Happy Birthday

Many of you were disappointed when I deliberately made my NYC trip short. There are so many people I wanted to meet and so many things I had to do but alas, I didn’t have the luxury of free time. For six whole days and throughout the duration of my stay, I had this fear at the back of my head that my grandmother would pass away while I was gone. I’m honestly surprised how I was able to keep my sanity intact with everything that went on — the high I got from meeting some of your fashion heroes to the lows of worrying about a dying grandparent and losing my wallet. I’m glad all of that is behind me now. I made it home safely and my grandma is still alive when I got back.

Unfortunately, she’s not gonna last that long. They’re giving her a few more days. We visited her this morning because it’s her birthday. Last month, she was still able to respond to us by mumbling whenever we talk to her. Things are completely different now. She’s still alive alright but her body is lifeless. Completely paralyzed waist down, she’s all skin and bone. Her whole body is warm yet extremely dry to the point she’s peeling all over. The only sign of life is the beat of her pulse on the neck, the occasional arm and hand movement and the rare wail from the pain.

I’m so torn and sad that she chose to continue her suffering. But that’s her nature. Ever the fighter, she’s hanging on for dear life and we’re all stumped
on what (or who) it is exactly she’s waiting for before she goes. Part of me wants her suffering to end but that would mean losing her for good.