OH FUCK IT!!!!

I was going to write this kick-ass piece about stretch marks on butt cheeks but I can’t, for the life of god, find this really terrible and disgusting picture of me wearing a Jeremy Scott hat, an ankle-length leopard print fur coat AND Gucci psychedelic floral print speedo-cut trunks many many many wears ago, back in the dark ages when I used to weigh 90 pounds. I spent the entire night rummaging through this ginormous antique wooden baul (I don’t know the english word for it… trunk????) where I keep all my old photos and other deadly sins but no, I just couldn’t find it.

UGHHHH I’m soo fucking pissed.

It’s 8:30AM, I’ve been up all night. I’m starving like an Ethiopian but I’m fatter than a Texan.

I think I’ll have a green apple, pop a valium and try to go to sleep.

P.S. IT SUCKS BEING FAT!!!!! I HATE IT! I FUCKING hATE IT! I NEED TO LOSE 20 POUNDS FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!!