Obsession du Jour: Ugly Betty

I totally take back everything I said about Ugly Betty in the Golden Globes. Yes. For real. Thanks to my sister, a pirated DVD copy of Season 1 somehow landed on my desk and the damn thing killed my productivity.

I was supposed to finish a shitload of tasks today but I ended up spending 6 hours watching 10 episodes, pigging out…

3 green apples and 2 containers of my newfound delight, d’lite fat-free yogurt! Fat-free my ass though… damn thing had 200 calories in it. Each!

But yeah, Ugly Betty is fun, fun, fun! I love all the characters from Betty’s nephew, the pedophile’s wet dream latino tranny in training to the Queen Bee herself, Wilhelmina. I love them all! I even love Wilhelmina’s homo assistant and his fag hag.

I’ll never forget that scene where they watched the Thanksgiving parade inside Willie’s office, all dressed up in drag queen costumes, drinking champagne, chewing cashew nuts and drunk-dialling!

OMG that scene is sooo ME!!!

IT IS SOOO ME RIGHT THERE!

Ok, fine. The faggot’s clothes and choice in accessories are downright offensive (sooo beauty pageant) but whatever. You really don’t have a selection when you’re a white trash tranny (hello big bones, big frames) unless, of course, you’re ana/mia/ednos or Amanda Lepore! 

God I wanna cry.

Watching that scene makes me want to work in a publishing company!

Can you imagine the fun and frolics? I don’t care whose assistant I’ll be as long as I get access to a blond office co-worker, a swanky high-rise office, lots of couture and free champagne — the stuff that dreams are made of!

Maybe I should submit my (empty) resume to a tabloid in the USA?

Ya think anyone will offer me any position based on my charm instead of my nonexistent qualifications?

It happens, right?

We all want to work in Vogue but let’s get real… the chances of my foul mouth landing a job in any Conde Nast publication are slim to none unless I sleep with the publishers. Besides, I’m pure tabloid material. I always believed there’s money to be made with the masses (even if we despise them so much) so Us Weekly, People or Star is where I belong.

Yes? No?

Imagine all the swag the bitches there get on a daily basis.

I WANNA HAVE MY OWN DESK IN A REAL REAL OFFICE WITH CATTY GIRLS AND FAGGOTS!

Blah blah blah yaddi yaddi yadda.

I also love that scene in the toilet where Daniel (Eric Mabius) peeked at Hunter’s cock in the toilets.

The look on his face afterwards is PRICELESS!!!!

Can you even imagine how tall/big that Hunter guy is? Daniel is 6’1 according to google… I don’t even want to calculate.

I wonder what would happen if you add a gook to the mix. Like this guy James Yap for instance. He’s a married basketball player here in viva third world and he recently got himself involved in a cheating scandal. I know, I know, I honestly don’t give a flying fuck when it comes to INSIGNIFICANT third world trash but I find it absolutely hilarious how people call him "BIG BIRD".

Bitch please. Big bird my fucking fat ass LOL. How vomit-inducing. These people wouldn’t know what a well-hung dick was even if it landed on their faces.

Moving on…

Go Team Sweden! Even my favourite Swedish model Mini Anden made a cameo appearance. God she’s soo tall… and thin… I swear to my fucking soul, cross my heart and hope to die stick an HIV-infected needle in my eye, I saw her at a club in Bali ages ago.

But then again, it could’ve been anyone — I was high (and prolly hallucinating) on ecstasy so go figure. Maybe it was some random Indonesian tramp. Whatever. LOL. But no, I swear, it really was Mini!!! Mini Mini Mini Miniiiiiiiiii!

Take note of the Fendi Spy. In Queens.

Love the look on her face. Classic.

Jealous much?

I still can’t believe that Daniel guy is 36 years old. Old men ain’t my cup of tea but now that I’m getting old myself, I have to adjust my preferences. I mean, I know age is only a number but I **HONESTLY** should STOP my sinful habit of lusting over 18 or 19 year olds.

Can you imagine me on my 40th birthday?

God.

I honestly dread that day.

I know I could still get away with a 19 year old on my arm these days but flash fast forward 20 years from now….soo inappropriate!!!!

Enough verbal diarrhea.

I need a man. I need a real job.

I am an attractive, intelligent, confident businesswoman.

I love Ugly Betty! I can’t wait to see more episodes (when they get here, of course). I read the spoilers earlier — Daniel’s dead brother turns out to be a post-op transexual!!! I fucking love it!

Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!

P.S. If it’s any consolation, can I just say that America Ferrera AND Salma Hayek actually looked thinner on the show compared to what they were on the Golden Globes?