Loose Canon on Deck!!!
Romaine: how old are you?
Me: I’m fifteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
Derek: YOU ARE *NOT* FIFTEEN!!!!!!!!!!
And thar she goes! Do you have 20 minutes to spare? I don’t know about you but if you’re a masochist willing to torture your senses, why not listen to my radio appearance yesterday at the Derek & Romaine show? Yes!! The folks at Gay Bloggies sent me a recording. I know my screeching voice is god damn annoying but what can I do? I, myself, I’m also annoyed with my voice. Listening to it makes me want to stab myself in the throat. Not once, not twice, but 300 times! It’s the same voice that was blasted all across America on satellite radio but whatevs.
Apparently, EVERYONE on Gay Bloggies thinks I’m the biggest threat. Nothing new there I guess. I mean hello, EVERYWHERE I GO, people always think I’m threatening. I’m harmless, promise! WHY ARE PEOPLE SO INSECURE OF ME AND MY OWN INSECURITIES? Is it right for insecure people to be insecure of an insecure person with lots of insecurities? LOL.
Me: I’m fat. I weigh 127 pounds!
Romaine: My baby weighs 127 pounds
Derek: I ate 127 pounds today
Me: I’ve been eating sausages and lettuce.
It’s no secret I suck when it comes to public speaking… that, and my English is atrocious. Who cares? Hello, I’m not American, Canadian, British (Welsh people don’t count), Irish, Australian and New Zealander. I’m ching chong china man remember? Anyway, I always sound like a condescending whore… on crack… in all of my tv/radio/whatever interviews. Oh how I wish I was eloquent and articulate… but then again… maybe, just maybe, the fact that I cannot say what I want to say (orally at least) is the reason why I have a blog?
I had fun doing yesterday’s interview. I love the last bit when I said goodbye and they all made these fun, snipy comments on how people in the third world prefer "developing nation" over "third world" because it makes them feel better. True dat. HAHAHAHA! Oh and how I’m soo gay even gay people want to gay bash me… and how I look like a 9 year old girl. Fabulous. GOD DAMN MONEY WELL SPENT Y’ALL!
PS. I’ll give a special prize if you manage to count the number of times I said "you know". MUST. GET. RID. OF. THAT. DIRTY. HABIT.
You know? ;)