GOD DAMN I NEED THAT PRADA DRESS NOW!

Or better yet, I need to drop 15 pounds like NOW. I’m currently 115 (5’9) and in order for me to fit into a Prada size small (we all know Prada runs very small… it’s perfect for ching chong china men like me), I need to have a 22-inch waist, 33 hips and 32 chest, which, in my best guesstimates, is 90-100 pounds.

Click click click!

Prada dress

I just placed my bid for this one-of-a-kind, super duper not available ELSEWHERE, Prada Prototype dress. I need it for my next one-of-a-kind drag moment. I have a budget but I’m not gonna share it to you guys so y’all won’t be able to outbid me on the last minute. Good thing this auction is being held at the Prada website — none of that eBay auction sniping bollocks. HAH!

Prada auction

God damn I’m desperate! You better not bid at the Prada Prototype auction or else I’ll send my goons to sort you out. Just kidding.

Visit http://www.prada.com for more details.