alcohol, make-up and clothes that a transvestite prostitute would be proud of.
I think I’ll stick to my 2-year old breedless, classless, "domestic short-haired" cat, Pinkie. I don’t want to waste any more lives at my EXPENSE.
I have a heart too, you know… 138/90 and 92 beats per minute.
I got up at 5:30AM earlier this morning and left the house at around 7:00AM to do some errands.
I quickly dropped by at my gal pal’s place and had some early morning gossip. Went to Starbucks afterwards, had a latte and drove back to my aesthetician’s clinic only to find out that they’re closed because of the All Saint’s/Souls Day holiday season.
Show Me Some Lovin’ Lovin’
Here are a couple of fan pics for you to point your fingers at and laugh. Thank you, thank you, thank YOU! Bryanboy loves you all and like what I said before, if only I can give you sexual favors, I would.
Meet Thom from the UK. Here I am thinking an extra "H" on one’s name is a very Filipino trait but little had I known it also exists halfway across the world.
Thom darling, I give you A+ for effHort.
You gotta love those kids in Singapore doing the Bryanboy pose. My god, the Philippine Embassy in Singapore should have a fucking BRASS MONUMENT of ME with my pose.
Worship me! All of you! I want y’all to put your left hand on your waist and your right arm in the air!
Last but not the least, Bryanboy loves people from Malaysia, especially Malaysian schoolkids.
Malaysia, Truly Asia!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Seaside, CA, Bombay, India, Paris, France, Queenstown Estate, Singapore, Valencia, CA, Maylands, WA, Australia, San Francisco, CA, Markham, ONT, Canada, Newmarket, QLD and of course, people from Copenhagen, Denmark. Bryanboy loves you all! Identify yourselves, bitches and say HI!.
#2 – Whenever I go out in public, I always take a quick trip to the toilets every once in a while to smell my armpits.
Being the complete sweaty betty that I am (trust me, in this weather, even a trivial thing such as BREATHING NORMALLY can make me sweat), I know I’m NOT the record-breaking, best-smelling person in the world so I do make the effort to lift my arms up, shove my nose to my pits and figure out whether or not my armpits stink — IN PRIVATE.
(BTW: Thank god my pits don’t usually get wet. It’s my PALMS and forehead that’s my problem.)
Anyway, rumor has it that there’s this one person locally who doesn’t seem to care (or at least make an effort) about his/her armpits. It’s not the first time I heard such gossip about ____. It’s quite sad that people talk about this person about that BO problem but NOBODY has the balls to confront that person – I know I CAN’T… cause I have a vagina.
But then again, who am I to judge when I haven’t really smelled that person?
If you think I have body odour or bad breath (guilty as charged, especially when I go out – I love oysters and booze – perfect recipe for halitosis!), please send an anonymous (or NOT SO) anonymous tip via www.sendatip.com. I invite you to send a tip to THAT person, i HOPE he knows who he is, so they’ll know what’s going on without revealing yourself.
I still can’t do it AND I won’t do it either… though I guess it would look as if it came from me because I posted that website URL on my blog. LOL.
Patsy Stone once said "one whiff of a cocoa bean and our customers would fly like vampires before garlic."
I don’t want to be that coca bean. I’m sure NOBODY does.
But this person that I’m talking about is worse than cocoa bean AND garlic, COMBINBED!
Oh I don’t know what to think anymore.
I love you all! As always, you know how to get hold of me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-7851492.
I guess there are people who end up being star-strucked one way or another when they see me. Some people have told me this and some even apologise profusely. It’s flattering in a way but in all seriousness, why?
I’m just someone is young… and loves to be young. I’m free… and I love to be free. To live my life the way that I want, to say and do whatever I please.
Seriously though. I’m no celeb. I have no talent whatsoever.
Snap snap reality check.
Can I just have an Anna Scott moment?
Take a glimpse on my future.
One day, people will get bored of my same old same old incessant ramblings. History repeats itself. Everything new becomes everything old and everything old becomes everything new – over and over and over again.
I, too, will be bankrupt with no cent left on my name except hundreds of dirty designer handbags and soiled underwear.
My fabulous looks (coffee anyone?) will fade, my skin will fuckin sag and get infested with liver spots, warts, wrinkles, stretch marks and acne scars. No amount of botox, plastic surgery and liposuction can stop me from looking just like a male Jackie Stallone (yes, that’s Sylvester’s mum my friends) in the future.
My last breath would smell that of absinthe, piss and xanax.
My future nephews and nieces will probably disown me for bringing embarassment to our clan.
I’ll most likely die OLD and ALONE… on the street and not in a retirement home.
Let’s face it – the future is not bright and it will never be orange.
Just get over this whole fame drama. Please don’t be shy and just say hi to me when you see me.
Around the same time last year, the only people I knew are those who work in the HEALTHCARE industry – my aesthetician, my waxer, my pedicure person, my masseuse, my hair stylist, etc. In fact, only 2 people visited me in the hospital (how PATHETIC is that?) when I got confined back in April.
I’ve been going out for far too long and trust me, being recognized and acknowledged is still a new thing for me.
Try having several years of no one saying hi to you and I’m sure you’ll know what I mean.
A "hi" is still a "hi", regardless of intentions. I’m a shallow person, champion of cluelessness and of course, social outcast extraordinaire. Someone saying "hi" to me in person is enough to brighten up my day.