Brown in Boracay (Part 2)
Oh look at meeeee… I’m a muscle marrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy! Those damned sweaty muscle mary faggots you see on clubs can finally kiss my brown ass! HAHAHAHA! Is this a sign of things to come?
Those aren’t muscles Bryanboy, they’re bingo wings!!
Should I go ahead and embrace the ‘larger’ side (i.e. renew my gym membership, pump some iron, inject my testicles with steroids and join the Yahoo Group for back acne sufferrers) or should I try harder being thin and continue deluding myself into thinking that I’ll be a size 00 one day? Whatever. I really should drop these ridiculous body issues/body dysmorphia nonsense and be happy with what I am now.
Like that’s gonna happen. Next!
Brown in Boracay
I’m back. This time it’s for real. For the first time in two weeks, I can finally give y’all some tender loving care and undivided attention. Niklas just left the third world and at this point, all roads lead to the familia de horreur’s birdcage which leaves me no choice but to go back to the boring and mundane. I know I promised to post lots of holiday photos a few days back but I’d rather be the perfect hostess to Niklas and spend quality time together — god knows when we’ll see each other again. With that being said, let’s play another round of pictionary.
Miss Third World 2006
First things first – I would like to greet Patti, my thirteen year old reader from Manila, Philippines. She looooves Mrs. Granny Bee, like tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of people around the world.
I know I’ve been neglecting my blogging duties recently because of my little vacation (and my Miss Philippines-Third World 2006 hosting duties) so I’m gonna make this entry short and quick. It’s great to be “back” online — I hate it but I love it but I hate it but I love it but I hate it but I love it.
Anyway… I have a little over 21,200 emails I need to sort out/rank/file/reply (21,209 to be exact) so please indulge me with a little "recovery" time. *wink*
Long, Hot Summer
Remember how I recently complained on how I *NEVER* get free trips?
Well, I got my first ever "free" vacation without paying a single dime on BOTH the airfare and hotel accommodations.
I just got back yesterday morning from a wonderful weekend in Boracay Island, one of my favourite islands here in the third world. The Local Government of Malay, Aklan and SEA Air sent over 120 members of the press, local designers, models and celebrities for a weekend of food, fun and frolics. SEA Air flies several dozen times daily from Manila – the fastest way to go to the island… 35 minutes! I stayed at the Pearl of Pacific resort.
Speaking of summer, it was sooo hot in the island I was sweating VODKA round the clock. I swear to my grandmother’s grave that vodka overflowed the mother fuckin island… the more I drink, the more I sweat. I pretty much got intoxicated each and every night I was there. In fact, I got back to my old drunk dialling habits; I drunk-dialled some of my girlfriends in Manila (and all over the place) at friggin 4 in the morning. I got soooo hammered one night and I rang some of my friends whilst running on the beach on the way back to the hotel at dawn – alone and drunk. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In spite of being on the island for 4 days, I only managed to swim once and sunbathe for about 10 minutes! I’ll definitely come back though (soon) and enjoy what the island really has to offer, sea, sun and sand, amongst other things, with very close friends and/or family.
P.S. Boys and girls, you gotta check out that new place called Asya Resort. It’s sooo GORGEOUS! All of their chic guestrooms are decorated in a modern manner and the bathrooms are extremely spacious. I love that resort and I’ll most definitely stay there the next time I’m back in the island.
What’s up with the abundance of guys emailing me recently?
From NYC to California, I’ve been getting a lot of emails (and pictures that can give any random dirty old pundit a hard on without using viagra) from all these guys recently.
For the life of god, just get a bloody plane ticket and come visit me here in the third world/Las Islas Filipinas! You know who you are. Plane tickets are cheap and I’ll give you a lovey lovey good time!
Meet Jose Luis from Mexico.
My god has been generous to me in the past year. And because I am your god, I’ll be generous too.
I know it’s kinda late but I’d like to give y’all a present – exclusive Bryanboy.com desktop wallpapers.
There is NO other way to decorate your boring old desktop than to post my pictures. Click the graphic below and see what awaits you.
(Alternatively, click the link above and select "Save As".)
I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as I do.
Ticket to Indulgence
It’s Tuesday morning and I’m back in this hideous concrete jungle called Manila. I kinda feel sad because I was soo knackered last night I wasn’t able to see Hannah before she left for New York.
(Photo credit: Mark Nicdao)
My Nami weekend was nothing but FABULOUS. Everything I needed was catered for by the unprecedented staff. I was fed with the most amazing and delectable food. I was spoiled with fantastic presents (oooo I love the Kerastase goodies). I even got a new mobile phone… and a cute faux monkey (hopefully the bestiality fans at PETA are proud now because it’s faux) courtesy of Motorola!
Hump my monkey bitches!
The service at the resort is superb. For instance, there was a time when my camera was running out of batteries… I was sunbathing. Rather than going up to my room to charge my batteries, I called my personal butler and he did it for me instead. It’s simple, little things like this (on top of many others) that made my stay TRULY luxurious.
(Photo credit: Pepper Teehankee)
(Photo credit: Ciara Sevilla)
If ever you’re going to Boracay Island, be sure to pay Nami a visit. It’s your ticket to indulgence. More pictures from the weekend. More pictures coming soon as soon as I finish the photo album. Enjoy!
Errr… no. I just realized I’ll keep the monkey to myself. I won’t PETA touch my little stuffed toy of love. This is what the folks at PETA should drool over. I **LOVE** roadkill.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Houston, TX, Stockholm, Sweden, Sacramento, CA, Latham, NY, Sydney, NSW Australia, Volpiano, Piemonte Italy, Chicopee, MA, Reston, VA, Seattle, WA, Pico Rivera, CA, Stoke-on-Trent, UK, Budapest, Hungary, Markham, ONT Canada and of course, all my friends from Budapest, Hungary. Bryanboy loves y’all. Identify yourselves bitches and say hi. I don’t bite.
#2 – Don’t you all love backstabbing twats? Backstab and badmouth me all you want… Rest assured, I’ll always be nice… and sweet… in front of your face and your ass crack. I have ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose in the first place whereas your antics reflect negatively on you. Hopefully you’ll get a hint one day. I always thought you were nice and quite the smart one but it turns out you’re a spiteful, evil, cocksucking, two-faced piece of shit who needs to get his balls chopped off while they’re playing the sound of music (or somewhere over the rainbow) in the background.
Sounds familiar? I hope you’re pissing on your expensive underwear right now. I doubt that’s gonna happen though. You probably have your head too far up your own ass you don’t even know what the words "emotions" and "feelings" mean.
#3 – Oh. my. god. I still can’t get over the fact that I accidentally spilled a drink to one of the most powerful men in Manila’s social scene over the weekend. I was handing out drinks to everyone on our table and I knocked off my drink… to his crotch! I almost had a cardiac arrest when that happened. I have never been subjected to such embarassing situation and I ended up handling it with a limp wrist. It was soooo humiliating I wanted to cry.
#4 – I drunk dialled Jakob the other night and ended up talking to him for an hour on the phone. Ugh!
#5 – Ugh! I owe my friend Ianne brunch/lunch/dinner for losing one of our bets.
#6 – Does anyone know how I can get US$20,000,000 (20 million dollars) easily?
#7 – One of my friends got a gold python Fendi spy bag for her anniversary. I’m dying with pure envy. Someone buy me a new bag god dammit.
#8 – The pictures literally says it all when it comes to the Golden Globes, thanks to Perez Hilton. Click here! Want a sampler? See below.
#9 – Fall/Winter 2006-7 Men’s Fashion Week in Milan is in full swing. Click here for the latest and the greatest, courtesy of British Vogue. I like the oversized cardigan/cardigans from Missoni.
… fuck the clothes. We all know I prefer womenswear.
The only reason why I keep track of the men’s shows is because I love jacking off looking at fine speci-MEN.
I mean, look at the slices on these guys’ faces. Gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous!
Ooh la la. This is probably Dolce & Gabbana’s finest collection in a long time.
More updates soon. You know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492. I love you all!
It’s 5:14PM and I thought I’d make all of you guys squirm with envy.
This is exactly why I love my country… it’s moments (and views) like this that makes me proud to be a citizen of the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives.
I’ve spent the entire afternoon lazing around the beach and the sun deck (at Nami, of course).
Sea, sun, tan and sand all over my balls… I’m a happy camper.
Gorgeous, isn’t it?
Nami Boracay – http://www.namiboracay.com.
I love you all! Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
Believe it or not, I’ve been feeling down and depressed the past few weeks. I’m absolutely exhausted of everything. I need to do something new. I want to see something different. I want to experience something else.
This is exactly what I needed: a vacation from a vacation… and there’s no faster way to do it than to fly to the el tropical islands of Boracay.
It’s Holy Week once again. Its that time of the year when good old Jesus gets crucifixed and die… and for all the evil souls to come out and party! And when it comes to partying, everyone satanic in this damn country, myself included, will have to do their annual pilgrimage to good old Boracay to get a week’s load of sea, sun, sand, sex, tan, booze, drugs, whatever. Afterall, it’s summer – it cannot get hotter than what it is now.
I’m telling you, the heat here is crazy. It really isn’t funny. When I came out of the airconditioned supermarket earlier to buy cigarettes, all it took was no more than a 30-second walk to the parking lot and I was covered with sweat.
I really despise sweating. It’s the worst feeling in
Imagine all those nasty beads of moisture dripping down your head to your neck… then your chest and your back gets soo sweaty your clothes start to cling to your body. It’s soo ghetto.
Thank god my armpits are dry. And thank god I wore black earlier. Hah.
If I wore pastel colours I’d be committing the dreaded cardinal sin of wearing sweat marks on my clothes. Tres disgusting!
It’s quite late here at night, roughly around 11:30, and I’m busy figuring out what to pack for my little 6-day trip. I’ll only carry 2 check-in bags this time, my Vuitton mini trunk/large suitcase and a large keepall bag.
Speaking of Vuitton, I popped into their store last week and bought the most amazing beach towel ever. I thought I’d replace my so overdone old Vuitton, Chanel and Hermes beach towels so I took a peek on their new stuff. When I first saw the towel near the shoes, oh my god, I fell in love with it.
I got a little boosting/persuasion because of the fact that the Manila store only got 2 of that towel for this season — one in blue and another one is maroon. That’s it, 2 towel — 2 pieces, 1 color each. There was a matching beach bag with blue braided handles and gold bits/edges here and there but I thought it was too big of a beach bag. I thought the towel wasn’t that bad at all, around US$1,100. It’s soo soft and lightweight! The Hermes towels that I’ve been using forever were quite rough on the body and I hated it when I go to the sea and then lie down on the towel extremely wet. I end up having mini thread bits attach to me because of the Hermes fabric.
The new Vuitton towel however is a sure winner. I can just imagine it, think of the backdrop… crystal clear blue waters, blue sky, coconut trees, sun shining hard at 2 in the afternoon, the softest whitest sand you can think of (well, Amanpulo is better)… and then there’s good ol fat me on a little bathing suit, big black Valentino sunglasses, tanning my fat bottom and then add a touch of some bling bling action-figure accessories. And bam!
Gorgeous. Fucking Gorgeous. It’s bitch-eat-bitch
fest at the beach.
Anyway, it’s almost 12Midnight and I have to pack my stuff. Thought I’d drop by and say hi. I’m leaving the house at 4AM to go to the airport because my flight is at 7AM. Hopefully I’ll be on the island around 9. Early bird galore.
I’ll keep you posted regardless. Enjoy!
Track of the moment: "Ever After" by Bonnie Bailey (HedKandi Beach House 0404) Click the play button to hear it.
After a rather short 6 nights, I’m finally back to civilization. No more sea, sun and sand. No more cute Australian teens, pale, fat Brits and hairy Eurotrash people with their $3 prostitutes to see.
There’s so much stuff to tell but I really don’t know where or how to begin. I’ll just make a list and hopefully you’ll have an idea of what I’ve been up to etc.
1) Never, ever get drunk in front of your dad.
2) Never, ever tag a sibling along whenever you flirt with guys.
3) Never, ever tag a sibling along whenever a guy flirts with you.
4) Never, ever flirt with a hot, young, sexuality-unknown, Australian guy on holiday with his mom, dad, sister and a gay, blonde, acne-infested, pimple-faced brother. In fact, don’t even bother flirting with people who go on holidays with their families. You won’t just won’t go anywhere despite both of you wanting something to happen.
5) The older one wearing a baseball cap. Thorton family. Your mom gave you a back rub on the motor boat. You also helped the porter lift my Vuitton suitcase so it won’t get wet cause the sea waves were hitting em. Whoever you are, you’re hot. You’re really fucking hot. Go online when you get back home in Australia, go to google, search for your family name and then Boracay… and then email me… and then let’s fuck sometime. You can fuck me good and hard. So much for wishful thinking.
6) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WAKE UP AT 6 IN THE MORNING.
7) This is the first holiday I had in my entire life when my 1:00 AMs were spent sleeping. A boring, fat, not-into-clubbing, sister to tag along with you is NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, EVER fun. Especially when her idea of fun is raiding the mini bar for snacks and watching boring HBO flicks at night. Her boring habits will easily rub off into you and you’ve got no choice but to spend the night in as well cause you don’t want to go out on your own.
Anyway, first batch of pictures are finally here. I’ve got more to upload tomorrow. I’ve got literally over 1,200 emails (work etc) to sift thru and I’m gonna do an all-nighter today.
Click the photo strip above to go to my photo album.
Here’s my fave picture of em all:
Ciao for now!