Verbal Diarrhea Thursday: Are you illiterate?

Bryanboy’s note: if you are a sucky sucky long-time Bryanboy.com reader, you should know by now that I have this loony tendency to sway away from what I originally wanted to talk about. If you are new to my site, well, you’re in for a treat.

What started as a mini report on my little brush with Chinese diet pills turned into a bitch fest session on people who… well, what’s the point? Some of you people don’t know how to read! LOLers

Click click click. Let the flames begin!


Height: 5’9 (175cm though when I went to the hospital ages ago they listed me as 178, that’s what? 5’10? Such bullcrap. I wanna be 6 foot 2!!!!!)
Current Weight: 120 lbs
Goal Weight: 115 lbs
Ultimate Goal Weight: 105 lbs

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In a span of two and a half weeks, I’ve received over 400 emails and text messages about these so-called ballerina pills that I discovered. I’ve received all sorts of questions and comments – most messages were the same tedious crap, some were hilarious and some were just disturbing and offensive. For the most part however, people were curious and very impatient about my results. Anxious is probably the most appropriate word to use to describe some of the people who sent me notes.

First things first, let me apologize for not responding to your messages individually but you have to understand that it is virtually impossible for this one-man circus (namely ME) to spend time answering all of your questions, especially if I don’t have the answers readily available. In spite of giving priority to other folks, I try to respond to as many people as I can.

I guess I’m very disappointed with some of you.

Not you, as in "you" personally, but YOUR intellectual capacity.

Never mind the fact that I write like a second grader, here I am thinking I’m one of the dumbest idiots in the world (hello, I only have 2 brain cells)… but little do I know there are people, many, many, MANY people out there, who have the reading comprehension of a four year old — and yes, me saying that is an INSULT, not to these people but to four year old kids because I KNOW there are stellar kids out there who are hella smarter than these folks.

Am I a bitch for expecting much from people? Nothing ticks me off more than anyone who ask questions in which:

a) the answer is smack right in front of their face (or)
b) the answer requires common sense.

I *KNOW* this is a generalized statement but I often find this is the case when it comes to my readers in the third world. It REALLY kills me to say this but the most interesting and hilarious messages, for the most part, come from people outside the +63 country code whereas the dullest, dumbest, tedious, most repetitive, junk fowards (let’s not even go there), degrading and downright insulting messages come from my own hometown.

I get more messages from people outside my turf but to avoid attracting even more flies in my dirty landfill, I’ll chalk it down to "sheer coincidence" this time though *I KNOW* and *NOW YOU KNOW* that’s not really the truth.

(For the record, third world critics love their arses sugarcoated; the’y’re happy as long as you say something nice even if you don’t mean it.)

Now.

I’m probably overreacting and making a big song and dance on a completely trivial affair like this but jesus mother of god this is totally killing me!

Someone sent me a message asking me HOW my super old, "obviously it didn’t work" watermelon diet works. Keep in mind that I only mentioned it once or twice on my blog so the only way for someone to find about my watermelon diet is by reading the ACTUAL watermelon diet page yet they still asked me this question.

I honestly can’t remember whether I replied to that message or not. Probably not because I haven’t deleted it yet. I usually delete messages after I replied to them so the messages left on my phone are the unreplied ones. The important ones go to a different folder. =)

Another good example of the whole "the answer is right in front of you" is whenever I hawk products on my site and then people ask me where they could them. I honestly don’t mind answering these sort of questions so I just tell them where EVEN IF THE ANSWER is, again, right in front of their face, on their computer screens, with store names, website links, sometimes, even the price, blah blah blah.

I don’t see a problem with that. Not at all.

But what irks me the most is when THEY THEMSELVES tell me they’re on the exact page/online/etc.

I wanted to pull a Naomi and throw my phone yesterday morning when I had a text message convo that went something like this.

—-

Stranger: I’m at your site right now and I’m reading your blogging tools page. What do you use to track the visitors on your site?

Me: Sitemeter.com. If you’re looking at that page, it should be there. Did you even read the entry?

Stranger: Yes but it’s so long. I don’t have the time to read the entire thing.

Me: It’s funny how you don’t have the time to read the thing but you have the time to tell me that. All the sign up links are there. LEARN HOW TO READ.

Stranger: You’re a bitch. All I want to know is what you use ro track the visitors on your site.

Me: READ MY FIRST REPLY TO YOU. SITEMETER.COM. LET ME GUESS, YOU ALSO DIDN’T HAVE THE TIME TO READ THAT?

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And that was the end of it.

You know, I couldn’t help but wonder whether the powers that be is out to get me.

Like the time when I told the entire world about these Ballerina pills.

Moving on, what really drove me over the edge is the whole Ballerina pills fiasco. To give you a brief background…

On June 10, 2007, I wrote a quick entry asking people for feedback from people who might have tried these pills. Heck I even made a poll.

On June 11, 2007, I wrote a longer entry on how my sister gave me a bunch of pills and how I’ll give it a shot. I also shared various experiences from people (and mine, too) using diet pills along with several links to discussion forums, websites and such.

Anyone with a basic grasp of English surely would understand what "I’ll give this ballerina pills a shot." means.

And anyone with a teeny, tiny bit of common sense surely would know that if you give something a shot, it may take some time to see some results.

Yet over the past what, 17 days, I got an endless stream of text messages and emails with messages like these.

(I’m only using these 2 as an example. I can’t be bothered to check the date stamp on these but I swear to my grandfather’s grave, I got messages with THAT question hours after I wrote the blog entry saying I’ll try the pills.)

It’s the same question over and over and over and over and over and over and over from lots of people, multiply it by a few dozen, sent to your phone AND email.

It’s driving me insane!

Jesus mother of god.

There are two things a good education can’t buy.

One of them is how to suck a cock properly and the other thing is COMMON SENSE.

How would I know if these pills are effective when I just tried them?

These pills are effective according to my sister’s friend — that’s what my sister said.

These pills are effective according to someone I chatted to online — that’s what she said.

These pills are effective according to some of the users on an online forum — that’s what they said.

These pills are NOT effective according to some of the people who answered my online poll – that’s what they said.

She said, he said. It’s all hear say bollocks.

Why should I make a conclusion based on what other people have said when it makes perfect sense to try it for myself?

Get on with the program if I were you.

I know I come across as a complete and utter twat and I really don’t want to discourage anyone for sending me messages. I say keep ‘em coming.

I love interacting with the people who read my blog. 

Having an audience and a voice that’s being heard is a blessing and I truly appreciate the time, effort and attention y’all give me but someone has to smack y’all in the face and bring you back to your senses.

Do keep in mind that I totally know where you’re coming from and I’m glad, in some way, you value my opinion, hence the questions.

  • Chances are, you are an enormous fat pig, just like me.
  • Chances are, you are hideously obese, just like me.
  • Chances are, you are trying to lose a little bit of weight, just a little bit (and nothing extreme), yep, you’ve guessed it — just like me.
  • Chances are, you wrap your hand around your arms every hour to see if you can feel your bones, just like me.
  • Chances are, you cannot sleep at night because you have all this flab dangling at the wrong places of your body, just like me.
  • When it comes to that last morsel of food on the table, there is absolutely no way you can say NO to it. In fact, you even tip toe your way to the kitchen late at night, right before you go to bed, to binge on chocolate, junk food or anything high in sodium and sugar, JUST LIKE ME.

I totally feel your pain and suffering.

I know. I’ve been there and I’m still there.

You are not alone. I’m with you.

I know you are curious with the choices I make for myself – my crazy little diets, my silly habits, so on and so forth.

I don’t blame you at all and I think it’s perfectly natural that you become curious with the things I do to myself. After all, I’m sharing some of what I’m going through and my personal experiences on my blog.

However, like most things in life, there is a fine line.

I live my life using the trial and error method. I try, I try and try. Oh hell I try hard. Some people think ‘trying hard’ is a bad thing but hey, not everyone can do it effortlessly. Good luck to them. But I for one like to take risks. I also make lots of errors. If I commit a mistake, I move on.

But when I find something that works, I stick to it like a leech double-coated with superglue.

That’s how I learn. That’s how I live my life and that’s how it works for me.

Will it work for you?

Well, it’s not my life. I am not in a position to tell you what will work for you or not. I don’t know you at all!

The same applies with any activity that you see me do, or any product that I try or pretty much anything, really.

I am my OWN guinea pig and nobody else’s.

What works for me may not work for everyone else.

No one has the right to live “vicariously” through me, through you or through anybody else.

And the people who do, well, doesn’t it say something about their lives?

Nevertheless, we all do it anyway.

We all live “vicariously” through the lives of other people because it’s the easiest option. I’m guilty as charged!

God I hate the word vicariously. This is the last time I’ll use it.

Heck, you should see me channel Natasha Poly every time I bolt my fat ass out of the door. The world is your runway and every day is a fashion show.

Do I have the right to do so? Not really.

But like what I said, it’s the easiest option.

And it’s fun. So so much fun.

What does it say about my life? Pathetic? Delusional much? I’ll leave it up to you to judge and frankly speaking, I couldn’t care any less. Hah!

Bottom-line is this: try to be responsible for your own actions and exercise your own judgment.

I’ve said it many times in the past – there is no such thing as a “This-is-how-we-do-things-Book-of-Life”.

You have to explore, absorb and digest all options with an open mind.

You are your own artist. You should paint your own picture.

Whatever works for other people may not work for you and the only way to find out is to try things for yourself.

It’s one thing to solicit people’s opinions and it’s another thing to take them religiously. YOU have your own life and whatever decisions you make should be based on yourself, not me or anybody else.

YOU KNOW YOURSELF MORE THAN OTHERS.

Unless, of course, you make the lives of others YOURS.

Do I make myself clear?

Thank you very much Vanessa Feltz.

Vanessa Feltz.

Enough verbal diarrhea.

I’ll write my ballerina pills review later. God damn I fucking need a drink and a 10-inch cock up my ass to shut my trap.

Vodka on the rocks please.

And for posterity’s sake, email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492. Hah!

I love you all.

PS. To the four of you out there whom I made an example of on today’s post, please don’t take this rant personal. If you have common sense, that is. I love you guys. ;)