Work ittttt! Exercise!
After approximately 3 weeks of channeling domestic goddess Martha Stewart, I finally put my best dancing shoes on and went to the city yesterday evening to infuse some nightlife into my system. I’m seriously surprised how I managed to stay indoors in the past couple of weeks. Shit, I’ve been hibernating in my own little world filled with plaid aprons, white carnations and yellow daisies.
Any child of MY age SHOULD BE out there indulging in crime, mischief and scandals… or get themselves drunk till they pass out and vomit whatever they ate during the day. They should also do hard drugs, enjoy unsafe sex with multiple partners until they get sperminated or preggers and of course, catch a sexually transmitted disease that can be sorted out by a bunch of antibiotics or lice shampoo. Afterall, life is too short not to experience such hell-worthy sins.
Let’s face it, it’s a waste of youth to stay indoors on a Saturday night, especially if you’re in your late teens with raging hormones (like me). I’ve been ITCHING to expose myself to the toxicity of bars, booze and clubs so I decided to do just that.
I left the house at 10:30PM. On my way to a friend’s house, REALITY knocked on my car window while we’re waiting for the stoplight to turn green: the REAL and SAD face of the "FAUX-bulous" third world I live in.
Why is there a young boy, probably younger than 10 years old, selling flowers on the streets late at night when he should be at home asleep?
And there I was… all comfortable in my fully-airconditioned crappy car, all dolled up and decked in ridiculous outfits + accessories that can pretty much feed this child for a year and even send him to a good school.
It really made me think for a second and trust me, this doesn’t happen VERY OFTEN considering I’m the most selfish and materialistic son of a bitch you’ll probably ever come across.
I kinda felt guilty about my sins so I gave the kid a bag of chips and a bottle of gatorade that I had in my car.
He smiled and thanked me. I asked if I can take a photo, he said yes. I thanked him and I closed the window.
I tried to delete, delete, delete, abort, abort, abort, whatever just happened from my head. It wasn’t the right time to think about charity and world peace. My mission for the night is to have fun and paint the town periwinkle. The most important thing in the world at that moment is the fact that I’m so fucking beautiful and that was that.
Anyway, I picked up my friend at her place. I also asked my driver to stop by at the cash machine so I can take out some cash. Usually I don’t take out that much since everywhere I go takes credit cards – booze, food, botles of champagne, drug dealers, hired hitmen, shit, even prostitutes these days take credit cards… all it takes is one swipe on their ass cheeks and they’re yours for the night.
So yeah, US$20 is enough for the night to cover highway toll-fees, fast food take out, tips, my driver’s fee, etc.
After entering my pin number, the machine asked how much cash I wanted to take out.
Out of nowhere, I had mental images and flashbacks of the street child’s face. The thought of using my visa card to pay for a night’s worth of debauchery gave me a weird feeling at the pit of my stomach. Gone are the days where I’d easily and effortlessly throw my plastic to the air and rack up a 6-foot long bar tab in 6pt Arial font.
I figured I’m gonna ditch the visa for once and pay in cash the entire night so I don’t go overboard. Afterall, there are children starving on the streets. I entered P3,000, which is about US$60.
Our first stop was this bar called "Nuvo" where we spent quality time chatting. I had a gin tonic and 3 frozen margaritas. It was refreshing indeed.
We then went to my usual haunt, La Embajada. They recently got renovated and it’s the first time I went there after their renovation. They now have 2 VIP areas, which is a good thing.
I thought I’d do the infamous Bryanboy pose. Afterall, it was at La Embajada where I gave birth to that pose.
There weren’t a lot of familiar faces so it was fun to let my hair down for a change, get all sweaty and wrecked.
It’s refreshing to ditch the glitz, the glamour, the pretension and just dance, dance, dance and sweat like a fuckin rapist!
A fan from Australia even approached me and said hi. See, I’m nice and I don’t bite. I got a photo of us taken. Shit, I probably scared the living hell out of her. HAHAHHA. Sorry babes!
Man, it’s just like the good ol’ days when me and my sister would go to the club, booze our guts out, dance like there’s no such thing as tomorrow.
I must have lost 5 pounds from all that dancing! To hell with it, I had a complete body workout.
This guy is a good DJ. For the life of god I can’t remember his name and I’ve seen him many, many times.
Sunglasses by Gucci, bracelet from Hermès, cropped hoodie by Norma Kamali for Everlast, tank top by Fake London, jeans by Fake London, shoes by Dior Homme, Ursula Elise bag from Marc Jacobs collection.
The Marc Jacobs bag is available at all Marc Jacobs boutiques worldwide, Neiman Marcus, Saks, Bergdorf and eLuxury (US$1,050) in the USA.
We left the club at around 3:30AM. I dropped my friend home then I stopped by at McDonald’s for a post-clubbing snack. I orderedd chicken nuggets, 2 large fries, a double cheeseburger, a big mac and a large coke.
And yes bitches, I ate them all. There goes my 5 pounds eh?
Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot
Due to high demand from my readers, I am now gonna post an "obligatory paparazzi shot" going on forward. Many of you have emailed telling me you enjoy these shots so I’ll try to do this often.
Isn’t it my cropped hoodie sooo Muslim chic? Perhaps I should make a trend out of the burka. Sooo sexy!
5 SECONDS OF TV AIR TIME
Guess who got 5 seconds of TV Air Time in San Diego, California?
I’d like to give a big shout out to Peter from San Diego. In his own words, "thousands of San Diegans know that somebody in San Diego loves Bryanboy."
Peter sent a text message to be shown on the big screen in between performances. It’s a concert featuring Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Chris Brown and other folks.
Visit Peter’s website at http://www.petterz.com.
Thanks babe. You’re a doll!!! You’re doing the world a big favor by spreading my gospel and the glory of my faggotry.
Those Europeans sure do know how to make a gook like me happy. They love their labels as much as I do.
Meet Oliver from France…
…Terry from Italy
… and of course, the father of my first born child, Alex from the UK, who is the original "I LOVE BRYANBOY mascot.
It’s Sunday, 6:54PM. I’m gonna work on Podcast #006 and my much-awaited Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax post.
You all know where to contact me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I love you all. Don’t do anything that I won’t do and remember kids, keep your chastity belts on.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
I’m getting bored…
First things first… I’d like to give a big shout out to readers of Elle Girl magazine in the Netherlands. Thanks for loving and talking about me.
Ik HOUD van ELKE EN ELKE ÉÉN VAN U! VERZEND ME een BEELD VAN U DIE HOUDEN Het TEKEN Ik van de LIEFDE BRYANBOY! KUSSEN!!!
Ok. My Dutch is all wrong and that’s what I get from using one of those online translator things. Hopefully y’all get the jist out of it. HAHAHAHA!
I finally managed to get my lazy fat ass to my dermatologists yesterday afternoon. There’s a photo shoot I need to go to and I have to look pretty.
First stop: Coffee Bean
THANK god the whipped cream-serving bulldyke of a midget wasn’t there. I don’t want anyone to be spitting on my drink (unless they’re cute, hot and rich… but then again, no cute, hot and rich person will work as a barista) after whingeing on my blog.
Just to be safe, I EXPLICITLY told the lovely lady behind the counter that I DO NOT WANT WHIPPED CREAM on my drink… my wish is her command.
Cardigan by LAROK, white tank top by Calvin Klein, brown/rust-colored jeans from Acne Jeans (Sweden), boots from Fruit, bag from Hermès, amber and gold necklace from Kenneth Jay Lane, sunglasses from Dior
Boy I got a surprise for all of you.
You see, I often get asked as to who takes my photos. In addition to my familia de horreur members and friends, well, let me unveil one of them. Meet my maid, Eunice.
Eunice has been my maid for quite some time and she’s the best, best, best friend a faggot like me can ever have. She’s got everything about me memorised. She knows some of my deepest, darkest secrets. She’s been with me through obesity and thin and up to this day, I’ve never heard a single word (.. or grunt) from her in spite of everything that she’s done for me, like cleaning up all my puke on the bathroom floor after a good night out… or my soiled, skid mark-infested underwear.
nonsexual wife anorexic daughter Hannah would complain about her "hunchback" maid, Simang, every once in a while.
HOY HANNAH, at least your maid ain’t a lesbian!!!
Today’s obligatory paparazzi shot.
I have a feeling my maid Eunice might be a lesbo. I’ve never seen her show any kind of perverted emotion towards guys.
OK… WAITTTTT.. she thinks that Piolo (spelling?) Pascual
Filipino actor guy is cute.
She won’t believe me when I told her that he’s gay like a row of pink camping tents.
So yeah, I had my usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial.
For the first time in ages, I didn’t feel any pain today. God knows why. I usually have low tolerance for pain, expecially while having a facial done. I know I scream like a pregnant prostitute bitch in labor every time my aesthetician extracts a white head from one of my blocked pore.
Today’s lack of pain made me think about things I don’t usually think about on a day-to-day basis.
For instance, sometime last week, I told a friend on how I’m starting to get bored. I expressed my desire to experience something new, like, learn a new skill or take up cooking classes.
She suggested that we learn a foreign language together… take up French at one of those Alliance Francaise centers. I told her sure, why not. We even checked the availability online and the session that we want won’t start until October. There’s a 3rd and 4th session but we’re both planning to travel around June/July/August.
While the lady pricked my face, I realized I’m at that stage where everything is just stagnant. I’m turning into a stale, 20-something.
I mean, I know I’ve changed tremendously in the past 12 months. However, if I look at it on a different perspective, it feels as if I’m not going anywhere. My life’s at a standstill and I’m doing the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
I told my friend this and she thinks "I’ve gone so far and achieved so much already".
I remember the old times when I used to deny myself from owning to what I’ve achieved in order to delude myself into thinking I have a tiny bone of humility inside me.
But I still can’t can’t help but ask myself the $64 million question.
WHERE AM I GOING AT THIS POINT?
Let’s face it, I won’t deny that all I do is shop, shop, shop, work, work, work, shop, shop, shop, spread my faggotry to the world, shop, work, eat, eat, eat, spread my faggotry to the world, shop, shop, spread my faggotry to the world.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s like a routine.
Shit, it’s MY routine.
Everything used to be fun. Every time I get a material ‘acquisition’…a bag, a jacket, everything… it brings a genuine smile to my face and I feel soo… contented. I know I once said that being severely materialistic makes up for my lack of non-material things in life. But in all honesty, I don’t take my sense of materialism too seriously. Afterall, it’s only material stuff!
Enough ranting. I already sound like a broken record.
I think it might be therapeutic if I list what I want to happen SOON.
- have a clear sense of direction on where I’m heading
- experience something NEW and FUN!
- learn something NEW… a new skill, a new hobby, whatever
(Would you believe I even went as far as researching VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES in countries like ECUADOR and ROMANIA? I don’t know what came over me considering there’s over 80 million people who need help in my own backyard. My familia de horreur had always told me to stay away from hallucinogenic drugs and the people who take them.)
Before you go on a high horse and bombard me with your PREDICTABLE sanctimonious crap, I’m begging you to please avoid telling me to
- just be "myself" (and)
- donate to charity.
An escape from reality is what I need. Away from the blog, the Chanel, the Fendi, the Goyard, the shopping, the facials, the cellphone, the internet, the familia de horreur and of course, the sheer thought at the back of my mind that I’m surrounded by vultures who are constantly looking for that perfect opportunity to devour me alive.
I need a holiday. A 1 or 2 month-long vacation. Somewhere extremely remote and far-flung but close to civilization. Somewhere where nobody knows me and I know nobody.
Somewhere like Skåne, Sweden.
I want to be surrounded by nature. I want to pick fresh flowers, see trees, ride a huge horse. I want to buy a lot of art materials and learn how to paint scenery etc., that sort of thing. I also want to get gangbanged by well-hung farmboys and have hot and horny mixed-race baby-making sex on top of a tractor.
Remember Jakob, the Swedish guy I met up with in Copenhagen> He’s the only person in the world who managed to made me walk (and you KNOW I despise walking) for like 2-3 hours just to find that bloody Little Mermaid Statue?
Well, he offered to take me to his summer house in Varberg middle of nowhere bumfuck Sweden.
If I take him up on his offer that beats the purpose of me travelling somewhere where "no one knows me and I know nobody".
Hmmm pakipot ka pa alam mo naman kung saan matutuloy yan.
I wanna go to Skåne god dammit.
Oh I’m just soooo bored with life right now. All I need is change. That’s all.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
PPSS. The only thing that making life worth living is your love. And John Galliano.
Bryanboy loves Erick from Vandenberg AFB (Air Force Base?) California. Erick sweetie you do know that one of goals in life is to get gangbanged by the military/navy/army/men in black etc, right? PLEASE GET SOME OF YOUR AIR FORCE BUDDIES TO STRIP NAKED AND HOLD AN I LOVE BRYANBOY SIGN FOR ME.
Screw the don’t ask don’t tell policy. If I get gangbanged by men in uniform, I want MAXIMUM MILEAGE, MAXIMUM PUBLICITY. I want to make a shitload of MONEY and sell videos of it.
Failing that, the Bryanboy pose picture will do just fine. :)
You really love me do you now? Can I ride your aeroplane? It’s my aeroplannnneeee…
Alex from Tasmania, Australia. Big kisses from me to you. I love ya lots darling even if you sent me a damn photochopped photo. I SAID NO PHOTOSHOPPED ONES… HAHAHA ;)
This set of photos is better than PORN!!! I jacked off 10 times and my balls are the size of raisins. Courtesy of Clair from Perth, Australia.
(This is what I call TRUE LOVE)
PPPSSS. OH MY GOD. THIS VIDEO HAS GOT TO BE THE GAYEST VIDEO I HAVE EVER AND I MEAN EVER SEEN.
I’m gonna go to sleep now. I have a photo shoot later today.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
"Everybody wants to be us."
Lookie lookie at what I found on the internet earlier. It’s a trailer of The Devil Wears Prada.
So far so good. I like the movie already!!! My favourite line? EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE US.
Hahahahah! Classic. I LOOOOOVE IT.
I suddenly had this huge burst of mental images in my head!
MySpace faggots hear ye hear ye. That "Everybody wants to be us" line is going to be MY line of the year!
I can totally picture myself as a nasty, catty, bitchy, self-centered, delusional, egotistical, so-full-of-me-me-me-and-no-one-but-me Mean Girls (Regina George) queen bee-type of person saying that line (over and over and over) to my latest fledgling minions.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I can’t wait to see this movie.
Screw Anna Wintour. I know I love her dearly but I like Carine Roitfeld (Vogue Paris Editor-in-Chief) more. Carine is amazing.
She’s extremely edgy and chic, she has impeccable taste, she’s got a fuck all fuck you attitude on things and she seems lively and fun.
BryanBoy: i really wanna see carine roitfeld and anna wintour go into a fight and then carine take over american vogue
mauricio: they won’t, they love each other
BryanBoy: they do???
mauricio: haha no. they can’t stand the sight of each other. that’s why they’re never in pictures together
Oooooh I want to be just like her when i get older.
She’s got 2 children, Julia and Vladimir Restoin. I like Julia.
I think she’s pretty… and she used to date Starving Nachos. The Vladimir guy looks like a vampire. Too gothic-looking. Maybe it’s the poor quality of the scan. He sorta looks like Olivier Theyskens in this photo.
My favourite Carine quote: "Black? ‘It’s finished.’ Leather? ‘No good as you get older.’ Jewellery? ‘I hate watches. I never wear these things.’ Thongs? ‘Before I love strings. Now I hate strings.’ Handbags? ‘You can wear a completely transparent shirt and show all the breasts – I don’t care. But I prefer to have my hands in my pocket than to have a nice little bag. So I am not good for all these fashions. They have to sell bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags. I hate handbags.’"
Click here to read the full article from the Daily Telegraph.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – I’ll keep this entry short and sweet. It’s 7:10AM and I’m knackered to the bone. I’m gonna sleep in a bit cause I have to wake up early in the afternoon… I’m gonna go to my aestheticians and get myself pampered.
#2 – Bryanboy loves people from Gibraltar, Irvine, CA, Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada, Svartskog, Norway, Seould, Korea, Atlanta, GA, Perth, Australia, Tampere, Finland (where the hell is this???), Dublin, Ireland, Orrius, Cataluna Spain, Kaarina, Finland, Pico Rivera, CA, Durham, NC, Tulsa, OK, Pasadena, CA, Nueva York, Chiapas, Mexico, Juprelle, Belgium and of course, all the fabulous people from Kingston, Jamaica. I love each and every one of you. Say hi faggots, don’t be shy!
#3 – It’s been quite awhile since I posted your renditions of the infamous Bryanboy pose. I’m gonna create a photo album with all your images sometime this week. Just give me time.
By the meantime, take a look at these photos. You’re all adorable and I love the photos!!!
Kate from Illinois
Francis from the Philippines
Hannah and Judy
Someone who wants to remain anonymous…
…and of course, Tatiana from France.
Send me more photos assholes! Be creative! Have fun! Be spontaneous! I want pictures of you doing the ‘pose’ or you holding an I LOVE BRYANBOY sign. You know where to send them. Email email@example.com.
# 4 – Speaking of Stavros, oh my god. He looks really rough and dirty. Eeek!!
#5 – Lookie lookie on who stole my Fendi spy! Isn’t it great how she lost weight? The face is still flat out fat though. As soon as she sorts out that chin she’ll forever remain OBESE in my books.
I loooove the image change. Give yourself a good pat on the back sweetie!
#6 – Tora B from Los Angeles emailed me a photo of that Bobby Trendy character. I have NO words. HAHAHAHAHA! Take a look at his skin… and the clothes. My oh my!
So this is what "FAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS" looks like. Oh dear.
#7 – Ooooo. Look at what I got via email!! Isn’t it loverly?
I think that’s all for now. I’ll update later in the afternoon.
I love you all as always. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Dream of Domestication
Pay your surgeon very well to break the spell of aging. Celebrity skin is this your chin or is that war you’re waging. First born unicorn, hardcore soft porn… Dream of californication. Dream of californication.
AZNNNN FUCKIN PRIDE
Oh my god. You are so not gonna believe what I’ve gotten myself into these days.
I am sooooooooooo sorry for the lack of updates recently. My mother made me watch all these Korean DVDs and thanks to her, I’m totally hooked. I just finished watching the entire "My Name is Kim Sam Soon" set… all 9 DVDs of them.
I’m telling you… those Korean DVDs are evil. EVIL EVIL EVIL!
I bet my soul is burning in Seoul as I speak. All these Korea Korean nonsense DVDs are a threat to my fabulousness – I haven’t done anything productive in the past 2 days.
I don’t even know why I liked watching em. I laughed. I cried a little bit. I got pissed off. Heck, I could barely understand the English subtitles yet the damn soap was entertaining.
Someone please rescue me before I develop an intraracial obsession.
I’m seriously thinking of buying a plane ticket to Seoul and get myself a Korean loverboy. Those Korean guys are starting to grow on me. I think they’re lovely. A shitload of them look gay. Take that Hyun Bin guy (one of the lead characters in Kim Sam Soon) for instance. Man, he looks soo gay he’s soo cute.
Look at those nails!!!!! French tips! They’re SOOOOOOO FUCKIN GAYYYYYYYYY!!
THIS IS INSANE!!!!
I already feel dirty for googling him and search for his pictures.
Why oh why am I doing this? This is completely absurd and preposterous. This AZN obsession has to stop. Next thing you know, I’d be dancing to J-POP (Japanese Pop), wear Hello Kitty outfits and say SUPER KAWAIIIIIIIIIIII.
Besides, I don’t wanna end up with someone who looks like this.
Dirty dirty dirty.
You know what’s even funny? I’ve been having daily chat sessions with one of my long-time Mexican buddies, Mauricio, who is now in Madrid. We’re both having a little asian obsession right now. SOMEONE PLEASE TURN US INTO TAI-TAIS!!!!!!
mauricio: you got to fix me up with one of your rich asian friends
BryanBoy: they’re all straight and married hahahaha
mauricio: fuck dem asians
BryanBoy: exactly. we need aryans sweetie. think of the babies. mixed race babies are the chanel of babies
mauricio: i want asian, it’s easier, they’ll be all ooh and aah with my big eyes and my natural wavy hair, and my big dick cuz these are asian. everything is big to them.
mauricio: i love being un-PC
BryanBoy: look at friggin AZN pride. it’s like incest. it’s hard to penetrate asian society. no wonder everyone looks the same.
mauricio: but i look white. they love the white
BryanBoy: not the yellow ones babe. it’s the brownies who love the white. sucky sucky 5 dolla you love me long time 10 dolla. you gib 20 dolla i gib free tom yum
mauriciom: out of roast duck?
mauricio: dood, these brownies need to get with the program and give me money
mauriciom: i’m so going filipino hunting
BryanBoy: Come to the philippines. They’d LOOOVE you here. Flips love foreigners. you’d be soooo exotic here.
mauricio: maybe then i can be a tai tai
mauricio: i need a tagalog dictionary if i’m gonna successfully infiltrate filipino society
BryanBoy: hmm. you don’t need a dictionary babe. all you need to do is wave your exotic dick and speak the international language of love.
I don’t wanna be disowned by my own race. Being disowned by your friends and family is bad enough. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Get your Fendi B bags PRONTO! Just got a medium-sized canvas B-bag with the black patent and it’s gorgeous! I know I look rough and unshaven – I asked my maid Eunice to take these photos at 5:17AM earlier when I chatted to my buddy Mauricio in Madrid.
Norma Kamali for Everlast black cocoon cardigan, cheapo black tank top from god knows where, jeans by Cheap Monday, Fendi B bag, Dior sunglasses.
Large patent leather B bags run at US$2,000 while the medium-sized canvas bag with black patent leather buckles is set at US$1,430. Available at eLuxury.com, Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman and Fendi stores worldwide.
Kimora’s a Keeper
I’d like to say hello and give a big shout out to all the wonderful people from CRUNKTASTICAL (aka CRUNK + DISORDERLY). I love each and every one of you bitches. I’m glad to know that one of the hottest sites for African-American entertainment loves me.
Some of you think that I can give Kimora a run for her millions but in all seriousness, I’m just a little dirty middle class brown gook who lives in the cesspit of a fabulous land in the third world called the Philippines. If you can find me a sugar daddy, preferably with ill-gotten wealth (i.e. firearms business, drug dealing, stolen cars, insurance fraud, etc), no older than 35 with at least 9-figures worth in liquid assets and a 9-inch dick, please feel free to pass them my web address and tell me to contact me as soon as possible.
I’ve got no words to say. Kimora likes to soak her feet in champagne. That’s outrageous! I know good ol’ Kate Moss filled a tub with bubbly at one point but this is something else. Thanks for giving me a new photo to jack off to. A friend and I loved that ad campaign where she came out of a private jet. Kimora’s a keeper y’all!!
Visit Crunktastical at http://www.crunktastical.blogspot.com.
Her name is Jean Godfrey-June and she’s the Beauty Editor of Lucky Magazine.
Photo credit: New York Times
According to the her interview published at the New York Times, this v.v. Lucky lady gets anywhere between 50-250 product samples daily, along with fabulous items such as Pucci scarves, yoga mats and novelty chocolates. The article also mentioned how beauty editors (at least in the USA, don’t know elsewhere) also get Prada outfits, Cartier watches, free restaurant meals, press lunches at the Four Seasons, cosmetic treatments, exotic trips, free limo rides and trips to La Perla with $1,000 gift certificates etc. that sort of thing.
Click here to read the article.
I have one thing to say: HOLY FUCKING SHIYETTTTTT.
I am soooo fucking jealous.
I think I already wrote on a previous post that I read a British Vogue article about another beauty editor who literally filled her entire house with beauty products to the point where she stored hundred-dollar creams and potions in her kitchen cupboard.
Also, one of my good friends here in Manila told me how her car trunk was constantly filled with beauty products when she held the same position at one point.
Set it in stone bitches. One day I’m gonna have a job exactly like that.
Except I’d get free accessories. Lots and lots and lots and lots of free accessories.
Am I really the forbidden fruit? What do you think will it take for someone like you to love me?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m a bald, virgin vagina that belongs to an 11 year old named "Tiffany Tara". You know you want to love me but you can’t cause you’ve got yourself on a self-imposed restraining order. It’s forbidden. Very forbidden.
What’s up with all these white people sending tummy pictures? I WANT FACES GOD DAMMIT. Thanks for the love though ;)
As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email email@example.com.
For the life of god, please be creative. I’ve been begging and begging and begging and begging for you people to go to the nearest fire or police station and get a bunch of macho, muscled men in uniform hold the "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign. HAHAHAHAHA!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Conegliano, Italy, Eggenhof, Germany, Aalbeek, Netherlands, Mechelen, Begium, Helsinki, Finland, Gatineau, Quebec Canada, Diserd, Sweden, Oxton, UK, ozone Park, NY, Essendon, VIC Australia, Parow, South Africa, East Meadow, NY, Wirksworth, UK, Monrovia, CA, Kiel, Belgium, Solna Sweden, Lisbon, Portugal and of course, all the gorgeous guys and hot chicks from Orlando, FL. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Say hi, don’t be shy!
#2 – I love Kim Aviance. You have to watch this video. If Amanda Lepore is the world’s #1 transexual, Kim Aviance is the world’s best drag queen.
Click here to watch Kim Aviance at Amanda Lepore’s birthday.
My friend Mauricio told me that we should roll like Kim. I told him not with confetti but cold, hard cash or cocaine. Then he said, cocaine bricks and Harry Winston diamonds!!!
Imagine the show eh? I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!!
#3 – I just checked my stats and I’m quite surprised how only 13% of my readership comes from the Philippines. Prime proof that my laughable presence is still relatively unknown in this country… Either that or more and more people from other countries are reading my blog therefore fucking up my Philippine-related statistics.
Believe it or not, I’d rather be unknown in my homeland so I can still keep this place as a safe haven of some sort. One must be insane for wanting to be a big fish in such a small pond.
#4 – I need a publicist. For free. Someone who can make me even famous in exchange for sexual favours. Someone like Eliot Mintz, who is Paris Hilton’s publicist, except cuter.
Shit, I can’t even believe I asked one of my friends whether he’s gay or not. My friend hasn’t even heard of him. I searched on google for his picture and found this.
I guess anyone who looks like a carrot standing next to Yoko Ono is gay. My friend told me he looks antique. HAHAHAHAH. I replied back telling him Eliot kinda looks like vintage Louis Vuitton steamer trunks pre-monogram era. Whatever, right? He’s still one of Hollywood’s most powerful publicists.
#5 – Speaking of Louis Vuitton, it’s been ages since I visited their website. I went there the other day and boy I had goosebumps watching (and listening to) the flash file intro. You have to see AND listen to it for yourself. Click here.
#6 – Man, Marc Jacobs is lookin really old these days. Marc having lunch with La Lohan.
#7 – Does anyone know who made the skinny jeans Nicole is wearing? I want them…
#8 – Keep an eye out on Gram shoes/sneakers. Gram is one of Sweden’s newest design exports. I really, really, really love those Swedes.
They even named their shoes based on the weight of the shoe themselves. Personally I like the high-cut sneaker in white denim.
#9 – Have you ever been harassed on the street? You have to check out this blog. It’s soooo hilarious. Women all over the place take pictures of their harassers and post them online.
Harassment is wrong, evil and dirty. But in all seriousness, if my harasser is cute, hot, rich and well-hung, I’d open my ass wide and give it to him with no restraint whatsoever.
I’m gonna stop myself from making comments about sexual harassment. I don’t wanna open a can-full of worms because at the end of the day, I’m still a perverted faggot.
I think that’s all for now. I REALLY have to work on my podcast and reply to all my emails.
I love each and every one of you. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Being Sick is NOT an Option.
Believe it or not, I’m still sick. I have the worst cough and colds EVER. My nose is sore and red from blowing all that snot. My unhealthy lifestyle is definitely taking its toll on my health: bing eating, lack of sleep, chain-smoking, booze, etc.
I was supposed to go to my doctor this afternoon for a quick check-up but I ended up pampering myself instead, after partying the other night at the Shu Uemura/Motorola event.
Isn’t it hilarious how I have my priorities fucked up? For instance, my sister and I spent the entire afternoon together. Getting a facial (plus a back massage, a manicure and a pedicure at my local nail place, Tips and Toes) is more important than getting a chest/lung x-ray and going to the doc.
3 women working on your body while you’re reading a magazine: bliss.
(Hat by Frankie Morello, sunglasses from Gucci, sneakers from Fendi, t-shirt from Dior Homme, shorts from Kenneth Cole, bag from Dior)
Why oh why am I doing this to myself? Is beauty worth sacrificing one’s health?
Obviously the answer is "NO" but I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say I’ll stop shooting heroin and turn myself into a vegan.
Is being beautiful healthy… or is being healthy beautiful?
I know I said this many, many times: I wanna be 75 years old and wear Oscar de la Renta. However, I’d be lucky to even reach 30 at the rate things are going in my personal life.
Fuck it. I really need to adapt some sort of a healthy lifestyle. You know… I gotta quit smoking, sleep at least 8 hours A DAY, eat sensibly, exercise and cut back on my alcohol consumption. Easy to say than done eh?
Afterall, I can’t afford to be sick. I have hot and horny boys all over the world I need to please sexually.
I love each and every one of you. Seriously. It takes a lot of balls to send "I Love Bryanboy" pics to planet earth’s favourite third world fag.
Can I just say that the last time I saw/touched/felt someone’s cock and balls was back on DECEMBER 27, 2005?
As always, you know where to send imagery of your love. Email email@example.com. NO photoshopped photos please.
I have to cut this entry short cause it’s 5:12AM and I have a flight to catch in a couple of hours. I haven’t even packed yet!!!!
I love you all. Email me or SMS +63-915-785-1492 and tell me you want to fuck my mangina.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
You Give Love a Bad Name
Shot through the heart and you’re to blame. You give love a bad name. I play my part and you play your game. You give love a bad name.
From San Diego, California and Paris, France to right here in the heartlands of the third world, fawning fuckwits all over the world are sending photos of their love to me, planet earth’s favourite third world fag and the crown princess of pretentious people everywhere.
Keep them coming bitches. As always, you know where to send them. Email firstname.lastname@example.org. You know I love you all and I’d be more than happy to give sexual favours anytime, day or night, winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there oh yes I will, you’ve got whore.
I Look Sooo Fucking Healthy
Those pesky paparazzi (hah!) won’t stop following me. They should know that Fridays are big errand days and I have no choice but to dress down. I went to The Coffee Bean earlier, followed by a quick trip to Rustan’s (my fave third world department store) to stock up on cosmetics and fragrance. I also went to the supermarket with Eunice, our maid, had dinner at a Chinese place and last, but not the least, got my usual glycopeel cleaning/extraction facial and microdermabrasion/power peel session at my dermatologist’s. Let’s play pictionary, shall we?
Looking at those pictures, I have to say that I have NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER, looked so healthy in my entire life. I look so obese! I’ve got sooo much FLESH, FLAB and CREASES. It really is not funny anymore.
I don’t care about other people so please spare me from that whole "if you’re fat then I must be a beached whale" tirade. It’s ME that’s the problem. I eat far too much and I just can’t stop. I think this is karma for giving my younger brother a hard time for being obese. I’m telling you, in spite of the all the abuse I gave him over the years, he’s still fat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid.
I was supposed to finish my article for shopping magazine (Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Just Shop) early this evening but I was busy shoving Chinese food down my throat.
Enough ranting. Moving on…
Oversized black men’s tank top (size small) by Ann Demeulemeester, men’s vest by Dsquared, jeans by Acne, bag by Hermes, necklace by H&M, boots by Fruit.
Isn’t it amazing how I’m wearing men’s clothes (I said clothes, not accessories) yet I effotlessly make them look as if they came from the women’s section?
Bah! I’m really fed up of people thinking I’m a trannie.
I only have 2 things to say…
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Honolulu, HI, Petrie, QLD Australia, Elsternwick East, VIC Australia, Bolton, ONT Canada, Lima, Peru, Shanghai, China, Wahroonga, NSW Australia, Nordstemmen, Germany, Hanoi, Vietnam, Tampa, FL, Ashburn, VA, River Forest, IL and of course, people from San Jose, CA. I love each and every one of you, I swear.
#2 – This is exactly why I **LOVE** Mary Kate. Nobody else in this planet can pull off the "I’m-a-little-girl-playing-dress-up-with-mommy’s-clothes" look other than the Olsens. Check out the coat and the shoes. I love it.
#3 – It looks like Dior’s Gaucho bag is here to stay. There’s snakeskin… and lizard (?) for fall/winter 06/07. Hmmm… believe it or not, I haven’t really seen any celebs carry the Gaucho yet.
Me likey likey the croc version!!! I think it’s beautiful. Me needy needy rich sugar daddy now.
#4 – Here’s my beauty loot for the day. I bought 2 fragrances: L’Artisan Parfumeur – Jour de Fete and Annick Goutal – Mandragore. I also picked up Dior Addict Ultra Gloss Pearl Shine Collection lip gloss in radiant gold and iridescent pink, Chanel cristalle lip gloss in vanilla dream, Lancome Juicy Tubes, Clarins self-tanning gel, Citre Shine hair straightening balm and pomade. This is why I love buying beauty products… they always give you freebies. I got this Dior cosmetic bag with samplers as well as this huge straw (?) clutch.
I just realized, why am I paying for beauty products?
Those damn beauty editors of magazines have it lucky. I bet you they get all of this stuff for free. I once read an article on British Vogue about this British Beauty Editor and her house was literally filled with cosmetics and toiletries, including her kitchen cupboard!
One of my good friends used to be a beauty editor and she told me that her car trunk was constantly filled with goodies back when she held her position at the magazine.
#5 – URGENT NOTICE: I got an email or two from some of my friends telling me that I recently sent them a file that is infected by a virus/worm. God knows who else might have gotten such emails.
FYI: IT’S NOT ME WHO DID IT!!!! Someone’s computer (with both of OUR email addresses) got infected and the worm is using random email addresses to send the virus to other people.
For instance, the email I got said the virus is called "W32/MyDoom-Gen". I went to Symantec’s website (Norton Anti-Virus) to know more about it and they said the virus is a mass-mailing worm that sends itself to the email addresses found on a compromised computer.
I recommend that you update your computer’s ANTI-VIRUS software with the latest virus definitions. I know I’ve got mine on auto-update.
6. Miscellaneous Cheesemax from the net
- click here | Kim Basinger for Miu Miu
- click here | Missoni to open its first hotel in Edinburgh, Scotland
7. OH MY GOD I’M A CELEBRITY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You know you’re a celebrity when people start asking autographs and pictures of you.
Well, I went to my favourite cafe on Tuesday afternoon and several people (ok, 4 people total LOL) asked to take pictures of/with me.
I’m telling you, I fucking love it. It’s soooo hilarious!
Shit, I’m not even famous!!!!
When someone asks to take a photo with me, I’d be more than happy to oblige. Pictures are pictures. I’m probably the BIGGEST camwhore in the world. Nobody took pictures of me when I was a child (yeah right) and it’s only until now that I’m airing out my frustrations…
Anyway, one of the folks who approached me and asked whether he can take a photo of me or not was this guy. I think his name is Erwin. He’s such a sweet fellow.
(Translation: I saw Bryan at M Cafe and of course, I didn’t pass the opportunity to take a picture of him with me. I’m really a big fan of him and his blog. All I can say is he is so sweet. When we approached him, oh my god, I looked like a PA/Personal assistant. His aura is really different. Oh my god, as in! I love Bryanboy)
I told him of course he can take photos of me and he shouldn’t be silly. His friend then told him something like "see, I told you he’s nice".
DO I LOOK AS IF I’M SOMEONE WHO BITES?
I’M NOT A SNOB YA KNOW!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
KEEP IN MIND I WAS A FUCKIN LONER WHEN I WAS GROWING UP. NOBODY GAVE ME ATTENTION WHEN I WAS YOUNG!
I want to be just like this prostitute. Hell yeah why not? There’s nothing wrong with being an attention whore!!!!!
I love it. I really do.
I think that’s it for now. More updates coming soon.
I love each and every one of you. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.
Paris <3 Bryanboy
Lookie lookie at what I found earlier at CelebWorld. Paris and I have the same Marc Jacobs Collection bag except mine is black.
And I love that pic of her doing the infamous bryanboy pose.
Yes, I know she’s about to put her bag on top of her Bentley (?) Maserati (?) but who cares.
Eat your heart out.
Hahahahah! I’ll update in a bit.
PS. Discuss this blog post here.