Zack RandallAre you in NYC?

Do you look nice? Do you dress nice? Do you smell nice? If so, do you want to see hot sexy male stars with ginormous cockerels at a little queer party on Tuesday midnight, June 26? Yes asswipe, this coming Tuesday.

I need a proxy to go in my behalf, take photos of the boys for me to gawk at, say hi to my minions and give my NYC daddy a kiss on the cheek and an oreo cookie but you have to be super nice looking (meaning tall, white, thin, nice cheekbones and yes, well-hung. no brown midgets please. I like to think of myself as a white ethiopian in my previous life, thanks very much) so hello…. represent represent. There’s a chance you’ll see hot boys like Zack Randall — that’s a photo of him with his hand on his crotch but I had to crop it cause my familia de horreur reads my blog from time to time and I don’t want them to think I’m some kind of pervert.

So yeah. If you’re in the city that never sleeps and if you’re not doing anything on Tuesday midnight, pop me a note with your photo and I’ll decide whether I should give you the invite or not. I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to post it on my site so I’ll stay on the safe side and keep it to myself.

The only thing I want in exchange are pictures of boys, boys, boys at the Papermag party. I’m suffering from a dry spell y’all!! To be honest with you, I was masturbating over my homegirl Perez Hilton’s manhunt (was it manhunt? hay gurl, hope you feel better) photos the other day and it’s about time I get myself some new material.

What are you waiting for? Email me now with your photo and you’ll get the chance to go to a cute little party with hot guys — it’s gonna be wayyy better than staying at home on Tuesday, waiting for a skiing and bareback craigslist fuckfest. Email me. Email me now! My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com.

PS. Girls are also welcome. I think I’m more inclined to send a pussy over there just for shits and giggles. No? Yes? No? Yes? No? But? No?

PPSS. Oi the lady at Please don’t feed the models watcha doing on Tuesday?

EDIT: MICHAEL K YOU WHORE, I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY ON WEDNESDAY MORNING. DR. LISA AIRAN IS PROBABLY ON A CRYSTAL METH COMEDOWN!!!

*just kidding, dr. airan. can i borrow some of your j. mendel sometime?*