Longest Layover

Written By bryanboy

How do you feel about television spoilers? Unlike most people, I don’t mind knowing how a story (or season) ends before watching the actual episodes. It’s like knowing your destination in advance before traveling. Like what I recently said on Twitter, most of the fun happens during the journey itself.

Bangkok Airport Arrivals Area
Bangkok Airport Departures Area
Bryanboy's black suitcases

After what I went through this week, I feel like taking that statement back. It’s been a madhouse over the past few days but I finally made it here in Mumbai, India. The journey here (via Thai Airways) was hardly smooth as silk. My flight to Bangkok was a disaster. What was meant to be a two and a half hour flight turned into a whole day affair. I went to the airport at 11AM for a flight that was meant to leave at 1:05PM. Due to technical difficulties on my original flight, I ended up taking another flight a full eight hours later… at 9:30PM! It was midnight by the time I arrived in Bangkok and because of my luggage situation, I didn’t get out of airport until around 1:30AM. Since I missed my connecting flight to Mumbai that night, I was placed on the next available flight at 8:40AM the next day. That means a) I had to be at the airport a little after 6AM and b) no sleep for me in spite while waiting at yet another airport hotel for five hours…

Fast forward to Mumbai, I was stopped by Indian Customs Officials when I got here. They opened my suitcases in front of everyone and found a laptop, a camera, an iPad and three cellphones. They tried to pull a fast one on me. They invented some random perceived value for my USED electronics, before demanding that I pay 36% taxes even if a) they’re for personal use and b) I’m not an Indian citizen. They asked me why I have three phones and I said well, one is my Asian number, one is my US number and one is my European cell. One of them argued that I’m giving away my phones as a gift. I have no idea what drugs they were taking because clearly they are incapable of telling the difference between a used and a new phone. Do I look like the type who give used phones as presents? I refused to budge on what clearly was an extortion attempt so I called my Indian hosts. While waiting, I saw that they stopped this pretty Indian lady because she had an iPad. Same thing — they tried to extort money from her but she said her iPad was used and for personal use. She then showed personal photos to Customs Officials. Ka-ching! That prompted me to do the same thing with my phones — to counteract their argument that I’m giving away phones as gifts, I showed them yes, naked (but tasteful, think Blake Livelyesque shots) pictures of me in the bathroom. I told them I have very personal photos on my phone and there’s no way I’d give them out. They eventually believed me and let me go without paying a single dime.

It was a harrowing experience but to be honest with you, it could’ve been worse. I was surprised they didn’t open my camera tripod case. That’s where I keep my vibrator — an exact, latex copy of my boyfriend’s peen (cloneawilly.com). Don’t judge now. Homegirl got needs too! Can you imagine some middle-aged Indian guy waving my vibrator around the airport asking what that thing is? That would be THE day.

Namaste Mumbai! I’m glad to be back in India.

25 Comments

  1. Ok lol’ing at the vibrator description (are you sure your bf doesnt mind?)

    Anyway…since I have long assumed —and been many times proven right that cstoms official in my own (3rd world) country are ill-trained and [Well..let the negative descriptions flow]…with things like cell-phones i take no chances.

    Get your self a chip using smart phone (the one i have is a samsng nexus by google…not sure if some iphones can do the same thing).& so with each country you go you get a different chip and plug it into the same instrument. I have 5 chips so far from 5 different countries..and yup one phone, which when going past customs never leaves my person.

  2. bwahahahahhahaha..hilarious! chin up walkign away from paying fees and that dildo thing.cheers!

  3. they are really that stupid and i hate them. after you go through 5 times of that kind of shit you will understand what i mean. yes the country is nice, just take the idiots out of it – there is more of that than you can imagine. and actually the nice honest people are fewer than you think – it’s easy to spot them, they would be in the places where they cannot cajole you to pay some stupid fee or penalty or get a bribe.

  4. Janine SheerDressing

    Sorry about what happened to you but Hurray for discussing vibrators in public on your highly read blog. I never knew gay men used vibes, I just though they used the dildo types without vibes because you don’t have the thing that is known as the other C word. You learn something every day.

  5. Diane Louise Laidlaw

    Hey Bryan. I just came across your website from a friend and I fricken love it. Can you let me know what you used to get your tweets displayed like that on the footer?

  6. WELCOME TO INDIA.. AGAIN. SORRY FOR THOSE AIRPORT OFFICERS.. HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY LOT MORE THAN YOUR PREVIOUS TRIP, TAKE CARE. XOXO.

  7. Well, Bryan Boy, always expect the unexpected- that’s what I always remind myself. And I hope you enjoy a very beautiful Indian holiday! Fashion Speed, xoxo

  8. That’s India for you. I’m an NRI and when I visit India I too get harnessed by customs. They try everything to scam money from you and it’s quite shocking that custom officers openly ask for bribes in front of their superiors but the problem is there is legitimate concerns with multiple phones, laptops and other devices. Because of terrorism, India is very strict on mobile and computer devices. In fact you cannot ship a USB drive of any sort outside of India and if you want to purchase a prepaid sim card for your cell phone in India you basically have to have your passport scanned. But back on the topic, don’t get me started on corruption that plagues India but it’s the way it is, it’s a stunning country but tackling corruption will always be India’s Achilles heel.

  9. My god the vibrator part got to me hahaha. I’ve heard of cloneawilly.com before but never once thought it’d come from a gay man haha. At least you got out of that situation! :)

  10. It would’ve been hilarious if they had found the vibrator. Ok..maybe only hilarious to those around you(?) Still, I think that lady was really intelligent and you were smart to follow her lead. Those people..trying to scam money out of visitors. Pfff

  11. Hi ,sorry about the way customs behaved ,despite all odds it is still a beautiful place and am sure youll take back very happy memories..I am sure you have lovely hosts but ever down south .. am always there :))

  12. Isabel Mondorf

    Major amusement at the tripod part of this entry. It would have been phenomenal and so amusing had they found it. Oh Bryan, you never fail to brighten my day!

  13. That is so funny hey? I’m bummed though, really would have loved to hear about the vibrator being flashed around the airport. You would have had some serious explaining to do! Imagine they thought that thing was a weapon?

  14. clone a willy?? REALLY bryanboy?? haha!!! you’re so fun and entertaining to read. Love you.

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