Fashionista Diaries: Episode 1 – Big Dreams

Oh. My. God. I finally got hold of Fashionista Diaries and I fucking LOVE it! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT! It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion! Here’s the preview trailer…

Who knew "Mary Cherry" from Popular was there?????? Remember that show from the 90s? OMG I LOOOVE Popular!

Click click click for a SUPER LONG commentary from me, me, me. You’re in for a treat!

OK. Fashionista Diaries is my new fave TV show.

Like any "reality" show, I think a lot of the things are soo far from reality, like how all 6 contestants were HIGHLY stylized (by stylists, no less) to the point they almost have that flawless fake barbie doll look. Every inch of their bodies were styled and groomed to perfection, from clothes, hair and makeup, I’m all for personal and individual style but they look like they stepped out of some magazine. But hey, it’s Fashionista Diaries so they are expected to look the part, right?

NOT.

I’m sorry but they all look/act like they came from "California" (no offense to my Cali Cali readers) except every single one of them ditched the peroxide to fit in Nueva York. The show was produced by the ones who made Laguna Beach so what do you expect other than generic and manufactured kids, right?

I also get that weird vibe that a lot of them aren’t really into fashion. No, I’m not talking about the clothes or how they look. I’m referring to their passion. These contestants are in their mid 20s and I’m surprised with some of em. I stand by what I previously said on how I have a feeling they’re only using the show as a stepping stone to a possible acting career in the future.

Nicole (the fat one who came from Queens) doesn’t take her internship seriously… all she does is whinge and whine. Andrew, who came from another fashion-related TV show (at least that’s what I’ve been told) barely knows the names of the people IN fashion, Bridget the slut, is, well, she’s a slut. Rachel aka Mary Cherry, well, I like her. She has this lovely energy and enthusiasm. I’m not sure about Janjay so I guess I have to see more of her and ditto with Tina though I like Tina cause she’s slender.

Isn’t it funny how people use the term "fashionista" loosely these days? Even I don’t consider myself fashionista.

I bet you if you ask any single one of them who Fabien Baron is… or who Jean-Paul Goude is and they probably won’t bat an eyelash.

ANYWAY. ENOUGH CRAP FROM ME.

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I love how the overweight one (Nicole) got OWNED when Seventh House PR people asked who her favourite DESIGNER was (she answered JUICY COUTURE!!!!!!!!!) and then she got fucked straight up the ass when they said no flip flops were allowed in the office. Shame, really. I mean, for a fattie, she’s actually pretty. In this day and age of technology where EVERYTHING fashion is pretty much shoved straight to our faces… blah. Well, maybe some people really love Juicy like the way I love Gap but oh well.

I love Matt Kays’ reaction when the fattie said "Juicy Couture, Pam and Gella" as her favourite designers. You know, he’s a fatty as well but he works for Seventh House PR and one of my friends told me that I should try to be friends with lots of PR people as much as possible because they’re the ones who can give you lots of freebies, samples, invites and such so I’m gonna spare this hairy fat faggot in desperate need of a waxing session from bitching.

Matt Kays

OK fine. Get me drunk and I’ll probably give that guy a head job in exchange for Charlotte Ronson samples.

Moving on.

This is Rachel. I LOVE her energy!!! She’s light and bubbly and she always has that warm smile on her face. You can tell she’s a great fag hag to bring whenever you go to straight bars to you know, watch your drinks when you’re busy flirting with "straight" guys.

I’ll skip Andrew because I think he’s pathetic. Someone left a comment on my blog on how he was on a reality TV show before and this is his 2nd so clearly the producers only got him for his looks and nothing else. Hello! There are many other deserving males out there — y’all should’ve gotten a fashion faggot. A real fashion faggot. Someone manorexic and someone with a lisp, but no, you have to get a "straight" guy to be on the show.

Why? Because you want to stir up some drama amongst the cast of characters, that’s why, like have Bridget (the one beside Nicole above), the slut, move into Andrew’s apartment so they can fuck each other’s brains till the cows come home. God how scripted and nasty but what do you expect from people who produced Laguna Beach? Please.

Andrew, please, for the life of god, just go audition at The Bachelor or something like that. YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!

Meet Janjay. I’ve always stated that every day is a fashion show and life is a runway. And in fashion week, there is always, always, ALWAYS that one token ethnic person to represent the minority so the critics won’t accuse the designers of anything unsavoury. Think Liya Kebede in Oscar de la Renta or Chanel Iman at Gaultier. WAIIITTTT Gaultier always loved the ethnics including Velvet D’amour, what am I saying… ok, more like, Hye Park in Proenza Schouler Fall 2006. Yes? No? Am I right? ADMIT IT, there’s always that one ethnic person in the runway…. in this case, they got Janjay. The producers prolly didn’t get an Asian intern because those damn Asians are busy joining Project Runway or studying at Parsons. Let’s face it, what Asian would want to be an intern when they can be designers? Yes? No? Am I right? I don’t know about you but hella look at Janice Min… according to WWD, home girl is getting paid $2 million donald duck dollars to run Us Weekly!

Janjay

This is Tina. She’s my favourite character out of everyone. She’s thin, she’s pretty, she’s lovely. I think she’s cute.

Tina

Yes, that includes her eyes. Every time one of the Flirt people says something, her eyes go like this…

"We have over 843,588 lipsticks, 479,000 lip glosses, over 700 textures… you have to know every single shade, every single color, every single blah blah blah…"

BAM! goes her eyes as if her pet rabbit got turned into a scarf…

"Tina, you’re gonna be like my support. What you’re gonna do is like put the book on the table…"

BAM!! goes her eyes as if her pet chinchilla got turned into a muffler…

So this slut decided to move into Andrew’s apartment in Manhattan. Look at all her stuff. I’m sorry but is that ALL she has? Fashionista my ass? See, another reason why these contestants have stylists. I bet you all the clothes they are wearing aren’t theirs and it wasn’t them who put em together.

Dude, I go away for a month and this is the sort of shit I bring with me.

Can you imagine if I moved between houses?

But then again, what would you expect from a girl who hands chewing gum from her mouth straight to someone’s hand? Half of the shit she carried with her are probably valtrex, underwear and sex toys. Dirty slut.

No manners whatsoever. Ugh.

And of course, Andrew, being the manwhore that he is, prolly can’t wait to fuck the pussy out of that girl senseless so he grabbed the chewing gum and threw it to the bin himself. Disgusting!

The things people do for TV eh?

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Meanwhile, back at the Jane office, Andrew and Rachel were asked to try to get some quotes from the beautiful people ones at the CFDA.

The duo decided it was best to print out a cheat sheet to identify who was who blah blah blah.

A cheat sheet? You have got to be kidding me. What are you gonna do, match the face with the name thanks to a little piece of paper at an event when you ONLY HAVE a few seconds to grab a celebrity to get them for a quote??? PLEASE.

What on earth are these people thinking? Clearly they don’t look at Style.com or look at the party pages of a magazine/website/newspaper/etc. Heck, I’m in the third world, I don’t work in the fashion industry and I’ve never been to an event in New York but I KNOW and can easily identify Sally Singer, the Olsens, Olivia Palermo, Tinsley Mortimer, Andre Leon Talley, Fabiola Beracasa, Peter Davis, Fabien Basabe, Vera Wang, Helen Lee Schifter, Stephen Gan, Cecilia Dean, Valerie Steele, Suzy Menkes, Hilary Alexander, blah blah blah!

(I really don’t have a life, trust me. Hahaha!)

Look at her neck!!! Britney Spears is that CHU??????????????

I have one thing to say: STAINLESS STEEL JEWELRY!!! THAT HO BAG SHOULD FIRE THE SHOW’S STYLIST FOR LETTING HER WEAR FAKE JEWELRY!

From now on, I’m gonna call her MARY CHERRY (yes, from Popular!)

Mary Cherry

It’s so obvious these characters have stylists (so much for being a fashionista AND being on reality TV) because Mary Cherry probably won’t wear that crap on her own.

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One thing that annoyed the heck out of me is that this bitch was caught CHEWING.

Janjay chewing...

CHEWING.

CHEWING!

CHEWING!

CHEWINGGGGGGGGGG!

Girl, I don’t know about you but when you’re working (and plus-sized), the last activity you want to do is to chew — I don’t care if it’s food or chewing gum but you’re not allowed to chew unless you’re chewing oxygen!!!!! I always associate chewing with food and food means fat. Janjay, tell you what, print a copy of Chanel Iman’s photo and use it as thinspiration. Got it? Get it? Live it.

chanel iman

Tina was asked to bring a selection of berry-coloured lip whatever to Jane magazine and instead of bringing a handful, she brought a TRUCKLOAD of lipstick.

I love how Charlie the makeup artist and Stephanie from JAME, were DRIPPING WITH SARCASM when they said "so now we have many, many, many berry options" followed by "many, many, many berry options".

Typical fashion bitches I LOVE IT! You can tell they tried so hard not to laugh at Tina. Poor intern. Poor, poor, poor intern.

I can’t believe Andrew had the NERVE (and the spare time) to give Tina a little tour of the Jane office. I’m sorry but whatever happened to productivity? This is why I love Anna Wintour… when it’s work time, it’s WORK time.

Nicole is such a loser for whining how crap her job is — RIGHT IN FRONT OF other Seventh House PR staff. She would complain about every single detail when she’s the one making mistakes. Obviously this girl has no idea how to adapt or handle situations. I’m sorry but saying that you came from Queens or other bumfuck location in the world doesn’t really give an excuse for her mistakes, like the inability to control people who are NOT on the list at an event or making a typo when emailing people. I mean when you think about it, her purpose at the event was to make sure the people who got in are people ON the list. What’s the point of having a list when she got every Tom, Dick and Harry in the door? Fuck the nice nice attitude — clearly she wasn’t doing her job. Seventh House PR should HIRE ME so I can borrow clothes, have free goodies AND be a door bitch, because I’ve *ALWAYS* wanted to be a door bitch. NOT!

At the CFDA, it’s HILARIOUS how Chloe Sevigny and Kenneth Cole gave them the cold shoulder. PRICELESS!

Chloe Sevigny

Kenneth Cole

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Fast forward to evaluation day…

I couldn’t help but STARE at Andrew’s nose. Isn’t it perfection?

Mary Cherry got glowing remarks from the Jane staff. I love it! TEAM MARY CHERRY Y’ALL!!!!

Tina and Sanjaya went into a corner and gossiped after their evaluations. Sanjaya got great feedback.

Nicole didn’t show up at Seventh House PR on evaluation day and the dirty slut with the Dior Gaucho bag isn’t worth mentioning so there.

And there you have it!

If you missed the pilot episode of The Fashionista Diaries, go to iTunes and download it. Do it quick! Do it now!

Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!