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Douching 101: Bryanboy’s Guide to Cleaning Your Ass Before Engaging in Anal Sex

Douching 101

Every time I talk about anal sex with straight people, especially with pure and innocent ladies, the first question they ask me is… "does it hurt"… which is immediately followed by… "what about shit?"

Well, you’re about to find out a little secret that I personally do for a successful sodomy sexperience. Many of you will probably benefit with advice coming from a former POWER BOTTOM (god how I hate that term) so click click click! BTW, this entry is dedicated to Shaniqua, who emailed me early last week asking for help.

I have always been a bottom boy. I really, really, really enjoy getting things shoved up my arse. Words cannot describe the feeling of having a nice, long, fat, throbbing cock punch your prostate while you jack off watching CNN or Fashion TV.

——

032907_firstI’ll never forget the time I bought a douche. I must have been 15 or 16 years old.

I went to a drugstore one day to buy some sundries like chewing gum, cotton etc. and then I found this thing on the shelf called "VAGINAL DOUCHE". Being the curious cat that I am, I opened the box and saw this soft, pink plastic thing that was shaped like a burger with a removable nozzle. I had absolutely NO clue what the hell that was for (it said something on the instructions on how you remove the thing and put liquid inside) but I ended up buying the thing anyway cause I thought it might be useful in the future.

When I got home a couple of hours later, I thought I’d play with my newfound toy. I went to the shower, filled the thing with water, and squirted away until I dropped the kids in the toilet.

The nozzle was about 4 inches long, roughly the size of a stabilo boss highlighter and it was as thick as a baby cigar. It had these tiny little holes in the end. To sum it up, it was like getting fucked by an Asian child.

Just kidding.

I swear to mother fucking god it was the most surreal and awkward experience in my entire life. It didn’t hurt, no, but it’s like having a pen shoved up your ass. I also didn’t like the fact that the holes were tiny, therefore resulting to limited water flow –  I had to clean the nozzle using our bidet several times because the thing was practically covered with shit.

After 30 minutes, I made the conclusion that it wasn’t for me.

I couldn’t just throw it away in the garbage bin because there’s a remote chance that people might see it.

So I hid it.

Away from prying eyes.

Not in my room, of course.

Fast forward a couple of months later, my mom somehow found the thing and started interrogating everyone in the house as to who it belongs to. I almost had a coronary.

When it was my turn, I simply shrugged her off, telling her hello… I don’t have a vagina.

God must have listened my prayers because earlier that week, one of our maids quit so I said to my mum, maybe it was hers.

And that was the end of it. No words escaped my mouth in regards to the little pink douche. In fact, I’ve kept this to myself for soo long. Nobody knows about it. AT ALL.

I made a pact that I will NEVER EVER EVER INFINITY EVER purchase, use and possess such object of filth and sin EVER again in my entire life.

—————–

Once upon a time back in the dark ages, I used to be versatile. You know — I fucked AND I got fucked. Now I don’t really like fucking holes but when push comes to a shove, I’ll end up compromising and just do the deed to please a shag.

When one of my former boyfriends asked me to fuck his ass, I thought, ok, fine, whatever.

So we fucked.

And we fucked.

And we fucked.

20 minutes later, I got shit on my dick, shit on my legs, shit on his bum and shit on the sheets.

It was everywhere.

The stench was unbearable. Pure agony, if you’re gonna ask me.

And when you’ve got shit on your body, you have NO CHOICE but to wash yourself using your hands.

Not only the shit remains on your body, you get to touch/feel it too.

The experience was soo traumatising I still have emotional scars.

That was around 8 years ago.

Which is the last time I fucked someone in the ass.

Never again, I’m telling you.

———–

People often think that all they need to do before they get fucked in the ass is to take a shit. They’re wrong.

I’ve spoken to several faggots over the years and it’s quite interesting to hear their responses whenever I ask them how they prepare themselves for a fuck. Some people just take a shit, some use a douche/enema , some even use a bath hose and some don’t do anything at all!

032907_evianThe only thing more disgusting than finding someone else’s shit on your cock is finding your OWN shit on someone else’s cock. I’ve been there too so I know what my ex felt although I have to admit, mine wasn’t as EXTREME as his. I got fucked by this Swiss guy once — everything was fantastic — the sex was amazing — when he pulled out, there was like a tiny spot or two on his cock head. I was all like OMG but he was like I shouldn’t fuzz about it because it was "nothing". There I was, soo embarassed about the experience and he was being totally cool and even joked on how "it felt good knowing I do eat afterall" whereas I completely lost it and screamed like a madwoman when it happened to me and my ex.

What do you expect when you’re poking a poop chute?

I’ll share to you all my little technique.

So far, I’m the only person (to my knowledge at least) who does it.

032907_douching 1) Get a bottle or two of mineral water. Still and most definitely NOT sparkling. Room temperature only please. Personally I prefer Evian but any mineral water would do.

2) Strip yourself naked. While standing up, use one hand to ‘position’ the bottle cap area to your ass. If you can put the opening up your hole, the better. You don’t want water to spill all over the place.

3) Squirt as MUCH water inside your ass as possible — squirt long and hard — you don’t want to do tiny squirts because you want the water to reach wayyy deep where the sun doesn’t shine. Be careful ***NOT*** to squirt dirty water back into the bottle.

4) Keep the water inside your ass. Count 1 to 20. Hold it. Hold it in. Hold it all in like a mother protecting her child.

5) Jump a few times. Yes. Jump… then purge everything in the toilet bowl as if you’re taking a shit.

6) Repeat steps 3 to 5 until the water that comes out of your ass is ***crystal clear***. Be sure to PURGE everything. You sooo don’t want to fart nasty crap when someone is giving you a rim job. Eeew! Que horror!

7) Wait a few minutes, relax, smoke a cigarette, etc.

8) Wash your ass with soap and water.

And there you have it. Your ass is good to go and you can now star in your own gangbang creampie video. You can even let guys felch you. It’s fun!

Remember: mineral water is your best friend.

Email me bitches! My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!

73 Responses

  1. Miki says:

    Had an embarrassing moment much like yours, he wasn’t Swiss…Anywho…
    I’ve always done that technique as well, and recently I discovered…Just, how weird other folks do it. I watched my boyfriend do it once, just…I dunno, queer curiosity?
    Anyway, I get one of those cheap bottles of whatever Coke is selling today, not Vitamin water…Though that may make rimming a more, tasty experience.
    Anywho, yes, anywho, so gay. He gets undressed, lays on his back in the running shower…And then pulls out this full sized Liter bottle of Dr. Pepper and fills it with water, wedges the monster cap hole in his ass and just lays there, with…Me, kinda wondering just how tight he is. Casual conversation ensues, we talk of weather, sports, moving to Mexico…And then, before I know it. “I gotta poop. Please leave.”
    Why did I tell this story? Sounded so funny in my head….
    -Miki

  2. ggbg says:

    im like tht sum times to OMG!!

  3. ggbg says:

    i agree!!!!!

  4. rod says:

    so uncomfortable but its fulfilling

  5. paulo says:

    Hi Brian
    Laughed a bit reading your lines. I usually drink a hot drink before cleaning myself, then do some walk. this will make your intestines work. It’s a muscle that is not constantly working, and with heat it starts working- remember the babies a short after drinking hot milk, they «do» :)
    I personally use the shower flexible tube with hot water. Just pour a small quantity of hot water inside, and wait a little as you say. Then let it out. do it again, massaging your bely clockwise. You can also do abdominal (abs) exercises afterwards. This will make again your muscle of the intestine work again, and two or three washes you’re clean and ready to take everybody in in a clean way :)))). have a blast BB. You’re super ! Paul

  6. raulsanch30@hotmail.com says:

    are you still checking your comments Bryan?

  7. Likeitbi says:

    Awesome, me too

  8. Likeitbi says:

    Tried this technique, it works great. I am a 16 year old bivirgin who likes it both ways, or all three ways for that matter. It is so clean up there now. Don’t put it in just press it to your hole and squeeze, the water goes right in.

  9. CT says:

    Wow this is fucked up!!

  10. rubyrose says:

    Wish i had read this months ago as my gay stepson has been shoving something up his ass and wiping his shit on my bathroom towel when he’s done!!! I am going to leave a bottle of water on his bed and see what happens next!!

  11. mr_clean says:

    Very interesting technique…
    My first step before a enema is to shoot a full syringe (10cc) of glycerin inside my ass. This acts as a mega suppository !

  12. Henry says:

    nice…im using a water host with high pressure to clean my hole up… but sometimes even if it is already clean, i felt im going to poop again, so i clean again, and felt it again…its like never ending process…i feel like im having diarrhea and when i feel that, suddenly i dont wanna be fucked anymore coz it by experience i dont get pleasure anymore just pain and while someone fucking me i feel like im gonna poop. so everything will just be wasted… i will tell the guy to just go home…mybe nextime.

  13. Henry says:

    hahaha…what evian bottle look like? not actually 24 hours u have to generate pasting…it takes only 12.

  14. JUICYBOOTY says:

    I USE FIJI WATER….

  15. Maelynz says:

    These posts are great! Thanks for the belly laughs, and the useful information. . . Um not that I would eva engage in such naughty behavior! :)

  16. Rodrigo says:

    Well, I used to do something different before anal sex. But it worked: I get some ice cubes into my ass and hold them for a minute until they melt… I just think that it’s easier than getting the bottle, specially for beginners. But, yes, you are going to feel cold down there.

  17. str8 guy says:

    very nice suggestion. i’m a tranny fucker and have had awesome luck finding a gorgeous transsexual who is now my gf and who seems to be clean as a whistle every time i pound her little ass. We fuck bare and only have to use i little bit of spit as lube (yeah, she’s awesome like that!) Since i met her 3 months ago we’ve been fucking like rabbits and only time i ever saw a little speck of the brown stuff was when i used a bunch of lube. The reason i mention this is that in my experiences with this girl and other partners, it seems that the more lube you use, the dirtier things get. So, if you are lucky enough to find someone who doesn’t need much lube, go that route. peace.

  18. Teddy says:

    I m gonna use your technics.
    Thank you

  19. anti says:

    omg this is gorgeous!!! i’ll def try this!! but the only thing i concern is the evian & evian bottle. i think it’s kinda hard to stick the bottle into the ass and squirt it, and evian for cleaning the ass is totally a waste, it’s just like using silk to wipe out ur hole after u shit.
    i think shower hose is more pleasurable =]

  20. janie<3 says:

    lmao.

  21. mestizo says:

    you can also buy from trader joe’s… psyillum its an Egyptian secret…. you mix two tables spoons with water and drink… what its does is cleanse your system so when you do shit, you shit it all out.. leaves the inside and outside of your ass clean with out having to stick water up there.. just take it the night before shit the next day and your ready to go in a few hours.. works great and ive never gotten shit on anyone’s dick ever since!!

  22. Nomorebottom says:

    Do not use a femidom if you have polyurethane or related allergies.
    Some people have a fatal allergic reaction to this meaning the material shocks their system and they could develop infections in their anal canal, intestines and die.
    So be very careful and always know your allergic reactions to products and keep to trusted products.

  23. Nomorebottom says:

    However, femidom has a 26% failure rate meaning you let in HIV etc…while a condom has a 15% failure rate. So it’s best to abstain, and keep for the one partner you are going to couple with for life (and also ensure he is monogamous throughout). If you have an iota of suspicion that he’s not monogamous, DO NOT engage in anal sex because RECEPTIVE ANAL SEX is the main source of transmission for HIV1 and HIV2 viruses that leads to AIDS.

  24. Nomorebottom says:

    The best way for anal sex is for the bottom to use a femidom, coated with non-irritating water-based lubricant and insert that into the asshole with a little round (non-tearing) dildo.
    That way, there will be no need to clean (just need to take a crap and do an external rinse), keeping your flora and fauna and good bacteria in anus intact.
    Make sure there are no tears or thinning in the Femidom.
    You can also add a lot of lubricant in the inside of the Femidom so that it feels like a soft and moist vagina for the whoever is the top.
    ALWAYS KEEP THE RING OUT (be careful of the entire thing slipping in, if the ring is too slippery). Always use your finger to make sure the ring is in place while he is fucking you.
    And after sex, without changing position, pull out the entire used Femidom SLOWLY, and immediately place it in an airtight ziploc bag and discard it.
    Rinse external area. DO NOT DOUCHE because this kills your good anal bacteria and pushes viruses, bacteria deeper into your intestines and causes many diseases and even death.

  25. dianacaroline says:

    i came on here looking for ways to get my bf’s ass clean so i can rim him stupid, and was shocked to hear that some of you don’t eat for days, etc. i’m so glad i don’t have to squirt things up my ass or sacrifice actual food. i honestly have to say that i just have a miraculously clean ass and have never had any of the problems my bf (and i guess everyone else in the world) has. i just figured girls are by nature clean as can be, and boys are yucky. jk :)

  26. annie says:

    omgoshh the same thing happened 2 me i had anal 4 teh first time last week n i got shyt on hiz hands hiz legs my legss it was sooooooo embarassing
    u were veryy help ful i thought i would have 2 go buy all this crap but bottle water is good n ezz
    xooxxoxoxo

  27. mike says:

    i was drinking a bottle of evian water as i read this
    now i am not sure that i want to finish it… great info though!

  28. Lee says:

    bunch a poofs

  29. MODY says:

    WoooooHo Nice Guide Man I tried it right after i finished reading but with one different i used Tap Water and right after that i fingered my self and it worked man NICE Guide . 16 Year Old Virgin P.S: I’m Not Gay Or Straight i think i’m BI

  30. justaguy says:

    Me and my boyfriend are both virgins and i’m going to fuck him tomorrow. I’m really nervous about getting shit on me ha, and all of this is useful information for the one taking it up the ass, but how do i make sure he’s clean without being to rude about it.

  31. brad says:

    yo boyz:
    I can’t believe with all the ass pounding amongst us that there isn’t more “how to” just squirting all over the net. Anyway, I’ll never forget the first time I fingered a guy and ended up fingering a little gift up there. All it did was confirm all my bad associations with anal. Here’s a couple of extra tips. If you have a shower with a hand-held attachmnt, you can remove the head and power clean (everything in moderation, mind you), in a fraction of the time. Use a count system to gage how long to fill up the tank. Go too far, and you induce all sorts of mid-intestinal purging (like getting the flu, and totally unnecessary). Another tip – a little toothpaste applied by finger to your back doorstep (pre-fun), or to your finger (post-fun), can do wonders, in addition to soap. Be clean, not mean.

  32. cheekyboy says:

    how do u get fucked? i am a 17 year old virgin

  33. naughtyboi from manila says:

    has anyone tried this ? coz normally i dont smell or see anything down my ass whenever i crave to be pounded eheh… but last night omg was the worst, new pal from the neighborhood got 1 rod thats so big and its my first time to be pounded with such , was so embarrassed but still he’s a nice guy he told me that its ok .. but will surely try ur technique .. thx

  34. HouseWife says:

    This is so helpful.

  35. Brenell says:

    love your writing really hepls a lot peace out!! wanna see you dear and have some fun hahaha

  36. Well… if you engage in anal sex it will one day happen that you have shit on your dick (being the active part) or noticing your own shit on that dick having given you these “mmmh” pleasures…. Well SHIT happens… but it’s just natural and nothing to freak out about!!! That doesn’t mean, I am not into scat play!!!
    I am rather cleansed out and in… cuz then I don’t have to worry about anything unwanted finding its way out in the sunshine…
    I use a plug that I attach to the shower hose… But I only wish that those studly fuckers would made their contribution to the water bill of the fuckees!!! *grin*

  37. Cielo says:

    Defintely CLEAN before getting fucked!
    Enema is the easiest one to use. It’s really built for cleaning the ass, as used in the hospitals. Also better not to eat at least 6 hours prior. To be crazy about it, laxatives can also be used.

  38. bitch says:

    You can also have the bidet squirt water in your ass long and hard. Easier that way ;)

  39. ezra says:

    OMG! naloka ako sa post nato!
    GRABA!!!!
    ahahah!!!
    ALIWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

  40. merk says:

    i hope you accidentally cough, and u suck that entire bottle up ur ass

  41. jewel says:

    LMAO Best blog post in ages! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

  42. slutboitoi says:

    oh la la! pretty educational and funny at the same time! that should be included on the SEX EDUCATION course outline to be tought in secondary or primary school.

  43. OMFG!
    i am planning to have my first try on anal-lissimo tonight… and im still scared-shit about douching/cleaning/ek… thanks bryanboy you are ass-(er…heaven-)sent! mwaaaah!
    babushkassss!

  44. Dior_Bitch says:

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! i think im scarred for life!!!

  45. Dior_Bitch says:

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! i think im scarred for life!!!

  46. sexypurny says:

    one of the best entry evah…. i will do that one…

  47. james says:

    this post is the shits. pun not intended.
    how do squirt the water in? do you remove the bottle cap or pierce a hole unto it?

  48. sasha says:

    OMG. To the girl who swallowed her boyfriend’s cum after he fucked her in the ass. YOU ARE DISGUSTING. Please cease and desist that sort of behaviour. Unless of course, you like to eat shit!!!! FUCKING GROSS PUTA!!!

  49. john says:

    I wish more guys were as considerate of their partners as you!!!

  50. kcgotgood says:

    coooool…. just coool, educational…..

  51. Ben says:

    Do you shake the bottle first or do you just squeeze it? Inquiring minds want to know.

  52. Decky says:

    damn, I luv You B!!
    i definitely will d this yeah :P

  53. Ivan_kay says:

    Wahahaha…What a good entry. But an evian bottle up the ass? Geez can it ever fit the hole? Arghh…Thanks for the info…helpful…very helpful!! Thanks BB!

  54. Ivan_kay says:

    Wahahaha…What a good entry. But an evian bottle up the ass? Geez can it ever get in? Arghh…Thanks for the info…helpful…very helpful!! Thanks BB!

  55. Brett says:

    LMAO
    love it xo

  56. Elaine says:

    Why do those three pictures equate to a baby? Hmmm….

  57. Narcissiste says:

    OH. MY. GOD. I’m a girl, and my ex used to get down on his knees and beg me to let him stick his huge erection in my tiny little asshole, but since he was a pervert, he loved to come in my mouth (and no way was I going to risk swallowing my own shit) so I had a special technique:
    - drink only liquids (soy milk, yellow grapefruit juice, evian and/or perrier) for days
    - drink a hot lemon tea when I wake up (5 minutes later, you feel like you’re going to shit your intestines!)
    - do the same thing you described but with warm water in those “nomad” versions of evian bottles, so you can stick the little thing in and squirt water into your ass 100 miles/hour!
    Result? Squeeky clean perverted intense multiple orgasms sex. C’est ça l’amour (ou la perversité)!

  58. rahoul says:

    finally know i now why the fuck i get shit all over the place thnx bryan boy for making me find the reaal me!!! hiihaahi love you even more bitch!!!

  59. Beverly Pills says:

    I’m a woman and have never had anal sex for many reasons–including, but not limited to the ones mentioned in this post. I don’t understand the men that want to pound someone’s ass with the possibility of THAT coming out. The guys that get to shag you are lucky — I don’t know many men or women who would be as fastidious with their hygiene habits.

  60. bading says:

    1 word… FLEET!!!

  61. pepefromspain says:

    great lesson!! it’ll be part of my making-up session before going out on weekends!! lol!!

  62. i prefer bollinger, I find the bubbles help.

  63. Edd.d says:

    i prefer bollinger, I find the bubbles help.

  64. jo kiss says:

    try to add a little liquid vaginal soap to the evian. Twice the effect in half the time.

  65. Surely tap water would suffice? :)

  66. carlos says:

    OMG. No comment.
    Coffee shot out of my nose.
    Excellent entry.
    OMG.

  67. almost_libelous says:

    OMG, Bryanboy! This stuff is made for the Best How-to-sex story of all time! Thank you thank you thank you. Very educational!

  68. olander badaso 4rm ph says:

    you’re blog is getting boring this past few weeks, except for this one. I am an enthusiastic bottom as well, and I, while sparing myself to the cost of one evian, might follow the procedures you have uttered.
    You’ve got one expensive ass, bryanboy! Pricey indeed!

  69. Leslie says:

    Glitter just shot out of my monitor.

  70. YOURFAVWAIF says:

    THANKS SO MUCH. i usually starve it, but this means i can do whatever. ill inform you when i use your technique

  71. Kookay says:

    Hahaha! The funniest entries I’ve read! BB, you’re very naughty. But I find this as one of the most relevant topics you ever discussed. I’ve been bothered with this question: Is it safe and hygienic shagging an ass? And boy, you nailed the answer! From time to time, you should write about 101 tips on taboo topics like this one. We learn on what you write, you know. What’s the significance of using mineral water? For those who can’t afford Evian or other brands of mineral water, can they just use tap water instead?

  72. Berlin Mango says:

    Bryan, you made my morning. I’ll never look at a bottle of Evian the same way again.

  73. Mars says:

    You use Evian? How glamorous.
    I do the same thing (sans Evian, although now that may change)– once I made the mistake of using a soapy bottle (oops). I felt like I was pooping out jet fuel.
    I would actually eat nothing for 24 hours (except drink water), and then douche prior to anal sex.
    I wanted him to think that I was fabulously clean. Anyway, I remember starving myself and we didn’t end up having anal sex, anyway.
    And when I finally orgasmed I almost died from exhaustion.
    Cleanliness is next to godliness, kids.