The Anne Slowey Diet: Anorexia Much?

Today’s Laundry List…

If you haven’t read this fantastic article entitled "The Fashion Week Food Diaries" from New York Magazine last month, do so NOW. It’s interesting how the female model ate soo much more compared to the Fashion Editor (Elle (US) Magazine’s Anne Slowey). I’m telling y’all — the fash pack LOOOOVES my new best friend, Emergen-C! It’s not just models who take em…. fashion editors do, too!

Contrary to what everyone has written about her, I don’t think Anne is anorexic. I mean, just look at her. If anything, she looks like a vivacious, healthy-looking, curvy, fourty-something year old who leads an extremely busy life in the world of fashion. I could totally understand where she’s coming from and with all the back-to-back shows, the parties and the work involved during fashion week, the last thing on your mind really is to eat.

Here’s a larger version of the photo above.

Take note the lack of food on her diet. I love it! I wish I had the discipline to do the same but I don’t really lead an active lifestyle so all I think about is food, food and food the entire day.

It’s amazing how she can survive on nothing but water, skim lattes, champagne and wine.

What truly bothers me though is how, in spite of her fantastic diet, she still looks festively plump.

(Sorry Anne but I just have to say that. We’re on the same cruiseliner anyway so there.)

Maybe she’s suffering from selective amnesia?

Or perhaps it’s a severe case of somnambulism where she raids the fridge late at night? You know, microwaved steak and all that crap.   

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s her metabolism. It’s inevitable, I guess, for our metabolism to slow down, especially when we’re aging. Case in point: me! I had a fantastic, thinspirational 22 inch waist five years ago… look at what happened now… my 26-27 inch waist is a disgrace to mankind!

In any case, I’m particularly interested with her intense morning vitamin ritual. I have to admit I’m NOT the type of person who is into this whole "wellness" and nutritional supplement bollocks. The only time I’ll take vitamins or any medications for that matter is when I’m sick. I know, I really should smack my ass and get into the vitamin habit because the only pill I religiously take daily is my appetite supressant, Reductil (sibutramine). Clearly it’s not working because I still eat like a horse and I’m fatter than Jennifer Hudson.

Anyhoo.

I went ahead and searched the net (yes, I’m *THAT* obsessed) for some of her morning essentials and boy, let me tell you, this is HARDCORE stuff. I added a few words and phrases to my vocabulary, too. It’s like taking a new-age chemistry lesson or something. I mean, who the fucking hell knew there’s such a thing called "

032907_emergenc1. [here] Two 1,000mg Emergen-C
Many thanks to my Mexican buddy Mauricio for this discovery. I love it! All the models take Emergen-C and now, thanks to Anne, it looks like Fashion Editors take it too. It comes in other flavours though I like the strawberry flavoured one. You fizz it in water and it provides 1,000mg of vitamin C and all these minerals chu chu bells whatever.

032907_aloe 2. [here ] Aloe Juice
Eeek! Aloe? Aloe juice? Isn’t Aloe the shit they put in shampoo, aloe-vera or something like that? Aloe juice sounds a little bit too extreme for me. Heck, tomato juice is ALREADY a little too extreme for me.

032907_chloro_23. [here ] Chlorophyll
Isn’t chlorophyll the stuff that makes plants green? I just discovered the wonders of chlorophyll. It plays an active role in detoxifying the body and acts as an internal refreshner — eliminating perspiration odors, bad breath and body odor. It’s also good for your skin, too.

032907_fenu4. [here ] Two Nature’s Way Fenu-Thyme
Fenu-thyme is a blend of Fenugreek seeds and thyme leaf -  two traditional culinary herbs which have been historically used to support the respiratory system.

032907_well5. [here ] Three Wellness Formula tablets
I’m not particularly sure which brand she uses but the one I found is made by "Source Naturals". Wellness Formula is apparently the #1 selling immune vitamin and herbal winter supplement. Hmmm. I’m gonna skip this one because helloooo, I live in the third world and winter is something that doesn’t EXIST in this shithole.

032907_fenu16. [here] Twenty drops Super Lysine+
Super Lysine+ is a little liquid formulation designed to improve immune function, speed recovery and prevent future cold sore AND herpes breakouts. You add a few drops to your drink etc.

032907_usha7. [here] Two Theraveda Usha daytime stress formula tablets
I have to admit I’m wary of ingesting any formulation that sounds a little too ethnic. What works for someone in a faraway exotic land may not work for a faraway exotic bimbo like me.

I’m having a hard time researching some of the items on her list like Super KMH (wtf… it sounds soo scary already, like zyklon-b or something), Mona Vie (berry extract) and the oh so elusive Floro Max. What the HELL is Floro Max??? I MUST KNOW!!!

Amazing eh? When the coroners did an autopsy on Anna Nicole Smith, they found an enormous amount of hardcore prescription drugs fit to start your own pharmacy. On the other hand, if they do an autopsy on Anne Slowey, (god forbid), the shit she has in her system is enough to start a fertilizer company! Look at all the crazy amount of herbs, extracts, seeds, aloe-vera, chlorophyll, my god. She’s a farmer’s wet dream!

And there you have it. The diet secrets of a successful and h-elle-thy Elle woman.

Remember kids — to be thin requires an AWFUL amount of discipline AND self-control.