For the life of god.
You know, the other day, I thought I’d meet up with one of my good ol’ friends, Mrs. T., for a little bit of chit chat over a nice cuppa. I haven’t seen her in AGESSSSS and it’s not often I get to go to her area. Talk about perfect timing — it was nice of her to make time for ickle old me (yes babe, I am OLDDDDDDD I HATE ITTTT) in between her meetings.
The first thing she told me is that I lost some weight. BTW, I’m warning you, I look like a diseased haggard old skank in the photo you are about to see on that link but hey, that’s nothing new. Hahahaha!
Blah. I need to lose 10 more pounds. I’ve heard soo many things about that Beverly Hills 6750 place maybe I should pop by a visit there and see what they can do to me. FOR FREE. I’m sure if I ask nicely, I can get a free liposuction, no? I almost never wear tank tops and t-shirts these days because I’m soo insecure about myself, it’s not even funny anymore.
Anyway, I find it quite interesting. Mrs. T. thinks I’m at my thinnest, pointing at my gaunt face and all, and we’ve known each other for what, about a year and a half now? I think quite the opposite though.
To be honest with you, it kinda didn’t help having a friend tell you that you’re "paper-thin". At first I thought maybe, just maybe, she was just bullshitting.
Yeah, but no, but yeah, but yeah, but no.
Out of nowhere, my invisible friend smacked the back of my head — Mrs. T is definitely not one of those patronizing filth that go in and out of my personal revolving door. We’ve been through a lot. I can honestly say she’s different and I’m super blessed to have her in my personal support group.
Who else can you call at 3 o clock in the morning, tears in your eyes, venting about a family member’s surgery and have someone listen to you yak away, give sympathy, reassurance and the oh-so-comforting "you’ll be fine"? Moochie mamas with contaminated, catchpenny coochies who are there when you’ve got a bottle of clicquot but gone with the wind when the orinoco flow went into a different direction?
Every once in a while I’d get the usual troll or two telling me how I don’t have any friends because they don’t see other people on my blog. FRIENDS? Don’t make me laugh. Clearly these trolls have a skewed definition of friendship where ‘friends’ are based on who you are seen with and no, I’m not talking about the Dalai Lama. I’m sure y’all have similar experiences so it’s best that I get off my pedestal. My foul mouth always get me into trouble haha!
Point is, what it all boils down to is that I think I’ve grown up a bit (at least that’s how I’d like to think, good riddance if you ask me), and the sheer (literally) Versace top that I wore. Maybe it gave the illusion that I got a tad (just a wee bit) thinner. Or maybe, just maybe, Mrs. T was just being nice when in fact, my bloated extravaganza, nipples and all, was out there for the world to see. *kiding* Now I don’t usuallly wear sheer or see-through but dammit it was fucking 36 degrees CELCIUS that day. I would’ve gone out NAKED if I had the chance but I don’t want to get arrested for one count of indecent exposure and five hundred counts of illegal possession of cellulite.
So there we were, pigging out on crepes (I had nutella) and chamomile tea. I love nutella. I really do. When I was growing up, I’d put nutella on pretty much everything — toast, slices of fruit, bananas, etc.
The thought of nutella swimming in my bloodstream got me all uncomfortable so I only ate three-quarters of the thing. I like to think that I’ll lose weight by cutting back on my nutritional consumption. This is my lunch *AND* dinner right here though I had a half a cheeseburger early in the morning so there.
As if the remaining quarter made the difference. Delightful delusions are in place once again. Hah bloody hah!
Here’s a couple more pictures I took earlier in the day.
Oh look at that dirty grin I’ve got on my face.
And the security guards from my Black + White pictionary.
And here’s a photo I took earlier this morning.
I’m sexy, no?
Email me and tell me you love me! My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I love you all as always!
P.S. SHIIIIIT I’m soo nervous about the New York Post!!! But you know what… any publicity is good publicity.
PPSS. Please join me and Mrs. T in mourning Ms. Nina Wang‘s death. Nina Wang, one of the wealthiest women in the world, is THE ultimate tai-tai. She’s the ECCENTRIC wealthy Chinese matrona aunt you never had. The queen mother of all things taitairrific. One of my goals in life is to have tea with her but I guess she passed away a little too soon (April 3) due to ovarian cancer (correct me if I’m wrong.) I hope she’s happy where she is now, pigtails and all.
Here’s a caricature of her…