Some bloggers are lucky.

They get internships at New York mag and they also get Tinsley Mortimer, NYC’s #1 socialite, kiss their chubby cheeks. James Kurisunkal, you whore, you are soo lucky!

James Kurisunkal, Tinsley Mortimer

I love this photo! Look at the smile on James’ face!

I don’t know about you but one day, oh yes, set it in stone, Lady Amanda Harlech will give me a kiss on the cheek, Karl Lagerfeld will give me an autographed sketch of my fat booty, Carine Roitfeld will give me a makeover AND an internship at Vogue Paris. Will someone please make this dream a reality already? Surely there must be a fashion fairy godmother out there who will feel sorry for my fat ass and recognize my potential, adopt me under her wing and turn me into a better person. Sally Singer is that chu? OH wait, she’s American Vogue lol.

Failing that, Perez Hilton can always use me as his personal cum dump and Us Weekly can always give me a job. Yes?

Must. stop. eating. cake. to. be. pretty.