Mauricio + The Return of Real, Ideal or Suicide.

Written By bryanboy

Mauricio + The Return of Real, Ideal or Suicide.

My personal Cacee Cobb + Elliott Mintz + Leslie Sloane of almost 4 years, Mauricio from Mexico, won’t stop bugging me unless I make this entry. In fact, he’s been disturbing my peace since Saturday. Crazy!

Mauricio:  well now you can tell the people this is me
Mauricio:  you should start a section for "i hate bryanboy" pictures

Bryanboy: lol i have several i hate bb pics already
Bryanboy: you’re like the 20th person in line

Mauricio: ok just put mine first and say i was the first
Mauricio: so when am i going up?
Mauricio: your readers will be delighted

Bryanboy: i need to finish this email interview for a magazine in germany talk to me later.

Mauricio: did you see the kate moss and vicky pollard sketch?

Bryanboy:  YES . AGES AGES AGES ago. that’s what inspired me to do vicky. my god, you’re like the 100,000,000,000,000th person to ask me that.

Mauricio: do my post now

Bryanboy:   tsk

Mauricio:   tsk what?

Bryanboy:   nothing

Mauricio:   all my life you’ve pestered me for a bryanboy sign and now i give it to you

Bryanboy:   yeah whatevs. and it’s photochopped

Mauricio:   and i play second fiddle to some geriatric hag photographer from new york!

Mauricio:   ok fine, this is the only time i’m ever sending you a bryanboy sign picture. DEBUT AND FINALE.

<5 minutes later>

Mauricio:   but you love me more, right?

Mauricio:   RIGHT?

<1 hour later>

Mauricio:   are you doing my shit now?

Bryanboy:   go away and jack off.

<5 minutes later>

Mauricio:   i get a whole entry to myself, don’t i?

Bryanboy:   what is up with you????

<10 minutes later>

Mauricio:   what is your deal?

Bryanboy:   did someone gave you the ‘be agressive. b.e. agressive’ pill 

Bryanboy:   take a chill pill for god’s sake

Mauricio:   fine you know what
Mauricio:   forget the picture
Mauricio:   don’t even do an entry, keep it to yourself as a memento

<1 hour later>

Mauricio:   what are you up to?
Mauricio:   what time is it in the flips?

Bryanboy:   11:52AM

<7 hours later>

Mauricio: you and i seem to have drifted apart

Bryanboy:   stop being dramatic

Mauricio:   do you need your cacee cobb back?
Mauricio:   ok, i took a little hit of K
Mauricio:   but still
Mauricio:   i’m a sentimental person
Mauricio:   do that entry, bryan
Mauricio:   signal the return of your leslie sloane

Bryanboy:   wait a sec
Bryanboy:   i’ll have my minions clean up your pic first

Mauricio:   what do you mean by clean it up?

Bryanboy:   you’ll see

Mauricio:   what’s dirty about it?

Bryanboy:   you have soo much hair!!!!

Mauricio:   i have one thing to say to you bryan

Bryanboy:   what

Mauricio:   put your hands up for detroit!

Bryanboy:   i LOOOVE that song
Bryanboy:   catherine mcneil. she’s got "new model" baby fat syndrome, no? her name sounds north american, yes? i love her though.

Photo credit:

Mauricio:   yes. same song. she’s supermodel-fat.
Mauricio:   leave my facial hair and body hair alone!

Bryanboy:   ok fine

Mauricio:   ma ri mar
Mauricio:   ay!
Mauricio:   costeñita soy
Mauricio:   did you know that the effects of laxative abuse are irreparable?
Mauricio:   i went to the doctor today

Bryanboy:   rectum all fucked up because of hemorrhoids?

Mauricio:   no.
Mauricio:   i can never have an unassisted poo again
Mauricio:   i can no longer shit right!

Bryanboy:   you’re so full of shit

Mauricio:   if i eat steak, i don’t poo
Mauricio:   i get constipated until it gets pushed out

Bryanboy:   who cares about steaks and burgers anyway? pro-ana all the way baby! have you lost your values and principles? thin will always be in!
Bryanboy:   can’t you just punch a hole in your stomach and shit via a tube?

<2 hours later>

Bryanboy:   do you like my new blond hair? does it suit me?

Mauricio:   LOL somebody went crazy with their photoshop

Bryanboy:   i don’t know how to put eyeshadow in real life. hair courtesy of agyness deyn and jaws, cheekbones and nose blah blah thank you ysl, dior, shu uemura. contour contour contour baby

Mauricio:   where is my entry?

Bryanboy:   i’ll do it in a bit, let me finish my porn. i’m watching Boy’s Club


A lot of you LOOOOOVEEEDDDD my previous RIS entry so here’s another one.

This is real.

This is ideal.

This is suicide.

Pick the one that you like most and let me know.



  1. I love the suicide pic.!! It does even look like you. I think you photochopped the “real” pic though.

  2. omg, SUICIDE def!!! he looks like he hasn’t bathed in months!!!

  3. I expected so much more from the revered Mauricio; it’s like the first time I saw a HQ photo of Victoria Beckham’s skin, large pores and oily skin are not hot – neither are hairy, greasy men.

  4. donkey punch

    am i the only one who finds mauricio hott?!?!?!? he is fine!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *