Luella Bartley’s Handbag Thievery

You know this whole handbag madness has gone insane when you hear news like this from style.com:

Luella Bartley

For Luella Bartley, the past few days have been the best of times and
the worst of times. Opening her store with an A-list party and being
welcomed back to London fashion week with open arms—those were the good
bits. But early this morning, when a pack of moped-riding thieves
wielded sledgehammers crashed through the new store’s front door and
cleared the shelves—the haul included more than $20,000 worth of
handbags
—a black cloud was cast on the designer’s post-presentation
glee.

Boy am I glad to have gotten rid of this whole handbag addiction. It was/is ridiculous! I’m sure y’all remember for an entire year (2006), all I thought about were bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags, bags fuckin bags. It’s funny how before the whole handbag mania started, all I had was my Dior logo-a-gogo bag (which, I’m sure, is gathering dust somewhere), ok I’m lying, but you know what I mean… next thing you know, my name became synonymous to bags, I had everything from Chanel, Goyard, Fendi, Dolce & Gabbana, Balenciaga, Nancy Gonzales, you name it, I probably had it. Until I got sick of it. Sooo sooo sick of it because there really is more to the world than friggin bags!

It also doesn’t help that every peasant that you see on the street now has a designer bag. I’m not joking. Mich and I went to Serendra ages ago… we saw this table at a cafe and ALL of the women there had 2.55 Chanel bags in every conceivable colour. I also remember calling one of my friends a few months back when I went to the supermarket and I saw at least 8 people… 8 people… 8 fucking people with Chanel bags. At the supermarket! That’s 7 human beings too many. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE TOWN IN THE THIRD WORLD WHERE COACH AND DOONEY & BURKE ONCE RULED? Come to think of it, there used to be a time when you can count the very few people who wore Chanel (ie. ME) using one hand. Now the whole world is drowning in designer bags. Even faggots have designer bags. Even third world celebrities have Fendi — and I bet you my fat ass they had no idea who Fendi is!

Think about it: what is the point of buying into luxury when everyone (even my ex-maid Eunice owns a Vuitton) has it?

I have a closet-full of bags gathering dust — would that get me anywhere in the future? Probably not. I don’t know about you but foreign currency investments and online trading is the new hotness! Frankly-speaking, I would rather see my pennies turn into nickles and dimes one day. 

And then I’ll buy that croc birkin tacky express Louis Vuitton Tribute Bag.

Just kidding. As much as I love Carrie, I *really* don’t want to be 40 years old and forever be known as the woman who lived in her shoes. All the signs were there — I’m just glad I snapped out of it before it was too late.