Where are the coloured male models?

As you know, it’s menswear fashion week in Milan. Although all of my favourite papi chulos are white, I cannot help but wonder where the ethnics are. During the Spring 2008 women’s show season, lots of people cried foul because of the lack of coloured folk on the runways. Where are the nig nogs? Where are the ching chong china man people? Where are the Maria Guadalupe Lupita Al-Habeeb Al-Jazeera Patels? Well, I know for a fact that menswear is actually more aryan nation compared to women’s wear but whatevs. Let’s do a recap of yesterday’s MAJOR shows, shall we?

Burberry Prorsum Fall/Winter 2008-2009 Menswear Milan

Because I’m still sick and bedridden, I have lots of time to spare. OMG YOU GUYS ARE SO GONNA DIE WITH MY DISCOVERIES. I EVEN FOUND AN INDIAN/BANGLADESHI/PAKISTANI/I’M NOT REALLY SURE MALE MODEL. IN MILAN. YES IN MILAN. YES! YES! YES! Click click click!

Burberry Prorsum

Burberry Prorsum had a grand total of 42 looks. Ethnic person count: ZERO, not a token in sight. I love this collection though… my god, best one I’ve seen from Burberry as of yet. The details and the textures are amazing. Everything is so beautiful I want to cry. I totally had a "GOD DAMN I WISH I WAS A MAN" moment.

Burberry Prorsum Fall/Winter 2008-2009 Menswear Milan

Oh wait. I AM a man. Last time I checked I still have my pen0r intact. NEXT!

Jil Sander

Jil Sander by Raf Simons had a grand total of 43 looks. Ethnic person count: ZERO, not a token in sight. But hello… let’s not kid ourselves, shall we? This is Jil Sander. When was the last time you saw an ethnic person at Jil Sander? Someone has to keep their Germanic roots intact, thanks very much and I don’t think anyone would hold it out against them because Jil Sander is always pure. It has its own distinct ideal… sterile and clinical. Nevertheless, I love Jil too because if it wasn’t for this show, I wouldn’t be able to discover my eyecandy du jour Devin on my own.

Jil Sander Fall/Winter 2008-2009 Menswear Milan

God damn he’s gorrrrrrgeous. Just the way I like my boys. NEXT!

Missoni

Missoni had a grand total of 38 looks. Ethnic person count: 1. YEEHAWWWWWWW WE GOT A TOKEN SOMETHING! Yay progress! Yay Missoni! You know, ethnics hoolabaloo aside, Missoni is definitely one of my favourite houses. You absolutely cannot get any more Italian than Missoni. This is hardcore Italian fashion you all. Personally-speaking, I prefer the women’s collection because we all know I’m a girly boy and almost all of the Missoni I own from sweaters to cardigans are from women’s but whatever. Y’all know stripes = my #1 fashion weakness. Anyway… lookie lookie at Missoni’s chosen one.

Missoni Fall/Winter 2008-2009 Menswear Milan

Repeat after my my neeena: a million other ethnic models would kill for your job. Congrats! NEXT!

Dolce & Gabbana

Dolce & Gabbana had a grand total of 72 looks. Ethnic person count: 1. IS THAT A BIRD? IS THAT A PANDA BEAR? OH NO WAIT… OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I SEE  A CHINESE PERSON!!! A REAL ASIAN PERSON!!!! Yay progress! Yay Dolce & Gabbana! Stll going strong after all these years, Italian design power couple (in a business kind of way, of course) Dolce & Gabbana sent out Philip H as their token guy this fall. I love Dolce. I really do. I went through a Dolce phase in my late teens. Heck, I even shared an elevator at a hotel in London with both of them. For real. I’m sure I told you about the story and on that day, I wore my Dolce & Gabbana swarovski crytal belt, the same one that hip hop what’s her face singer had, the one who died in a plane crash because she had too much luggage? Ah yes, Aaliyah.

Dolce & Gabbana Fall/Winter 2008-2009 Menswear Milan

Anyway, I don’t know what to say really other than one day, China is gonna eat us all alive because they’re the new superpower. One giant leap for 4-inch pen0r that’s fur shoar. NEXT!

Costume National

Costume National had a grand total of 43 looks. Ethnic person count: 1.5. Yes, one and a half. First of all — I see there’s a half-caste model out there so that makes it just half… and then the other model is…. OMG, you are so not gonna believe this. THIS IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING Y’ALL! He’s neither black nor Asian, he’s something else and I have absolutely no clue where his from!

Costume National Uomo Sfilita Autunno Inverno 2008

My gaydar is usually more accurate than my ethnicitydar so pardon me but I simply cannot tell his ethnic background. Whatevs, that’s not the point. The point is… Costume National sent out a pretty progressive and diverse cast this season. Which is always, always, ALWAYS a fantastic thing, right?

Costume National Menswea Fall/Winter 2008

I mean, look… we have Curly over here and Mr. Albino over there and we also have… oh I dunno anymore. I LOVE ENNIO CAPASA!

Versace

Versace had a grand total of 43 looks. Ethnic person count: 0. None, zilch, nada. I don’t really remember seeing an ethnic man on the Verace runway for the longest time, maybe it’s because I don’t usually keep track of men’s shows and this season is the first time I actually looked at each and every single photo of the collections. Anyway, I’m not complaining because Donatella is Queen! Hella, why on earth should I complain when all her models are 100% pure, hardcore testosterone? Her gorgeous bitches on the runway are always well-built, always well-chiseled (like Dolce) and boy they sure do know how to pout.

Suck those cheeks, werrrrk those lips, gurlfriend!

Versace Menswea Fall/Winter 2008

Versace Uomo fits a certain aesthetic — big, strong, men that ooze authority and power.

With all of that being said, here’s a quick ethnic male model recap:

Burberry – 0
Jil Sander – 0
Missoni – 1
Dolce & Gabbana – 1
Costume National – 2 (but technically 1.5)
Versace – 0

My favourite collection so far (Day 1 Milan Menswear): Burberry Prorsum, hands-down.

So… what do you think?