Suicide Watch

This is what happened at the salon yesterday afternoon.

Suicide Watch

Two minutes into the head massage, boom outta nowhere…

Shampooist: Sir, huwag po kayo magagalit sa akin.
Translation: Sir, please don’t be mad at me.

Me: Bakit naman?
Translation: Why’s that?

Shampooist: Alam nyo po, masama po yan ginagawa ninyo sa sarili niyo. Hindi po maganda yan.
Translation: You know, what you’re doing to yourself is terrible. That’s not good.

Me: Ha?
Translation: Huh?

Shampooist: Hindi po yan ang solusyon sa problema ninyo. Kasalanan po yan. Kukunin po kayo ni lord sa tamang panahon.
Translation: It’s not the solution to your problems. It’s a sin. God will take you at the right time.

Me: Ano yan pinagsasasabi mo?
Translation: What the hell are you saying?

(shampooist pointed to my wrist)

Me: GAGA KA! KINALMOT AKO NG BAGONG KUTING NAMIN!!!!
Translation: DUMBASS! OUR NEW KITTEN SCRATCHED ME!!!!

Shampooist: Ayyy sorry po.
Translation: Oh sorry.

Windang. Tambling. Hindi ko lang siya kinaya.

I think my hair stylist must be fuming at me right this second for tipping the shampooist five times what I tipped her.

Patnubayan sana sila ng poong maykapal.