Bryanboy at the Nylon Guys and ASOS event
At the Nylon Guys x ASOS event at the Wythe Hotel in Brooklyn the other day. Coat by Adrienne Landau, shirt by Theory, sweater by Calypso St. Barth, jeans by Sandro, shoes by Pedro Garcia.

While waiting for the 6 Train last night, I sat beside this lone guy in his very early 20s carrying a number of paper bags. Someone took advantage of the beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon to shop. He went to Hollister, Who.A.U (yes, I googled. Click HERE) and Victoria’s Secret, amongst other places. I couldn’t resist noticing him because of the distinct, pink Victoria’s Secret bag. Was he a sister? A secret Shim? Or a straight guy looking to get laid? I guess I’ll never know.

Gaydar calibration aside, that’s not the point.

The point is, millions of people around the world spend their Saturday afternoons shopping. Most of these people are buying things, random things, to improve their lives… you know, to make themselves happy, to make themselves feel good, to make themselves look good. To most of these people, shopping is an activity that gives them pleasure. Or the people around them, if they’re buying gifts.

I find it fascinating though how the majority of people around the world have simple, fuzz-free taste.

Fascinating as in I kinda feel jealous.

During the train ride home, I asked myself, why am I not one of those people?

Why can’t I just walk in to any random shop and buy things that I like? Instead, I always engage in a mental conversation with myself to rationalize my purchases. In spite of the occasional impulse buys, most of my purchases are now calculated with extreme precision worse than a penny-pinching bag lady carrying a calculator at the supermarket. Buying things just because you like it is no longer enough. Do I really need this? Is it worth the price I’m paying for? Can I get it cheaper online? Was this item made by an army of bionic toddlers in Pakistan? Is this item overexposed? Has anyone blogged about it? How many blog posts can I get from it? Is it an advertiser? Is there a press discount? Will the sample be sent? If yes, how long? Do other trannies have it? What is the lifespan of this item? Is it ok to wear it over and over and over again for the next two months? Can I still wear it three months from now? What is the cost-per-wear ratio?

There is something VERY pure about people who buy simple, modest, humble things at simple, modest, humble shops — they don’t give a flying fiver! And that, my friends, is the best thing in the world.

Am I cursed?

Perhaps someone dropped me on my head when I was a child?

Is ‘this’ (the curse) the result of being exposed to years and years and years and years of poring over fashion magazines, traveling, being aware of what my options are and knowing there are better things out there?

During a weekend afternoon in Stockholm last month, Rumi, my boyfriend and I went shopping. I saw this cute sweater on a rack somewhere. My two beloved individuals gave me funny looks when I picked it up. “After experiencing cashmere, I don’t think you should settle for acrylic,” Rumi quipped. And she was right.

It’s frustrating because the older I get, the more I want things that nobody else has, the more I want to be the first to be wearing, the more I want things that are obscene, the more I want things that are obscenely expensive (even if I couldn’t afford it), the more I want things that people have already worn ages ago so they don’t want them anymore and are now affordable, the more I don’t want to look like anyone else. I find it cool when people ask you where an item is from as opposed to wearing something of the moment, something oh so identifiable “oh hay gurl I love your *insert label here* this and that”.

Do I want the new, ultra chic black Patient Zero Saint Laurent Paris bag? O HALE YES. But it’s three fucking thousand dollars and it wouldn’t take very long for every bitch and tranny to carry them in no time (see Celine bags, see bloggers 2.0, bloggers 3.0, see bloggers 4.0, see Kim Kardashian. in that pecking order). And for three fucking thousand dollars I don’t want to be one of the flock. Woe is me.

Do I want small, strappy two-tone dyed pony skin 3.1 Phillip Lim bag? Yes, I want the small, strappy, two-tone dyed pony skin 3.1 Phillip Lim bag. Did I buy the small, strappy two-tone dyed pony skin 3.1 Phillip Lim bag? Yes, I bought the small, strapy two-tone dyed pony skin 3.1 Phillip Lim bag at the sample sale. Hello? It’s a no-brainer!

Eeew. I’m gonna stop rambling. Clearly I’m self-obsessed. In my attempt to demystify others, I ended up demystifying myself.

Go fuck yourselves and enjoy the weekend. It’s nice and sunny out there and I still need a god damn dining table.

Happy shopping!