Happy Birthday

Written By bryanboy

Happy Birthday

Many of you were disappointed when I deliberately made my NYC trip short. There are so many people I wanted to meet and so many things I had to do but alas, I didn’t have the luxury of free time. For six whole days and throughout the duration of my stay, I had this fear at the back of my head that my grandmother would pass away while I was gone. I’m honestly surprised how I was able to keep my sanity intact with everything that went on — the high I got from meeting some of your fashion heroes to the lows of worrying about a dying grandparent and losing my wallet. I’m glad all of that is behind me now. I made it home safely and my grandma is still alive when I got back.

Unfortunately, she’s not gonna last that long. They’re giving her a few more days. We visited her this morning because it’s her birthday. Last month, she was still able to respond to us by mumbling whenever we talk to her. Things are completely different now. She’s still alive alright but her body is lifeless. Completely paralyzed waist down, she’s all skin and bone. Her whole body is warm yet extremely dry to the point she’s peeling all over. The only sign of life is the beat of her pulse on the neck, the occasional arm and hand movement and the rare wail from the pain.

I’m so torn and sad that she chose to continue her suffering. But that’s her nature. Ever the fighter, she’s hanging on for dear life and we’re all stumped
on what (or who) it is exactly she’s waiting for before she goes. Part of me wants her suffering to end but that would mean losing her for good.


  1. im sorry to hear about your grandmama. I have been following your blog and i think its not your nature to sit in the corner and waste your time crying when the expected finally happens. but be strong and let go when you have to. your grandmama would love to see you moving on, happy and conquering the world. she is proud of you BB.

  2. Those things are always tough.
    My gran passed away after I’ve seen her suffer, not walking anymore, her body was not functioning the way it should be. She went to an old peoples home where they took care off her, but my grandpa just took her home everytime she finaly was comfertable. Guess that was the last things she needed, and in the and she just couldn’t handle it anymore.
    Much love & hope

  3. Sorry to hear about your grandma,
    I know you’ll cherish the memorie you had with her.
    Lots of love,

  4. im so sorry to hear that :(
    its just the normal cycle in life i gues…sigh
    we’re giving you all the support you can get for you to go through this. its sad how a life’s ending would go through this-maybe she’s just really waiting for one more person till she lets go.
    much <3

  5. You bastard!! How dare you bring back the memories of my mom passing last summer. She was going through similar symptoms. She was able to walk and get around and then she began to deteriorate. She was bed-ridden and began to lose most of her motor skills. Eventually she couldn’t talk anymore and looking around began to become difficult. In the end she couldn’t respond at all but there was life in her. We could see her eyes move around behind the lids but we didn’t know if she was trying to look around or dreaming.
    It was gut wrenching for me because I kept hope until the end. She wouldn’t eat or drink so I tried to force her but I was terrified of her choking. I didn’t know if she could take the fluids. She passed away from the cancer on June 23rd. And My life has not been the same.
    This year my immediate family and I are probably going to visit our home in the Philippines for the last time. We’ll probably keep the house, but our relatives there will have to maintain the compound and the houses. We have never gone over without my mom. It makes me sad and I am scared. I’m looking forward to seeing my family there, but I am scared of the inevitable emotions. We’ll see how it goes.
    I love you BryanBoy and my prayers are with you and your family. AND YES, I DO PRAY!!!

  6. kachme

    i must give her a snap for having a perfectly polished nail :)

  7. Keep your head up Bryan Baby. Your Grandma will always live on. Her wisdom, her beauty and her love.
    Been a fan of yours for so long. And I don’t kiss ANYONE’S ass buddy. Keep up the good shizz and I wish you the best.
    Prayers for your grandma.
    Besos para siempre
    Brooklyn, NY

  8. Lisa From Cali

    Thoughts and prayer are with you and your family Bryan.

  9. BB,
    my most sincere condolences.. these posts really are so close to me as i lost my favourite and last grandma just before the new year. she is my mums mum and she had a great influence on my life. sadly i wasnt there when she died and i still miss her terribly!!! i light a candle every day, all day with her picture in my living room…
    they are both in a better place now!!

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