Someone I know

Written By bryanboy

Someone I know

is about to give birth and she’s gonna name her child like a dog. Well, I searched "my name is _insert offending name here_" and 99% of the results ended up with pages from animal shelters/pet names etc. I’m telling y’all, it’s the Victoria Beckham syndrome. What’s wrong with classic, timeless names? You know, names like Jacqueline, Olivia, Sofia, or Caroline? Maybe I’m a prude but I hate it when people give "trendy" names to their kids and name them after places (Paris, London, Brooklyn, Rome), fruit (Orange, Strawberry, etc) or anything they see in the movies. It’s crazy!!! Please, for the life of god, think of the child’s future and how they’re going to feel when they get older. Ugh. I want to smack her head down the pavement so she can get back to her senses but I don’t want to be arrested for double murder. Naturally, I don’t have the right to complain to their face because it’s their evil spawn not mine. Not my own flesh and blood, thank god. I just hope the poor child will get two names so she can use the other one as backup.

But still.

Fuck it. You know what? If EVER I’m gonna knock up some vajayjay that belongs to a fat bitch and that thing gives birth, I’m gonna name the kid ROVER and feed the thing with Alpo.

PS. Don’t laugh. Rover is WAYYY better than third world doorbell names (read that BBC article) like "Ding Dong" (VOMIT PLEASE) or "Ting Ting" or "Ding Ding" or "Bing Bing" etc. YES!!! THERE ARE PEOPLE, UNFORTUNATE ONES, WHO HAVE NAMES LIKE THAT.

8 Comments

  1. Aling Lydia

    Aba buti naman at natawa ka BB sa comment ko kahapon. Anyway, magluluto pa ako ng lechon. May order galing kay Malu. Wapaaak!!!
    PS. Dont nem di beybi layk a doggi! Name it like a baboy! Work eht gorl!

  2. Lisa from Cali

    My boyfriend’s nickname is BongBong and he is caucasian. Hahaha… He wanted a flip nickname and picked this one. I thought it was cute. :-) Tell your friend to just nickname her kid with a dog’s name but not her real legal first name. Geeeeesh…

  3. In India (Bollywood), they have an actress named Dimple Kapadia. She named her daughters Simple and Twinkle, who also became actresses. Bollywood also has actresses named Preity (Zinta) and Disco (Shanthi).

  4. hahaha! i hope there’s no H in the name, as in JHUN? :-D this made me think of what my parents christened their children and our cheesy childhood nicknames:
    Michelangelo (Junjit) – me!
    Marion (Yon-Yon)
    Marcelinnius (Macoy)
    Marius (Rius)
    Milann (Boysie)
    all boys, all M! matuk? ;))

  5. ildrich

    I’d rather die than have a “common/classic” name. But I’m biased since my name is awesome! haha

  6. thank god my grandpa named me sophia and not some ding ding ting ting chanel paris crap. parents really need to think ahead when they name their kids. even with the most classic names like harriet kids at school can still make up all sorts of humiliating crap like Hairy Harriet and the kid is going to be scarred for life.
    and btw bryanboy i so would kill for your legs!

  7. i also feel bad for those people who had parents who were contented with “baby boy” and “baby girl” from those hospital nursery cards imagine calling out “baby girl” when you’re furious with her…
    and i sooo hate those people with the silent H on their names.
    Fheli, Jhun, Mhyke, Vhic pooof!

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