Before we begin, will y’all please cut back on all these bareback/creampie/cumslut emails? UGH!!! I’ve got all these guys emailing now telling me they wanna fill me up. God. Everyone’s prolly thinking I’m this dirty internal combustion slut. Pfft. I swear to god I’m really NOT THAT FILTHY in real life LOL!! While I’m extremely flattered with your interest in injecting my rectum with your DNA, I want to reach the age of 75 and wear Oscar de la Renta. Now….
Just a little reminder for all of you out there who are always thinking of me when they masturbate late at night. My birthday is coming up in less than two weeks and we all know the third world postal system is a complete joke.
If you live in the cesspit of the third world and/or if you want to send me gifts via courier (DHL/FedEx/UPS), please feel free to send your gifts to my office:
28th Floor, Enterprise Tower 2
Ayala Ave, Makati City, MM 1226 Philippines
If you’re poor, like me, and would like to send something via airmail, you may send it to my PO Box.
MCPO Box 2044
Makati City, MM 1250 Philippines
Send me beautiful presents god dammit! And for the life of god, if you are gonna send me Hermes, Fendi, Chanel or Marc Jacobs, please be sure to bloody UNDERDECLARE the declared value on the items. For instance, if you’re gonna send me a US$6,000 Hermes Lindy bag via DHL, just declare the bag as US$50. It’s a secret (but not so secret now) trick that everyone around the world does. How do you think the fashion industry fedexes tens if not hundreds of thousands of clothes from one corner of the Atlantic to another? NOTHING gets lost with DHL/UPS/FedEx anyway so you don’t have to worry about losing shit.
Shit, speaking of shit, look at what happened to Daslu. Hahaha! Whatevs.
Ask yourself this: DO YOU WANT ME TO PAY AN EXORBITANT AMOUNT OF TAXES ON WHAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FREE (YOUR GIFT)? DO YOU WANT MY MONEY TO GO TO THIRD WORLD POLITICIANS ONLY FOR THEM TO SPEND AT LOUIS VUITTON? BITCH PLEASE, MY ACCOUNTANT IS ABOUT TO SUE ME FOR HARASSMENT. IT’S INCOME TAX SEASON NOW AND I’M ALREADY PAYING WAYYY TOO MUCH TO THESE DAMN CUNTS! Everyone in this shithole knows that the Bureau of Customs is the most corrupt division of the third world government.
Enough verbal diarrhea.
I know it’s the thought that bloody counts and a simple birthday card (or letter) will suffice. BUT I WANT MATERIAL THINGS! I WANT GRAFF JEWELRY (declare it as cubic zirconia — piss easy!) FOR GOD’S SAKE!
In any case, an "I love Bryanboy" sign pic will do just fine.
And you know where exactly to send them. Email email@example.com and make my sweet seventeed ass happy. =)
P.S. Whatever you do, please refrain yourselves from sending me food. I repeat. ANYTHING THAT HAS CALORIFIC CONTENT WILL BE CHUCKED OUT TO THE NEAREST BIN!