Birth and Birthing

I know. Don’t laugh. I’m working on the mineral water bottle labels and I found a plethora of birthing photos. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. For real!!!!! I know I’m not supposed to look but I HAVE to because I’m curious. It’s gross but fascinating at the same time to you know, see pictures of… err… how a baby was born.

Remember what I said a few months back how newborns look like little birds?

Warning: the photos you are about to see are extremely graphic in nature so if you’re NOT into explicit material, don’t click click click.

Oh who the hell are we kidding. Bulimics of the world, unite! You no longer have to stick fingers down your throat. Click click click away!

Oh. My. God.

OMG IT’S AN ALIEN! IT’S SURI CRUISE!!!!!!

Scary!

What in god’s name is that…. cord thing? And why do they do that "upside down" whatever thing. Ugh.

And there you have it.

The good news is, my niece is lovely now and that’s what matters.

For those of you kids out there, keep in mind what your mothers had to go through. Not only you fucked up her figure (except Heidi Klum… we all know that bitch is bionic woman), she also had to endure the whole birthing process.

Dayummmm!! Thank GOD I’m not a woman. Can you imagine having your vajeen exposed to like 6 or 7 different strangers all at the same time?

One thing I don’t understand is how on earth a baby THAT size fit inside a woman’s tummy. My mother told me babies expand the moment they come out of the vajayjay but in reality, they’re actually smaller. I’m having a hard time believing her though. Do keep in mind my mother is the same woman who, to this day, denies she was prego when she got married.

She got married in October 198_ and then gave birth (me) 5 months later, in March.

No wonder I’m a freak of nature. While everyone else gets 9 months in the vajeen, I, on the other hand, only got 5.

You do the math.

Let’s talk about fashion now. For real!