Birthing Photos

Written By bryanboy

Birth and Birthing

I know. Don’t laugh. I’m working on the mineral water bottle labels and I found a plethora of birthing photos. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. For real!!!!! I know I’m not supposed to look but I HAVE to because I’m curious. It’s gross but fascinating at the same time to you know, see pictures of… err… how a baby was born.

Remember what I said a few months back how newborns look like little birds?

Warning: the photos you are about to see are extremely graphic in nature so if you’re NOT into explicit material, don’t click click click.

Oh who the hell are we kidding. Bulimics of the world, unite! You no longer have to stick fingers down your throat. Click click click away!

Oh. My. God.

OMG IT’S AN ALIEN! IT’S SURI CRUISE!!!!!!

Scary!

What in god’s name is that…. cord thing? And why do they do that "upside down" whatever thing. Ugh.

And there you have it.

The good news is, my niece is lovely now and that’s what matters.

For those of you kids out there, keep in mind what your mothers had to go through. Not only you fucked up her figure (except Heidi Klum… we all know that bitch is bionic woman), she also had to endure the whole birthing process.

Dayummmm!! Thank GOD I’m not a woman. Can you imagine having your vajeen exposed to like 6 or 7 different strangers all at the same time?

One thing I don’t understand is how on earth a baby THAT size fit inside a woman’s tummy. My mother told me babies expand the moment they come out of the vajayjay but in reality, they’re actually smaller. I’m having a hard time believing her though. Do keep in mind my mother is the same woman who, to this day, denies she was prego when she got married.

She got married in October 198_ and then gave birth (me) 5 months later, in March.

No wonder I’m a freak of nature. While everyone else gets 9 months in the vajeen, I, on the other hand, only got 5.

You do the math.

Let’s talk about fashion now. For real!



0 Comments

  1. Passionada

    That’s the umbilical cord.
    U were conceived 4 months before your mother married.

  2. you know, that’s what i thought.
    they went on a late summer vacation and screwed the living headlights out of each other. mom got knocked up, they got married and the rest, as they say, is history.
    lol

  3. BB, they usually make a small cut on the vajayjay so the baby will come out, then they will sew it back once the baby is out. I’m not a doctor but the baby’s size is pretty much the same inside the tummy and out. Your mom, with all her good intentions, explains stuff to you like you are still five…Oh but moms are like that no?

  4. yup ive been there (not the one in labor) but the assist nurse.
    my first delivery session during my stud days, i got on video. it was in one of those public hospitals. We who work there could pretty much do what eves coz the service is free (thats how people sees it but actually its our own taxes) nasty ei but thats the truth about d reality of public service here. so if ever u hav the money, dont evah go to public hospitals during your labor.
    ps.
    the “upside down” thing is to keep the juices of the mouth in getting in to the lungs. on the first breath of the child, the lungs expand for the first time. liquids could easily gravitate down the lungs in upright position. the expansion of the lungs may also contribute for the larger size of the baby upon birth. -intellectualization ha ha (dont mind me im an insecure, unappreciated genius)

  5. valleygirl, you took the words right out of my mouth.
    my thoughts exactly.
    the first thing that came to mind when i saw the pics was..
    SAFE SEX!!!!!!!!!
    hahaha

  6. elainethorpe

    could it be possible that you’re a premature baby?
    well.. sounds alil too far fetched right? born at 5th month..
    but well, impossible is nothing.
    cheers!

  7. bryan! i havent been reading you blog for months! and i gained like, 8 pounds…
    so this is my first time in FOREVER that i read your blog again, and i puked out my dinner already! THANK YOU SO MUCH
    babies are gross

  8. funny thoughts! i am also about to give birth after 7 months,it is really not easy to expose to “vajayjay” to everyone.

  9. kristine

    Well, it could be possible that she didn’t know she was pregs the time she got married, or maybe denying it to herself or something.

  10. I happened upon this account and thought you very funny. Having gone through the whole birthing experience myself I don’t find the pictures really all that graphic. The whole process is a wonderful thing, really. You just need the strength to do it, and well, if you are preggers most of the time you don’t really have a choice, that baby is coming out one way or another. LOL.

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