Verbal Diarrhea Monday: Aging, Appearances and Personal Trainers

Written By bryanboy

Verbal Diarrhea Monday: Aging, Appearances and Personal Trainers

I know this may come as a surprise to you my dear readers but I discovered something just a few minutes ago. Something that REALLY makes sense. It wasn’t really a discovery but more of a wake-up call self-realization. All these years of constant bickering and endless whingeing and whining how I’m festively plump I am…whatevs.

Note to self: never get internet friends to chop your face on Hilary Rhoda’s body EVER again.

Click click click!

What occurred to me though is… well, I realized that I’m actually getting older and NOT fatter. When people get old, their skin, bones and frames change drastically. Contrary to popular belief, even ching chong asian people like myself aren’t excluded from the destructive powers of aging.

In all honesty, one could only pretend they’re "17" to a certain extent. In my case, I’ve been pretending I’m 17 for the past 3 4 5 6 oh for the life of god just bloody say it, 7 years.

Personally speaking, I just don’t think I can do it any longer, you know?

Yep. I’m twenty something something years old.

(Don’t fucking push it.)


I spent a good half hour nit-picking my body before I got dressed.

I have lines on my neck, veins popping out of my hands, ENORMOUS thighs, flabby bingo wings, loose arm skin, a bloated tummy, elephantastic rolls, pores the size of moon craters, tobacco stains on my fingers, 2 stretch marks on my left butt cheek from all the yo-yo weight loss/weight gain crap I’ve been doing, the list goes on and on.


You wanna know something?

I think I’ve finally come to terms that my body isn’t the same as it was, say, ten years ago AND it will NEVER be the same.

It really is sad but hey, it’s the truth.

And the truth hurts.

Sure there’s loads of options available out there to combat the effects of aging. Expensive creams, non-surgical treatments and yes, there’s always cosmetic surgery.

But will it make your insecurities go away?

Probably not.

Unless you have a good doctor. Hah!

I think this whole obsession with appearance is clearly a manifestation of our own personal insecurities.

You see, I’m a VERY, VERY insecure person. I know that from the start and I’m always the first one to say that.

Every day, I always ask myself will I ever look nice enough? Will I ever be thin enough? Will I ever be this and that enough?

The answer is no and it will always be a big NO.

I don’t know about you but I know I have a very good mental image of the perfect me.

And it doesn’t hurt to try things left and right in order for us to turn that mental image of our perfect selves into reality.

I mean, there’s always hope and Mr. Maybe is your best friend.

Maybe one day I’ll be nice enough.

Maybe one day I’ll be thin enough.

And maybe, just maybe, one day I’ll be this and that enough.

Let’s face it — we all make the conscious effort in trying to look as good as we can. Why? Because it feels good if we, ourselves, KNOW that we look nice. That’s where confidence comes from, correct?

Blah blah blah. Yaddi yaddi yadda.


Letting Go

One of my biggest fears is to "let go".

Why can’t I let go with this obsession and be just like your average folk?

Yes, I know I’m crazy with this whole obsession with appearance and there are LOADS of people out there who just don’t care.

I know I spend vast amounts of time thinking/doing silly things when I could spend it on something like saving the world, the whales, the little children or the seals. For someone my age, gender and height, compared to the rest of the pack, yes, I’m probably severely underweight.

I searched for pictures of normal and random people MY AGE around the world and here’s what I came up with:

And then there’s ickle ol me.

Did you see the difference?

Look beneath the surface and beyond appearances.

I’m sure you’ve seen THOUSANDS of my photos over the past few years.

Look at the expressions on all of their faces and look at mine. Look at their ‘aura’ and compare it to mine.

It’s like they all don’t care and they’re just happy with the moment etc versus if you look at MOST of my photos, you won’t be able to tell what I’m thinking or what emotion I’m feeling at that particular moment.

Do you know what I mean?

Personal Trainers

I’ll borrow Miranda Priestley’s words.

Is it impossible to find a lovely, slender female personal trainer? Am I reaching for the stars here? Not really.

Believe it or not, I’m thinking about going back to the gym. For god’s sake I’m still paying for gym membership even though I haven’t sent foot there in years. The problem is, all of the personal trainers there are icky.

In fact, MOST OF THE PERSONAL TRAINERS in this country look icky.

I don’t like third world muscle marys.


Most of them are utterly revolting.

It just doesn’t look right, you know?

They go prancing around the gym with their ginormous chests sticking out and their overcompensating arms bigger than my waist… I’m just scared of them!!!!!!

It’s soo awkward to have a big, grown intimidating muscle man help a fag such as myself achieve my fitness goals.




Besides, I don’t think they’d want me as a client anyway. I whine too much.

That’s why I’m on the look out for a lovely, slender female personal trainer. Someone who I can go jogging with and teach me how to exercise. If they have their own personal gym where nobody can see us the better.

I love this Steven Meisel for Vogue Italia editorial. LOVES IT!

Enough babble.

Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!


  1. Invisiblemoose

    Ahh how ironic. I’m just going to an exam (for my degree no less) which deals (I hope to god/allah/buddah) with self perception. This clever psychologist Higgins states we have 3 versions of ourselves in our minds, how we are, how we want to be and how we feel we ought to be, and when these three things dont match up, we get low self esteem, feel guilty, all those wonderful familiar negative deelies. Anyway i jus thought i’d share that with u, what u’ve just written is psychologically sound. wish me luck xx

  2. Whoa. I think this is, by far, your best post to date, BB. Good job.

  3. yanee`fashionee

    COCO ROCHA is effin effin HOTT! dude, those lips! but Gemma Ward pulled this one off, i guess!

  4. Yes, but you are Bryanboy (!), not some silly midwestern college frat kid. In all honesty, a lot of them secretly want to be someone like you, what does that tell you?
    People are just so scared to break out, to do something new, and have a little fun.
    I remember something you posted about how we only live once, “so why not go out with a party?” Exactly!
    That’s my thinking, too!
    After your recent Faggotry in motion video (and consequent pictures), you looked fantastic, and you look like you have a lot of fun with the blog, with the readers, and whatever else you do.
    There’s nothing wrong, just keep living life and do what you want.
    Keep the faggotry alive!

  5. I think everybody has their own insecurities, the only difference is that some are aware and some are denying the obvious. One step in over coming insecurities is accepting that we have flaws. Darn, media hype is not to blame but I guess they are so influential that they can manifest almost everything. BB i think you have to try to live at least a day totally different from what kind of life you are living, then you will see what really makes you.

  6. I think everybody has their own insecurities, the only difference is that some are aware and some are denying the obvious. One step in over coming insecurities is accepting that we have flaws. Darn, media hype is not to blame but I guess they are so influential that they can manifest almost everything. BB i think you have to try to live at least a day totally different from what kind of life you are living, then you will see what really makes you.

  7. Giorgio

    oh bryan i can perfectly understand u…sometimes i wish i didnt think so much all the time and just live a normal, superficial and boring life, without the constant need for glam and fashion
    and the best part is i wanna be a fashion designer but my parents wont let me because “its not a nice job” they force me doing stupid business major:( and i fucking hate it :((( i wanna change my major but they wont pay me something else…i really feel like killing myself now :(
    i look at my colleagues who are so enthusiastic about stupid economy and so and i just feel in the wrong place and am so depressed…it seems like an unsolvable situation :(
    love u, u make my day bright

  8. `yanee_fashionee

    COCO ROCHA is effin effin HOTT! i mean, look at her.. don’t u guys wana bang her?!?!? hehehehe

  9. It’s funny because I’ve been thinking a lot about aging lately. I’ve been reading “The Denial of Death” (serious stuff) and it basically talks about this fascination with eternal youth, especailly us Americans. Notice how every woman wants to stay a teenager for the rest of her life? it’s crazy, how women revert back to attempt their youth once their glory days are over…
    all i have to say is spf spf spf.

  10. LuvUrBlog

    I’m freaking only 18(for reals!) and I’m going through leaps and bounds to look how I did during my sophomore year in high school…and YES!…I look hella different now. I FUCKING HATE IT!
    But I do know this…you have to keep ur skin in tip top shape if you want to have a chance in the battle of AGEING.
    And if your father is balding…doesn’t matter if u’re a guy or girl…BUY ROGAINE right now!
    BTW, BB u look Thin-tastic!!!
    Don’t worry ’bout ageing for another 5 years since I’m assuming u’re in ur mid-20s.

  11. Good for you Bryan! I think this came at perfect timing, my birthday was yesterday and it was absolutely horrible. My whole day was ruined because of my obsession with staying young forever and by numerous people wishing me happy birthday it was impossible to avoid. Anyways, thanks!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *