Oink oink

OMG I’m such a pig! LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY. My sister gave me this huge ass jar filled with cookies and I’m determined to finish it all. I’ve been eating like mad!!! My fingers are practically covered in shit.

cookies

You stick your hand inside the jar, take one cookie out, take a bite, nibble, chew, swallow. Once you’re done, lick your fingers out like you’re sucking a big mean michael biserta’s dick — lick and suck it good — lick and suck it clean – before you stick your hand inside the jar once more for another round. Rinse. Repeat. I must have eaten at least 24 cookies. Honest! God damn I am soo going to hell. I’m so fat I can’t even wear a t-shirt or a tank-top anymore.

Cry me a river, will you?