Upper East Restaurant Makati

Written By bryanboy

Upper East Restaurant

There's quite a bit of internet buzz surrounding Upper East, a new restaurant in Manila.

Upper East Restaurant Makati

Check out their website. For curiosity's sake, I'd like to know who's responsible for the incredibly hilarious write up. 

"A word to the wise: UPPER EAST is not for those sans chutzpah and those unwilling to pay for the price for a taste of New York style."

"Just don't expect to dine whenever you want to."

"After all, UPPER EAST is not always open for business. We close our doors when we want to, and we certainly won't wait around for guests who, frankly, need to get a move on. No lunch is served after 1 p.m. and no dinner after 9 p.m."

"UPPER EAST is not for the weak of heart. Expect to be serenaded, as you sip your wine and savor every bite of your meal, by the screaming and ranting of our compulsive Executive Chef for whom incompetence is a crime, set against a sonic backdrop of AHA students sobbing and scrambling to do his bidding."

"UPPER EAST is not for scrooges and stiffs. We tolerate sharing, although it's not exactly de rigeur, is it? As for splitting? The fine is set at P250, not including our wait staff looking down their noses at you."

"This is the UPPER EAST experience. And this is the price you pay… if you can get in."

I bet this is a pisstake. I'm no internet marketing novice (in other words, I'm not new to attention whoring) and this smells like a viral marketing campaign to me.

Whoever made that write-up deserves an award. Hysterical!

A friend said it best on twitter: "I don't think we could have written anything more pretentious if we tried. Really hard. And were draped in fur while doing it."

photo credit: daphne osena-paez

0 Comments

  1. Do they have like four tables or something? Someone on my twitter joked that it sounded like it was written by whoever did the “Helium Club”. HEH. In fairness.
    And I love how the table setting consists of only TWO utensils despite their faux snooty write up!

  2. the writer and the owner who allowed this have been watching too much gossip girl.

  3. look i work in luxury hotels and i dine in luxury restos mauritius and God knows floating restaurants in BOra-Bora, and places with alain ducasse in the kitchen.. i dine whenever i want to in makati, and F*ck im a VIP everywhere! wahahahaha I was shocked they have paper tissues???? i bet there’s a suka and patis et toothpick too hahahahahaha kalurkey!………….. cheers from le bakler thy admirer in maldives!!

  4. @ Maison yeah nice INTERIOR design… thats called upper eastside meets La Paz batchoy.. Purrffect?? Come on get yourself a dinner at 5* restos et come back here and say “I LOVE INTERIOR DECORATION”… sorry but it really ruined my yogic projection today!

  5. Ah-ha, and hilarity ensues. Personally, I’m torn between staring in awe and laughing my head off. It’s gorgeous!

  6. This cant be real.. its got to be a joke.. the restaurant probly isnt even really there.. they probly just wanna see how many hits the link gets.. IF IT IS REAL.. then its really dumb to try and target just “TRYING HARD” diners.. or really smart..sabagay, thats a lot.. so maybe theyre on to something.. youre right, its too pretentious, its like its a joke.

  7. They wrote “No lunch is served after 1 p.m.” which is retarded because according to their site “Tues to Sat, 11:30 AM to 2PM for lunch service”

  8. fuhh-nee!! it’s effing for real! oh whoever thought of doing it that way had a stroke of genius.
    I honestly don’t know if I would have dined there if I got to read that “ish” first.. but truth be told, their people actually seemed nice.. SEEMED! nyahahaa!

  9. fuhh-nee!! it really is for real! I dont’t know if I would have dined there if I read about this before but the people there seemed nice.. SEEMED! nyahahaha!

  10. fuck this.. i tried commenting twice and got nadda hahaha.. whatever .. i’m not sure if this one will work so .. just have a nice day everyone :)

  11. Hi Bryan.
    You’re so funny. I didn’t know about their website. That blurb is hilarious and your readers’ comments are the best.
    The place was really casual. The manager was nice and the staff (students) were nervous. Maybe they were still on soft opening, a lot of details still needed work: service, menu design etc.
    That writeup does not match the actual experience. They need to get rid of that fast, otherwise they’ll become a bigger joke.

  12. eidref102

    One word! TACKY!!!! IKEAsh chair, GG inspired decor and paper tissue! Is there any good restaurants in Manila/Makati area that is comparable to what Singapore, HK, Bangkok, Taipei, Japan, KL have?

  13. You know, from what I’ve read and seen on your and Anton’s blog, it actually looks like a charming place and thought I’d visit it before Xmas. I’m very intrigued — those chicken wings look yummy!
    But I’m not sure if I can get in though.

  14. I don’t care much about what you got to say on Upper East.. but saying there aint no GOOD place to dine in manila/makati (both center of commercial/modern ish in the Philippines) comparable to the countries you mentioned .. well I’ll take none of it.. so screw you cockroach!

  15. I guess the marketing was effective in some way. Look, we’re all talking about the restaurant!

  16. I live on the Upper East Side and working at a Michelin Star restaurant. Honestly, Upper East doesn’t quite measure up. First of all, the kind of food served is not Upper East Side esque. Buffalo wings? Aglio Olio pasta? the dishes are uninspired. UES is more about Dean and Deluca, Le Pain Quotidien type of stuff…

  17. the resto really sucks!! i hate the food. it’s like “parang nasa carenderia ka lng” ka level ang jolyjeep around makati..

  18. I’ve just seen their website. Design is amazing but I can’t see any more but the first page.
    I’d like to see more photos of the interior.
    All the best!

  19. I don’t like the style, looks like a Barbie doll restaurant, but the description of the restaurant is really hilarious!

  20. tracy

    why won’t you people give the restaurant a chance? I’ve been there and i really enjoyed the ambiance as well as the food. perhaps it will be worth your money and time.

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