Me, My Dad, Lindsay Lohan and White Oprah

To be honest with you, I haven’t talked to my dad longer than 10 minutes in the longest time. I mean, we talk but not like full-on, bam wham bam whatever. Never in my life I’d imagine having this sort of conversation with him. I swear to god, I have NEVER been so humiliated in my entire life — imagine being owned by a 50-year old man! This is like wayyy more embarassing than talking about the birds and the bees at age 9. It was soo awkward!!!

Bryanboy

Click click click!

I went to his mini library to borrow books for one of my projects and I caught him at his desk reading some celebrity website at 6 in the morning. No, it wasn’t Perez, it was something else which I totally forgot, I think it was TMZ but I could be wrong. It’s funny how I caught him redhanded. I saw at the corner of my eye that he quickly ‘switched’ windows between MSNBC.com and the gossip site as if it was his biggest secret.

He broke the silence about a minute or two later.

Pops: Did you know that Lindsay Lohan got arrested again?

Me: Yeah, I read about it online.

*And then I thought "ding, ding, ding, I have freedom again!" because it means the old man has NOT been on my site otherwise he would’ve seen my mugshot collection.*

Pops: Didn’t she just got out of rehab?

Me: Yeah

Pops: Kids these days. I don’t know whether you guys are fucked up in the head or just doing stupid things for attention.

Me: Attention is good but clearly Lindsay is a fuck up.

*2 agonizing minutes of silence later*

Pops: Oh. She has a dysfunctional family.

Me: You mean she’s just like us? (laughs)

Pops: I hope I didn’t raise a Lindsay Lohan.

Me: Of course not. *beams*

Me: You did worse. Since when did you become interested in Hollywood Gossip? Stop reading that shit. What did you do to my dad?

(silence)

Pops: Lindsay’s mother is fucked up as well!

Me: They call her "white oprah", you know.

Pops: Why?

Me: I don’t know.

Pops: Does she want to be Oprah?

Me: Everybody wants to be Oprah, even Tyra wants to be Oprah.

Pops: So why do people call her "white oprah"?

Me: That’s what people call her on the net.

Pops: Does she have her own TV show?

Me: I don’t know.

Pops: So why do people call her "white oprah"?

(I burst out laughing so hard I dropped my books on the floor, I wished the ground swallowed me alive right then and there.)

Me: I honestly don’t know why people call her white oprah, I swear!!

Pops: What’s so funny about her?

Me: It’s not her that I’m laughing about, it’s YOU!!!!!!!!

Bryanboy at the bank

I bolted out of the room faster than the speed of light as soon as I got the books because it was insane!

And the tone of his voice, my god.

You know how FBI agents have this weird formal way of interrogating people in the movies? It felt like that. Never in my life I have been subjected to such awkward questioning.

Why is Dinah Lohan called "White Oprah" anyway?

I googled and found the answer, courtesy of the gorgeous people at A Socialite’s Life.

Dinah Lohan is White Oprah

Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785,1492.

I love you all, as always.